Arranged Marriages

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So, during the lockdown I've been watching Netflix more than usual. I stumbled across a show called Married At First Sight. Has anyone seen it? I actually watched the whole 9th season and it was pretty interesting. I am open to a lot of things, but I feel like I would need to at least have 1 or 2 very focused conversations first. Or a whole lot of faith in the matchmaking experts.
 

bèlla

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I haven’t watched the program. I’m not opposed to an alliance that meets my objectives. If we have complementary temperaments and our missions are aligned its possible. But I wouldn’t do it without a dossier and asset protection (for each).

~Bella
 
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Radagast

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So, during the lockdown I've been watching Netflix more than usual. I stumbled across a show called Married At First Sight. Has anyone seen it?

I have never seen it. I am aware that the Australian government stepped in to declare that what happened on the show did not satisfy the legal definition of a marriage.

Particularly section 1(a) of the Marriage Act specifies that notice of the intended marriage must be given and "received by the authorised celebrant solemnising the marriage not earlier than 18 months before the date of the marriage and not later than 1 month before the date of the marriage."

I have always assumed, out of cynicism rather than actual knowledge, that the show was a bit fake. See, for example: “The matchmakers really failed at their one job”

Or: Former MAFS star Dean Wells slams the show in explosive interview
 
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They supposedly did background checks on everyone, but didn't mention a prenuptial agreement.
I assumed certain aspects of the show were faked, but the relationship conflicts and marriage counsel from the experts were realistic- I mean, not realistic that they actually happened, but that they were real life situations one might encounter... which is the whole reason for watching.

... I think people sometimes spend way too long getting to know each other before they get married. I don't think it needs to be so complicated- ask questions, share a bit of life together to see how each other reacts, then decide to get married or keep looking. I obviously wouldn't suggest overnight, but I think it is not necessary to wait for multiple years before finally making a decision.
 
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bèlla

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I don’t think it would work for everyone. Some people want the head over feet knock your socks off emotional experience. They’re unlikely to enter a union and allow that to happen organically.

I believe emotion has its place and I would love my spouse a great deal. But I hold service and mission in an equal light. I require all three. I view marriage as an alliance. I’ve moved beyond the lovey dovey stuff.

I’m drawn to men doing big things for God. Those who are walking out their calling faithfully. That’s the person I want to support. Helping him reach his goal is very fulfilling.

I don’t need two years to determine if I’m all-in and willing to go the distance. I know myself. His character and commitment is the tipping point. It has taken awhile for me to reach this place. But I know its right.

The Lord brought Derek Prince to my remembrance last year. His marriages were divinely inspired. They didn’t date. He didn’t choose them. But they were instrumental in his ministry. Without them it wouldn’t be the same.

I was upset when He pricked me. I knew what He meant. I knew his story. I couldn’t receive it at the time. But the truth was on my heart all along. I’m willing to make tremendous sacrifices for something larger than myself. Something I believe in. Much like this.

I have seen three great monarchies brought down through their failure to separate personal indulgences from duty. You must not allow yourself to make similar mistakes. And while you mourn your father, you must also mourn someone else. Elizabeth Mountbatten. For she has now been replaced by another person, Elizabeth Regina. The two Elizabeths will frequently be in conflict with one another. The fact is, The Crown must win. Must always win.

I remember hearing these words a few years ago. My spirit was aflame. It resonated deeply. He was showing me the depth of my commitment to the task He’s given me. Denying myself is a must. Even if it means an arranged marriage. I must fulfill my purpose. No matter what.

~Bella
 
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Ronit

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I don’t think it would work for everyone. Some people want the head over feet knock your socks off emotional experience. They’re unlikely to enter a union and allow that to happen organically.

I believe emotion has its place and I would love my spouse a great deal. But I hold service and mission in an equal light. I require all three. I view marriage as an alliance. I’ve moved beyond the lovey dovey stuff.

I’m drawn to men doing big things for God. Those who are walking out their calling faithfully. That’s the person I want to support. Helping him reach his goal is very fulfilling.

I don’t need two years to determine if I’m all-in and willing to go the distance. I know myself. His character and commitment is the tipping point. It has taken awhile for me to reach this place. But I know its right.

The Lord brought Derek Prince to my remembrance last year. His marriages were divinely inspired. They didn’t date. He didn’t choose them. But they were instrumental in his ministry. Without them it wouldn’t be the same.

I was upset when He pricked me. I knew what He meant. I knew his story. I couldn’t receive it at the time. But the truth was on my heart all along. I’m willing to make tremendous sacrifices for something larger than myself. Something I believe in. Much like this.

I have seen three great monarchies brought down through their failure to separate personal indulgences from duty. You must not allow yourself to make similar mistakes. And while you mourn your father, you must also mourn someone else. Elizabeth Mountbatten. For she has now been replaced by another person, Elizabeth Regina. The two Elizabeths will frequently be in conflict with one another. The fact is, The Crown must win. Must always win.

I remember hearing these words a few years ago. My spirit was aflame. It resonated deeply. He was showing me the depth of my commitment to the task He’s given me. Denying myself is a must. Even if it means an arranged marriage. I must fulfill my purpose. No matter what.

