Asking for your viewpoints on my contradiction.

[haneul2]

Hi all! My first post here, and it's an issue that I've been wrestling with for a while.

I was a Baptist for much of my life, until a life event caused me to believe that I could not possibly be Christian, and I have drifted away ever since. Ever since elementary school, I have known that I am transgender. I understood this on a very base level long before I had any idea transgender people existed, long before I had a word, a concept by which to understand what I was experiencing. Although I understand that those feelings happen often to children without leading to transgenderism (and often as a coping factor), I am 27 now. I have, objectively, been very successful at everything I do. And yet, as the years went by, the pain only grew until I was suffering severely crippling depression in college.

It was in college that I first learned of transgenderism. I then received counseling and talked to psychiatrists for the better part of 5 years before proceeding to begin hormone therapy. For me, hormone therapy was a last resort - something that I absolutely did not want to go on unless I reached a place where it was so painful to live that I truly wanted and was ready to commit suicide, and only if no other treatment was successful. I reached that point at the end of those 5 years. Now that I have been on hormones for nearly a year, I finally feel like I am at peace with myself.

Although perhaps irrelevant, I would mention that I do not intend to socially transition unless it becomes unavoidable, as I do not see myself as a woman. Rather, I view my affliction as a mistake, and that hormone therapy was the only means by which to rectify that mistake.

I believe, from my own study as well as from talking with people, that while being transgender is not a sin in the Bible, going through hormone therapy, getting gender reassignment surgery, socially transitioning - these I believe are sins as treated in the Bible. My contradiction begins from this root. I do not believe I, or anyone, can choose to go on the medically supervised and directed treatment that I am on and truly be a Christian.

If I am to accept Jesus as my Savior, I must necessarily believe that the Bible is the Word of God, for else I should have no reason to believe in Jesus, given that the Bible is the only tangible way to know God, the only physical thing I can point to and say "No matter what happens to my mind, even if I lose myself through self delusions via human weakness, this Word is true and reliable - through this, I can grow closer to God". If I believe the Bible is the Word of God, I should strive to follow its teachings as much as possible. Though I will certainly fail endlessly throughout my life, I must strive towards them. And yet, I have chosen to disregard some of its teachings. I have begun to cherry pick. What if I had different life circumstances? In my circumstances, I have determined that I cannot follow the teachings relating to transgenderism. If I am willing to reject this part of the Word of God, if I am willing to absolutely not strive towards particular teachings, I am saying that God is wrong, am I not? How then could I possibly be a true believer?

But it doesn't end there. I was straight before beginning hormone therapy. As a side effect of hormone therapy, I am now attracted almost exclusively to men. The Bible makes God's view on homosexuality even more clear than for transgenderism. So, even if by some stretch of scripture interpretation, going through a full course of transgender therapy were not anathema to God, I would be condemned to either disregard yet another one of God's teachings, this one being crystal clear, or accept that I am condemned by birth, by nature, to live life alone in that sense. Such a condemnation feels so anti-Christian to me, and yet I do not see how it could be escaped.

What is the Christian thing to do? How can I reconcile my circumstances with the faith I once had?

I'm not a pervert. I don't want to use the women's restroom, because I know I am a mistake, not a woman. I don't have any ulterior motives for having started hormone therapy except that it was medically the last resort for me to treat the severely painful dysphoria I had been experiencing for well over a decade. And yet, I cannot help but come to the conclusion (using my previous faith), that the path to my happiness is paved in sin - and I can never repent for this, for I am not sorry for, nor do I regret, what I have done.

Maybe this is an extreme analogy, but suppose I were a serial killer who decided to "find Jesus", all the meanwhile consciously choosing to never stop killing. Can I possibly have truly found Jesus? Would it not have been a delusion, a faith "found" out of convenience, perhaps out of a desire for communion? How can I possibly say "No God, I'm going to keep committing this sin, not because I am human, but because I want to - and your Word be damned" and have ever truly been Christian?

I was at a point where I was ready to die rather than keep living in pain. I lost my faith and saved my life. But was I wrong? Is there a way to reconcile the contradiction (in my eyes) between undergoing transgender therapy and being a Christian? Thanks!

 

[Mobezom]

You aren't a mistake. Certainly not anymore than anyone else is. And you aren't broken - you had a medical issue, and you dealt with it.

(I'm somewhat confused - transgender, assigned male at birth, means that you identify as a woman... perhaps if you didn't think your faith prohibits thinking of yourself as a woman, it would be different? Also, hormone therapy doesn't change sexual orientation AFAIK...)

As for the Christian side of it: I'm sort of-ish kind of a Christian, and I'm biromantic (essentially that means I'm gay and straight, attracted to both male and female people), so here's my thoughts.

