Are alot of christian men singles becuse many christian women prefer non christian husband?

[Juan777]

I would gladly give up every aspect of my "raw perspective" and all of the abilities that I extracted from my abuse situation to start life over again with a family who actually loved me. Posts that are drawn from painful experiences are not superior to those that are not, and they are probably inferior due to how much pain they cause others when they read them.

Your posts are very bold and thought provoking.

 

[NinjaPirate777]

I would gladly give up every aspect of my "raw perspective" and all of the abilities that I extracted from my abuse situation to start life over again with a family who actually loved me. Posts that are drawn from painful experiences are not superior to those that are not, and they are probably inferior due to how much pain they cause others when they read them.

You can use your experience, strength and hope to connect with and help others who share your past. You can choose to be in relationships that are not abusive. We choose who we let into our lives when we become adults. Reach out to loving people a bit every day and brick by brick the life you build will reflect your intent. Showing love to others is like the seed parable. Some lands on rocky ground and doesn't grow. Others land on fertile ground and grow to reach the heavens.

 

[linux.poet]

@Juan777

Abusers start out by experiencing some pain in their lives. Then they feel better when other people talk about pain because it makes them feel loved, so they start praising people for sharing painful stories. Then they start inflicting pain on others so they have more people who share their pain with them. When you talk about how much an abuser hurts you to an abuser, that's emotionally rewarding them for their evil.

People who praise me for sharing my past and what I have learned from it are likely on the road to being abusers themselves.

When people talk to me about their pain, I feel devastated and sorry that they have to go through that. That is the correct emotional response.

You can use your experience, strength and hope to connect with and help others who share your past.

I need people who DON'T share my past to remind me what normal is.

 

[Juan777]

@Juan777

Abusers start out by experiencing some pain in their lives. Then they feel better when other people talk about pain because it makes them feel loved, so they start praising people for sharing painful stories. Then they start inflicting pain on others so they have more people who share their pain with them. When you talk about how much an abuser hurts you to an abuser, that's emotionally rewarding them for their evil.

People who praise me for sharing my past and what I have learned from it are likely on the road to being abusers themselves.

When people talk to me about their pain, I feel devastated and sorry that they have to go through that. That is the correct emotional response.


I need people who DON'T share my past to remind me what normal is.

No whatever I edited to write passes the mod rules. That former post was too controversial and edited to say nothing but that still is quite a reply for a null post.

 

[linux.poet]

No whatever I edited to write passes the mod rules. That former post was too controversial and edited to say nothing but that still is quite a reply for a null post.

These posts aren't null:

Well said. I'm really sorry that other thread got locked as you made some great contributions to it. Keep up the great posts! I'm sure others would agree that you have a raw perspective of things that makes for a very interesting read on threads like this.

Your posts are very bold and thought provoking.

 

[Juan777]

They dont violate any rules. Your assertion that people sedate themselves by mentally fulfilling their sin nature opens a pandoras box of issues, many of which would turn a pg discussion to r-rated. You made some interesting points that were zeroed into.

 

[linux.poet]

All this said, I have personally witnessed an abuser. My aunt and uncle...he endured her crap all his life. And well, because you're "Christian' you should be enduring it. She was very emasculating too. After 20+ years, he filed to divorce her.

Christianity is not about enduring abuse, it is about overcoming it in God's grace and power, and using wisdom to avoid it.

They dont violate any rules. Your assertion that people sedate themselves by mentally fulfilling their sin nature opens a pandoras box of issues, many of which would turn a pg discussion to r-rated. You made some interesting points that were zeroed into.

What? That was not what I was talking about at all. Also, I'm not seeing any posts about unbelievers sedating themselves aside from my brief statement to support my argument about unbelievers. That's off-topic for this thread.

 

[VCR-2000]

Some people think Christian women go for non-Christian men b/c they want to change them. TBH a lot of Christian women I see who do date non Christian men don't seem very Christian to me in the 1st place.

We've also discussed in the past (for some reason) a lot of Christian women see Christian men as uncool, awkward, or not physically attractive. Too safe or too boring.

This is part of me feeling overwhelmed by Christianity is because not even Christian's own women like Christian men that much. And I know most Christians preach about not having any sexual activity outside of marriage, but I see many women that happen to be Christian who had children at some point before marriage if marriage ever happened, even the very religious ones.

It's become an unfair and burdensome demand when the dynamic has become imbalanced like that.

 

[LoveDivine]

.

 

[Miles]

This is part of me feeling overwhelmed by Christianity is because not even Christian's own women like Christian men that much. And I know most Christians preach about not having any sexual activity outside of marriage, but I see many women that happen to be Christian who had children at some point before marriage if marriage ever happened, even the very religious ones.

