Last night I was out with my boyfriend, and we were going to sit on the trunk of his car and look at the stars. He tried to lift me up to sit on the trunk, but it was a little awkward and I ended up sitting on his hand. As I was getting situated, I was thinking about making sure I wasn't gonna dent the trunk, and I knew I was hurting his hand, but I thought it didn't really matter.
Well he got up next to me and was half joking but said "you about broke my pinky." And I just felt awful. I tried to replay the situation then and there and asked how I could have avoided it, and he said to not have moved the way I did. And then later I asked about his hand and he said he was fine.
But I just feel HORRIBLE. I KNEW I was hurting him at the time. I keep replaying it, thinking about if I knew how to do it better BEFORE he told me, trying to figure out what was going through my mind. My brain is just telling me he deserves someone who isn't going to deliberately hurt him, and that I'm abusive, and I should break up with him. But I don't even know how I would explain that to a future date; I don't even know if I should just let this go and chalk it up to "I did something mean and selfish but its not worth breaking up over."
I'm having such bad anxiety right now, my chest hurts and i can't stop thinking about it.
Well he got up next to me and was half joking but said "you about broke my pinky." And I just felt awful. I tried to replay the situation then and there and asked how I could have avoided it, and he said to not have moved the way I did. And then later I asked about his hand and he said he was fine.
But I just feel HORRIBLE. I KNEW I was hurting him at the time. I keep replaying it, thinking about if I knew how to do it better BEFORE he told me, trying to figure out what was going through my mind. My brain is just telling me he deserves someone who isn't going to deliberately hurt him, and that I'm abusive, and I should break up with him. But I don't even know how I would explain that to a future date; I don't even know if I should just let this go and chalk it up to "I did something mean and selfish but its not worth breaking up over."
I'm having such bad anxiety right now, my chest hurts and i can't stop thinking about it.