Anybody here Ap? or Grace Based discipline?

[mafiedler]

I am a big Attachment parenting person. I also used Grace Based Discipline, I preffer it to Ezzo's Babywise, Ferber, or Pearls. Anybody else?

 

[BeanMak]

I heard a speaker on Grace based discipline on Moody a month or so ago. I was VERY impressed. I loved what I have heard on it. My kids are 21 and 19, I am a little beyond using it on an everyday basis though.

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

I am a big Attachment parenting person. I also used Grace Based Discipline, I preffer it to Ezzo's Babywise, Ferber, or Pearls. Anybody else?

What is grace based discipline?

 

[mafiedler]

Well, Grace Based Discipline, or GBD is biblically based, but does not include spanking or time outs. There are five easy steps to follow. 1. State request. "John, we need to leave, please stop playing and pick up your things." 2. restate request. 3. Get on childs level. Ask if they need help. Remember help is just help, and should be done in a patient manner, not throwing toys around because you are helping your two year old. 4. praise. thank them for picking up their things and listening so well. 5. if your child starts to act out, and may hurt another or themselves, come up behind them, and gently give a bear hug. Take their hands in your, and wrap around the child. Tell them you love them, and you know they are upset, frustrated, tired, etc. Then, once tehy habve calmed down, start again. Above all, think WWJD? and act accordingly.

I reccomend a book by Pastor Crystal Lutton, Biblical Parenting. Wonderful read. Also her website, Arms of Love. it should be www.armsoflove.com

 

[Cello]

I am a big Attachment parenting person. I also used Grace Based Discipline, I preffer it to Ezzo's Babywise, Ferber, or Pearls. Anybody else?

Grace Based, AP, and Ezzo. I find a mix is best. And truthfully, I don't call it any of those, I just kind of figure its each our own -- they all use many of the same principles...saying it differently, and they all have what I personally consider good points and bad points. Like everything - pros and cons, ups and downs.

How many kids do you have, what genders and ages?

 

[Andry]

Grace Based, AP, and Ezzo. I find a mix is best. And truthfully, I don't call it any of those, I just kind of figure its each our own -- they all use many of the same principles...saying it differently, and they all have what I personally consider good points and bad points. Like everything - pros and cons, ups and downs.

Amen

I don't call it "GBD" as some latest trademarked/franchised/copyrighted "program". With our 4 yo, it's naturally been graced-based without someone labelling it 'grace-based'. And for us, it's worked immensely, to the chagrin at times to my more 'traditionally-based' parents.

But then again, our whole lives should be graced-based anyway, in every situation, in all our relationships, because of the grace and mercy of God that abounds from within us.

Note: some parents here would undoubtedly challenge "GBD" as some hocus-pocus new age thingamajig. Parenting styles differ, and each has to use what works for their kids.

 

[Cello]

Note: some parents here would undoubtedly challenge "GBD" as some hocus-pocus new age thingamajig. Parenting styles differ, and each has to use what works for their kids.

SO TRUE!! I was just reading on some website where they were coming down pretty hard on people who chose not to spank - they made it seem like it was biblical error NOT to spank! ?? !! ??? As if it was ina direct opposition with a command by God (the rod verse mentioned...). They made it seem like it was all about the fluff-feel-good new agey kinda stuff.

Naaaaah. There is a time to be more firm and a time to be more gentle and as you so BEAUTIFULLY put it - we should always act with grace. (and mercy?) and even being firm does not necessarily equal spanking!

 

[mafiedler]

LOL.....I never called it that either, until someone else did. I called it parenting my babies.

The "camp" that thinks its a sin NOT to spank is traditionalist Ezzo's, Pearls, Ferber, etc.

my children are 8, boy, 5, girl, and 3 boy.

 

[RadicalRabbit]

and eclectic mix of what works best with each individual child.

I can take one of mine up on my knee, look her in the eye and say * My Sh'Kyna doesn't talk like that! * and thats all it takes for her to repent, to ask forgiveness and to offer restoration to the person she has upset.


I really wish all mine were as easy to correct.

sometimes it takes a follow through consequence, and with the older children this can be negotiated as required.

