Are alot of christian men singles becuse many christian women prefer non christian husband?

linux.poet

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but it doesn't seem to be the Biblical way?
I mean, the Great Commission is a part of the Bible:

Matthew 28:18-20 said:
18 And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. 19 Go, therefore, and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to follow all that I commanded you; and behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

It doesn't say "make disciples of all of the nations except for the people you are sexually or romantically attracted to". I'm just saying, if you have a strong connection with an unbeliever and a lot of things you two have in common, it is wise to share the Gospel. Period. That is what God would have you do. Forget the romance aspect of it and follow the Great Commission.

Spreading the Gospel is why we as Christians are still on this planet, and we should take any opportunity we can get to do so. Romance is a lesser calling - it's not eternal and all it does is produce more sinners for the flames. Sharing the Gospel rescues them from the fire. Therefore Matthew 28 is a valid method to get out of the "attractive unbeliever" jam.
 
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lismore

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Hello! thanks for your reply.
And I’ve never worked for the church.
Sorry, I thought you may have been involved in some kind of Christian service.

The people I’m addressing aren’t in full-time ministry. They’re in the marketplace.
The people I'm talking about aren't in full time ministry. They're the ones who work full time in the marketplace then come to God's House and lead/ serve in five or six ministries, the ones who keep the church alive, who look after the most needy and vulnerable in the body who would have no-one and nothing otherwise. The ones who serve sacrificially and who just wouldn't have the time to juggle their commitments and do the secular activities you're talking about. Lonely they can be, awkward socially perhaps, serving the Lord in a lukewarm age, but faithful to their God and to the needy, the very salt of the earth, the finest people anywhere and they may expect other believers to have a biblical worldview. Jesus said 'Whatever you did for the least of these you did for me' (Matthew 25:40)

One Christian lady told me she stopped to speak to an old Tramp down by Tummel Valley, she took him for lunch at a hotel. The old man said it was the first human contact he had received in fifteen years. People drove by him for fifteen years. That's social darwinism for you, grading some people as worthless, but we're all made in the image of God. This darwinism seeps into 'dating'.

Why don’t you speak to that? If your experience differs by all means share it. We all have different perspectives. But don’t expect me to sound like you. It’s impossible.

~bella
I thought I was sharing my experience and speaking to that, apologies if it appeared to be anything else. Different perspectives may be good to an extent, but all born again believers should have a biblical perspective in the end. God Bless :)
 
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lismore

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It doesn't say "make disciples of all of the nations except for the people you are sexually or romantically attracted to". I'm just saying, if you have a strong connection with an unbeliever and a lot of things you two have in common, it is wise to share the Gospel. Period. That is what God would have you do. Forget the romance aspect of it and follow the Great Commission.

Spreading the Gospel is why we as Christians are still on this planet, and we should take any opportunity we can get to do so. Romance is a lesser calling - it's not eternal and all it does is produce more sinners for the flames. Sharing the Gospel rescues them from the fire. Therefore Matthew 28 is a valid method to get out of the "attractive unbeliever" jam.
Hello! Thanks for your reply. I have never heard 'dating' an unbeliever to be described as Evangelism before, congratulations for your ingenuity!

The commission recorded in Mark says: He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. So that warning is still there. There are still only two opposite camps, those who believe and are saved, those who do not believe and are condemned.

And as happened in Israel of old the opposite is also likely, far from being saved the unbelieving partner brings believing partner and children down. Did Delilah bless Samson in the end? did he Evangelize her?

The Apostle Paul said of all these things- ' I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ'. (Phil 3:8). In the end if your connection with someone is based on garbage and not on the thing that matters, then it is not a good connection.

God Bless, have a great day :)
 
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bèlla

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Sorry, I thought you may have been involved in some kind of Christian service.

No worries. I served a lot but my calling is to the marketplace.

The people I'm talking about aren't in full time ministry. They're the ones who work full time in the marketplace then come to God's House and lead/ serve in five or six ministries, the ones who keep the church alive, who look after the most needy and vulnerable in the body who would have no-one and nothing otherwise.

