OK I would have like to have post this in a blog, but seeing I am new I can't blog yet, so I'll post it here to share with christians.
Pretty catchy title:
First a little about my spiritual background, I always believed that God had a special calling on the area of my life concerning my attraction for femeninity, yes I am male gender.
So I seem to have had this notion back in my earlier days of dating, 1980's that God wanted me to date girls so I can represent God's design of male / female attraction, and glorify God with romancing girls. After all God created male/female attraction, and I wanted to glorify Gode as He is the designer of it. God protected me from sexual impurity, as I am brought up in a Christian home. But I just wanted to show God's glorious design of male/female attraction, I wanted to be an expression of this strong passionate gift, of romancing girls, to show the Christian way of romancing girls.
(I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOD'S WILL), God allowed me for a time to embark on this dating frenzie, with this mindset that I'm serving God by showing a christian way of romance.
It started out wanting to glorify God in this, but the more I was able to attract girls, the more I became concious about my appearance, that I found myself staring for hours in the mirror, trying to come up with all kinds of physical gestures of sweeping girls off there feet.
While looking in the mirror I worked on my smile and facial expressions and body language, to see how I could be suave in sweeping girls off there feet.
After about 10-15 years of being caught up in myself, I had a steady girlfriend say to me," your losing your hair, a little in the back, but don't worry I still love ya."
When I heard that it began to become an obsession with me, to try to handle going bald, so I began to try to trim my own hair in a frenzie trying to see if I could handle a change in appearance, I ended up giving myself a reverse mohawk by mistakenly cutting my hair with a shaver, panicking about my looks, I didn't want to lose the ability to romance girls.
As time went on because of worrying about my hairloss, now worry was aging the looks on my face as well, I thought I would rather lose my hair than to have this aging look now, it was all coming down around me. At the time I didn't know what God had in store for me.
I just know that this area of my life to Glorify God in, God seems to be against, I really wanted to glorify God with this area of my life, I was just going about it the wrong way, I didn't know it at the time.
It wasn't until I was fully crushed in this area of my life, my looks and personality was completely destroyed.
Now here is how God worked this into my life, this is the ways of God in my life, I found that the looks on my face at that time, were not a normal serene, gentle look as I once had, but I began to see my face reflecting looks of pride and arrogancy, the things that God designed girls to be turned off with, my face was reflecting those expressions.
I said Lord why??, God said, I'm bringing to the surface whats inside you, I'm exposing the deceptions you were caught up in, I didn't know how much male pride and ego was in me until God confronted with this appearance change, girls no longer were comfortable around me the social area of my life was destroyed.
Through this process of around 20 some years I have been living with the social area of my life maligned I was good at social conversations, now I have become an intravert, I've lost all God made me to be socialably.
Through that purging years this is the darkness that God brought to the surface to deliver me from.
1) I made God's design of male/female attraction a god to me, and didn't even know it was an idol to me at the time I was dating.
2) I was delivered from the spirit of pride and male ego, thinking (believing) a lie from hell itself that girls owed it to me to allow me to flirt with them simply because I am male.
3) I realized that sweeping girls off there feet (romancing them) not caring about there feelings, just satisfying my attraction for femeniinty, was really an addiction to me, the romantic feelings were a drug to me, and girls feelings were the substance I abused so as to satisfy my craving for romantic desires. Once I got a girl in my arms and romancing them I became bored the challenge was met I realized that it was the, before the ice was broken, that I had the greatest amountg of uforia, it was the uforia feeling of the challenge to win a girl into my arms, that I enjoyed the most, once the challenge was met, boredom set in.....
So God delivered me from
1) idolatry
2) pride and male ego
3) addictiveness, and abusing girls feelings
and so much more God is showing me. But they are the 3 main things I was confronted on, painstakingly, like nebuchadnezzar where he lost his mind for 7 years due to pride, I lost my whole social area of my life with the opposite gender for around 20 years or so.
NOW WHY WAS ALL THIS NECESSARY TO SHARE THAT IN SUCH DETAIL?????
BECAUSE WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SHARE NOW IS COMING FROM THE ASHES OF GODS CONFRONTATION IN MY LIFE.
Because the things I am now able to share comes from the Holy Spirit, I am a changed man in this area of my life now, and the things I share are from heaven itself now, these things cannot be of myself, but only by the Holy Spirit can these things be discerned.
