This may not be a debate, but first time poster here and I'm curious on your thoughts. Please feel free to move if need be.
Struggling a lot in my marriage, was getting pastoral counseling through our church. I've always been a Christian, but not much of a Bible reader. Recently I've rectified that. I was honestly shocked at how women were treated in the Bible. And how they are commanded to behave.
I won't get into details except to say during our counseling sessions, I have repeatedly been told to submit, Ephesians 5, yada yada. I have done that. My husband was told to work on some things and he didn't. I showed frustration in a session and was told, "You should be grateful your husband is coming home every night. That he's not with other women."
I spent 2 days after hearing this pouring over every time women were mentioned in the Bible. My takeaway is a complete challenge to my faith. I do not see love for women in the Bible. I see women offered up to be raped, women held as "less than", and told to submit at all times, even when husbands are cruel or unfair. It appears to me that a suffering woman is pleasing to God. So that is my debate question: Is a suffering woman pleasing to God? Is that His desire?
I am surprised to here this side of a story like this.
I, too, have marriage problems. However, I have found the opposite.
Not that I think women should be second class or anything but equal. But that the churches and the courts have had the pendulum swing far to the other side now. The churches that I have been to counseling with are absolutely fearful of telling a "contemptuous woman" that she is supposed to submit to her husband.
Again, don't get me wrong. There is nothing in our house from groceries, laundry, cooking and dishes... from one end of the spectrum to the other, that I think a man should not do. He can and should be just as responsible for any and all of these, depending on who is not busy at the time or who is home.
However, I have yet to have a pastor, or councilor tell me "ON RECORD" that when it comes down to brass tacks.... that one in one hundred decision, where the husband and wife cannot agree.... the husband is the leader and must break the deadlock with the decision that is "BEST for the HOUSEHOLD", not best for himself. He must then take FULL responsibility for this decision and any of the fall out or complications due to the decision he makes.
I have had lots of them tell me how there needs to be someone who is given the lead roll and that, biblically, it is the man's role and responsibility. They do this in normal conversation but will not in a formal council session with me and my wife.
I have been shut down and given half answers, hums and haws and double talk and never a straight answer. They always leave me coming out with my wife feeling like I have to do whatever makes her "FEEL" better.
We all know that you cannot run a house on what "feels" better. You cannot make "everyone" "feel" good. Some decisions are going to have to be made that others don't like.
Anyway, I have found that the courts are unbalanced in the woman's favor and the church is afraid to say anything that may be considered, by some, to put woman beneath the man.
To here that they are telling you that you should "be grateful" that you husband is coming home and not with another woman......that's just preposterous. Our church leaders would not even blink to tell him to that he has responsibilities to come home to his wife and that going elsewhere after work and being in the company of a woman with nobody else in attendance, even in a carpool or simple lunch is "out of the question".
Our men's groups always stress "accountability partners" for all men to keep them in line with biblical life choices.....Here, in Canada, in Southern Ontario, men are held to very high biblical standards as their role in the house as fathers and husbands is concerned.
May I suggest the movies "Fireproof" and "Courageous" and "The War Room"