 

[ScarletRubies]

We read a few books, and our church has had a few Ezzo programmes over the years. We felt convicted that it was really inappropriate for our family (or should I say, 'planned family' as we hadn't had kids when we decided).

I guess a lot of what we do would come in EVERY "written-in-a-book" style, but for us, we are simply making the choices we feel God wants for our kid (plurals to follow, we hope). Most things we have discussed and prayed about as they've come up, rather than making the rules before the situation arises.

Cheers,
Ruby

 

[RedTulipMom]

I have read Crysal Luttons book on GBD and also frequent the message boards over at gentle mothering. One of boys is pretty much raised already, he is 16 and i knew nothing about GBD when he was growing up. I just found out about it last year while i was pregnant. My son is only 7 mos old right now but i hope to use some of the GBD methods. But i do know each child is different and what works for some doesnt work for others. So basically i am not planning on following ONE certain method, but rather letting my motherly instinct show me what will work for THIS child.
karen

 

[mafiedler]

Karen, I agree completely with mothering instinct. I don't agree with spanking. I think it is too hard, and could be misunderstood so quickly by a tender childs soul. For extreme situations, I do use time outs. But not without thouroughly explaining the situation to my children.

I guess I should also say I am new to all this as of June last year. But the difference in my childrens behavior over the period of time from when I spanked, to when I didn't was truly amazing. Nothing less than a miracle in the case of my stepson Brandon. He has ADHD, and sometimes doesn't understand why he's doing something, and why he can't stop. Also, he has developmental delays. He's 8, but has the mind of a six year old. So, he gets into alot of trouble he shouldn't.
But when he knew the "answer" to his troubling behavior was going to be a spank, he was *more* defiant, *more* unwilling to cooperate. And thus got in more trouble. It seems, if he knew he had done something bad enough to get a spanking, he would follow it with more of the same bad behavior. Kind of like, "oh, I know I'm going to get fired, so I'm going to louse off today, and be annoying to everyone." to put it in adult speak.
But now, when he does something he knows he shouldn't he tries to correct his behavior so more things that are bad don't happen. Like today, he pushed someone in line at school. Before June of last year, he would have pushed someone in line, threw a pencil at someone, tripped someone, mouthed off to his teacher, left hsi homework at school on purpose, come home, got a spanking and be sent to his room till dinner.
Because now the *punishment* is knowing I am disappointed in his actions, and not that I am angry and will spank him.

 

[RedTulipMom]

mafielder,
I agree that spanking isnt the best choice of discipline. If used at all it should be used sparingly and for something very offensive. A child shouldnt need to be spanked more than 3 times in their life to get the point. If spanking is saved for only those few times when you really need to get your point across i think it will work. When people spank their kids on a regular basis i think it causes more harm than good and often anger in the kids. There are many other ways to discipline and i plan on using what seems to work best for my child.
karen

 

[MyLittleWonders]

We are very AP in our parenting approach - we also lean towards GBD though we still do time-outs too (more of a cool-off period). Although we have both spanked our first son (2x each I think) we have talked and prayed and decided that we are not going to spank our children any more. (Someone mentioned that spanking is commanded by God ... is this the correct forum to address this or not? I'm too much of a newbie to know.) We have become much more AP with our second child ... but even our first was carried in a sling, nursed/rocked to sleep, etc. But, now we also co-sleep (usually our older son is in his own bed, though sometimes my husband is in there with him), ebf, and apply GBD in our house. I have gone so far also as to correspond with our pastor about the concerns I have with the Ezzo-based parenting curriculum our church allows to be taught in a small group. He is now going to meet with the leaders of the small group and see if they can come up with a new curriculum! I was very happy about that. I doubt they'd end up using one that would suit our beliefs/needs (as it seems that we are some of the few AP/GBD parents in our church), but even moving towards something more "neutral" as Dr. Dobson would be nice.

 

[Martin Calvin]

My son is two and we are starting to hand over the reigns into Love and Logic based discipline. If I'm not mistaken this is the secular name for GBD (I hadn't ever heard of GBD). We started with it when he was 1 but he still wasn't able to make deffinitive choices at that point so we walked him through it, and ultimately made the choice for him. Slowly we've been letting him make his choices. It's almost working now, we'll have to see if it will in the future.