LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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Something a woman said today brought back some unpleasant memories for me. If I gave any details of her situation, it would be gossiping and wrong, so I'll talk instead about the unpleasant memories and what they taught me.
My first marriage was abusive by all accounts. Thank God for bringing me out of it. Undercurrent to the more obviously hurtful behavior--the micromanaging, the domestic violence, the substance abuse, the adultery, and the dishonesty that goes along with these things--more subtle words and actions formed the everyday framework. Life with my first husband was a constant barrage of insults under the guise of "only joking," and antagonistic behavior written off as "just messing with you." Make no mistake, it was deliberate and calculated. He would not stop if politely asked to. No, he kept it up until I lost it and started screaming and/or threatening to leave him. The more his putdowns and pranks upset me, the better he liked it, and the funnier he thought it was. My emotional reactions gave him the perfect ammunition to tell me I was crazy and stupid, just like his mother. (Unsurprisingly, he treated her the same way.)
Of course, he was quick to pull out "wives submit to husbands" any time I didn't like what was going on, or he wanted to make sure he got his way in a disagreement. Funny how he always stopped there and didn't go on to "husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church." Oh, he'd insist that he did indeed love me. Often, especially after an episode of physical abuse or a drug/alcohol relapse, he would be very remorseful and promise to change, but I'm sure you can guess that he always reverted to his customary ways. Even after we divorced, I made numerous attempts to reconcile with him, because he is my children's father and I thought it was the right and proper Christian thing to do. The last attempt was some twenty or so years ago. It came to a screeching halt the first time he "teased" me. I knew from experience, once that starts happening, the rest of it isn't far behind.
I would challenge anybody to please show me in the Bible where it says, "Husbands, troll your wives. Give her a hard time and don't let up if it hurts her. She can't do anything about it anyway, since she is your personal property, and you have the right to toy with her as you please." Is that how Christ loves the church?
From GotQuestions.org comes this tidbit: "The submission of the wife to the husband in Ephesians 5 does not allow the husband to be selfish or domineering. His command is to love (verse 25), and he is responsible before God to fulfill that command. The husband must exercise his authority wisely, graciously, and in the fear of the God to whom he must give an account. When a wife is loved by her husband as the church is loved by Christ, submission is not difficult."
And I say amen to that. Because I now have a loving husband who would never be mean or play with my head. He is reasonable and wants the best for me. I am his wife and partner, not his servant and prisoner. This makes it easy to submit.
My first marriage was abusive by all accounts. Thank God for bringing me out of it. Undercurrent to the more obviously hurtful behavior--the micromanaging, the domestic violence, the substance abuse, the adultery, and the dishonesty that goes along with these things--more subtle words and actions formed the everyday framework. Life with my first husband was a constant barrage of insults under the guise of "only joking," and antagonistic behavior written off as "just messing with you." Make no mistake, it was deliberate and calculated. He would not stop if politely asked to. No, he kept it up until I lost it and started screaming and/or threatening to leave him. The more his putdowns and pranks upset me, the better he liked it, and the funnier he thought it was. My emotional reactions gave him the perfect ammunition to tell me I was crazy and stupid, just like his mother. (Unsurprisingly, he treated her the same way.)
Of course, he was quick to pull out "wives submit to husbands" any time I didn't like what was going on, or he wanted to make sure he got his way in a disagreement. Funny how he always stopped there and didn't go on to "husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church." Oh, he'd insist that he did indeed love me. Often, especially after an episode of physical abuse or a drug/alcohol relapse, he would be very remorseful and promise to change, but I'm sure you can guess that he always reverted to his customary ways. Even after we divorced, I made numerous attempts to reconcile with him, because he is my children's father and I thought it was the right and proper Christian thing to do. The last attempt was some twenty or so years ago. It came to a screeching halt the first time he "teased" me. I knew from experience, once that starts happening, the rest of it isn't far behind.
I would challenge anybody to please show me in the Bible where it says, "Husbands, troll your wives. Give her a hard time and don't let up if it hurts her. She can't do anything about it anyway, since she is your personal property, and you have the right to toy with her as you please." Is that how Christ loves the church?
From GotQuestions.org comes this tidbit: "The submission of the wife to the husband in Ephesians 5 does not allow the husband to be selfish or domineering. His command is to love (verse 25), and he is responsible before God to fulfill that command. The husband must exercise his authority wisely, graciously, and in the fear of the God to whom he must give an account. When a wife is loved by her husband as the church is loved by Christ, submission is not difficult."
And I say amen to that. Because I now have a loving husband who would never be mean or play with my head. He is reasonable and wants the best for me. I am his wife and partner, not his servant and prisoner. This makes it easy to submit.