Anxiety over my son not yet having a relationship

[TexasMustang]

My son is 22 and is a senior accounting major at a large university in Tennessee. He is incredibly smart, confident, and is deeply spiritual and a dedicated Christ follower. He is tall, well-built, fun, witty, genuine, unpretentious, handsome - he has all of the traits that a Christian young lady would be looking for in a husband.

However, he has never really dated much, nor ever had a girlfriend per se. He's not into partying and having sex. He wants to wait until marriage for sex. I understand all of that. But I am afraid that he's too choosy and time will get by, with the vast majority of eligible young women gone. Is that a realistic concern?

He has been texting a Christian young lady for over a month, while they were both at home during the break, and I was hoping that something was developing there, but apparently there's not much communication now between the two. I have tried to give him advice (unsolicited because he's private) such as "You know, if you like this girl you are going to have to be a bit more proactive about actually getting together, something beyond texting." And "find things that she's interested in talking about...not just stuff you're interested in talking about like football and sports."

Every parent wants their child to find a suitable mate. Am I way over-reacting on this? He's sure let some sweet girls get away in my opinion, due to his passiveness.

Also, he's not really that concerned about it at all. He is fully focused on his grades and pursuing his masters degree. He certainly wants to have a family and all of that, but he's not out looking for it per se. Any advice from parents out there? Thank you so much!

 

[SkyWriting]

My son is 22 and is a senior accounting major at a large university in Tennessee. He is incredibly smart, confident, and is deeply spiritual and a dedicated Christ follower. He is tall, well-built, fun, witty, genuine, unpretentious, handsome - he has all of the traits that a Christian young lady would be looking for in a husband.

However, he has never really dated much, nor ever had a girlfriend per se. He's not into partying and having sex. He wants to wait until marriage for sex. I understand all of that. But I am afraid that he's too choosy and time will get by, with the vast majority of eligible young women gone. Is that a realistic concern?

He has been texting a Christian young lady for over a month, while they were both at home during the break, and I was hoping that something was developing there, but apparently there's not much communication now between the two. I have tried to give him advice (unsolicited because he's private) such as "You know, if you like this girl you are going to have to be a bit more proactive about actually getting together, something beyond texting." And "find things that she's interested in talking about...not just stuff you're interested in talking about like football and sports."

Every parent wants their child to find a suitable mate. Am I way over-reacting on this? He's sure let some sweet girls get away in my opinion, due to his passiveness.

Also, he's not really that concerned about it at all. He is fully focused on his grades and pursuing his masters degree. He certainly wants to have a family and all of that, but he's not out looking for it per se. Any advice from parents out there? Thank you so much!

He is the ideal son and you could never ask for a better one. When I was in High school girls left school to have babies and guys spent all their money on fast cars.

You could not ask for a better adjusted son. And I found the love of my life at 32....so.....I'm biased.

 

[disciple Clint]

My son is 22 and is a senior accounting major at a large university in Tennessee. He is incredibly smart, confident, and is deeply spiritual and a dedicated Christ follower. He is tall, well-built, fun, witty, genuine, unpretentious, handsome - he has all of the traits that a Christian young lady would be looking for in a husband.

However, he has never really dated much, nor ever had a girlfriend per se. He's not into partying and having sex. He wants to wait until marriage for sex. I understand all of that. But I am afraid that he's too choosy and time will get by, with the vast majority of eligible young women gone. Is that a realistic concern?

He has been texting a Christian young lady for over a month, while they were both at home during the break, and I was hoping that something was developing there, but apparently there's not much communication now between the two. I have tried to give him advice (unsolicited because he's private) such as "You know, if you like this girl you are going to have to be a bit more proactive about actually getting together, something beyond texting." And "find things that she's interested in talking about...not just stuff you're interested in talking about like football and sports."

Every parent wants their child to find a suitable mate. Am I way over-reacting on this? He's sure let some sweet girls get away in my opinion, due to his passiveness.

