Assistance needed in determining God's way

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi I have a really serious issue that I wish to address. And I need advice on it the following document has two doctrines designed to protect a woman in a domestic violence situation. I have labelled them THE ADULTERY CLAUSE, and the second RESONABLE ACTION CLAUSE. The Adultery clause seeks to abide by Jesus command to have “no other reason other than adultery” for exit from a domestic abuse situation, but relies on the abusive partner choosing the path of adultery. This troubles me for it requires the use of sin to be usable, and may pile false guilt on the victim. The reasonable action clause on the clause on the other hand does not rely upon a sin occurring, but may be seen by some a too liberal. My question is after reading this document would you choose THE ADULTERY CLAUSE, or the REASONABLE ACTION CLAUSE to deal with domestic violence.



Domestic Violence and the Victim

This document seeks to create a structured way that a Domestic Abuse Victim can be protected from abuse within a Biblical framework. First, we will start with a verse that may seem counter-intuitive the verse has come into contention in recent times, due it its misuse by clergy in some cases, it has enabled Domestic Abuse to continue, this has occurred because some legalistically apply the command, by doing so clergy have often felt obliged to allow even Domestic Abuse. We will show firstly that the spirit of scripture is that of protection, then present a framework for Domestic Abuse recovery that does not violate the scripture.


Some will quote strictly Jesus words that follow to justify that a spouse must stay with their partner in all situations,


And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. Mat 19:9


It will be seen as so binding that even domestic violence must be tolerated. But this is not the case, the Bible must be examined in light of all scripture. The command was given by Jesus, but Paul was forced to redefine marriage laws in 1 Corinthians, due to issues that were occurring in the church. This shows us that marriage laws have some flexibility if a valid case can be found for an exception. The passages in Corinthians list another reason that a spouse may leave their partner. Paul said that if a nonbelieving husband wishes to leave their now Christian wife, that the wife is under no obligation to the man, and may continue their life. This command was given due to a problem in the church. We have to now ask ourselves, what is more worthy to end a relationship, a theological disagreement, or violence against a spouse which violates God's command to love your partner. We can see that the Holy Spirit, who was speaking through Paul, had "another reason", other than adultery to leave a relationship, listed becasue of trouble in the church, he said people in the situation of 1 Cor 7:15 were no longer in bondage or bound to their partner.


But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 1Co 7:15


Domestic Abuse is a problem that needs to be addressed, in society and in the church. When we look to the end of Paul's scripture in 1 Co 7:15 we see it finishes with this comforting passage regarding a spouse and marriage. "it is God's pleasure that we may be at peace with one another. ". Jesus words in Matthew 19:9 then show us that Jesus was not suggesting there would be no other cause for separation, nothing ever, but rather it was stating we should not be seeking easy exits from marriage, that adultery was the goal post he set, it was set high so that small things like “no longer feeling in love”, could not be used as an exit from marriage. It pays to take note of Jesus's words however where he stated: "Instead of offering sacrifices to me, I want you to be merciful to others?". Mat 12:1-8 He showed in this statement that the law is not about the strict observance of commands, but rather about the protection of people.


However, I believe that a framework can be built that still keeps intact Jesus command of adultery being the only exit from a relationship while protecting the spouse from abuse:


And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. Mat 19:9


THE ADULTERY CLAUSE


The steps are shown below:

1. The victim should first be removed from the element of danger, they should not be left in the home, or situation where they may face violence. It may also be needful to involve the police, or courts, to obtain a restraining order.
2. With the separation in place, the perpetrator should be approached for counselling, counselling aims to see if there is a possibility of redemptive outcomes. These outcomes cannot be just verbal accent to a goal to do better, they must be followed through with the genuine change of lifestyle. The victim should never be placed back in the home or reach of the perpetrator if there is potential for violence to re-occur.
3. Now we need a scriptural model to work with. The scripture then states:
   1. 1 Co 7:10-11 I instruct married couples to stay together, and this is exactly what the Lord himself taught. A wife who leaves her husband should either stay single or go back to her husband. And a husband should not leave his wife.
   2. This may initially seem to put a nouse around the neck of the abused spouse. But let’s explore it a little. The partner in a Domestic Violence situation may not return to the spouse, so the spouse is safe from abuse. But the partner now has a rather hard choice to make, they must either reform their ways and then safely return to their spouse. Or the partner must leave the relationship. In the latter situation, of leaving the relationship the partner is likely to commit adultery. The very act that would free the spouse from marital bondage to the abusive partner.
   3. However, as with all of God’s commands, the purpose is not to cause sin. The act of not leaving the relationship immediately, and staying single, gives a partner who may have stumbled hope of restoration. Such a partner who desires hope is likely to want to willingly reform. The anti-type of a partner given to change is the truly abusive, who gives no thought to their relationship, no love toward their spouse, and is likely within the coming time to commit adultery because they do not love their spouse, and have no self-control.
4. So we can see within the structure of the bible a method can be used to both protect salvageable relationships and end abusive ones. When an abusive relationship is ended the spouse should feel no guilt, and may similar to 1 Cor 7:15 move on with their lives.