To be a Christian, you need to believe that Christ is the Son of God, and some other stuff that I can't remember off the top of my head... And to get to heaven, well, many people give differing claims. You don't have to believe that every word of the Bible is God-inspired. My family doesn't, and my mother's rather religious.

I don't think that God would give you a disorder that would force you to choose between happiness without him and pain with him. I don't think he cares what you do in the bedroom, or what you do with your body, besides the "don't kill or mutilate yourself" part perhaps. "But the Bible!" My view: The Bible was written by many hands, and inspired by God. Nothing more. Not inerrant, not God whispering in someone's ear. The writers put their own thoughts on paper, and couldn't always distinguish between mythought and Godthought. (And some of them intentionally shaped the course of Christianity away from its roots... I'm looking at you Paul)

"But how do I know God?" The Bible's decent, pretty good, if you skip over the "and then God killed all the people in the city", "and then God said that slavery was fine but multi-threaded cloth bad," et cetera. "How do I know that the Bible isn't wrong about God?" You don't.

TL;DR: I don't see anything wrong about picking-and-choosing from the Bible. If you are careful about it, and pray to God to see if he minds (does he talk to people? He's never talked to me...), I don't think you'll end up in hell for transitioning.

But if you really don't want to transition, you don't have to. Your choice.

 

[mmksparbud]

Well, that wasn't exactly a Christian viewpoint!
I am a Christian, and my view on this is not liked by most on here or in my own denomination. But here it is.

There are no end of birth defects. From cleft palates to being born with 2 heads. People have been born with 2 different sets of DNA--- one DNA in some organs and a different one in others, because of absorption of a twin. A few women have given birth to children that they could not prove through blood work they were theirs because their uterus had a different DNA (it has been documented and doctors and nurses documented she gave birth, but the children did not have her DNA, they had actually taken her children away from her until she gave birth again), children are being born more and more with 2 sets of genitals, or none at all. This is happening even with animals and probably has something to do with all the pesticides and chemicals, but that's just my opinion. We can be born with 4 legs, no legs, 4 arms, no arms, mentally retarded at many different levels of severity to being geniuses and savants. You name it, we've got it.
However, all of a sudden when it comes to sex, there can be no defects!! Why not? Because the bible says God made us male and female. Well, we still are, you are not a 3rd sex, that sex is not matching your brain is all.
He also made us with one head, one perfectly working brain, 2 arms and 2 legs and we've fallen far short of all that. Are all these defects because God has decided to get in your mother's womb and twist her DNA and that of her mate so that your kid sister can come out blind, legless, with a cleft palate and mentally retarded?? After all the bible says this:
Isa_49:5 And now, saith the LORD that formed me from the womb to be his servant, to bring Jacob again to him, Though Israel be not gathered, yet shall I be glorious in the eyes of the LORD, and my God shall be my strength.
Jer_1:5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

Think on this. God knows the DNA of each of us, He knows what will be produced when person A has a child with person B. He does not force A and B to have sex in order to produce a certain child. He has not taken dust and formed anyone since Adam and Eve. He gave them the power to pass on the life force that brought them to life. He was a pure male---without female chromosomes, she was made from Adams rib and thus had some male chromosomes. (That is not stated in the bible, just an opinion, and God could have made Adam with both chromosomes). Point is, they were the only humans He made. Every single human since has been a product of both male and female.
Genetics has been sabotaged--defects set in, our very DNA is now warped. We are fearfully and wonderfully made--but we are no longer the perfect humans that were created at the start. God knows each of us before we are born, He knows what we will be, He knows every little cell of our bodies and He loves each one of His creations for we each are His and His Son died for us while we were sinners.
Everything that happens is not for the best. But God makes the best out of what happens.
Each of us are His, male, female, those born with both sets of genitals, those born with none. You are not a mistake of God, you are not a "thing" God produced to make you miserable---you are a product of bad DNA passed to you through no ones fault--except the machinations of Satan to bring about these defects that mar the image of God.
There is no one on this planet that knows all there is to know about the human brain--not possible yet, maybe never. There is always new discoveries about every organ of the body.
You have to deal with the cards you got and I commend you for wanting to do it with God instead of without Him.
Seek whatever medical help you can get to be at peace with yourself and God. God speaks to you through your brain, that is where communication with Him happens and He knows exactly who and what you are and always has. If you have a female brain, He knows that, always has. What has caused this, no one truly knows. He has never spoken to anyone's genitals. Right now, there is only certain medical procedures that help to fix this defect. The object is to join body and mind with God. If you are a female, and wanting to be a Christian woman, Then you must act and dress as one, to dress as a man would be to cross dress no matter what your genitals state. There has been very little research on the possibility, that like those with absorbed twins, the brain may have been absorbed with the DNA of a twin--if it can happen with other organs, it can happen with it. Make no decision without much prayer and seek health, mental and physical and all, unity with Christ. A life of celibacy may be your best choice to be with God. Is that fair? NO! Life is not fair. A person born an alcoholic must obtain sobriety no matter the effort if he wants to be with God (and have a real life). We all have things that we need to overcome in order to make our lives compatible with the teachings of Christ, some are hard and yours is beyond hard. I am sorry and wish there was a simple answer, and maybe, someday, there will be.

