Asking permission

[waxlion10]

I think your parents can have GREAT advice.

So instead of asking for permission, ask for their input, and take it seriously.

I agree. To me, more than asking permission it would be asking for blessing on the relationship. More than anything, it solidifies a bonding of families together and shows respect for the parents and a desire for the parents to be a part of the couple's life. It would say to me, "I accept you including your family and respect the place they have in your life." That's something that's important to me to be in the relationship, whether a parent is officially asked or not.

I agree with these.
I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend asked my father's blessing on our engagement someday. But I do not want him asking my father's permission; my dad is kind of a control freak as it is, and I am going to marry my boyfriend regardless, so it would be dishonest of my bf to ask "permission" if we're going to marry whether my dad likes it or not.

Obviously, if ANY of our parents have any objections, we will hear out their concerns and think and pray about anything they have raised.

The problem I have is that Mom seems to think BF is going to ask Dad's permission... and that is just not gonna happen...

 

[JCFantasy23]

Maybe this thread has been done to death, but I'm starting it anyway.

What are everyone's thoughts on a guy asking a girl's dad/parents for permission to marry the girl?

Guys - is this something you did/will do when you're ready to propose?

Girls - is it important to you that the man you want to marry do this?

I think it's old fashioned and no longer needed. Personally I want to be the first to know of my pending marriage, not my parents, not my friends, not my other family members, but me and my future hubby

Also - on a cultural note - Fathers giving away their daughters meant something else when this tradition was in place.

 

[California Dreamin']

My fiance asked my mom. My parents divorced when I was 6. She was so happy at the time, and now she is... ugh. Basically we are planning the wedding with the help of no one, and she won't even talk about it and just says "I'll believe it when I see it".

 

[Blank123]

its a sweet tradition, but its certainly not required and i know my parents wouldn't expect him to ask for their permission or blessing.

When he and i first started dating he asked me if i wanted him to ask for my father's permission to date me and when i told him that wasn't necessary and that asking permission isn't that big of a deal for my family he was releived lol apparently his ex's dad was quite intimidating when he asked his permission - and his ex's family were old friends of his

i do think this is more of an American conservative tradition though. I don't know anyone in Canada (not to say those people don't exist) who hold to this, and in my experience its usually Americans who consider it important.

haha - I said ask permission to marry a girl - not date her. I would hope a guy wouldn't be asking my dad's permission to date me at the ripe old age of 35.

I posted the thread b/c my boyfriend recently told me that he intends to ask my father's permission to marry me. My ex-husband did not ask (and didn't formally propose, either) so it means a lot to me that he wants to do that since my experience with my ex was such an unpleasant one. (No reflection on your dad, though, Melissa ).

wow, i didn't know you two were that serious. pretty cool

I think your parents can have GREAT advice.

So instead of asking for permission, ask for their input, and take it seriously.

Its not wrong to ask for permission. like i said i think its mainly a cultural tradition, our cultures don't hold to this but the ones that do aren't in the wrong for doing so.

but yes i agree parents (and other loved ones) can have some great insight that we don't. love blinders tend to make any and all red flags disappear

My fiance asked my mom. My parents divorced when I was 6. She was so happy at the time, and now she is... ugh. Basically we are planning the wedding with the help of no one, and she won't even talk about it and just says "I'll believe it when I see it".

i thought you called off the engagement? i hope it all works out for you two though.

 

[California Dreamin']

its a sweet tradition, but its certainly not required and i know my parents wouldn't expect him to ask for their permission or blessing.

When he and i first started dating he asked me if i wanted him to ask for my father's permission to date me and when i told him that wasn't necessary and that asking permission isn't that big of a deal for my family he was releived lol apparently his ex's dad was quite intimidating when he asked his permission - and his ex's family were old friends of his

i do think this is more of an American conservative tradition though. I don't know anyone in Canada (not to say those people don't exist) who hold to this, and in my experience its usually Americans who consider it important.




wow, i didn't know you two were that serious. pretty cool



Its not wrong to ask for permission. like i said i think its mainly a cultural tradition, our cultures don't hold to this but the ones that do aren't in the wrong for doing so.

but yes i agree parents (and other loved ones) can have some great insight that we don't. love blinders tend to make any and all red flags disappear



i thought you called off the engagement? i hope it all works out for you two though.