~Bella
Wow!
 
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bèlla

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My grandmother passed away two months ago. Right when Covid hit. But not from the virus. The baton was passed. I’m pretty young to be a matriarch. But I’m well suited for the job.

The previous post is layered. It encompasses calling and legacy. I’m crafting the next stage of the journey and leading my loved ones with a godly ethos they can emulate for their children. A holy domino effect. That’s what I’m after.

I didn’t have a word for what I sought until she died. Then I understood I needed a patriarch. I often looked at my grandfather as an example of what I found most appealing in a man. He was a great leader. His influence was deeply felt for many generations. They saw four.

That’s God’s doing. He laid it on my heart. It wouldn’t be possible without Him. I could have married years ago. But I wasn’t meant to do it. Not yet. I needed to reach this point first. :)

~Bella
 
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Ronit

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My grandmother passed away two months ago. Right when Covid hit. But not from the virus. The baton was passed. I’m pretty young to be a matriarch. But I’m well suited for the job.

The previous post is layered. It encompasses calling and legacy. I’m crafting the next stage of the journey and leading my loved ones with a godly ethos they can emulate for their children. A holy domino effect. That’s what I’m after.

I didn’t have a word for what I sought until she died. Then I understood I needed a patriarch. I often looked at my grandfather as an example of what I found most appealing in a man. He was a great leader. His influence was deeply felt for many generations. They saw four.

That’s God’s doing. He laid it on my heart. It wouldn’t be possible without Him. I could have married years ago. But I wasn’t meant to do it. Not yet. I needed to reach this point first. :)

~Bella
I'm sorry for your loss
 
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bèlla

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Me either. But Love Comes Softly too not just knock your socks off. Now that I'm approaching middle age I hedging my bets with the love comes softly

I loved the films. I cried. At the time, I wanted the same.

Do you want to choose?

~Bella
 
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JustSomeBloke

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It's important to remember that these are TV shows. The objective is to entertain, sometimes at the expense of those who agree to appear on the show.

In real life, I've met a few people who came from cultures where arranged marriage is common, or used to be common. I've spoken to some of them about it too.

1. Man from Saudi Arabia. Prospective brides were brought to his parent's home. He was allowed an hour or two alone with the young woman to chat together. The woman's parents didn't always allow removal of the veil. In his own words, "You have to be careful, because sometimes they have nice eyes but are not otherwise very pretty".

2. Man from Pakistan. He told me that his grandfather had been arranged for someone's daughter at the age of around 3 or 4. His father was also arranged for someone at around the age of 10-12. At the time he told me this he was mid twenties, and I couldn't help wondering if he was panicking that nothing had been arranged for him yet.

The other men I spoke to all came from relatively liberal families, and their parents did not attempt to arrange a marriage. At a rough guess, I'd say the correlation is that more educated parents tend to be more liberal, and less inclined to try and arrange a marriage for their children. Here in the UK, arranged marriages sometimes also involve forced marriage, and concepts such as 'family honour' that many Western people would struggle to relate to.

If the parents approach the task with sincerity, and a genuine desire for their child to be happy, then I see no reason why an arranged marriage shouldn't succeed. However, in those cultures where arranged marriage is common, unfortunately I think decisions sometimes get more influenced by financial and heritage considerations rather than compatibility. This can result in doomed, miserable marriages that are only really held together by the shame and stigma of separation and divorce.

Could an arranged marriage work for Westerners? I think it could, but only if both parties were fully signed up to the kind of selfless model of marriage described in the Bible.

For those who are interested in what can go wrong, I'd recommend reading the book 'Shame' written by Jasvinder Sanghera.

The film 'East is East' is also a hilarious and somewhat satirical depiction of arranged marriages in 1970s UK.
 
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ReesePiece23

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Not that I'm bitter, but I'd be married now if it wasn't for my girlfriend's arranged marriage. I still feel a bit slighted, given that WE were very much in love, and had both put in a lot of very hard work into the relationship (and a few stupid risks, but hey, it was the 00's y'know) but that's Indian culture for you. And her family were old school. And I'm more British than the queen.

We'd often sit peacefully in meadows, away from the prying eyes, fantasising about our future; giving our children names and imagining 'that house'. I even remember the things she'd whisper in my ear - the things she wouldn't dare say too loudly. It was as if we were each others escape from reality, which if anything, only made the love more intense. Almost drug-like.

Anyway, it was more than a third of my life ago now so it's not relevant anymore - and it honestly feels like a previous incarnation or something; like it wasn't even ME. But somewhere in a box, tucked away at the back of a wardrobe, I still have a load of her drawings, a few love notes, and the odd bit of jewellery (and a 12 year old daisy chain that she made - oddly) so it's obviously a part of my history that I want to preserve.

It's hard to imagine now - with me being so fiercely independent, goal-driven, and about a million miles away from wanting anything like that again, but it's nice to know that the ability to love is in there somewhere. It's just caked in dust, and stuffed in a draw under all of my old boarding passes (from my days, of, like, ya, finding myself whilst travelling?)

Right, I'm actually a retired poster of this subforum, so I'm going to return back to talking politics now.
 
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