It's become an unfair and burdensome demand when the dynamic has become imbalanced like that.

Do you recognize Jesus' voice in them?

Sometimes, people are rewarded for looking busy even when they don't get much done. Others quietly move mountains when we're not looking. Religiosity isn't the same as having faith.

So, even if in these modern times it is hard to meet Christian women who " like Christian guys," the right response is to be relieved that you aren't paired up and stuck with one of them. Why would you want to be with someone like that? Don't be miserable that they don't like you. Any Christian who is willing to date a non-believer is not serious about Christ. To miss out on being in a relationship with such a Christian is to miss out on nothing at all. In fact, you are actually being spared a life of misery. Plus, this is not just a Christian women issue. I have met my fair share of professing Christian guys who did not take things seriously and preferred to date non-Christian women and "have fun."

I reach a similar conclusion when playing out possible scenarios in my head. It's what keeps me from giving in and "having fun" in ways that would ultimately result in misery. There but for the grace of God goes I. He's the source of all that's good in my life, and helps me avoid unnecessary trouble.

If I find the right kind of woman for me someday, that would be fantastic, but if I don't every day is just as much of a blessing.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

Some people think Christian women go for non-Christian men b/c they want to change them. TBH a lot of Christian women I see who do date non Christian men don't seem very Christian to me in the 1st place.



We've also discussed in the past (for some reason) a lot of Christian women see Christian men as uncool, awkward, or not physically attractive. Too safe or too boring.

I only like Christian men. The Hollywood "good girls go for bad boys" is totally not true for me. The only time I get noticed by men seem to be nonChristian guys, but I don't like them unless they're Christian like me. Then the Christian men I know (and always the ones I like and think are strong in their faith) seem to go for the worldly girls. So in my case it's the opposite.

 

[bèlla]

I doubt the majority of Christian singles are looking to the world for companions. But the things they desire may not be plentiful in the populace and they’re overlooking possibilities waiting on a maybe. They may not be the prettiest, thinnest, most affluent or exciting option. But that doesn’t prevent them from being a good spouse and meeting your needs.

Sometimes you have to revisit your priorities. You’re on a Christian site. You should be conversing with one another. Whether you’re struggling or not. The one you seek may be under your nose and you’re spinning your wheels elsewhere. Open your eyes.

And it may require sacrifice. Some may need to relocate if local options aren’t plentiful or be willing to shoulder/share expenses for connections outside of your vicinity.

We’re in a different time now and the majority are looking online but they’re not on this site. You could spend months waiting for a response elsewhere if you receive one at all. Use your resources and see what happens.

~bella

 

[lismore]

God wants christians to be married to eachother, so not sure what is going on.

True. If you ask anyone in pastoral ministry this is quite a hot button topic now, someone who has a near (Christian) family member who is marrying an unbeliever and is seeking counselling. Get a group of Christians together and ask about this, perhaps everyone in the room will know someone going through the anguish of this situation.

There's a passage of scripture that is often quoted at times like this:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? (2 Corinthians 6:14-15)

What fellowship can light have with darkness or Christ with Satan? not a lot, they're opposites.

But you can go one further:

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins (Ephesians 2:1).

Jesus came to make dead people live not to give good people a motivational boost. If someone who is born again marries an unbeliever that is necrophilia. There are two types of people in this world, those who are alive in Christ and those who are dead in their transgressions and sins and a chasm between them is fixed.

To answer your question what is going on IMHO. The 'Christian' who marries an unbeliever is perhaps themselves an unbeliever who was deluded into thinking they were a bought blood born again child of God through the slick motivational messages some churches pass off as gospel teaching. Or perhaps deluded in some other way. But it's all or nothing- John 12:25- the supreme importance of sharing the gospel and the word of God with people.

People need to understand why they need to be saved, how they are saved and what happens when they are saved.

God Bless

 

[Citanul]

Weighing in on this thread because I recently had a short-lived relationship with a woman who wasn't Christian.

Quite simply, the reason Christians date and marry non-Christians is that those non-Christians are offering something that the Christians aren't. What that something is will depend on the individual, so it's difficult to generalise.

In my case, the reason I dated her was because apart from religious beliefs we were a pretty good match. Similar academic backgrounds, both well-established in our respective careers, both of us introverts, some shared interests, and initially looking for the same thing in a relationship. Initially, because it turned out that we weren't and that's why it ended, but that had nothing with my faith.

Could I have found all that with a Christian woman? Possibly, but I'm not meeting any Christian women with similar characteristics who are interested in me. So it was a question of whether I hold out for someone who's a Christian even though I've no idea whether that will ever happen, or take the opportunity presented to me. And while I know all the arguments in favour of holding out, it can be very difficult to do so when holding out has come to naught.