Also, he's not really that concerned about it at all. He is fully focused on his grades and pursuing his masters degree. He certainly wants to have a family and all of that, but he's not out looking for it per se. Any advice from parents out there? Thank you so much!

Your son is fine. Let him be fine in his own way.

 

[tturt]

Would just pray and be thankful.

 

[returntosender]

Not everyone finds a mate and marries.
Nothing wrong with that

 

[timewerx]

If at the age of 30, your son is living on his own, has a great job, financially stable, even if he's single you would have lots of things to be thankful for already.

Things can be a lot worse.

 

[Kettriken]

Also, he's not really that concerned about it at all. He is fully focused on his grades and pursuing his masters degree. He certainly wants to have a family and all of that, but he's not out looking for it per se. Any advice from parents out there? Thank you so much!

Unless he is concerned or you have reason to believe that he is hiding something from you, it doesn't seem to be an issue. Many ladies are doubtless in the same boat, avoiding collegiate relationships and planning for something more substantial after graduation. From what you've described, finding an eligible match shouldn't be a problem.
Honestly, that situation sounds kind of ideal. If he is unhappily single in ten years, maybe start to worry.

 

[Ivan Hlavanda]

I am almost 30 and single, but I do not care that much.
What I care about, is that my heart loves God, that I do the will of the Heavenly Father, and that I help to participate in building God's temple (spread the Gospel). We were created to give God glory, and Jesus died for our sins, so we can give glory to God once again. If your son does that, it's all that matters.

What good is marriage, career, money and everything else in live if we do not have relationship with Jesus? 3 and half years ago, my health and life took a massive dive (later I was diagnosed with a massive brain tumour). The life that I lived until then was like a vanity, nothing was of value, because I thought I was going to die (and the tumour was large enough to kill me, it was matter of time). I had no hope, because there is none in this world. And this is when I was saved.

Do not worry whether your son gets married or not (God can glorify Himself in both), but that he follows Christ and loves Him. And God will take it from there. He knows what is best for your son, maybe His will be that your son stays single, would you be ok of that, if that was the will of God for your son?

 

[Dave G.]

He already has the important relationship, with God. If something more comes from that let it be God who blesses it.

 

[Hazelelponi]

My son is 22 and is a senior accounting major at a large university in Tennessee. He is incredibly smart, confident, and is deeply spiritual and a dedicated Christ follower. He is tall, well-built, fun, witty, genuine, unpretentious, handsome - he has all of the traits that a Christian young lady would be looking for in a husband.

However, he has never really dated much, nor ever had a girlfriend per se. He's not into partying and having sex. He wants to wait until marriage for sex. I understand all of that. But I am afraid that he's too choosy and time will get by, with the vast majority of eligible young women gone. Is that a realistic concern?

He has been texting a Christian young lady for over a month, while they were both at home during the break, and I was hoping that something was developing there, but apparently there's not much communication now between the two. I have tried to give him advice (unsolicited because he's private) such as "You know, if you like this girl you are going to have to be a bit more proactive about actually getting together, something beyond texting." And "find things that she's interested in talking about...not just stuff you're interested in talking about like football and sports."

Every parent wants their child to find a suitable mate. Am I way over-reacting on this? He's sure let some sweet girls get away in my opinion, due to his passiveness.

Also, he's not really that concerned about it at all. He is fully focused on his grades and pursuing his masters degree. He certainly wants to have a family and all of that, but he's not out looking for it per se. Any advice from parents out there? Thank you so much!

I don't understand what you're worried about.

If your son is old fashioned, he is going to have a more difficult time finding a young woman he's interested in. And that's not being overly picky, it's being real about his faith and what's important.

Secondly, he's only 22. My brother didn't have his first date with a girl until that age. Respectable young women such that would be good for your son are holding out for what your son will be in a few more years, once he has his master's and is on a solid career path with a company.

So quit worrying and let him become established. He'll get married to the right young woman when the time is right. He's still very young.