 

[Mobezom]

Dude... did you just say I'm No True Christian? That's against the rules, you know. (I'd change my thing away from Atheist if I knew how...)

 

[Ken Behrens]

I've been through the whole Bible on this a lot of times. The only Scripture I can find against gender change is Dt. 22:5 about wearing clothes of the opposite sex. This verse is a real problem to use though, since men in Scotland wear skirts, and modern women wear pants, so we must use social norms to apply the verse. I think a lot of the desire for gender change comes about because people expect men and women to do certain things, and these things are chosen by people, and not by God. (Like who says a man can't wear makeup, or a woman can't fix car bodies? None of that is in Scripture.) Have you considered if this is the problem driving the issue?

The matter of sex is quite different, and Scripture is quite clear. If you were born a man, you may only have sex with (and thus marry) a woman. To have sex before you have resolved the gender identity (or any other serious identity) doubts is not a good idea for anyone, and the doubt may well be proof that God wants you celibate.

Mistake? Maybe, if you are certain. Maybe a wakeup call to society that we are making unrealistic expectations on what men may feel and do - I'd sooner see it that way. If we assume this, then maybe even a prophet of some kind, living out an intolerable situation to help others by showing society its flaws. I don't think your path to happiness is paved in sin, but I think it is paved with temptation. Your desire to avoid that temptation is proof you are a Christian. If it were me, I'd do what I have to do, and let God figure the rest of it out one day at a time, just like all of us "normal" (????? ROTFL) people have to.

 

[crossnote]

Sin comes in many sizes, shapes, color and whatever else.
We ALL have fallen short of God's righteousness but that is no excuse for not embracing Christ's sacrifice for the forgiveness our sins and His resurrection from the dead for our Life.
As far as apprehension of 'not being able to make the cut' as a Christian, He gives us a new nature (new desires) as well as His Holy Spirit to bring us along.
At the risk of being sacrilegious..."It is a no brainer deal", but it may be a struggle to be convinced that Jesus is truly who He says He is and that is because of the lies of satan.

 

[Brianlear]

You aren't a mistake. Maybe God makes transgender people as a message to everyone else that gender is not the penultimate trait we make it out to be. You are who you are. Hormones are not necessary, although they might help you resolve the tension you feel between you and our wicked society. We accept you, just as you are. You can go off the hormones, and there will be plenty of people who still accept you. I know I would. Because God instructs us not to judge, not to elevate our idea of how things should be above God's. He made you, and the entire universe who am I to say "that's a mistake". No. I won't do that.

 

[Steven Wood]

Hi all! My first post here, and it's an issue that I've been wrestling with for a while.

I was a Baptist for much of my life, until a life event caused me to believe that I could not possibly be Christian, and I have drifted away ever since. Ever since elementary school, I have known that I am transgender. I understood this on a very base level long before I had any idea transgender people existed, long before I had a word, a concept by which to understand what I was experiencing. Although I understand that those feelings happen often to children without leading to transgenderism (and often as a coping factor), I am 27 now. I have, objectively, been very successful at everything I do. And yet, as the years went by, the pain only grew until I was suffering severely crippling depression in college.

It was in college that I first learned of transgenderism. I then received counseling and talked to psychiatrists for the better part of 5 years before proceeding to begin hormone therapy. For me, hormone therapy was a last resort - something that I absolutely did not want to go on unless I reached a place where it was so painful to live that I truly wanted and was ready to commit suicide, and only if no other treatment was successful. I reached that point at the end of those 5 years. Now that I have been on hormones for nearly a year, I finally feel like I am at peace with myself.

Although perhaps irrelevant, I would mention that I do not intend to socially transition unless it becomes unavoidable, as I do not see myself as a woman. Rather, I view my affliction as a mistake, and that hormone therapy was the only means by which to rectify that mistake.

I believe, from my own study as well as from talking with people, that while being transgender is not a sin in the Bible, going through hormone therapy, getting gender reassignment surgery, socially transitioning - these I believe are sins as treated in the Bible. My contradiction begins from this root. I do not believe I, or anyone, can choose to go on the medically supervised and directed treatment that I am on and truly be a Christian.

