Been going through a lot

[hisbloodformysins]

Hello,

I didn't want to come here and bog you all down with my troubles but i've been feeling the need to get on here and share this stuff though it's personal. So here it goes...

I am about to be divorced from an 11 year marriage, I have four chlldren from that marriage. I left my husband though he didn't want me to last march and last october he filed for a divorce and i have a court date the end of this month and i'll say it'll be a relief to finally be done with it. But this whole situation has been hard.

During this past year of my seperation i had met and dated a guy from a dating site.. we didn't hook up because we were christians, but turned out we both were but well we both have issues and it just hasn't worked out. So since my seperation i've been up and down with this guy who i still love and probably have a soul tie with. I got pregnant on accident last may and well the baby died in utero i found out at my 19 week ultrasound and delivered her oct. 10th. But a month before that my boyfriend and I had broken up and he at times denied the baby was his and wasn't wiling to have anything to do with it, and then he'd say he'd be there and he was so back and forth not to mention that although some days he'd tell me he loved me, other days i wouldn't hear from him because he was chasing after another girl.

So even after i lost the baby he moved back in with me this last month and things were a little stressful but in our relationship going great until one night we got in a fight, were drinking and he choked and hit me and so i called the police and now he lives in another state and is not allowed to even talk to me, though we still talk from time to time.. we still love eachtoher even there our relationship has been so up and down..

And so now i'm alone again... since i met that guy my heart and energy had been spent praying for him, loving him and trying to be wtih him and make it work.

Now I am alone. And this is where i knew i really needed to be since the day i left my husband. But it is hard. These past few months i have really devoted myself to going to church, praying and reading my bible and am trusting in the lord to meet my needs and to bless me with the right somebody someday.

But everytime I am interested in someone the door slams shut. Even with female friends it seems that I just cannot get one.. the one friend who i do have has probs with her phone now and we rarely talk anymore. I feel so isolated, my family live 2000 miles away and ive recently considered moving back where they are except for my kids and this divorce, i don't think i'll be allowed to move out of state and i dont know yet who will get custody of the kids.. i'll find out more this court date.

I have so much more to say but i'll go ahead and post this.. Right now i feel the desire to watch my weight and work out. I've gained some weight with these pregnancies. I'm going to join a gym that is near me with childcare.. i'm watchign my portions and just bought some healthier choices.

I have been gong to church but only on sundays and some wednesdays but i go to a big church and dont know anybody and i want to get connected so that is an area i'm praying for god's help in.. ive been thinking aobut trying other churches so i can get connected.

And i called my grandma up today crying because i feel lonely and like i need somebody and she made me promise to see a counselor so i'm going to be calling a counselor up this week.

Dating? I want to date.. but i don't want to date just anybody. I want to be loved and accepted as who i am and want to date someone with whom i can be good friends. I'll be honest, i do want a boyfriend. But like i said everytime i get interested in someone they end up not reciprocating And everyone tells me that i need to just focus on me and i know this is true too because im going through a lot, it's just hard you know.

Can anyone relate? Anyone have any tips or advice for me in my situation? Don't know what i'm really asking.

Thnx

HB

 

[Rhye]

I am sorry you have been experiencing such hardship and confusion in your life. However, I do see some light, and that light is God in your life, and that you want to get closer to him and change your life around.

My advice would be to not focus on dating or finding someone, but to work on yourself. I think you have much healing to do, and in this time you should take care of your body, mind and spirit. When you are unbalanced, even the greatest person can enter in your life and you might not see it, or understand it, or know how to nurture the relationship to its fullest capacity. Now, you must nurture yourself first.

Time heals, not all of it, some stay with us all our lives, but during this time of healing we find balance in ourselves and our spirits grow and nourish. You have to do that. If that means going to church, or spending a few hours a day working on yourself, connecting with the Lord, working out, etc. It is about you! So, then you can continue to be a great mother, and then a great wife/girlfriend and friend to someone who comes into your life later on.

God Bless you. My prayers are with you tonight.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I am sorry you have been experiencing such hardship and confusion in your life. However, I do see some light, and that light is God in your life, and that you want to get closer to him and change your life around.

My advice would be to not focus on dating or finding someone, but to work on yourself. I think you have much healing to do, and in this time you should take care of your body, mind and spirit. When you are unbalanced, even the greatest person can enter in your life and you might not see it, or understand it, or know how to nurture the relationship to its fullest capacity. Now, you must nurture yourself first.

Time heals, not all of it, some stay with us all our lives, but during this time of healing we find balance in ourselves and our spirits grow and nourish. You have to do that. If that means going to church, or spending a few hours a day working on yourself, connecting with the Lord, working out, etc. It is about you! So, then you can continue to be a great mother, and then a great wife/girlfriend and friend to someone who comes into your life later on.

God Bless you. My prayers are with you tonight.

thank you! That is what everyone tells me, that i need time to heal. Pray that i will have the right focus because even though i intend on just fixing myself.. something in my head tells me continiously that i need someone and feel rejected when there is no one there who wants to talk to me.

 

[Inkachu]

Advice:

STAY SINGLE. Your past is proof that you have no idea how to handle relationships or make wise choices regarding men. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but honey, it's true (dating, getting pregnant, living with a guy, and you're NOT EVEN DIVORCED). PLEASE leave men alone for a good 5 years and just work on yourself and your children.

Plug into a good, solid church that will be supportive of you and your kids. As a single mom, I can't tell you how many times my church family has come alongside me and my son and encouraged and helped us.

