avoiding kissing and holding hands altogether...

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

I kiss, hold hands and the like, but I've never had a problems stopping myself before I go too far. It just really isn't that difficult. People that want to have sex now will have sex now. People that want to have sex later will have sex later. Gimmicks and tricks will only work for so long, and it may or may not give out before the wedding day. A sure fire way to keep sex in the forefront of the mind is to obsess about it with excessive rule making. Just don't worry, and relax.

Just go as far as you feel comfortable, then stop. You are perfectly capable of the self-control needed to keep from going farther.

 

[Super Kal]

for me, I couldn't do this... to me, kissing and holding hands is perfectly fine.
i like physical touch.

 

[* kittie *]

I wish this was the most I had to deal with. Sometimes the other person can be all too frustrating...

 

[Blank123]

Sorry folks, all these replies and I haven't had a chance to elaborate, but yeah, I'm not advocating monasticism or anything like that, but I guess this will be something new that I adopt. I just felt that unless there will be anything more than just casual dating, I'd just rather refrain from all the physical affection, I mean.. ultimately yeah, most people like the physical affection including myself, but now I feel like its a waste of time.

makes sense to me. why be physically affectionate with someone you're not even serious about?

 

[GQ Chris]

I also feel that physical affection can interfere with getting to know the person's true character, I mean, when you're making out, heavy petting and the whole nine, you don't really get a full understanding of the person, since you're focused on other things.

 

[TanteBelle]

I also feel that physical affection can interfere with getting to know the person's true character, I mean, when you're making out, heavy petting and the whole nine, you don't really get a full understanding of the person, since you're focused on other things.

That is what I think, though I don't know what you mean by 'petting and the whole nine'. Personally, I am not against kissing, but I do believe it is best avoided until marriage. Concentrate on the internal things that matter most. Being physical seems to shade those glasses even redder till you can't see out of them!

 

[* kittie *]

I also feel that physical affection can interfere with getting to know the person's true character, I mean, when you're making out, heavy petting and the whole nine, you don't really get a full understanding of the person, since you're focused on other things.

That is what I think, though I don't know what you mean by 'petting and the whole nine'. Personally, I am not against kissing, but I do believe it is best avoided until marriage. Concentrate on the internal things that matter most. Being physical seems to shade those glasses even redder till you can't see out of them!

I agree with both of you. I just wish I knew more people personally who thought like that.

 

[Im_A]

I kiss, hold hands and the like, but I've never had a problems stopping myself before I go too far. It just really isn't that difficult. People that want to have sex now will have sex now. People that want to have sex later will have sex later. Gimmicks and tricks will only work for so long, and it may or may not give out before the wedding day. A sure fire way to keep sex in the forefront of the mind is to obsess about it with excessive rule making. Just don't worry, and relax.

Just go as far as you feel comfortable, then stop. You are perfectly capable of the self-control needed to keep from going farther.

I agree with this here.

The best way to be in self-control is to be relaxed and don't do things one disagrees with. Like you said, it really isn't that difficult.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

For those who dont do anything with their SO, whats the difference between them and your best friend? Not too much in my eyes.

 

[Windmill]

I also feel that physical affection can interfere with getting to know the person's true character, I mean, when you're making out, heavy petting and the whole nine, you don't really get a full understanding of the person, since you're focused on other things.

Right OK.

So because when you're heavily making out and engaing in heavy petting, you don't get to know a persons true character...

Suddenly kissing and holding hands results in not being able to get to know a persons true character?

 

[sweetlambofgod]

you dont get to know someone by being physical with them whether its sex or hand holding.

 

[Windmill]

For those who dont do anything with their SO, whats the difference between them and your best friend? Not too much in my eyes.

Look I am all for kissing and holding hands, but I have to sincerely disagree with this.

Physical intimacy doesn't equate to love...

Love is something entirely seperate from such things. What about someone who can't move their body? Do you think they cannot love another? Or do you think they can only have "best friends"?