My comment was more specific and in line with the demographic here. They aren’t doing that. They’re single with no dependents and their free time isn’t dominated by the church.

The ones who serve sacrificially and who just wouldn't have the time to juggle their commitments and do the secular activities you're talking about. Lonely they can be, awkward socially perhaps, serving the Lord in a lukewarm age, but faithful to their God and to the needy, the very salt of the earth, the finest people anywhere and they may expect other believers to have a biblical worldview. Jesus said 'Whatever you did for the least of these you did for me' (Matthew 25:40)

I wouldn’t tell them that. They’re in a different place. My response would be tailored to their circumstances.

Whereas, most of us are in the same or similar seasons. We don’t have the encumbrances others do. Building connections and increasing social activity isn’t impossible.

One Christian lady told me she stopped to speak to an old Tramp down by Tummel Valley, she took him for lunch at a hotel. The old man said it was the first human contact he had received in fifteen years. People drove by him for fifteen years. That's social darwinism for you, grading some people as worthless, but we're all made in the image of God. This darwinism seeps into 'dating'.

How does it seep into dating in your opinion?

I thought I was sharing my experience and speaking to that, apologies if it appeared to be anything else. Different perspectives may be good to an extent, but all born again believers should have a biblical perspective in the end. God Bless :)

You were but I had difficulty seeing its application to our demographic. The people you’ve described made a choice. If they’re unbothered by the social and relational consequences that’s fine. However, if their loneliness is the result of limited engagement and they want to resolve it change is needed. We all have 24 hours to play with and determine our quality of life. Some fill every moment and others prefer space and margin. If you’re satisfied with your decision that’s all that matters.

~bella
 
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Hello! Thanks for your reply. I have never heard 'dating' an unbeliever to be described as Evangelism before, congratulations for your ingenuity!

The commission recorded in Mark says: He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. So that warning is still there. There are still only two opposite camps, those who believe and are saved, those who do not believe and are condemned.

And as happened in Israel of old the opposite is also likely, far from being saved the unbelieving partner brings believing partner and children down. Did Delilah bless Samson in the end? did he Evangelize her?

The Apostle Paul said of all these things- ' I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ'. (Phil 3:8). In the end if your connection with someone is based on garbage and not on the thing that matters, then it is not a good connection.

God Bless, have a great day :)
Good post. I agree. I think it is easy to overlook that you become one flesh with the person you marry. If that person is not a believer you are in essence polluting your own soul by making a covenant with someone who does not love Christ. There are valid reasons why we are instructed to not become unequally yoked. We are even to be careful what level of friendship we develop with the unsaved. It will affect our own spiritual life. There is no way around that. Also, consider this, should you really love someone enough to marry them if they don't love Christ ? Who do we care about more? Christ or the person we are attracted to
 
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Juan777

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Hello! Thanks for your reply. I have never heard 'dating' an unbeliever to be described as Evangelism before, congratulations for your ingenuity!

The commission recorded in Mark says: He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. So that warning is still there. There are still only two opposite camps, those who believe and are saved, those who do not believe and are condemned.
[/QUOTE]

Dating can be dangerous since an unbeliever can always put up an act in order to present the best face and look at that issue as a minor issue to work-around (ie present themselves that they are religious, they are open to hearing more about the gopsel, even coming out to church as well,e tc....) and then when you are hitched in, then other sides might be coming out. Everybody will put up a good face during dating and make you feel like you can convert them or that it will work out.

And as happened in Israel of old the opposite is also likely, far from being saved the unbelieving partner brings believing partner and children down. Did Delilah bless Samson in the end? did he Evangelize her?
Samson also visited a prostitute so he didn't just deal with Delilah. (Judges 16). I guess he didn't Evangelize her either. He liked women. But, in the end he accomplished the will of God in a much better way then he could have, if he was alive and never made it to that moment. God used him despite his weakness with woman and he scored greatly and he died a great death. So, maybe blessed despite her if you look at it that way?
 
