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Beginning My Recovery from a 20 year inappropriate content Addiction

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I am a Christian in my thirties who has struggled with a inappropriate content addiction for about 20 years. There have been seasons of more success (I believe the longest I have gone without inappropriate content is 1 year) and, especially recently, seasons of crippling failure. My wife knows about my addiction and has been remarkably supportive of my fight against it. At the same time she has also offered me forgiveness that I can only attribute to her own trust in the Gospel of grace. I have also brought in friends and a deacon at my church to act as accountability partners. I have installed filters, monitoring apps, cameras, and more to help me fight this.

Despite all this, in the past year I have slid into darker forms of inappropriate content (nothing illegal, just icky) and I have fallen more often, in the past few months it feels like every other day. Yesterday I confessed to my wife and my deacon again that I fell. She woke me in tears early this morning and told me that she had just dreamed that I committed adultery against her with another woman. It broke my heart, as it should have. The truth is that in a way I had.

Now I am beginning the journey to lay this to rest once and for all. This inappropriate content addiction has crippled my life and, far more importantly, my ability to teach and preach. It is my hope that one day I will be able to take on a pastorate at a small church somewhere. But I understand that while I struggle with this that is not possible. In the past few years my pastor, who also knows about my problem, has allowed me to guest preach and I am seldomly more happy than when I can expound the scriptures and preach the Gospel of grace.

The Lord has made it clear to me that this abomination, this adultery against him and my wife, must stop now. For good.

The only thing that I can think of that I have not done is post on a public forum regarding my former addiction.

If it would me acceptable I would like to post here weekly about my recovery. This will not replace my church support structure or my accountability partners. But I feel that an outlet like this might help me.

The Lord is good. I have struggled emotionally over this wretched addiction and have questioned pretty much everything I believe at one point or another because of this addiction. But through it all the Lord has remained faithful. He holds me even though I have sinned against him so many times. We should all praise him for his goodness and grace. I am sure of this:


And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. - Philippians 1:6
 
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Anthony2019

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However far you have strayed, God has not given up on you. You may feel as if you have failed Him hundreds of times, but every time you have heard His voice gently calling you. Like the lost lamb, He has carried you on His shoulders, and He will heal your brokenheartedness and bind your wounds. You have drawn near to Him and He has drawn near to you, forever gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and full of kindness.
 
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Deus Vult!

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I am a Christian in my thirties who has struggled with a inappropriate content addiction for about 20 years. There have been seasons of more success (I believe the longest I have gone without inappropriate content is 1 year) and, especially recently, seasons of crippling failure. My wife knows about my addiction and has been remarkably supportive of my fight against it. At the same time she has also offered me forgiveness that I can only attribute to her own trust in the Gospel of grace. I have also brought in friends and a deacon at my church to act as accountability partners. I have installed filters, monitoring apps, cameras, and more to help me fight this.

Despite all this, in the past year I have slid into darker forms of inappropriate content (nothing illegal, just icky) and I have fallen more often, in the past few months it feels like every other day. Yesterday I confessed to my wife and my deacon again that I fell. She woke me in tears early this morning and told me that she had just dreamed that I committed adultery against her with another woman. It broke my heart, as it should have. The truth is that in a way I had.

Now I am beginning the journey to lay this to rest once and for all. This inappropriate content addiction has crippled my life and, far more importantly, my ability to teach and preach. It is my hope that one day I will be able to take on a pastorate at a small church somewhere. But I understand that while I struggle with this that is not possible. In the past few years my pastor, who also knows about my problem, has allowed me to guest preach and I am seldomly more happy than when I can expound the scriptures and preach the Gospel of grace.

The Lord has made it clear to me that this abomination, this adultery against him and my wife, must stop now. For good.

The only thing that I can think of that I have not done is post on a public forum regarding my former addiction.

If it would me acceptable I would like to post here weekly about my recovery. This will not replace my church support structure or my accountability partners. But I feel that an outlet like this might help me.

The Lord is good. I have struggled emotionally over this wretched addiction and have questioned pretty much everything I believe at one point or another because of this addiction. But through it all the Lord has remained faithful. He holds me even though I have sinned against him so many times. We should all praise him for his goodness and grace. I am sure of this:


