Anxiety attack worse than thanksgivings,and by far the worst in my life and ever to hit

[Blaise N]

Hi everyone

today has been a serious struggle,very serious,so serious that it has shaken me to my very core.I’m very very low and damaged I’m so exhausted from anxiety that I’m tired and shaking and my jaw hurts from so much clenching and my head hurts from stress.

It’s been a very hard day,I’ve had anxiety all day,tempted with apostasy and to give up on God and that “life with Jesus is too hard” my flesh is weak but my heart and soul refuse to give in,I’m very very scared that I’m not even a true Christian and I’m very scared that I’ve never believed.I admit it’s very hard believing in Jesus and all about him,but when I was a younger Christian,I never had a struggle with anxiety like this.I’m seriously doubting Gods existence but refusing ti stop believing in him,which brings me fear of the faith of the demons.what keeps driving me is God is my hope and he is my provider and comforter.
What has really scared me is all the knowledge I have and worried that I’m not a Christian,I’m scared I’m not called,Scared I’m an unbeliever,and scared I’m an apostate.I can’t face the fact of somehow deep down not being a believer,because I know very well the dangers of not being one.

I personally think it’s another very powerful satanic attack.Because Everytime I remind myself I’m not an unbeliever because an unbeliever refuses and chooses not to follow God,I’m hit with “the path is too hard and too painful” or “It’s very hard to believe and articulate”.I must confess in my part I must not have been very disciplined for awhile for this to happen to me,I must’ve either not read my Bible enough or seen faith as a duty or relied on works for salvation.

I confess I must have a lazy or exhausted heart,and I’ve been worried it’s too big to overcome while in faith in God.

I’ve said this before,I cannot be comforted by the idea of God not being real and I love the life God has provided for me,I love my Christian family,the blessings he has given me,and for all the things he’s helped me with,but my heart keeps feeling like it’s too much.But I keep holding on.

I’d like to inform that I am scheduled this next week to see another psychologist and my regular psychologist the following week after next.I only realized about an hour and a half ago that I forgot my morning medicine,so that probably has a part to play in this mornings predicament.

I’m having a lot of apathy and I’m exhausted and still panicked.I even thought I was dying earlier this morning,But I am going to see a therapist,another psychologist and my regular therapist.

Even just a second ago I thought “I’ve lost faith in God” I was apathetic but now I’m trying to be worried.
Please I’m scared and very worried about apostasy and unbelief.Please pray for me.



Update-January 14th 6:20pm:


My evening has been slightly better but not comforting.I’ve still been worried and panicked.
I’ve had intrusive thoughts about apostasy all day and anxiety Over apathy.Ive had intrusive thoughts like:

“Just get used to living a hopeless and miserable life without the Lord”

“The process is difficult at first”

And now that I look at them they look like lied of Satan.Allow me to elaborate how I’m feeling,and I’m doing this because I’m seeking Godly counsel.

So all day I’ve been experiencing temptation,and intrusive thoughts about apathy and apostasy.My flesh and at some points my heart/soul had been favoring the side of leaving the lord but I always rejected them,that’s scary part number one.Another thing is,unlike the episode in November,when I was scared I committed apostasy,I had a heartfelt desire to repent and (in case) “return to the lord”,but with this situation that’s absent,that scares me more.I know feelings shouldn’t dominate nor dictate faith,but I’ve been scared that “what if j haven’t been a true believer and I really am falling away?”.I’ve been consistent and constant in prayer,I don’t have a lack of belief in God,to say firsthand.I don’t like,and openly object atheism,I don’t want to be an enemy of God,and I don’t want anything in the world.Heck whenever I think or meditate on the phrase “God the father” I have nothing but love and compassion for the father.

It’s just that unlike the episode in November this one is considerably worse to a significant degree.Mainly for having at some points to make myself worry or even worse ,even if I have fallen away,committed apostasy,or strayed away,I can’t feel or experience a conviction to (in the case of that) return to him even though I need him for absolutely everything in my life.I keep trying to conjure up feeling to reassure myself of the sincerity of prayer to the lord.