God spoke to my heart and said, Male / female attraction is the marriage gift, as 1 chorintians 7:7 speak of, it is a proper gift of God. Therefore it is not given to be used in the social area of your life, it is for the marriage catagory only, the world in its deception is programmed to think that male/female attraction is a biological thing, and its just natural for a guy to want to look at a female, NO it is not the way God made it to work.
God did not create human sexualality on the same low level as the animal kingdom sexuality.
But what does the world teach, in it's deception it teaches that human sexuality is an animalistic desire, well I have news for you, that' is the same teaching about evolution, it is the evolutionists that teach sexual behavior in humans as a evolved animalistic desire.
With such idiotic thinking, men view women as sex objects, girls are considered chicks, excuse me, chicks are animals, girls are human, you have the adverstisements of perfumes to bing out the animal in you for sexual attraction, God never created sex to be an animalistic desire.
I heard someone say God created us humans for intimacy not sex.
Only a righteous and Holy God, who is Love, would create human sexuality on a mature sanctified level, rather than an animalistic craving.
For us to think in terms of our human sexualality as animalistic, is degrading a Holy and Righteous God, that's why God equated marriage with Christ and the Church.
God did not create human sexual attraction on a animalistic level. He created it on the level of marriage love to represent Christ and his bride.
God said to me now I'll show you something else as well, Marriage is not suppose to be some sort of a state of life to try to obtain too, it's not a subject or object in life, it is not a life status, but rather it is a God givien answer to a God given problem.
In my case it could go like this," Lord I am content being single, I am not interested in the responsibility of marriage life, but you have brought into my life this girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with, what do I do???, and God says marry her.
See it puts marriage as a person not a status of life, marriage in my life is a female person God puts in my life to be my wife, so until I meet her I am content being unmarried, why because I have no reason do desire marriage because I am not marrying (marriage), but I would be marrying a person, it is a human female that is marriage to me, see, because marriage in my life is a person (wife) not a status of life.
So if someone were to say to me, do you hope someday to be married, I could honestly say "NO", oh so your not interested in girls, I didn't say that, I said I have no interest in being married, because she has not come into my life yet. Again stressing (marriage is NOT a staus of life) it is a person to whom God gives to each one of us.
Now God spoke this to me, I am to start meditating on this revelation until it becomes solid ground to stand on against the spirit of this world concerning sexuality.
Here is the revelation I am required to meditate on,
"As long as I have no wife, I have NO need for sex in my life, as long as I have no wife, I have NO need for romance in my life, BECAUSE sex in my life and romance in my life, IS the
OPPURTUNITY TO LOVE MY WIFE TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE OF INTIMACY THAT GOD CREATED FOR A HUSBAND AND WIFE TO SHARE WITH EACHOTHER.'
Only for the sanctity of marriage, nothing more and nothing less.
Therefor I am now standing against the spirit of lust that I was once in bondage to, I am now declaring into my life, that "SEX IN MY LIFE IS NOT A PERSOANL NEED, ROMANCE IN MY LIFE IS NOT A PERSONAL NEED, BUT RATHER SEX AND ROMANCE IS THE GIFT OF GOD TO EXPRESS MARRIAGE LOVE TO MY WIFE, ITS ALL ABOUT HER, NOT ME"
Now if God doesn't have a girl for me, That's OK, but I will still treat my sexuality as a gift of God for marriage with utmost respect in holliness and righteousness, because it glorifies God, my attraction for femeninity is now glorifying to God, when I choose not to allow it to be abused in the social area of my life as I once did. As long as I keep my marriage gift in its right priority I am glorifying God for my attraction for femenity now. I am now truly representing God's mind on the matter of this gift in my life. By keeping it pure and holy and sanctified, should God have a wife for me.
Again if He doesn't I still glorify God as the creator of this gift, He still gets the glory, wether it's used in my life or not, the fact He chose to endow me with this gift is good enough for me to give him the glory for it. If I don't get married, does that mean this gift of being romantic is wasted by not allowing it to be expressed, NO just the fact that I am willing to keep it preserved for God's purpose, to treat it as His property not my own, knowing it pleases God to keep it in righteous priority means the gift is not wasted, but rather expressed in a way to glorigfy God as the creator of it, where maybe being married I could never give Him that glory.
See now I percieve this gift of marriage as a oppurtunity to glorify God as the creator of it, wether single or married, God is glorified, If he chooses marriage for me, then God is glorified in expressing it with my wife, if God chooses singleness for me, than God is still equally glorified by me giving God the glory as He is the creator of it.