And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. - Philippians 1:6

9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
 
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M2020

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Thank you for your post, I have also struggled with inappropriate content addiction and sex addiction for the better part of my life. I’m 33 and it’s sad to say that I don’t remember a day when I haven’t struggled with this and felt bad for being this way.
i grew up in a good home, loving parents, family friends and everything else, I didn’t have a bad experience that lead me into this, I just got here all on my own. I too have had seasons of abstinence from the addiction but it has only lasted for so long. A little over a year is as long as I have been able to get in the past 20 years to be honest. I honestly hate this about myself and it makes me want to run, but the sad thing is you can’t run from yourself.
I have attended SAA groups for the past couple of years and it has helped some, but I have stopped going many times and that’s when things have gone wrong again. I have put my wife through so much, honestly I don’t even know why she hasn’t left me already. It sucks to say but I don’t even know if I am ever going to be able to walk one day and not have this disease hanging over my head or in the back of my mind hating myself for not being able to man up and get over this problem that causes so much pain.
I just fell again the past couple of weeks, other times I have let it go on for months and never have said anything to my wife until she caught on and basically made me tell her. This time I told her up front and it did feel better to be honest and up front but is doesn’t change the facts. It still kills her and makes me feel like I am not worth anything.
I am a christian and I know God forgives, I believe that he has forgiven me but I honestly don’t think I even kind of deserve it. I feel like I have abandoned God not the other way as I know he said that he will never leave me nor forsake me. I just honestly have been lazy in my addiction recovery. I know there is so much help out there. I want to be free so badly.
I to have never been apart of a forum and I think this may help some just to have an avenue to express myself and a group to encourage me from others recovery’s. I think any and all who read this and I hope that one day I can be free from the thing that I hate about myself. Thanks for listening.
 
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Mar 4, 2020
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Thank you for your post, I have also struggled with inappropriate content addiction and sex addiction for the better part of my life. I’m 33 and it’s sad to say that I don’t remember a day when I haven’t struggled with this and felt bad for being this way.
i grew up in a good home, loving parents, family friends and everything else, I didn’t have a bad experience that lead me into this, I just got here all on my own. I too have had seasons of abstinence from the addiction but it has only lasted for so long. A little over a year is as long as I have been able to get in the past 20 years to be honest. I honestly hate this about myself and it makes me want to run, but the sad thing is you can’t run from yourself.
I have attended SAA groups for the past couple of years and it has helped some, but I have stopped going many times and that’s when things have gone wrong again. I have put my wife through so much, honestly I don’t even know why she hasn’t left me already. It sucks to say but I don’t even know if I am ever going to be able to walk one day and not have this disease hanging over my head or in the back of my mind hating myself for not being able to man up and get over this problem that causes so much pain.
I just fell again the past couple of weeks, other times I have let it go on for months and never have said anything to my wife until she caught on and basically made me tell her. This time I told her up front and it did feel better to be honest and up front but is doesn’t change the facts. It still kills her and makes me feel like I am not worth anything.
I am a christian and I know God forgives, I believe that he has forgiven me but I honestly don’t think I even kind of deserve it. I feel like I have abandoned God not the other way as I know he said that he will never leave me nor forsake me. I just honestly have been lazy in my addiction recovery. I know there is so much help out there. I want to be free so badly.
I to have never been apart of a forum and I think this may help some just to have an avenue to express myself and a group to encourage me from others recovery’s. I think any and all who read this and I hope that one day I can be free from the thing that I hate about myself. Thanks for listening.
I know how you feel, man. I hope that I can encourage you by what the Lord is doing in my life and I will be praying for you. To be honest it may feel hopeless but if we believe even a fraction of what the bible teaches, what Jesus teaches, there is freedom from this. I guess I am in no place to say this for myself right now. But I have had other stronger brothers in Christ report this and the Bible says so. So we press on living in the totally undeserved forgiveness of the Lord. The only reason that I have not left the faith is because Holy Spirit has held me to him. Part of the way that he has done that is to remind me of this:

[4] But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, [5] even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—[6] and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, [7] so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. [8] For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, [9] not a result of works, so that no one may boast. [10] For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:4–10 (ESV)
 
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Matthew C.

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I am a Christian in my thirties who has struggled with a inappropriate content addiction for about 20 years. There have been seasons of more success (I believe the longest I have gone without inappropriate content is 1 year) and, especially recently, seasons of crippling failure. My wife knows about my addiction and has been remarkably supportive of my fight against it. At the same time she has also offered me forgiveness that I can only attribute to her own trust in the Gospel of grace. I have also brought in friends and a deacon at my church to act as accountability partners. I have installed filters, monitoring apps, cameras, and more to help me fight this.

Despite all this, in the past year I have slid into darker forms of inappropriate content (nothing illegal, just icky) and I have fallen more often, in the past few months it feels like every other day. Yesterday I confessed to my wife and my deacon again that I fell. She woke me in tears early this morning and told me that she had just dreamed that I committed adultery against her with another woman. It broke my heart, as it should have. The truth is that in a way I had.

Now I am beginning the journey to lay this to rest once and for all. This inappropriate content addiction has crippled my life and, far more importantly, my ability to teach and preach. It is my hope that one day I will be able to take on a pastorate at a small church somewhere. But I understand that while I struggle with this that is not possible. In the past few years my pastor, who also knows about my problem, has allowed me to guest preach and I am seldomly more happy than when I can expound the scriptures and preach the Gospel of grace.

The Lord has made it clear to me that this abomination, this adultery against him and my wife, must stop now. For good.

The only thing that I can think of that I have not done is post on a public forum regarding my former addiction.

