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Are you hard on yourself?

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by Christian Bowler, Jun 25, 2021.

  1. Christian Bowler

    Christian Bowler New Member

    57
    +39
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    Sometimes I realize I put too much pressure on myself to succeed because I’m hard on myself. I just need to relax and trust God for He knows what He’s doing. His plan will come together in His time not mine.
     
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  2. Friedrich Rubinstein

    Friedrich Rubinstein Well-Known Member

    839
    +896
    Germany
    Christian
    Private
    I think it is not wrong to be hard on oneself. God does the things we cannot do (like salvation, changing our will and personality...) but he will not do the things we can do (like choosing righteousness, being obedient or "going out into the world and preach the gospel").

    Being hard on oneself does not mean to worry though. Worrying starts where our faith in God ends. Being hard on oneself just means to take responsibility for living as a child of God.
     
  3. ReesePiece23

    ReesePiece23 The Peanut Buttery Member.

    +4,794
    Christian
    I suffer with impostor syndrome sometimes, but I'd say it's a good thing. I'd rather be just a little bit under confident than OVER confident. If you're a bit under then you're always hungry, motivated and on actively on the pursuit.

    It's why the sufferers of delusional fantasies are often a bit lazy. They're getting their fix by escaping reality and thus they don't feel the need to work for it.

    It's shame, because they're wasting energy. Everyone has the right to believe in themselves and chase dreams. But you've got to be hungry; proverbs 16:26
     
  4. bèlla

    bèlla ❤️ Supporter

    +14,577
    United States
    Non-Denom
    In Relationship
    No. I believe in operating in ones capacity with the requisite grace needed for setbacks, shortcomings, and competency. Wanting something isn’t enough. You have to consider your starting point and circumstances. They impact your dreams.

    Then you can set a realistic timeline and work towards it. People place unnecessary pressure on themselves and set expectations based on conditions which didn’t exist or require perfection to attain. That’s a recipe for disappointment.

    I’m an overachiever. But I’m grounded. I don’t beat myself up. Facing the truth with love is an art. Too few employ it. When you do things change.

    ~bella
     
  5. Anthony2019

    Anthony2019 Pax et bonum! CF Ambassadors Supporter

    +9,618
    United Kingdom
    Anglican
    Single
    There are times when I am hard on myself and there are times when I am not. I think it depends on the situation.

    I like to keep fit, and sometimes like to go out for a run. But it would be silly of me to enter the London Marathon this year as I simply would not be ready for it!

    There are times when we need to slow down and be more gentle with our ourselves. We can celebrate the smallest of our achievements, because little by little, they lead us on to accomplish greater things.

    In my line of work, we are taught to use the SMART principle when setting ourselves objectives.

    S - keep our objectives Specific
    M - keep our objectives Measurable
    A - keep our objectives Attainable
    R - keep our objectives Realistic
    T - keep our objectives Time Based

    So if it is my long-term dream to run the London Marathon, I could start with a daily jog around the block, maybe progress on to a 5km run in my local park, maybe then a 10km run. As I built up my strength and stamina, one day I might be cheered running the final mile through Westminster!
     
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  6. JoyfulFollower

    JoyfulFollower New Member

    23
    +16
    Canada
    Baptist
    Single
    Yes, there are definitely times when I am hard on myself. I've been told that I'm too hard on myself. I do need to remember God's love and grace in the areas where I am weak, but also press on in God's strength to live a life that is honouring to Him.
     
  7. HisGraceAbounds

    HisGraceAbounds Active Member Supporter

    416
    +465
    United States
    Protestant
    Private
    Yes.

    Too hard.

    Too often.

    Nobody tells me to stop, so I figure they think I should be hard on myself.
     
  8. sampa

    sampa Veteran

    +1,318
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Others
    I think you're on to something important, His will and not our own. And when we rely on the strength of the Holy Spirit, rather than our own, amazing things happen.

    At the same time that Jeremiah 29 is true, it doesn't hurt to strive and make some plans that are attainable. But also realize who is in control.
     
  9. LonelyAdams

    LonelyAdams New Member

    41
    +63
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I'm insanely hard on myself, probably way to hard. But, then again I feel like I have to be
     
  10. angelsaroundme

    angelsaroundme Well-Known Member

    558
    +370
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    Not nearly as much as I used to be. One, because I'm a child of God. While God might have had a good sense of humor while creating me, He was not wasting His time. Second, the modern world is complicated and competitive. We're not all going to succeed in every category.
     
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  11. GospelS

    GospelS Dance.Battle.Music Black.Gold.White Wind.Fire.Oil Supporter

    +2,222
    India
    Christian
    Single
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  12. shineyourlight

    shineyourlight Well-Known Member

    948
    +1,088
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    I just read more on imposter syndrome this morning during self-development time:

    "They say comparison is the main cause of depression. So, why compare when you can contrast? That is the key to overcoming imposter syndrome.

    When we contrast we must look inside, be OK with who we are, and fully own it. We understand that it is the only way to grow and become our authentic self- even though some people may not like or agree with our choices. But, when we compare, we victimize ourselves, and we allow our circumstances to define us. We focus on our weaknesses instead of celebrating our opportunities.”


    I think I used to be extremely hard on myself. Now, as I've gotten older, I'm not too hard on myself. I know I can mess up on things and I offer myself grace and understanding. There are moments where I compare myself in my spiritual walk, which is something I am working on and making sure my focus in my spiritual walk is just on Him and not on others.
     
  13. GospelS

    GospelS Dance.Battle.Music Black.Gold.White Wind.Fire.Oil Supporter

    +2,222
    India
    Christian
    Single
    Absolutely! Without His grace and love, we wouldn’t even realize we are being hard on ourselves. If we are hard on ourselves, then we are also hard towards others. Some may even blame it on God because of their own hardness. But He teaches us how to love ourselves in the right way so we might also know how to love others. This is where I’m trying to help everyone to be kind and considerate to themselves.

    PS. Welcome to the forum. :)
     
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