Aspergers adults and romantic relationships

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Have you found that you're more attracted to those who are also aspie? Did you marry someone, or are in a serious relationship with someone who was also an aspie? If so, how has it turned out for you? Is it challenging? Or do you feel like a "kindred spirit"?

If you're in a relationship with another aspie, do your strengths and weaknesses within the disorder balance each other out, or are you primarily the same in all areas? Have you "molded" to fit their needs... or they yours?

 

[IDDQD]

I was on Wrong Planet (an Asperger's forum/community) for a while and, while I didn't have any relationships with anyone there or even make any connections, just being around them on an online forum drove me nuts. It's odd, I thought being around others Aspies like myself would be more comforting, but that wasn't the case. If anything, they annoyed me a lot more than NT's.

As of right now, I'm not seeking nor do I really want a romantic relationship with anyone. I'm pretty skeptical and cynical about the modern dating process after some extensive analysis of those processes in the U.S., Europe, and other post-industrial societies. That's getting off topic, though.

To answer at least one of your questions, though, I'm not really attracted to other Aspies. With me, there has to be an established friendship first before it even goes anywhere. If there's no social meshing, whether it's with an Aspie or NT, then there really isn't going to be any kind of bonding to begin with.

 

[dayhiker]

I've not known any female personally that has AS so no to romance there.

The one guy to I spend some time with who has AS is like 70ish. I understand him in a way most don't. So he likes that.

I was on a AS message board were only AS people were allowed. There was a guy who used to write quite a bit about how he viewed life as an AS person. I felt like I was reading what I thought. So I liked the message board a lot.

a couple of thoughts after reading the this short thread!

 

[dayhiker]

I've not known any female personally that has AS so no to romance there.

The one guy to I spend some time with who has AS is like 70ish. I understand him in a way most don't. So he likes that.

I was on a AS message board were only AS people were allowed. There was a guy who used to write quite a bit about how he viewed life as an AS person. I felt like I was reading what I thought. So I liked the message board a lot.

a couple of thoughts after reading the this short thread!

 

[mom2anaspie]

interesting question!

 

[amberlight]

I'm an aspie, married to another aspie for over 20 years. It works very well most of the time, but we've had to learn to communicate in ways we can both cope with, and learn to give each other the space we both need.

 

[MoeSzyslak]

I'm married to an NT women. I've always been attracted to very out-going type of people. I think it intrigues me. You know the old saying, 'opposites attract.'

 

[dayhiker]

I can relate Moe, especially when I was younger. Then I watched people a lot to learn about them. out-going people and talkative people were the move fun to watch. I guess I learned about people from watching them.

Now that I'm older I'm more outgoing myself and can talk with people better so I don't do as much peolple watching.

dayhiker

 

[carlyle418]

I'm an aspie, and I've been married to an NT for 6 years. I has been difficult at times, but I wouldn't trade her for anything.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

My Aspie man and I have been married for almost two months now.

 

[teejayinau]

Have you found that you're more attracted to those who are also aspie?

I would say yes I am more attracted to women who are on the spectrum or at least have some spectrum traits. Women who aren't on the spectrum, I have great difficulty understanding, is is like they are on another planet. Which is probably what a lot of non-autistic people think of me.

 

[redeemerlives]

As a male with AS symptoms, I can relate to others who are in the same boat as I am, as I have difficulties reading into women. Really the main issue is knowing how to read whether a woman is interested in me or not. I don't have a clue, and sometimes I can get a hard no, rather than just knowing they will say no much earlier on. Sometimes they can be interested and I can keep in contact with those women, but they tend not to want to talk to me unless they are in the same place that I am at.

However, the best thing I can say to anyone like me who is trying to meet people of the opposite sex is to keep trying, no matter how hard it is. Being rejected and let down by people just because they do not take the time to understand any of us, it just goes to show what they are missing out on. However, it hurts me so much more because I do not understand why they are rejecting me. I tend to blame myself, rather than the other person for their decision. After several rejections I start to ask myself... what's wrong with me? The answer is... God left this deficiency within me and I have to figure out how to find the people who will accept me for who I am. It's just the way I was created. I was made to live a much more socially challenging life than most.