Either way my attraction for femeninity is fullfilled because I give God the glory as the creator of it.
That drives the spirit of lust out of my life, because see when I see a girl and if I should get aroused, I immediately say to myself, what good is this arousal if it is not an expression of marriage love, what good is it to touch a girl romantically if it is not an expression of marriage love, it has no meaning it has no purpose, by that time I am able to look away.
God showed me another thing about my attraction for femeninity better known as the (gift of marriage) He said if you put your hand next to a piece of metal you do not feel any attraction to it, BUT if you put a strong enough magnet in your hand and put your hand next to the metal, your hand feels an attracted pull towards the metal, the metal represents females in the social area of my life, my hand represents me, and the magnet represents the GOD given gift of marriage.
In reallity to put it in down to earth terms, it is not girls that I am attracted to, girls do not attract me to girls, it is the gift of God (gift of marriage 1chor. 7:7) that attracts me to girls, remove this gift and I have no attraction for girls, why, because girls are not the attracting factor, it is the gift of God that is the attracting factor.
As I continue meditating on that , it becomes freeing when the old enemy tries to put coveting a female that doesn't belong to me, I just continue to draw upon this revelation, girls don't attract me, it's the gift of God that causes this attraction, and the coveting spirit flees, I learnijng how to resist the darkness I was once caught up in.
Now to sum this up, as I declare over my life:
As long as I have no wife, I have no need for sex in my life, as loing as I have no wife I have no need for romance in my life, because sex and romance is not a personal need in my life, but rather the 'GOD GIVEN OPPURTUNITY TO LOVE MY WIFE TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE OF INTIMACY GOD HAS CREATED FOR ME TO GIVE TO MY WIFE, ALL FOR THE GLORY OF GOD IN MY LIFE"
These are revelations God has given me since He is now bringing me out of the painful purging of this area of my life He had to bring me through.
All so I can now push back the very darkness I once was caught up in, so as to further the kingdom of God, in this matter of being socialable with the opposite gender, with the attitude of socialability in my life is now based on "ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN, INSTEAD OF ON EARTH AS IT IS ON EARTH"
This is my testimony:
Thanks for allowing me to share this with the body of Christ.
If the Lord gives me more to share I'll post it.
God Bless.
Pretty catchy title:
First a little about my spiritual background, I always believed that God had a special calling on the area of my life concerning my attraction for femeninity, yes I am male gender.
So I seem to have had this notion back in my earlier days of dating, 1980's that God wanted me to date girls so I can represent God's design of male / female attraction, and glorify God with romancing girls. After all God created male/female attraction, and I wanted to glorify Gode as He is the designer of it. God protected me from sexual impurity, as I am brought up in a Christian home. But I just wanted to show God's glorious design of male/female attraction, I wanted to be an expression of this strong passionate gift, of romancing girls, to show the Christian way of romancing girls.
(I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOD'S WILL), God allowed me for a time to embark on this dating frenzie, with this mindset that I'm serving God by showing a christian way of romance.
It started out wanting to glorify God in this, but the more I was able to attract girls, the more I became concious about my appearance, that I found myself staring for hours in the mirror, trying to come up with all kinds of physical gestures of sweeping girls off there feet.
While looking in the mirror I worked on my smile and facial expressions and body language, to see how I could be suave in sweeping girls off there feet.
After about 10-15 years of being caught up in myself, I had a steady girlfriend say to me," your losing your hair, a little in the back, but don't worry I still love ya."
When I heard that it began to become an obsession with me, to try to handle going bald, so I began to try to trim my own hair in a frenzie trying to see if I could handle a change in appearance, I ended up giving myself a reverse mohawk by mistakenly cutting my hair with a shaver, panicking about my looks, I didn't want to lose the ability to romance girls.
As time went on because of worrying about my hairloss, now worry was aging the looks on my face as well, I thought I would rather lose my hair than to have this aging look now, it was all coming down around me. At the time I didn't know what God had in store for me.
I just know that this area of my life to Glorify God in, God seems to be against, I really wanted to glorify God with this area of my life, I was just going about it the wrong way, I didn't know it at the time.
It wasn't until I was fully crushed in this area of my life, my looks and personality was completely destroyed.
Now here is how God worked this into my life, this is the ways of God in my life, I found that the looks on my face at that time, were not a normal serene, gentle look as I once had, but I began to see my face reflecting looks of pride and arrogancy, the things that God designed girls to be turned off with, my face was reflecting those expressions.
