Bi or homosexual?

[dms1972]

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[salt-n-light]

During my early adolescence (around 12 years old) I was wondering about my sexuality. My father had died a couple of years before. I was in attendance at a boys school. Because of feelings not strongly sexual but more because I felt relaxed in changing room situations, I began to wonder and finally to conclude I was probably homosexual. As I was Christian I also decided that being the case I must crucify that aspect of my personality, not act on it. I wonder now if I was wrong in my early conclusion of being homosexual. I do believe that if it was the case that its wrong to act on it. What I didn't probably understand at the time and which makes me question now, is that homosexuality can be situational, and that same sex attraction can be an adolescent phase. I now think I am more hetrosexual than homosexual, but perhaps not entirely hetrosexual. Some would tell me I am in denial, I don't think I am.

When we give names, we also give meaning. So you would have to clarify what meaning being "homosexual" and "heterosexual" gives for you. It is just a way to recognize that the feelings exist, or is it a starting point to how you are viewing your own existence and way of living? Do you see it as something you need to identity, or do you feel that its something you suppose to be identifying with? So you have to clarify the motives.

Dealings of the body is complex,so much that to this day we are arguing on what sexuality really means. When it comes to things of the body, its never an isolated issue like how people claim it to be. All I know is that our body is not our own, but it is a temple to the Lord. God wants us to keep it under subjection and honor it and the purpose for them which it was created for, including if having sex to have in under a monogamous marriage with the opposite sex. As we live this life and learning more and more about how we interact and react with people,we quickly learn that not everything about ourselves is a peachy clean image, perfectly align with the will of God. That's because we have a fallen nature.

But the same God who came down to earth and dealt with the pain and overcame gave us the same spirit to also overcome. So with that said, the existence of your temptations and thoughts does not dictate anything more than you just experiencing that, and I'm sure that those are not the only feelings and thoughts you go through that are not holy or even make sense. And you are not alone, EVERYONE have weird and unholy thoughts that sometimes we can't even explain why we had them in the first place. We are spiritual being so easily influence that even subconsciously we are unaware of what drives our way of viewing things. We have everchanging bodies that goes through different experiences, and with so many factors,simulates, sensations, visualization everyday that it is literally the grace of God that we are even able to hear God with all our dealings. It's unfortunate that we are in times where people claim that we can be open to sharing our concerns, but then when people are open they are punish for it (in general). I can't say why you have them, or where's the source, or if its caused by the death of your dad, or other things, at most there will be correlations just like anything else, which is never bad to explore.

How you choose to address it and conclude it, the action and decision you make though you will have to choose whether or not you want to operate under God's will, or your own. And whichever decision you make create a game plan, make peace with it and the results you get from it. For me, can I say that at this point if someone was to view my thoughts, that I would be bisexual? By definition yes, but they can also say that im homosexual, they can also say that im just curious, or am just really heterosexual, or asexual. Depending on what angle, you can put me in anything lol. All that doesn't matter. What matter is that God created me a woman, and as His child, I have a responsibility to take care of this vessel and have it be a living sacrifice.

Of course though I would beg you to follow God's will and don't doubt the promises he has for you. Your body isn't worth damning your soul. No amount of sexual satisfaction is worth being seperated from God. This vessel is doomed to perish, but my spirit doesn't. I rather squash the dealings of this flesh quickly so that I have room to be filled spiritually and deal with things that will be everlasting.

 

[dms1972]

Its a bit long ago, and I can't remember in detail just what I was thinking at that age. Anyway i probably should not have brought it up. Its probably better for me to work through it in prayer than in talking to others given the range of opinion on the subject. And some will reply unhelpfully "what's the big deal with it if you are homosexual?" That's led me to conclude its best not brought up at all except when you know how the person you are talking to is going to come at the issue. The problem is also there have been people who seem to think (wrongly) that they know what I am better than I do. I think its not so clear cut, homosexual feelings can become re-inforced by acting on them, that why I have no interest in experimenting, testing it out. Also meeting the right person of the opposite sex can also be important.

I agree with what you have said, my main struggle (or one of them) is actually not with homosexual temptation, but temptation towards inappropriate contentographic images of the opposite sex.

Anyway thanks for your kind reply.