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Asking for Forgiveness and Clearing Up the Air

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by H10, Jan 13, 2021 at 10:32 PM.

  1. H10

    H10 New Member

    United States
    Hello all,

    This is my first post on Christian Forums, and I'd like to get some advice from a Christian stand point on this. I know this is a long post but I would greatly appreciate if a couple of you took the time to read it.

    A quick synopsis of my walk with Christ. I was raised in a Christian home and family going to church every sunday. Ive always believed in God and recognized Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior but I was not living a Godly life. One day I woke full of shame, addiction, and embarrassment and really didn't know where I would go if I was to die the next day. I am now 22 and realize what Jesus has done and continues to do for me and have surrendered my life to Jesus.

    So with that being said, I am still fighting my demons with the help of the Lord. One demon that still fills my head is something that happened to me in high school with my girlfriend of the time. This was a time full of hormones and a teenage boy that was trying to fit in with his buddies in high school. Im sure you can figure out where this is going.... now I did not lose all of myself during that relationship but I did lose most of myself. This part I am okay with. I have repented and asked for forgiveness several times for these acts of what I thought was love. What still tears me up now is that a part of me feels like I pressured her into doing things she wasnt comfortable with doing and she only did these things because we thought we were in love and she wanted me to be happy. With that being said, I never laid my hands on her I was never physically abusive. Now she is engaged with another guy and I havent spoken to her in at least 3 years I believe. What I am asking is, should I contact her and bring all of this up? I want to know if I pressured her into committing intimate acts so I can apologize to her if that is the way she felt. I know if I did that, apologizing won't be able to heal those wounds but I want to be able to at least attempt. I truly want to make all of this right as much as I can, I really do. I believe I have made it right with the Lord but I just don't know what to do with the earthly side of it.

    I am sorry that this is so long but hope a couple of you will take the time to read
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Fervent

    Fervent Active Member

    United States
    One question to ask in a situation like that is are you seeking restitution for her or for you? Did she give any indication that she held someting against you, and is there a chance that your bringing up these old things with her and seeking to make amends might cause further harm? If it is purely for your conscience sake, it's better to let sleeping dogs lay. If you believe through making amends you can put something at ease in her, seek to make amends. But before any of it, seek to forgive yourself even while maintaining your culpability.
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  3. DiscipleHeLovesToo

    DiscipleHeLovesToo Regular Member Supporter

    United States
    since she is engaged to another man, it would likely bring up conflicting emotions in her if you bring this up now, even if she was to find some comfort in your apology. you asked for forgiveness from God, and if you also received it, then you have turned this over to God - i would say that you would need a strong leading from God to reconnect with her now that she is engaged to another man. there is often much strife between a man and woman during their engagement; reconciling lifestyles, spiritual beliefs, differences in family cultures, etc....

    (Pro 26:17) He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.
  4. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    A difficult one. I had something like your experience. Of course, no two are the same. I was in the Navy and travelled a lot. She ended up going back to her former boyfriend and I lost touch with her. Out of the blue I received a letter. She wanted to talk. We met and cleared the air of some issues where I'd upset her. I did not realise it at the time - I was as sensitive as a brick. Something broke that day and I was free in my heart in a way I had not been for about 2 years. I suggest that you pray and ask God for wisdom as to what you should do. Contacting her yourself could be the best or the worst thing. Ask God to make it clear to you. Then do what you believe that He shows you to do. One of the keys is being at peace with the decision. If you are still in turmoil, do nothing. Colossians 3:15 is a great help here, especially the way the Amplified bible puts it. "Let the peace of Christ [the inner calm of one who walks daily with Him] be the controlling factor in your hearts [deciding and settling questions that arise]. To this peace indeed you were called as members in one body [of believers]. And be thankful [to God always]." In context, it relates to the body of Christ, but the principle also applies to us as individuals.
  5. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran Supporter

    Maybe instead of finding out if you did "want to know if I pressured her into committing intimate acts so I can apologize to her if that is the way she felt. I know if I did that, apologizing won't be able to heal those wounds but I want to be able to at least attempt."

    just apologize for anything you said or did that hurt/offended/pressured her BUT would only do this if you believe the Lord wants you to.

    Whether you pursue this or not, since you've repented, encourage you to accept God's forgiveness. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." I Joh 1:9
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2021 at 8:12 AM
  6. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

    United Kingdom
    Who is this for? To make you feel better or to help her?
    If it is to help her what evidence do you have that she resents you and what you did?

    May I suggest you spend time thanking God for his forgiveness of All your sins and stop dredging up past sins.