Love is not defined by phyiscal intimacy. It is often the result of loving someone. But the relationship, as in, the actual relationship between a couple is something which should never be dependent upon physical intimacy.

And what about people in LD relationships? Are they suddenly not in relationships but rather are "best friends" because they can't do such things?

 

[Windmill]

you dont get to know someone by being physical with them whether its sex or hand holding.

No but such things, even sex, don't actually get in the way of getting to know someone on their own accord. Its when your relationship is only about that.

One can hold hands and kiss and still get to know each other perfectly well.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

Look I am all for kissing and holding hands, but I have to sincerely disagree with this.

Physical intimacy doesn't equate to love...

Love is something entirely seperate from such things. What about someone who can't move their body? Do you think they cannot love another? Or do you think they can only have "best friends"?

Love is not defined by phyiscal intimacy. It is often the result of loving someone. But the relationship, as in, the actual relationship between a couple is something which should never be dependent upon physical intimacy.

And what about people in LD relationships? Are they suddenly not in relationships but rather are "best friends" because they can't do such things?

I know it doesn't but being physical is part of a relationship and no I'm not saying you need to have sex to be in a relationship.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

No but such things, even sex, don't actually get in the way of getting to know someone on their own accord. Its when your relationship is only about that.

One can hold hands and kiss and still get to know each other perfectly well.

I know that exactly what I meant.

 

[TanteBelle]

Folks need to keep in mind that those people whom you kiss, touch, and all that, and whom you are not going to marry, one day they will be someone else's partner and what do you want them to say when they see you next? "Oh, that was just another person whom I made out with once."??? I mean, whether you date, court, or whatever, the other persons purity ought to be your main priority! You don't want to be just another on their list of 'try outs'.

 

[Inkachu]

Chris, FWIW, you're right and you're wise. Stick to your guns.

 

[GQ Chris]

I personally think that kissing is a lot more intimate than the actual act in itself. that's why physical affection is so deceptive, it pumps out all the hormones that give us that euphoric high, that feeling of "love" but it is not truly so..

 

[Blank123]

Folks need to keep in mind that those people whom you kiss, touch, and all that, and whom you are not going to marry, one day they will be someone else's partner and what do you want them to say when they see you next? "Oh, that was just another person whom I made out with once."??? I mean, whether you date, court, or whatever, the other persons purity ought to be your main priority! You don't want to be just another on their list of 'try outs'.

hmm at the risk of starting up another debate... all thats good and everything but the logic falls flat unless you carry it to its logical extent. if you wouldn't kiss or hold hands with someone you weren't married to, why date or court them? Unless you wind up marrying them all you're doing is dating another person's spouse. The thing is we all know thats not true because a persons commitment to their spouse has not yet begun. Theoretically if they're dating you then their commitment at that moment is to you and not to some hypothetical person that may or may not be out there.

All that being said, I honestly don't care if people are convicted against kissing or whatever before marriage. That is between them, the person they're with, and God. Its really none of my business. And its not something i would ever try to talk someone out of because I would not want to have to face God after I've told one of His servants that what He convicted them about was a load of you-know-what.

But since kissing and hand holding are not specifically listed in Scripture then it really means its up to me and the Lord to decide if its sinful or not. Its not something you should be trying to guilt others into unless you've got Biblical backup that specifically addresses physical affection in a relationship before marriage.

I do believe physical affection should be saved for people you actually have affectionate feelings for and are serious about because otherwise i see great danger in

A) getting distracted with things of the flesh and
B) playing with someone else's heart

but as long as the Christian is following Biblical principles about how one should act and where their thoughts should lie, who am I to judge Another's servant? Thats really what Christians should be concerned about and if a Christian has freedom in Christ to kiss or hold hands without violating the higher principles by which we're all called to live then why try to make them feel bad for that?

 

[GQ Chris]

I definitely think the asexuals were on to something, lol j/k.