If it would me acceptable I would like to post here weekly about my recovery. This will not replace my church support structure or my accountability partners. But I feel that an outlet like this might help me.

The Lord is good. I have struggled emotionally over this wretched addiction and have questioned pretty much everything I believe at one point or another because of this addiction. But through it all the Lord has remained faithful. He holds me even though I have sinned against him so many times. We should all praise him for his goodness and grace. I am sure of this:


And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. - Philippians 1:6


Confess your righteousness of God in Christ Jesus daily. While you’re looking at inappropriate content while you’re not looking at inappropriate content while you were taking a shower while you were eating breakfast confess your righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. It’s going to stick. Your identity is in Christ. You have to understand that you’re still gonna sin. But you need to also understand that you are righteous regardless of your son because God sees you as he sees his son. Writers holy and blameless.
 
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Searching2020

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I am a Christian in my thirties who has struggled with a inappropriate content addiction for about 20 years. There have been seasons of more success (I believe the longest I have gone without inappropriate content is 1 year) and, especially recently, seasons of crippling failure. My wife knows about my addiction and has been remarkably supportive of my fight against it. At the same time she has also offered me forgiveness that I can only attribute to her own trust in the Gospel of grace. I have also brought in friends and a deacon at my church to act as accountability partners. I have installed filters, monitoring apps, cameras, and more to help me fight this.

Despite all this, in the past year I have slid into darker forms of inappropriate content (nothing illegal, just icky) and I have fallen more often, in the past few months it feels like every other day. Yesterday I confessed to my wife and my deacon again that I fell. She woke me in tears early this morning and told me that she had just dreamed that I committed adultery against her with another woman. It broke my heart, as it should have. The truth is that in a way I had.

Now I am beginning the journey to lay this to rest once and for all. This inappropriate content addiction has crippled my life and, far more importantly, my ability to teach and preach. It is my hope that one day I will be able to take on a pastorate at a small church somewhere. But I understand that while I struggle with this that is not possible. In the past few years my pastor, who also knows about my problem, has allowed me to guest preach and I am seldomly more happy than when I can expound the scriptures and preach the Gospel of grace.

The Lord has made it clear to me that this abomination, this adultery against him and my wife, must stop now. For good.

The only thing that I can think of that I have not done is post on a public forum regarding my former addiction.

If it would me acceptable I would like to post here weekly about my recovery. This will not replace my church support structure or my accountability partners. But I feel that an outlet like this might help me.

The Lord is good. I have struggled emotionally over this wretched addiction and have questioned pretty much everything I believe at one point or another because of this addiction. But through it all the Lord has remained faithful. He holds me even though I have sinned against him so many times. We should all praise him for his goodness and grace. I am sure of this:


And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. - Philippians 1:6
Be strong brother. There are more guys going through this issue than you know.
 
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SANTOSO

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What works !!!

Just pray short prayers :

Lord Jesus Christ,
I submit myself to You. I resist all inappropriate contentography activities in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

Lord Jesus Christ,
I submit myself to You. I resist evil seducing spirits in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

Lord Jesus Christ,
I submit myself to You.
Lord Jesus, bend my heart toward Your instructions not toward selfish gain.
Lord Jesus,Turn my eyes away from worthless things in the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen

Lord Jesus Christ,
I submit myself to You. I resist all sinful passions, desires and covetousness in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

When you have lustful thoughts or want to watch inappropriate content, just pray again and again until those sinful passions and desire disappear.

Trust the Lord that He can rescue out of all your troubles including this.

For nothing is impossible with God. Just trust the Lord.
You know he can rescue you.

Yes, you could pray any of the short prayers again and again or just stick to one and prays again and again.

Remember:
When you have lustful thoughts or you want to watch inappropriate content, just pray again and again until those sinful passions, evil desire and covetousness disappear.

The Lord can set you completely free. Just trust him and pray.
 
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BrotherJJ

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1 Peter 1:3 Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ
(NOTE: Every action begins with a thought)

2 Corinthians 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ
(NOTE: Capture & examine every thought. Godly? UnGodly? Then act accordingly)

Romans 13:14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.
(NOTE: Don't make provisions for sin. inappropriate content problem? Delete all links, throw away all vids, books etc & stay away. Drinking problem? Trash all alcohol, no bars or people while they party. Drug problem? You know what to do!)

James 4:8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
(NOTE: Trust in Christ, remain resolute, don't make provisions for the flesh that may lead to sin)

Matt 4:1 Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. Also see Mk 1:13
(NOTE: Temptation will come, as Christ did, stand on the Word & fight back: Isa 54:17, Matt 16:23, Rom 6;14, 2 Cor 5:21, Ja 4:7)

James 4:7 (B) Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
(NOTE: FIGHT him & keep fighting. The sign of a true champion is: When knocked down, GET-UP & fight back)

Genesis 4:7 If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.
(NOTE: Sin is at the door)

Rev 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.
(NOTE: Christ is at the door. Open the RIGHT door)
 
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