REASONABLE ACTION CLAUSE


1) Jesus did say adultery was the only case for divorce, but we see that:
a. Paul states another case for divorce 1 Cor 17:15, so Biblically it is not the ONLY case listed in scripture

b. Paul goes on to say “it is God's pleasure that we may be at peace with one another.”

c. Jesus said of the Law, of which any command can be said to be law when it comes out of His mouth, that He is not after strict observance, but rather the Spirit of protection afforded by the Law (Mathew 12:1-8), stating "Instead of offering sacrifices to me, I want you to be merciful to others?"

d. It is clear that “enforcing” Mathew 19:9 in a legalistic way results in harm to victims of domestic violence.

e. Domestic violence is a breaking of the contract of “be[ing] at peace with one another” stated in 1 Cor 17:15

2) I believe as long as an attempt is made to see if the relationship can be recovered if the domestic violence victim cannot be protected she should leave the relationship without guilt.

a. Forcing celibacy according to scripture like 1 Cor 7:10-11 (which is designed to recover relationships) on the woman may cause her to rightly hate Christ. In a similar way to the following scripture: “Don't put young widows on the list. They may later have a strong desire to get married. Then they will turn away from Christ” 1Ti 5:11

 

[Tolworth John]

have a really serious issue that I wish to address

Who are you applying this clauses to?
Are you in a position to change the law of the land? If not they are irrelevant.

If you are rereading Christians then you have to consider that an adulterer has broken the marriage contract. You have also to consider that a violent husband whether physical, mentally or spiritualy abusive has also Brocken the marriage contract.

Paul wrote with God's authority, Husband's love your wife in the same way that Jesus loved the church, giving up everything for her.

If one partner has Brocken the spirit of oneness that is a marriage then unless reconciliation and evidence of a change is there then that marriage has ended .

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Who are you applying this clauses to?
Are you in a position to change the law of the land? If not they are irrelevant.

If you are rereading Christians then you have to consider that an adulterer has broken the marriage contract. You have also to consider that a violent husband whether physical, mentally or spiritualy abusive has also Brocken the marriage contract.

Paul wrote with God's authority, Husband's love your wife in the same way that Jesus loved the church, giving up everything for her.

If one partner has Brocken the spirit of oneness that is a marriage then unless reconciliation and evidence of a change is there then that marriage has ended .

I am not in a position to change the law of the land, I am attempting to come up with a doctrine that most fully represents God's will in regard to Domestic Violence and marriage. But thank you for your advice, I agree with it.

 

[dqhall]

I am not in a position to change the law of the land, I am attempting to come up with a doctrine that most fully represents God's will in regard to Domestic Violence and marriage. But thank you for your advice, I agree with it.

The faithful will not do domestic violence. If a man or woman tries to hold an abusive marriage together based on a commandment to do no adultery or divorce, that one is not being faithful. In Roman era Judaea and according to US law; divorce is permissible.

Courtship should allow for time to evaluate the merits of marriage, including whether or not a partner is cruel.

 

[eleos1954]

I am not in a position to change the law of the land, I am attempting to come up with a doctrine that most fully represents God's will in regard to Domestic Violence and marriage. But thank you for your advice, I agree with it.

1 Corinthians 7

10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

If in an abusive relationship .... the abused spouse should separate. As stated ... we are called to peace.

Psalm 11:5
The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.

2 Timothy 3:1-8
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. ...

James 1:19-20
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Nobody should remain in an abusive relationship!

 

[com7fy8]

First, I think there are things to do to make sure you don't get into a situation like this.

Have a pastor who is qualified according to the standards commanded by our Apostle Paul > 1 Timothy 3:1-10. As a couple this man with his wife can feed their example to God's people and to ones who are not saved - - - so that people have a standard of how to be as a Christian and how to relate in marriage and bringing up children.

The pastor leads mainly by feeding their example >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

And you preach on this, including how to relate in God's love >

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

And there are other scriptures to feed us how to relate as God's children.

And feed the sheep about how to personally submit to God and make sure with God about everything they do. And make this an emphasis for unmarried Christians > make sure with God about if and who you trust about anything, and if and who you date and marry > you are personally liable to make sure with God before you marry someone.

