Apostasy

[Desperately Seeking]

In a nutshell, I believe I have committed apostasy. I felt as if the Holy Spirit in a real experience left me back in April of this year. I do not know what to do. I am very scared, I have not been able to go to church as I feel awkward like I do not belong, and I am constantly saying "No" as I do not want God to leave me as I felt He has. I am very worried. I have been seeing a Christian counselor for some time, and it does not seem to change anything in my heart. My heart feels hard. This all started when my wife wanted to get divorced, and I found out that the one advising her to get divorced was a counselor in the church. I talked with the head pastor and he did not have much to say. I pleaded with him to talk with my ex-wife to see if she would reconsider, but he did not. As a result I got hooked up with a non-believing woman and to say I went off the deep end is an understatement. I went and saw a medium three times, got involved in sexual sins, did not go to church, was steeped in sin. I knew eventually that I should end the relationship, but I did not do it right when the Spirit convicted me, and then I felt the Spirit leave me. I have pleading ever since. I have no social life, people have been trying to get ahold of me, and I am not returning their calls. I just feel so much shame. I have been living in my sisters house and find it hard to even go out into society. I feel trapped. I need God's help, but I don’t feel he is with me any longer. I can give you more history later, but this will suffice to start with. I feel I have also blasphemed the Holy Spirit by not living as a Christian for many years. Giving into the ways of the world, lust, envy, greed, lying, money, etc. I need help....I am very afraid as I have recently become aware of Hebrews 6:1-8 and Hebrews 10:26-31. Little did I know how much trouble I was putting myself into...I hope there is hope, as I am depressed, been to a mental hospital, unable to have any peace whatsoever. Everything I see and hear I feel as if God is condemning me. A beautiful lightning storm of old brings terror to me. Looking at a fire makes me think of hell. I am so terrified!

 

[chevyontheriver]

In a nutshell, I believe I have committed apostasy. I felt as if the Holy Spirit in a real experience left me back in April of this year. I do not know what to do. I am very scared, I have not been able to go to church as I feel awkward like I do not belong, and I am constantly saying "No" as I do not want God to leave me as I felt He has. I am very worried. I have been seeing a Christian counselor for some time, and it does not seem to change anything in my heart. My heart feels hard. This all started when my wife wanted to get divorced, and I found out that the one advising her to get divorced was a counselor in the church. I talked with the head pastor and he did not have much to say. I pleaded with him to talk with my ex-wife to see if she would reconsider, but he did not. As a result I got hooked up with a non-believing woman and to say I went off the deep end is an understatement. I went and saw a medium three times, got involved in sexual sins, did not go to church, was steeped in sin. I knew eventually that I should end the relationship, but I did not do it right when the Spirit convicted me, and then I felt the Spirit leave me. I have pleading ever since. I have no social life, people have been trying to get ahold of me, and I am not returning their calls. I just feel so much shame. I have been living in my sisters house and find it hard to even go out into society. I feel trapped. I need God's help, but I don’t feel he is with me any longer. I can give you more history later, but this will suffice to start with. I feel I have also blasphemed the Holy Spirit by not living as a Christian for many years. Giving into the ways of the world, lust, envy, greed, lying, money, etc. I need help....I am very afraid as I have recently become aware of Hebrews 6:1-8 and Hebrews 10:26-31. Little did I know how much trouble I was putting myself into...I hope there is hope, as I am depressed, been to a mental hospital, unable to have any peace whatsoever. Everything I see and hear I feel as if God is condemning me. A beautiful lightning storm of old brings terror to me. Looking at a fire makes me think of hell. I am so terrified!

There are many who have apostasized and have come back to faith. You can too.

 

[Desperately Seeking]

There are many who have apostasized and have come back to faith. You can too.

I feel as if the Holy Spirit is gone and I do not have an intercessor.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I feel as if the Holy Spirit is gone and I do not have an intercessor.

Feelings don't matter in this. You sin. You repent. You are received back. The Prodigal Son had lots of 'feelings'. But he was welcomed back by his father, who watched for his son's return continually. Repent. Confess your sins. Receive the absolution. Start again. Feelings will come around when they come around.

 

[Sabertooth]

I feel as if the Holy Spirit is gone and I do not have an intercessor.