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bèlla

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There are valid reasons why we are instructed to not become unequally yoked. We are even to be careful what level of friendship we develop with the unsaved. It will affect our own spiritual life. There is no way around that. Also, consider this, should you really love someone enough to marry them if they don't love Christ ? Who do we care about more? Christ or the person we are attracted to

I agree. I ministered to an unbeliever in the past. We were attracted to one another and I put things in place to prevent me from crossing the line.

Prayer and fasting.
Sharing my experiences with trusted believers and intercessors.
Keeping him and myself on the prayer list.
Reading books about spiritual mismatches and the consequences.
Participating in a community for women in mismatched marriages.
Setting boundaries in our communication and frequency of contact.

I kept the truth in my face. There were no illusions about life with an unsaved man. I spoke to many in that situation for a reason. I didn’t want to follow suit.

~bella
 
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sampa

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Jesus came to make dead people live not to give good people a motivational boost. If someone who is born again marries an unbeliever that is necrophilia
This may seem out of order but I just starting reading more of these conversations. I found what you said here interesting because I said something of a similar case in my 20s and 30s. When asked the question of marrying someone who was not a Christian but usually said I did not want to be caring a dead weight. The reason I came up with that is I heard about a tribe in an African country that would carry their own dead, I can't remember if it was a marriage. It was many years ago but it was the visual picture of me carrying a man that literally was dead inside.

But at the same time everyone has a story and I want to hear the full picture before I make the decision where their heart is.
You will know them by their fruits.
Some people are stronger than others, some have had their spirits crushed and only sacrificial love and care can bring them back, some can't fit in anywhere socially without determined help from others.
This I can agree! I definitely unlimited in so many ways, but I know God has equipped some people differently than others. The same goes for energy levels, especially when you have an autoimmune disease. Mentally there are different personalities and I think it depends on what kinds of environments that you are in. Even a really strong person if you are in a very negative environment continually after a couple years it will drain you.
Compassion and mercy- Luke14:12-14 Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you now, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”
I like this. There was somebody in a church I used to be part of she was going through a struggle after a divorce. I don't think she was accepted by many people because she was an alcoholic, there were things she was doing with the husband that she had that I had never heard before, the woman that he ran off with was her stepdaughters best friend in high school, and she was starting with nothing in her apartment. I gave her some things to help her with her apartment and spent some time at the laundromat with her. And invited her over to my biological father's house for Thanksgiving. My biological father was a very special man at any friend I introduced them to said they felt like he was a father. She thought that Thanksgiving was very special to her because she had no family. Unfortunately I had to break ties with her over time because she was hitting on my sister and I felt I had given her as much as I could but I had to create a boundary. We are social media friends 15 years later, but very little correspondence unless we run into each other.

But this experience does not stop me from reaching out to others that I feel may be in need. This situation was unique, but it is not to say that every situation will be like that. Right now my ministry is with my aunt that is in the nursing home, not blood relative, but had a stroke 7 years ago and cannot walk and she lost her husband and mother both. One of her brothers and his wife tries to take care of her. But she is constantly fighting with her brother.

I think there's a social element missing and that's where I felt I could help even though I'm not immediate family. She's been very alone and I try to make a point to reserve a room and have the staff get her ready out of bed and into a wheelchair for a 2-hour time maybe every other month. A couple weeks ago I did a tea party for her and her roommate. So they had an opportunity to get dressed up. She's not someone in the church, but I do feel that this is a period of ministry.
 
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lismore

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They’re single with no dependents and their free time isn’t dominated by the church.
From what I have seen it's a mix of people serving- I know one lady who takes her six children to some groups when she serves, another lady who does counselling takes her baby. They probably would step back if they could, but they see needs not being met and in obedience sacrificially serve. The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.
Building connections and increasing social activity isn’t impossible.
For some people it might be very challenging indeed time wise. But also these groups who would need a lot of support:

Elderly, many housebound, alone, not on many priority lists sadly.

Disabled. I used to help in a church club for disabled adults, many on their own, no family or other connections, not physically able to go out without support. I remember one chap, Arthur, quadriplegic and with cerebral palsy. But a cheerful believer. Sadly this club closed due to dearth of helpers despite the heroic efforts of the small number of dedicated helpers. With more help we could have brought in a hundred vulnerable souls.