And Jesus knows His sheep; so I see this as a model for pastoring > you personally get to know the ones Jesus has trusted you to pastor, and this in sharing with your wife who has helped you so much to mature for this. And you make sure with God about what is going on with your sheep, how He enlightens and guides you.

Then you have a foundation when a couple comes to you. You can spell out what it is to be gentle and kind and never arguing in an abusive way. And talk with them about how you grow in Jesus so you do every single thing and every married thing > "without complaining and disputing"; and the rest of Philippians 2:13-16 shares about the result which can come with not arguing or complaining > we can become God's way in His love > in marriage, then, we are first about pleasing God, not first what we now are capable of wishing for and then dictating and fighting about.

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

Every child of God . . . "in one body", our Apostle Paul says, here > is "called" to be personally ruled by our Heavenly Father in His own peace. So, every child of God is expected to do and make choices which our Father rules us to do in His own peace. This is basic for choosing whom we trust and if we marry and how to share in Christian matrimony.

So, you make sure you feed this to people, so they make sure with God about if and whom to trust for pastoring them, dating, getting married, and how to handle problems. Then, when any problem or opportunity comes, they already have experience with submitting to God to do what He has them do in His peace.

And they stay with doing the good, right while handling trouble.

Ones who have received such ministry will already know to make sure with God, even before they come to you to get pronounced, or with a problem; so you can hold them to this, plus you make sure with God.

Or else, we can be helping evil marriages to happen. And if we have been helping the wrong way of things to happen, we first need to deal with what to do with our own selves, then, I would think.

But in case you always have functioned in a Biblical manner of ministry > yes, we will get people coming from off the street. Even strangers show up and expect to be pronounced; or someone ambushes you with how he or she is married to an abuser or adulterer, and this victim does not make sure with God, but expects you to do something.

And the person might be able to talk Jesus and Bible, but hasn't an answer for why he or she married the person without making sure with God. Or, the person claims to have gotten saved after they got married.

Well, now the victim can submit to God and make sure what to do, if the person hasn't; or else, nothing is going to be right, if you merely do some one-size-fits-all thing. The victim still will be unable to submit to God in His peace, if all you do is some intervention thing.

My opinion is if you get people who clearly are not functional as sheep obeying God in His peace . . . they are not being subject to your pastoring with example. So, it is possible you are not responsible for what to do with them.

Because God's word does say >

"But those who are outside God judges." (in 1 Corinthians 5:13)

"No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier." (2 Timothy 2:4)

There are situations that the evil world has rigged to tie us up with people who are going to do the wrong thing, no matter what we do!! You can rescue a victim and then that person will just find another way to ruin oneself and one's children with his or her horrible example . . . while wasting you and your time which belongs first with being attentive to God and feeding what is right to Jesus Christ's sheep.

So, first, I understand, Jesus has His pastors taking care of those who obey how God our Father takes care of us in His peace.

So, if someone comes to me, I might start with prayer, and talk with the person about how the person is doing with God. What does the person already understand?

And what has the person been doing, if anything, which could have helped the person get into that situation?

Because the person needs to become safe from however he or she might be doing things wrong for his or her own self!! Just dealing with the adulterer or abuser or alcoholic can be evasion of a more real problem, if the victim keeps doing things in ways which got the victim involved with a predator and even marrying the person.

And I might say the person needs to hear my sermons; anything I say during a Biblical sermon can somehow help someone who has been doing things the wrong way, and help a sheep to grow in discovering better and better how to deal with issues. So, I would not accept people popping off the street and expecting a quick fix while they just scamper around doing their own thing. I can not take responsibility for them, if they do not share in worship and the word with me and my wife and those who are helping and obeying our good example. They need to feed on the example and message of the pastor and our church's exemplary sheep, so they can see how to relate and how to share in marriage and how to bring up children.

So, you can't help someone unless they become a "community project", of you two and all your sheep who are examples to help people.

Then . . . when someone shows up with abuse danger . . . first you all pray and come to agreement what to do. And you offer this to the victim. But I do not think you are obligated to solve what worldly people have helped to bring on themselves. Plus, there are religious leaders who treat God like He is distant and will not personally guide His very own children who are Jesus' sheep. So, all they might do is activism and make-believe one-size-fits-all policies.

Sow > you can find out with God, what to do in each case . . . but after making sure Christian ministry is functional according to 1 Timothy 3:1-10, 1 Peter 5:3, and Colossians 3:15 < this can do a lot of preventing, plus keep you busy enough with your own family and sheep entrusted to you; "and you will find rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:28-30) because of submitting to how Jesus pastors us.