Argument over my mum's ashes

Leer0y

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Hi All,

My mum passed away back in 1998 and since then, my sister A, has held her ashes in her home. Myself and my other sister B, are more than happy for her to have possession of them because she gets great comfort from having them near, and personally speaking I don't think she's ready to part with them yet anyway (albeit something she probably needs to deal with).

We're currently having an issue because sister B has asked if she could have a small amount of mum's ashes to put in a necklace to wear close to her, and pass on to her daughter as a kind of heirloom when she goes.

The issue is that sister A's husband who also knew our mom well (an extremely controlling bully) has said that sister B cannot have any ashes because he thinks that our mum's christian faith would've meant she wouldn't have wanted to be separated, and keeps quoting puritanically, that it says in the Bible 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust'.

Indeed our mum had a very strong faith and belief in the Church of England, but all three of us siblings feel that sister B's request is okay, and our mum would've granted her wish. The husband who legally has no say in this matter is proving very hard to deal with though, and has said "You'll get some ashes, but they won't be your mum's", to my sister.

I'd like to know how the Christian population feel about this issue, because even though I spent my whole life with my mum and probably knew her best, I'd like to specifically know more about how the Church of England view separating ashes, which may have influenced her decision on this in a way I don't fully appreciate!

Many thanks!
 

Hieronymus

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Oof... people have strange ideas, don't they?

It find it rather disturbing when people 'worship' ashes or otherwise remnants of someone who died.
I can understand though, that someone can not let go of something like that, for their own piece of peace of mind.
The argument of it not being Christian to 'separate' ashes is pretty wild though.
I find the idea of wearing a bit of a dead person on a necklace, and wanting to pass it on to the next generation quite disturbing too.
As if there's still something alive in there.
If you're not careful, some demon may want to attach to it when it is approached as a piece of life by who wears it.
Bad idea.
I.m.h.o. a worse idea than keeping it in a vessel for a bit of peace of mind.

Let sister A keep it all until you are all ready for closure and scatter it somewhere, like in a nice piece of nature, together, as a final goodbye.
 
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Paidiske

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As an Anglican priest (C of E in Australia), our general guidelines say nothing about separating ashes. Interring ashes in more than one site would be fine. But we generally consider it important to return the ashes to the ground.

If Sister B were a parishioner of mine and seeking my counsel, I would advise against preserving the ashes in jewellery, but instead suggest some other symbol of enduring love; perhaps a tree planted over the site of the ashes' interment, or something.
 
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SkyWriting

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Hi All,

My mum passed away back in 1998 and since then, my sister A, has held her ashes in her home. Myself and my other sister B, are more than happy for her to have possession of them because she gets great comfort from having them near, and personally speaking I don't think she's ready to part with them yet anyway (albeit something she probably needs to deal with).

We're currently having an issue because sister B has asked if she could have a small amount of mum's ashes to put in a necklace to wear close to her, and pass on to her daughter as a kind of heirloom when she goes.

The issue is that sister A's husband who also knew our mom well (an extremely controlling bully) has said that sister B cannot have any ashes because he thinks that our mum's christian faith would've meant she wouldn't have wanted to be separated, and keeps quoting puritanically, that it says in the Bible 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust'.

Indeed our mum had a very strong faith and belief in the Church of England, but all three of us siblings feel that sister B's request is okay, and our mum would've granted her wish. The husband who legally has no say in this matter is proving very hard to deal with though, and has said "You'll get some ashes, but they won't be your mum's", to my sister.

I'd like to know how the Christian population feel about this issue, because even though I spent my whole life with my mum and probably knew her best, I'd like to specifically know more about how the Church of England view separating ashes, which may have influenced her decision on this in a way I don't fully appreciate!

Many thanks!

I'd suggest a family possession she can use as an heirloom and forget the ashes which could cause family strife for "eternity" if she were to get them. A possession will never be a problem in future generations, where ashes might not be welcomed by somebody.
 
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