Mentally Ill- 1/3 of population of this country has some form of mental illness. Anything more than mild anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, OCD is debilitating. Some can't use public transport, others can't deal with social situations, one guy I know has to perform certain rituals in sequence before he feels able to leave his house. I have a cousin with bipolar, OCD and anxiety, he would love to be able to be do you say. I heard of another guy who was receiving visits from Christians- agoraphobia, hadn't been outside in years. I have a form of anxiety myself, I have peeked over the abyss and can imagine how debilitating it can be for many. The level of socialization may not be a choice but determined by factors beyond the person's control.
How does it seep into dating in your opinion?
Survival of the fittest re: compassion. Will we try to get ahead or fall back to help the chap with the limp even if by helping we come last in the race.

However, if their loneliness is the result of limited engagement and they want to resolve it change is needed.
As above, I think some people couldn't do that without heavy support from mainly nonexistent helpers.

If you’re satisfied with your decision that’s all that matters.
I have befriended at least two older people with special needs who told me they were lonely, felt isolated and were suicidally depressed because of it. I tried to raise other volunteers in the church to help, most people said no out of hand. The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Disabled and elderly aren't high on the social invitation, churches can seem impossibly cliquey for those with special needs. Some people are whispering 'help me' softly to us.

I agree with what you're saying up to a point but I think for many it's a dream without lots of support. I think we all need to be compassionate and aware of those who are falling behind socially and help sacrificially.

God Bless, have a great day :)
 
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bèlla

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From what I have seen it's a mix of people serving- I know one lady who takes her six children to some groups when she serves, another lady who does counselling takes her baby. They probably would step back if they could, but they see needs not being met and in obedience sacrificially serve. The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.

There was a period when I was at church several days a week. I attended two bible studies, classes on theology, spiritual warfare, finance and ministering to Muslims, two small groups plus I visited in others, served on the leadership team, helped a friend with her breakfast ministry, co-led an Alpha group, ministered to the homeless in my neighborhood, went through a missionary prep program and attended monthly missionary meetings.

And I still had time for lengthy prayer sessions, lectio divina, a multi year fasting practice, laboring for an unsaved person for several years, and much needed forays to the monastery. It was appropriate for that season while discerning my calling. Now I know what He needs my focus is elsewhere.

For some people it might be very challenging indeed time wise. But also these groups who would need a lot of support:

Elderly, many housebound, alone, not on many priority lists sadly.

My plate is full in that respect. In addition to my parents I have two unmarried relatives all seventy or older. While they don’t require my assistance now that will change in the future. By this time next year I’ll be living overseas and attending school full-time, putting things in place for a familial homestead while running a business. Not to mention the requisite events in relation to my studies and time needed for project completion. I’m not taking anything on until they’re settled.

Survival of the fittest re: compassion. Will we try to get ahead or fall back to help the chap with the limp even if by helping we come last in the race.

The world is sink or swim but few possess that mindset. People who think like that don’t complain or have pity parties. They’re very steely. Self-interested is a better descriptor and it has degrees.

No one wants to fail. They want to accomplish their dreams and have the things they’ve worked towards understandably. Nevertheless, we recognize unfair advantages exist in all areas: parental, financial, health, educational, career, social, and relational.

Can you balance the scales? No. The best you can do is provide assistance to make things better to some degree. But it won’t erase the reality of the lack, the mental duress or pain they experienced from its absence. They’ll always know how things should have been.

I was fortunate to be born in a multi generational Christian family on both sides. I don’t know how far it goes back but God was always there. They possess a togetherness I don’t often encounter in families. Every link matters and none are left behind. I think it has a lot to do with our faith and the lessons they handed down.

I’m taking my loved ones with me. My success is theirs. It’s a wonderful feeling.

The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Disabled and elderly aren't high on the social invitation, churches can seem impossibly cliquey for those with special needs. Some people are whispering 'help me' softly to us.