 

[bèlla]

Quite simply, the reason Christians date and marry non-Christians is that those non-Christians are offering something that the Christians aren't. What that something is will depend on the individual, so it's difficult to generalise.

It’s nice to see you! I hope you’re well.

I agree. In my experience personality, interests, life outlook and career/financial position are the biggest attractions. It’s difficult to find someone within the flock that possesses the same in the guise we prefer.

~bella

 

[Citanul]

It’s nice to see you! I hope you’re well.

Thanks. It's nice to be back. Hope you're well too.

I agree. In my experience personality, interests, life outlook and career/financial position are the biggest attractions. It’s difficult to find someone within the flock that possesses the same in the guise we prefer.

Exactly. Being a Christian isn't the be all and end all when it comes to finding a partner. It's an important criterion, but there are many other things people are looking for and I don't think you can really blame someone if they meet somebody who ticks all the right boxes except for faith for thinking they can make it work. It might not be the wisest decision, but it's an understandable one.

And though I didn't want to generalise, one thing that I do come across from time to time (which is OP is touching on) is the idea amongst Christian men that they should be getting dates with Christian women because they're also Christians. Encountering that sense of entitlement is definitely something which could drive women to seek out non-Christians.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Exactly. Being a Christian isn't the be all and end all when it comes to finding a partner. It's an important criterion, but there are many other things people are looking for and I don't think you can really blame someone if they meet somebody who ticks all the right boxes except for faith for thinking they can make it work.

Exactly, and I've relatively successful marriages become of this pairing up. What I've found mostly on dating sites, where when people pick a religion, a lot of them will put that they are "Spiritual, but religious". To me, that's much of a deterrent, unless they are some weird crystal cruncher or something to that effect...but most of these types have stepped away from church since their childhood or had been away for a while.

Single people have but belief systems further down the rung of the ladder of priorities, and favor how well matched you are in other ways. IE same hobbies and interests, same politics, same personalities that gel real well, live by the golden rule, etc.

I think I may have mentioned a guy like this that started dating a very devout Christian woman, that got him back to going to church after many years of not having touched any church-based activities.

Could I have found all that with a Christian woman? Possibly, but I'm not meeting any Christian women with similar characteristics who are interested in me. So it was a question of whether I hold out for someone who's a Christian even though I've no idea whether that will ever happen, or take the opportunity presented to me. And while I know all the arguments in favour of holding out, it can be very difficult to do so when holding out has come to naught.

[/QUOTE]

Therein lies the rub. Can't really blame someone for finding someone that ticks all their boxes outside their faith. I dated a woman that hadn't been to church since she moved to my area from her small town in North Dakota. Apparently, her and her family were tired of the nosey church go-ers, phoneys and busy bodies. She was glad she stepped away from that environment.

 

[bèlla]

And though I didn't want to generalise, one thing that I do come across from time to time (which is OP is touching on) is the idea amongst Christian men that they should be getting dates with Christian women because they're also Christians. Encountering that sense of entitlement is definitely something which could drive women to seek out non-Christians.

Faith isn’t a magic wand. It doesn’t smooth over differences, absences, or illicit a ‘but God’ clause. Just because you’re Christian doesn’t mean I’m attracted, interested, or willing to try. I’m not obligated to be with you or give you a chance so you won’t be alone. That’s a hard pill to swallow for some.

~bella

 

[lismore]

Can't really blame someone for finding someone that ticks all their boxes outside their faith.

That's the problem. If a person's faith in Christ doesn't tick all the boxes then that person doesn't have a faith in Christ, they have a belief system of their own imagining.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24).

A disciple of Christ denying themselves and picking up their cross and following Christ isn't an optional extra, it's the very core.

“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46)
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me (Galatians 2:20)

Being a Christian isn't the be all and end all when it comes to finding a partner.

It will be the all and end all when your unsaved partner is dangled over the lake of fire then dropped in for eternal punishment, such is the destination of those who are not in Christ.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? (2 Corinthians 6:15)

From that one verse you can see God's perspective on your unsaved partner- wicked, dark and Belial.

 

[Juan777]

Just to weigh-in this discussion. My parents would be what you would say is a mixed-marriage, where my mom's family, and a church told them not to get married. They eloped and got married together. This was back in 1974.
I could say unreservedly that despite my father's behaviour earlier on in the marriage and growing up, he has become a great father and husband today. Without him, I don't know how to even take care of my mother by myself as they have both grown very old and I have never seen a happier couple and cute family to be around.

Also, I married a woman who claimed to be a Christian, but one of the fall-out discussions we had during the turbulent "marriage" was that I chose to marry her because she was a Christian and she resented that. We ended up divorcing each other in what was a two month marriage.