Calling it off was only upsetting us & not fair to us. No one is going to be happy no matter when it is, and no one is helping financially so it should be when we want.

 

[Blank123]

Calling it off was only upsetting us & not fair to us. No one is going to be happy no matter when it is, and no one is helping financially so it should be when we want.

well i'm glad to hear you're still going through with it, from everything you've said he sounds like a great guy

 

[dobieman0488]

I talked to both of sarah's parents and told them that i love her and wanted to make her happy and that i' hoped for their blessing. and they did.

 

[Solo Man]

I would ask the girlfriend's dad if i could date her.

and

I would ask the girlfriends dad if i could marry her.


It's gentlemanly.

 

[Bampot]

Blessing, yes. Permission, no. He's marrying me, not my father.

I would ask his parents for their blessings as well, out of respect. If they don't agree, which I could see with his father, it won't stop us. Our parents should influence our adult lives, but not rule over us.

 

[visionary]

It tickled my parents to no end to be included in this important decision. They gave their blessings which tickled us to no end.

 

[sanderse]

I am totally going to be to odd one out in this!!!
1st... I would not expect someone to ask my dad permission to date me... that would judt be odd for everyone in the situation...

2nd... I WILL NOT marry someone unless my dad says it is okay. My BF knows this and he knows he is going to have to get permission before he asks me to marry me. My dad spotted the flaws in my old bf and I broke up with him partially because I knew my dad did not think it would work. He was right... he knows me well enough to know what is best for me. Given that with my current BF, if my dad said no... i would not break it off immediately. i would talk to my dad and see why he said no, I would carefully consider the issues he has. I know that if he said no it was for a good reason. I trust him. I know he wants me to be happy. If he thinks I am happy, he will say yes.

So yeah... he has to ask. I may be old fasion but I am a daddy's girl and i trust him with my life and my heart. I tell my daddy all the time that he is "the man" and he knows that he is only going to hold my heart until i get married. He is going to walk me down the Isle and give me away in the most literal sense. I see my daddy as my protector and when i get married, he is passing those duties on to someone he can trust with them.

 

[Margim]

Had planned on doing the formal thing and asking, but I ended up 'going with the moment' and spontaneously proposing on my fiance's birthday ahead of schedule. We decided to ask that night for her parents 'approval' together, as we are both well into our twenties and adult enough to make decisions without 'permission' anyway

 

[ido]

I am totally going to be to odd one out in this!!!
1st... I would not expect someone to ask my dad permission to date me... that would judt be odd for everyone in the situation...

2nd... I WILL NOT marry someone unless my dad says it is okay. My BF knows this and he knows he is going to have to get permission before he asks me to marry me. My dad spotted the flaws in my old bf and I broke up with him partially because I knew my dad did not think it would work. He was right... he knows me well enough to know what is best for me. Given that with my current BF, if my dad said no... i would not break it off immediately. i would talk to my dad and see why he said no, I would carefully consider the issues he has. I know that if he said no it was for a good reason. I trust him. I know he wants me to be happy. If he thinks I am happy, he will say yes.

So yeah... he has to ask. I may be old fasion but I am a daddy's girl and i trust him with my life and my heart. I tell my daddy all the time that he is "the man" and he knows that he is only going to hold my heart until i get married. He is going to walk me down the Isle and give me away in the most literal sense. I see my daddy as my protector and when i get married, he is passing those duties on to someone he can trust with them.

 

[ido]

Had planned on doing the formal thing and asking, but I ended up 'going with the moment' and spontaneously proposing on my fiance's birthday ahead of schedule. We decided to ask that night for her parents 'approval' together, as we are both well into our twenties and adult enough to make decisions without 'permission' anyway

That's cool that you did it afterwards since you got caught up in the moment.

 

[abelieverinChrist05]

this move is traditionally done.