Some of the greatest inventors and scientists of all time have had significant social deficiencies, so there's no limit to the greatness of any of us.

 

[Lady_Firehawk]

I have yet to have any kind of romantic relationship whatsoever; however, I do hope that whoever I end up with is at least somewhat more neurotypical than I am. (Which is not hard to do, really.) Otherwise, how on earth would we manage to survive between us?

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

I have yet to have any kind of romantic relationship whatsoever; however, I do hope that whoever I end up with is at least somewhat more neurotypical than I am. (Which is not hard to do, really.) Otherwise, how on earth would we manage to survive between us?

We're both Aspies and are doing it quite well, actually. We just have different strengths and weaknesses within the syndrome, but actually the severity of our disorders is about equal, although he has a lot of co-morbid disorders that I don't have.

 

[redeemerlives]

Part of the problem is when having to face people who do not take the time to understand anyone who has any of these disorders. How can any of us really know if the other person likes us or is playing games?

I have had lots of problems in my life and I can't go back and fix them or say I'm sorry because of how cold the people can be. I don't think I can ever live a normal life because of what I've been through. It makes me very uncomfortable to talk about everything, but it's really deep and painful. Sometimes I don't even want to live anymore, but I keep on anyways.

Usually what I find with the aspies as such is a rare quality of sweetness that can't be found within the general population. I've always wanted to be able to be accepted and in trying to do so have been thrown back even further. I've had times when I was trying to meet a girl so we could be friends and they take it as a threat because I was not given the ability to talk too well. And now in trying to develop that ability to talk better I am uncomfortable talking to some girls because I don't know if the next girl is preparing to threaten me too.

However, I do see a light at the end of the tunnel. Some girls are nicer to me than what I had experienced before. And I don't ask for love, per se, but at least comfort, maybe to develop a friend at the least. Is this too much to ask for?

 

[amberlight]

Nope, it's not too much to ask for at all. Keeping all you've written in my prayers...

 

[Telejoke]

I'm a neurotyp married to a lovely aspie woman -- celebrating 35 years this July.

 

[joris]

I'm in a relationship. First time ever and hoping this really is the one.
She doesn't have AS, and she knows about my AS (and my general tendency of being uncertain). We've been friends for a long time until it grew into becoming a relationship.
To make things even harder it's a relationship on distance; she lives in UK while I live in Holland.

 

[C-Man]

Most women seem to think I'm slow. I talk slowly to avoid stuttering, and walk funny because I have bad knees. I'm no Mr. Universe, but neither am I unattractive or uninteresting.
I have a glaring inability to tell if she's interested in me or just being nice because she thinks I'm retarded. Obviously, anybody that talks to me for a while will figure out I'm a lot smarter than they thought I was, but they still act the same way toward me. It's like women know I'm damaged and don't want anything to do with me.
It is extremely frustrating to have an IQ that registers near the genius level, strength enough to rip a door out of its frame, and not be able to make any use of it because the Asperger's and bad joints effectively shut me down when I try to accomplish something important. I could've been a successful mechanical engineer with a loving family, but instead I'm a bum who's lucky just to have a roof and food to eat.
</rant>
Sorry, I had to get that out. It was eating away at me.

 

[GordyJ7]

I really would like to meet someone, but I doubt myself. It's good to know that there are females who accept Asperger's and understand it as not being a mental disability... because in my experience I have not had success after disclosing it... I am very high functioning, many say that I don't even seem like I have it. I have just a tiny bit. Enough to have the struggles in life, and be intrigued by many things. lol

But keep me in your prayers. That I can meet a young woman whom will see beyond this title and see me for who I am, and love me, and vice versa.