I knew very little about mental health and social issues beyond depression before I came here. It was pretty eye opening. It’s human nature to seek likeminded company. We want to be with others who share our interests and passions. It’s easy to forget those who fall outside those parameters. Sometimes work, school, church and activities expose us to people we wouldn’t encounter otherwise and that’s beneficial.

I agree with what you're saying up to a point but I think for many it's a dream without lots of support. I think we all need to be compassionate and aware of those who are falling behind socially and help sacrificially.

Everyone can’t meet every one where they are. We carry different things in our tool belt and each is purposeful. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get involved. I know my flock and serving them affects me. It’s a spiritual burden I embrace with gratitude. They’re the reason I’m on this path and I don’t regret it.

~bella
 
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linux.poet

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I have never heard 'dating' an unbeliever to be described as Evangelism before, congratulations for your ingenuity!
That's not what I meant. Just because I am feeling an attraction to someone, doesn't mean that I am dating them. I view dating as a process of intellectually discerning whether or not the male is suitable to be married to me. If he is an unbeliever, he shall not proceed to the vetting process, for he has been rejected until he has accepted the Gospel and shown clear signs of regeneration.

However, I will use what interactions I have with this person to present the Gospel regardless of how I feel. If he propositions me for a date and I turn him down, that is a good opportunity to explain why I will not date him, which is a path to a Gospel presentation.
Mentally Ill- 1/3 of population of this country has some form of mental illness. Anything more than mild anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, OCD is debilitating.
This is true. Add "childhood trauma" to that list as well. The feelings of fear and helplessness and shock and depression that gives you will keep you in your house and not talking to other human beings because you don't want to burden them with the fact that you're failing everything and you can't be normal. Loads of fun, that is.
 
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The bible makes it clear about not forsaking assembling together. The body is not perfect, nor does it have to meet your standards of what you think it should be before you dain to make an appearance before the peasants. You are to serve the church, not be served or avoid it if the people are not perfect. It's a hospital full of sinners, of which you are bleeding badly, full of ego and don't even realize it.
 
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The bible makes it clear about not forsaking assembling together. The body is not perfect, nor does it have to meet your standards of what you think it should be before you dain to make an appearance before the peasants. You are to serve the church, not be served or avoid it if the people are not perfect. It's a hospital full of sinners, of which you are bleeding badly, full of ego and don't even realize it.

I will disagree with much of this based on past experiences that put a really bad taste in my mouth and left me saddened by what I saw and experienced. Times are different now and while what you said is true and still holds well for most, it does not hold well for all.
 
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Saucy

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I will disagree with much of this based on past experiences that put a really bad taste in my mouth and left me saddened by what I saw and experienced. Times are different now and while what you said is true and still holds well for most, it does not hold well for all.
Society or times changing doesn't, in any way, invalidate the bible. I can understand going through some difficult situations at church. Most of us have been there, but again, there are no perfect people. We are still called to assemble together anyway. We are still called to submit to our leaders and serve the church. No one is exempt because they had a few bad experiences. Find a healthier church to be a part of.
 
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Society or times changing doesn't, in any way, invalidate the bible. I can understand going through some difficult situations at church. Most of us have been there, but again, there are no perfect people. We are still called to assemble together anyway. We are still called to submit to our leaders and serve the church. No one is exempt because they had a few bad experiences. Find a healthier church to be a part of.
I don't submit to leadership at a church.
better fellowship to be found online in my experiences
 
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Saucy

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I don't submit to leadership at a church.
better fellowship to be found online in my experiences
That's your decision to submit or not. But it's not the bible that is wrong on this issue.

Hebrews 13:17: "Obey your leaders and submit to them—for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account—so that they may do this with joy, not groaning; for this would be unhelpful for you."
 
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Lost Witness

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That's your decision to submit or not.

Hebrews 13:17: "Obey your leaders and submit to them—for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account—so that they may do this with joy, not groaning; for this would be unhelpful for you."
I've found a few Such Spiritual Elders online.
It's been a Blessing to have met them,
they've helped me grow a good deal in just a short time,
though i'm still a babe,
it's been a blessing indeed and I'm thankful for it. :oldthumbsup:
 
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