 

[trophy33]

My son is 22 and is a senior accounting major at a large university in Tennessee. He is incredibly smart, confident, and is deeply spiritual and a dedicated Christ follower. He is tall, well-built, fun, witty, genuine, unpretentious, handsome - he has all of the traits that a Christian young lady would be looking for in a husband.

Thats probably why he does not need to desperately date with women, but can wait for the right one. He is a good match so he can be picky.

But I am afraid that he's too choosy and time will get by, with the vast majority of eligible young women gone. Is that a realistic concern?

Not really. Men who are 40 years old and look good can get a 20 something girl quite easily. Your son has a plenty of time.

 

[A_Thinker]

And I found the love of my life at 32....so.....I'm biased.

God led me to love at 37, after I had finished a graduate degree, worked for 15 years, and saved enough money to pay for a wedding and put a nice down-payment on a house.

In that time I also read through the scriptures twice ...

 

[A_Thinker]

My son is 22 and is a senior accounting major at a large university in Tennessee. He is incredibly smart, confident, and is deeply spiritual and a dedicated Christ follower. He is tall, well-built, fun, witty, genuine, unpretentious, handsome - he has all of the traits that a Christian young lady would be looking for in a husband.

However, he has never really dated much, nor ever had a girlfriend per se. He's not into partying and having sex. He wants to wait until marriage for sex. I understand all of that. But I am afraid that he's too choosy and time will get by, with the vast majority of eligible young women gone. Is that a realistic concern?

He has been texting a Christian young lady for over a month, while they were both at home during the break, and I was hoping that something was developing there, but apparently there's not much communication now between the two. I have tried to give him advice (unsolicited because he's private) such as "You know, if you like this girl you are going to have to be a bit more proactive about actually getting together, something beyond texting." And "find things that she's interested in talking about...not just stuff you're interested in talking about like football and sports."

Every parent wants their child to find a suitable mate. Am I way over-reacting on this? He's sure let some sweet girls get away in my opinion, due to his passiveness.

Also, he's not really that concerned about it at all. He is fully focused on his grades and pursuing his masters degree. He certainly wants to have a family and all of that, but he's not out looking for it per se. Any advice from parents out there? Thank you so much!

I will also mention ... that I eventually had to put some distance between myself and a close relative ... who hounded me constantly about whether I was in the game yet ...

 

[Trusting in Him]

I did not get married until I was 37, it was not a problem. God has a plan for your son's life and God will fullfill that plan according to His own timing. Better to wait for the right one, rather than marry the wrong one and have a lifetime of regret.

 

[bèlla]

Dating is a question of interest and opportunity. Connecting with the opposite sex requires mutuality. Both must possess a desire to become better acquainted. Opportunity is also a factor. Personality, location, and dating pool play a part in ones results.

As a rule, women are less interested in developing relationships in college. The majority are focused on their career. Christian schools may differ.

The pool is larger and interacting is easier because of the setting. But that’s no guarantee. Most people marry later. They want to finish school and have financial stability. Especially if they’ve acquired debt. Paying it down puts less pressure on the purse strings.

As a parent, I couldn’t care less how many she attracts or who got away. The bigger question is whether she’s drawing the complement she’s seeking. Just because someone’s interested doesn’t mean you feel the same.

The vow is between them and God not the parents. They need to forge a commitment they can stick with. If he isn’t initiating conversations on the subject hold off. You’ve shared your opinion and provided advice. The next move is his.

You can’t make it happen and he hasn’t requested your assistance. You want him to marry. The timing is his to decide.

~bella

 

[mama2one]

My son is 22 and is a senior accounting major at a large university in Tennessee.

@TexasMustang you're 55, so you had your son at age 33
how old were you when you married?

it seems your son has plenty of time going by your timeline?

 

[timf]

I got married when I was 43 and my wife was 37.

I can testify that there are advantages to being selective. An additional consideration is that things attempted to force an outcome can be of the flesh and not turn out well.

Rather than put pressure on your son, you might invite him to share with you his selection criteria and his recent experiences.