I said Lord why??, God said, I'm bringing to the surface whats inside you, I'm exposing the deceptions you were caught up in, I didn't know how much male pride and ego was in me until God confronted with this appearance change, girls no longer were comfortable around me the social area of my life was destroyed.
Through this process of around 20 some years I have been living with the social area of my life maligned I was good at social conversations, now I have become an intravert, I've lost all God made me to be socialably.
Through that purging years this is the darkness that God brought to the surface to deliver me from.
1) I made God's design of male/female attraction a god to me, and didn't even know it was an idol to me at the time I was dating.
2) I was delivered from the spirit of pride and male ego, thinking (believing) a lie from hell itself that girls owed it to me to allow me to flirt with them simply because I am male.
3) I realized that sweeping girls off there feet (romancing them) not caring about there feelings, just satisfying my attraction for femeniinty, was really an addiction to me, the romantic feelings were a drug to me, and girls feelings were the substance I abused so as to satisfy my craving for romantic desires. Once I got a girl in my arms and romancing them I became bored the challenge was met I realized that it was the, before the ice was broken, that I had the greatest amountg of uforia, it was the uforia feeling of the challenge to win a girl into my arms, that I enjoyed the most, once the challenge was met, boredom set in.....
So God delivered me from
1) idolatry
2) pride and male ego
3) addictiveness, and abusing girls feelings
and so much more God is showing me. But they are the 3 main things I was confronted on, painstakingly, like nebuchadnezzar where he lost his mind for 7 years due to pride, I lost my whole social area of my life with the opposite gender for around 20 years or so.
NOW WHY WAS ALL THIS NECESSARY TO SHARE THAT IN SUCH DETAIL?????
BECAUSE WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SHARE NOW IS COMING FROM THE ASHES OF GODS CONFRONTATION IN MY LIFE.
Because the things I am now able to share comes from the Holy Spirit, I am a changed man in this area of my life now, and the things I share are from heaven itself now, these things cannot be of myself, but only by the Holy Spirit can these things be discerned.
God spoke to my heart and said, Male / female attraction is the marriage gift, as 1 chorintians 7:7 speak of, it is a proper gift of God. Therefore it is not given to be used in the social area of your life, it is for the marriage catagory only, the world in its deception is programmed to think that male/female attraction is a biological thing, and its just natural for a guy to want to look at a female, NO it is not the way God made it to work.
God did not create human sexualality on the same low level as the animal kingdom sexuality.
But what does the world teach, in it's deception it teaches that human sexuality is an animalistic desire, well I have news for you, that' is the same teaching about evolution, it is the evolutionists that teach sexual behavior in humans as a evolved animalistic desire.
With such idiotic thinking, men view women as sex objects, girls are considered chicks, excuse me, chicks are animals, girls are human, you have the adverstisements of perfumes to bing out the animal in you for sexual attraction, God never created sex to be an animalistic desire.
I heard someone say God created us humans for intimacy not sex.
Only a righteous and Holy God, who is Love, would create human sexuality on a mature sanctified level, rather than an animalistic craving.
For us to think in terms of our human sexualality as animalistic, is degrading a Holy and Righteous God, that's why God equated marriage with Christ and the Church.
God did not create human sexual attraction on a animalistic level. He created it on the level of marriage love to represent Christ and his bride.
God said to me now I'll show you something else as well, Marriage is not suppose to be some sort of a state of life to try to obtain too, it's not a subject or object in life, it is not a life status, but rather it is a God givien answer to a God given problem.
In my case it could go like this," Lord I am content being single, I am not interested in the responsibility of marriage life, but you have brought into my life this girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with, what do I do???, and God says marry her.
See it puts marriage as a person not a status of life, marriage in my life is a female person God puts in my life to be my wife, so until I meet her I am content being unmarried, why because I have no reason do desire marriage because I am not marrying (marriage), but I would be marrying a person, it is a human female that is marriage to me, see, because marriage in my life is a person (wife) not a status of life.
So if someone were to say to me, do you hope someday to be married, I could honestly say "NO", oh so your not interested in girls, I didn't say that, I said I have no interest in being married, because she has not come into my life yet. Again stressing (marriage is NOT a staus of life) it is a person to whom God gives to each one of us.
Now God spoke this to me, I am to start meditating on this revelation until it becomes solid ground to stand on against the spirit of this world concerning sexuality.