I am so sorry that you're going through this hard time, but believe me, things WILL change for you. When we're in the midst of hardship, it feels like it'll never end. But after it's passed, we look back and think "Wow, that seems so long ago."

God bless.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

thank you vicky,

I do need to deal with me and my issues and why i cling to a man/men in unhealthy ways.. kind of like y a smoker smokes a cigg.. a glutton overeats, an alcoholic drinks.. i think that i have used turning to guys as a "dependance" to make me happy and i need to deal wtih that. Pray that i'll find a good counselor ok because i'm ready to do just that. Assigning a time frame is not realistic for myself, and the idea of waiting five years makes me anxious lol... i'm going to count on God for his time frame but i'm thinking it'll be at least a year.. if not longer.. and i need his help in this. I thank the lord for intervening in my life and showing his great love and proection for me even when i'm weak and know not what i need. i am loved and blessed and am lucky! that the lord has taken care of me and is not letting me have success with my own devices. Thank you jesus! Amen.

I'm going to read my bible in a little bit, god bless all of you in a supernatural way we are not living a carnal life, we are not alone, but god is with us and annoints us and has a plan for each and every one of us.

I thank you all for your kindness and care because this is a sensitive area for me, i know i've done wrong and i know i look bad but i am glad i can come here and bare my soul and not be put to shame for it. So thank you bro's and sis's for your care.

HB

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

My advice is to NOT date right now and to DEFINITELY not still talk to some guy who hit you and who isn't even supposed to be talking to you anymore. You need to heal and get back on your feet. You shouldn't have been dating so soon to begin with. You have four kids -- divorce is hard enough on kids without the dating. Seeing their mom date some guy that treats her badly had to be hard, too.

 

[lost-sheep]

I agree with the above posters.

To be frank I really feel like there is a lot more to this whole story (I dont expect it all to be shared anyway). I think you need to address (privately) why you filled for a divorce from your husband, why you started dating soon after without the divorce finalized, the loss of your child and the reason that child came to be, and mostly who you are as a Christian & what your relationship with God is.

I cant help but to think that there is a reason God has been closing all those doors on you.... pray for the answer, seek Him.

Im sorry if any of that came out harsh; it was said with love. I wish you the best in this difficult time and am praying for you!

 

[Evie1980]

I am sorry that all this has happened to you. I know the worst way to feel in life is isolated. It doesn't matter what your past is like, feeling lonely is the worst place to be. When we are lonely we start to make decisions based on the feeling rather than what is real.

I am not sure really what advice to give you as I am not sure why you left your husband in the first place. Having said that I trust your judgement in choosing what is the right thing for your own life and calling from the Lord. I am a little concerned about how you let your b/f treat you. I think that it is very much the right decision for you not to be near him at the moment as well as you seeing a counsellor.

All of us think that we can find our desires in the arms of another person but the truth of the matter is we really can only find our desires in the arms of God. We may think that by being with someone we will find purpose and meaning in all that we do. We may think that life will be easier if we feel that we are loved by another person. But the truth is all this persuing leaves us empty on the inside and chasing after things that may not be what we really need. If love is a challenge then we are in the wrong relationships. If love is something that we have to force someone to do we are in the wrong relationships. If your love relationships look nothing like 1 Corinthians 13 then it is the wrong relationship.

I think that in all things that when we start loving ourselves and the life we have no longer have to chase after the feeling of love because we already have it within us.

 

[higherFaith]

So sorry to hear everything your going through. I pray that you will be blessed and able to see how much you can grow without needing anyone but God.

 

[Inkachu]

Just remember that you're not alone, that you CAN change, and that you can come here and talk to us anytime you need encouragement or advice or a reminder of the truth!

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I am sorry that all this has happened to you. I know the worst way to feel in life is isolated. It doesn't matter what your past is like, feeling lonely is the worst place to be. When we are lonely we start to make decisions based on the feeling rather than what is real.

I am not sure really what advice to give you as I am not sure why you left your husband in the first place. Having said that I trust your judgement in choosing what is the right thing for your own life and calling from the Lord. I am a little concerned about how you let your b/f treat you. I think that it is very much the right decision for you not to be near him at the moment as well as you seeing a counsellor.

All of us think that we can find our desires in the arms of another person but the truth of the matter is we really can only find our desires in the arms of God. We may think that by being with someone we will find purpose and meaning in all that we do. We may think that life will be easier if we feel that we are loved by another person. But the truth is all this persuing leaves us empty on the inside and chasing after things that may not be what we really need. If love is a challenge then we are in the wrong relationships. If love is something that we have to force someone to do we are in the wrong relationships. If your love relationships look nothing like 1 Corinthians 13 then it is the wrong relationship.

I think that in all things that when we start loving ourselves and the life we have no longer have to chase after the feeling of love because we already have it within us.

Wow, so true, i'm discovering that today.. please keep praying for me everybody because sometimes my feelings get the best of me and i get worried afraid, bored alone and empty.. and i don't want to ever feel like I "need" someone again in the sense that I want to be whole within myself. I think that is God's goal for me right now. I started asking myself "what makes YOU happy".

thank you this is wise input! Thank you for responding.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

So sorry to hear everything your going through. I pray that you will be blessed and able to see how much you can grow without needing anyone but God.

Amen!

Amen to what you ALL have said.. god is good.. amen.

 

[Evie1980]

thank you this is wise input! Thank you for responding.

You are more than welcome. Know that the Lord will bless you as you hold on closer to Him. It is not always easy but there is always hope.

If you ever need anything let me know. PM me any prayer requests you have and keep in touch. There are plenty of people here willing and ready to help.