If He stopped convicting you, you would not miss Him.

Do you have any mental illness?

 

[Desperately Seeking]

If He stopped convicting you, you would not miss Him. Do you have any mental illness?

I am seeing a psychiatrist and I do not know the diagnosis. For sure I have panic attacks.

 

[Sabertooth]

For sure I have panic attacks.

That is probably part of the equation. Have you ever been Born-Again?

 

[Desperately Seeking]

That is probably part of the equation. Have you ever been Born-Again?

I had felt the Holy Spirit enter me back in 1985, and I became involved in youth ministry, worked with the youth for about 6 years, then I started in my practice of dental specialty, and got allured to money, stopped tithing, and never really repented when I sinned. I felt bad, but I would repeat patterns, especially with regards to sexual sins. I dated about three women, lived in sin with some of them, ultimately got married, was married for 15 years when she asked for a divorce. I was not faithful to her in thought and one time in deed.

 

[hedrick]

Apostasy is abandoning the faith. It’s not having problems with your church or your life. As long as you want to be a follower of Jesus, which you clearly do, you have.not committed apostasy.

 

[Desperately Seeking]

Apostasy is abandoning the faith. It’s not having problems with your church or your life. As long as you want to be a follower of Jesus, which you clearly do, you have.not committed apostasy.

I felt as if I have abandoned my faith by entertaining false teachings, not living a life unto Jesus worthy of his calling living in perpetual sin as outlined in Hebrews 10:26-31. I want to believe I am forgiven, yet I am having a hard time forgiving myself. I also struggle with Matthew 7:21-28

 

[hedrick]

I felt as if I have abandoned my faith by entertaining false teachings, not living a life unto Jesus worthy of his calling living in perpetual sin as outlined in Hebrews 10:26-31. I want to believe I am forgiven, yet I am having a hard time forgiving myself. I also struggle with Matthew 7:21-28

You seem to have repented, but are having problems getting back on track. This is a challenge, But it isn’t apostasy.

Its nearly impossible to get personal help from a forum. I’d suggest looking for a good non legalistic church and talking with the pastor. It may in fact be that you should look for professional counseling, but that’s not a judgement we can make from here. (The better pastors I’ve known are clear that they aren’t clinical psychologists, and will refer you to one for mental health issues.)

 

[Desperately Seeking]

You seem to have repented, but are having problems getting back on track. This is a challenge, But it isn’t apostasy.

Its nearly impossible to get personal help from a forum. I’d suggest looking for a good non legalistic church and talking with the pastor. It may in fact be that you should look for professional counseling, but that’s not a judgement we can make from here. (The better pastors I’ve known are clear that they aren’t clinical psychologists, and will refer you to one for mental health issues.)

I don't know what to do, as I really feel as is I have committed apostasy. I want to think and feel different.

 

[Romans 8]

The unpardonable sin is a total apostasy from the light and convictive evidence of the truth of the Christian religion and also blaspheming the Holy Spirit. You simply went on a sinning spree and quenched/grieved the Holy Spirit. I would seek out pastors with a real relationship with God to help pray for you. God Bless you in your walk.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I don't know what to do, as I really feel as is I have committed apostasy. I want to think and feel different.

Apostasy is literally 'standing somewhere else' and it sounds like you maybe did that. But you can come back and stand with Christ. Not all apostasies are permanent. And apostasy is not unforgivable. The apostle Peter denied Jesus how many times? And wept bitterly over it. And was afterwards the chief of the Apostles. You are not so special that you are unforgivable. And your feelings are betraying you into thinking you cannot come back, that you will not be allowed back, that God hates you. Those are deceptive thoughts.

 

[Deade]

Hello DS,
welcome to CF.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay here. God is still within reach, do not give up.

 

[Tolworth John]

You are a dentist, how would you advise a patient who felt that they didn't need to brush their teeth?
Or cousel a patient who felt that they needed health teeth removed?

If you are a Christian listen not to us on this forum but to what God in the bible says.
1John1:9 if we confess our sins God is faithful and will forgive us and purify us from all unrightousness.

Are you prepared to put that into practice and trust God.

As a Christian are you prepared to live as a Christian, seeking to bring glory to God by your lifestyle.