Here is the revelation I am required to meditate on,
"As long as I have no wife, I have NO need for sex in my life, as long as I have no wife, I have NO need for romance in my life, BECAUSE sex in my life and romance in my life, IS the
OPPURTUNITY TO LOVE MY WIFE TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE OF INTIMACY THAT GOD CREATED FOR A HUSBAND AND WIFE TO SHARE WITH EACHOTHER.'
Only for the sanctity of marriage, nothing more and nothing less.
Therefor I am now standing against the spirit of lust that I was once in bondage to, I am now declaring into my life, that "SEX IN MY LIFE IS NOT A PERSOANL NEED, ROMANCE IN MY LIFE IS NOT A PERSONAL NEED, BUT RATHER SEX AND ROMANCE IS THE GIFT OF GOD TO EXPRESS MARRIAGE LOVE TO MY WIFE, ITS ALL ABOUT HER, NOT ME"
Now if God doesn't have a girl for me, That's OK, but I will still treat my sexuality as a gift of God for marriage with utmost respect in holliness and righteousness, because it glorifies God, my attraction for femeninity is now glorifying to God, when I choose not to allow it to be abused in the social area of my life as I once did. As long as I keep my marriage gift in its right priority I am glorifying God for my attraction for femenity now. I am now truly representing God's mind on the matter of this gift in my life. By keeping it pure and holy and sanctified, should God have a wife for me.
Again if He doesn't I still glorify God as the creator of this gift, He still gets the glory, wether it's used in my life or not, the fact He chose to endow me with this gift is good enough for me to give him the glory for it. If I don't get married, does that mean this gift of being romantic is wasted by not allowing it to be expressed, NO just the fact that I am willing to keep it preserved for God's purpose, to treat it as His property not my own, knowing it pleases God to keep it in righteous priority means the gift is not wasted, but rather expressed in a way to glorigfy God as the creator of it, where maybe being married I could never give Him that glory.
See now I percieve this gift of marriage as a oppurtunity to glorify God as the creator of it, wether single or married, God is glorified, If he chooses marriage for me, then God is glorified in expressing it with my wife, if God chooses singleness for me, than God is still equally glorified by me giving God the glory as He is the creator of it.
Either way my attraction for femeninity is fullfilled because I give God the glory as the creator of it.
That drives the spirit of lust out of my life, because see when I see a girl and if I should get aroused, I immediately say to myself, what good is this arousal if it is not an expression of marriage love, what good is it to touch a girl romantically if it is not an expression of marriage love, it has no meaning it has no purpose, by that time I am able to look away.
God showed me another thing about my attraction for femeninity better known as the (gift of marriage) He said if you put your hand next to a piece of metal you do not feel any attraction to it, BUT if you put a strong enough magnet in your hand and put your hand next to the metal, your hand feels an attracted pull towards the metal, the metal represents females in the social area of my life, my hand represents me, and the magnet represents the GOD given gift of marriage.
In reallity to put it in down to earth terms, it is not girls that I am attracted to, girls do not attract me to girls, it is the gift of God (gift of marriage 1chor. 7:7) that attracts me to girls, remove this gift and I have no attraction for girls, why, because girls are not the attracting factor, it is the gift of God that is the attracting factor.
As I continue meditating on that , it becomes freeing when the old enemy tries to put coveting a female that doesn't belong to me, I just continue to draw upon this revelation, girls don't attract me, it's the gift of God that causes this attraction, and the coveting spirit flees, I learnijng how to resist the darkness I was once caught up in.
Now to sum this up, as I declare over my life:
As long as I have no wife, I have no need for sex in my life, as loing as I have no wife I have no need for romance in my life, because sex and romance is not a personal need in my life, but rather the 'GOD GIVEN OPPURTUNITY TO LOVE MY WIFE TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE OF INTIMACY GOD HAS CREATED FOR ME TO GIVE TO MY WIFE, ALL FOR THE GLORY OF GOD IN MY LIFE"
These are revelations God has given me since He is now bringing me out of the painful purging of this area of my life He had to bring me through.
All so I can now push back the very darkness I once was caught up in, so as to further the kingdom of God, in this matter of being socialable with the opposite gender, with the attitude of socialability in my life is now based on "ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN, INSTEAD OF ON EARTH AS IT IS ON EARTH"
This is my testimony:
Thanks for allowing me to share this with the body of Christ.
If the Lord gives me more to share I'll post it.
God Bless.