If I am to accept Jesus as my Savior, I must necessarily believe that the Bible is the Word of God, for else I should have no reason to believe in Jesus, given that the Bible is the only tangible way to know God, the only physical thing I can point to and say "No matter what happens to my mind, even if I lose myself through self delusions via human weakness, this Word is true and reliable - through this, I can grow closer to God". If I believe the Bible is the Word of God, I should strive to follow its teachings as much as possible. Though I will certainly fail endlessly throughout my life, I must strive towards them. And yet, I have chosen to disregard some of its teachings. I have begun to cherry pick. What if I had different life circumstances? In my circumstances, I have determined that I cannot follow the teachings relating to transgenderism. If I am willing to reject this part of the Word of God, if I am willing to absolutely not strive towards particular teachings, I am saying that God is wrong, am I not? How then could I possibly be a true believer?

But it doesn't end there. I was straight before beginning hormone therapy. As a side effect of hormone therapy, I am now attracted almost exclusively to men. The Bible makes God's view on homosexuality even more clear than for transgenderism. So, even if by some stretch of scripture interpretation, going through a full course of transgender therapy were not anathema to God, I would be condemned to either disregard yet another one of God's teachings, this one being crystal clear, or accept that I am condemned by birth, by nature, to live life alone in that sense. Such a condemnation feels so anti-Christian to me, and yet I do not see how it could be escaped.

What is the Christian thing to do? How can I reconcile my circumstances with the faith I once had?

I'm not a pervert. I don't want to use the women's restroom, because I know I am a mistake, not a woman. I don't have any ulterior motives for having started hormone therapy except that it was medically the last resort for me to treat the severely painful dysphoria I had been experiencing for well over a decade. And yet, I cannot help but come to the conclusion (using my previous faith), that the path to my happiness is paved in sin - and I can never repent for this, for I am not sorry for, nor do I regret, what I have done.

Maybe this is an extreme analogy, but suppose I were a serial killer who decided to "find Jesus", all the meanwhile consciously choosing to never stop killing. Can I possibly have truly found Jesus? Would it not have been a delusion, a faith "found" out of convenience, perhaps out of a desire for communion? How can I possibly say "No God, I'm going to keep committing this sin, not because I am human, but because I want to - and your Word be damned" and have ever truly been Christian?

I was at a point where I was ready to die rather than keep living in pain. I lost my faith and saved my life. But was I wrong? Is there a way to reconcile the contradiction (in my eyes) between undergoing transgender therapy and being a Christian? Thanks!

Wow! you know I read a lot of posts and some touch my heart but I have to say I have never truly felt the agony of conflict and a heart being torn until I read this. I feel for you and pray for you not to "give up your sinful ways" like others may but for true peace, understanding and wisdom without the meddling of man's opinion thrown in there. I'm going to speak my mind in a very unpopular truth but I've never been popular so oh well. please continue to read because it's not at all what you may be thinking. I say this in the broadest of sense and also being a Christian. RELIGION IS WRONG!!!! I do not know of one of man's customs, beliefs, or preconceptions to be 100% accurate if accurate at all. Not saying that God's word is wrong but on the contrary it is man's opinions of God and his word that is wrong. I call no religion or denomination into question because no of them are completely correct and anyone that has judged you or made you feel unloved by God will have to answer for it. What I can tell you is this (and I hope it gives you some solace). It's human nature to choose human nature and it does go completely opposite of what God wants for us. Every person sins and no sin is greater than the other. Cheating is the same as lying is the same as stealing etc. You are not a mistake. For you to say that would mean that the one who created you made a mistake and God does not falter. As for the nature part I don't know a single person that has lived for the pleasure of spirit and been filled with happiness. On that note I don't know of a single person who has lived completely by the flesh and been completely happy. Not everyone may have the exact conflict that you do dear friend but many have struggled with not being the person they were meant to be. This doesn't mean you are an abomination, it means you are human. There are some things that God told us not to do and we will have to answer for them but in saying that I'm going to open a huge can of worms. I truly believe and have come to know that most of what people teach about hell and who is going is wrong. Just knowing how torn you are by this tells me that you are not one of the people that totally spit in the face of God. I can't tell you what to do, I can't give you much advice. The only thing I can offer is not to listen to a particular denomination or group of people when you come to God with this. Study the Bible(and I mean use a concordance, do an internet search on history not just biblical, biblical geography. Learn as much about God's true word in the language God gave it to us as you can. Pray for God's wisdom not man's and know that to seek God is to know him. You may not get the answer that you're looking for but you will get an answer and with it some peace. And please remember, not all Christians are ignorant hatemongers. Some of us have tried to have the love and understanding of God through the teachings of Jesus Christ.