Are My Parents Stagnating Their Autistic Adult Child (Me)?

[Jxp5328]

Fault is not something one should throw out entirely, that's still the kind of black/white thinking that's indirectly encouraging negative stereotypes of people with autism. Acknowledging fault in terms of a dynamic that's meant to be mutually respecting and communicating is not optional, it's arguably essential, because otherwise you can't solve the root issues.

Would you just say you can just work out a marriage if there is a consistent fault on the part of one or both spouses? No relationship is so simple in the romantic sense that one could just forgive and move on, because that's practically ignoring the underlying problem. And a familial relationship should be regarded in a similar fashion. Fixating on fault is not the same as acknowledging it as part of solving any given issue with interpersonal dynamics, I can't believe someone that's supposedly advising me is seemingly so naive on such a thing that autistic individuals are generally considered less capable at already, yet you're the one that's "better off"

Please don't use the functioning label, it's needlessly ableist in suggesting that autistic people must conform to notions of what is normal and be able to function to have real value in society, to say nothing of the "functioning" label tending to be focused on particular aspects that don't reflect functionality in a holistic fashion that even NT can vary wildly on.

My ability to communicate articulately here is no indication of my ability to communicate as such face to face (and generally that tends to be the case in regards to me trying to address interpersonal issues) And also is not indicative that I am able to function in contexts where someone else on the autism spectrum might be able to, it's not remotely that simple to reduce functionality to speech capacity.

There are different degrees of employment, you're still oversimplifying the whole situation to think I'm being lazy or settling in terms of considering disability at all, as if I'm not aware that it isn't meant to be something to live on in the slightest, but supplement income in general based on degree of disability

There's a difference between dependence in a basic sense and what would be codependence, a damaging relationship of a toxic nature. Their expectations as my parents are not automatically correct, let's not go down that authoritarian rabbit hole, they are as fallible as me, if not moreso in terms of that adage that "familiarity breeds contempt" and other traps parents tend to fall into

And I find it amusing you bring up being free of conformity, yet also suggest the functioning aspect of autism is necessary in terms of the understanding rather than considering disability on a spectrum and that one shouldn't need to segregate one group based on being able to conform to societal expectations of functionality, basically encouraging autistic masking and the like.

I'm not hanging onto it so much as you're trying to make it irrelevant entirely, as if I can just deal with something that's far deeper in the issues that have cropped up over the 6 years since I became "independent" based on healthcare considerations.

Honestly, since it's already been 10 pages of people trying to help and you resisting, it's no surprise that you would do the same to me. But I felt I had to try at least and that's what I did. Good luck, hopefully you will find your way