I’m asking fellow believers if they have been through something like this,Im afraid I’m the only one suffering through this.Like I said I don’t want to be an enemy of the Lord and I don’t want anything worldly,and I refuse to sin and refuse to stop repenting whenever I mess up-(even though I feel like I don’t need or want to) I still repent and choose to.My perspective unlike yesterday has changed,which is now “Father God,no matter how hard life with you is,I want you to stay with me for life” This past week has also helped me prioritize the right stance with the lord more than a wife.
I know the lord says that that his sheep will never be snatched out of his hand,but it scares me how Un-immune I am to the threat and aspect of apostasy.A couple months ago I was well aware and avoided of apostasy,I never worried about it,but now I am.

I’ve strategized a tactic to fight the thoughts,I think back of how glorious life with the Lord is and how much he has gracefully given me,and I think about how I’ve grown up in a family in Christ and how much it would hurt if I fell away,but that makes me worry that I love the things the lord provides for me more than him.

Overall I don’t reject Jesus and don’t hate him and am not angry at him.I keep praying and repenting.I am incapable of living without the lord and don’t desire to.Can any professional Christian help decipher this trial-(if it is)like Daniel and Nebuchadnezzar?

I’m just scared of God ignoring me and condemning me.


Update: January 15th 10:31am:

Im feeling better but still worried I’m somehow living in a deceived state.What I mean by this is “I’m worried that I’ve committed apostasy and in a peaceful minded or feeling state because I’m condemned and have a seared conscience” I keep telling the lord I repent,but still I’m unsure.I even awoke to the feeling that the things in the Bible are “foolish” which is scary to me.And I still try to move on with confidence in the Lord.But I’m still worried.I’m even having feelings that God isn’t real.I probably need to go and take my medicine.Can anyone offer support.

 

[Tolworth John]

just a second ago I thought “I’ve lost faith in God” I was apathetic but now I’m trying to be worried.

25 tips to successfully treat your old, point no 4 says,
Always try to agree with intrusive thoughts, don't argue, talk back, or try to ignore, just say, ' yes that is right ' and move on.

For your anxiety you need to talk to your doctor about a.l your proble s and take, regularly, your education.

 

[Blaise N]

25 tips to successfully treat your old, point no 4 says,
Always try to agree with intrusive thoughts, don't argue, talk back, or try to ignore, just say, ' yes that is right ' and move on.

For your anxiety you need to talk to your doctor about a.l your proble s and take, regularly, your education.

Ok,I’m just overly obsessed with apostasy and fear of apathy and having left him,like I said I’m going to see a psychologist

 

[aiki]

Hi everyone

today has been a serious struggle,very serious,so serious that it has shaken me to my very core.I’m very very low and damaged I’m so exhausted from anxiety that I’m tired and shaking and my jaw hurts from so much clenching and my head hurts from stress.

Time to try a different approach to things, eh?

It’s been a very hard day,I’ve had anxiety all day,tempted with apostasy and to give up on God and that “life with Jesus is too hard” my flesh is weak but my heart and soul refuse to give in,I’m very very scared that I’m not even a true Christian and I’m very scared that I’ve never believed.

The single best remedy for this sort of fear is love: God's love for you and your love for Him.

I admit it’s very hard believing in Jesus and all about him,but when I was a younger Christian,I never had a struggle with anxiety like this.I’m seriously doubting Gods existence but refusing ti stop believing in him,which brings me fear of the faith of the demons.what keeps driving me is God is my hope and he is my provider and comforter.

God doesn't stop existing just because you may think He doesn't exist. Your denying Him makes no difference on His side of things. But it'll make a huge difference on yours.

What has really scared me is all the knowledge I have and worried that I’m not a Christian,I’m scared I’m not called,Scared I’m an unbeliever,and scared I’m an apostate.I can’t face the fact of somehow deep down not being a believer,because I know very well the dangers of not being one.

The call to salvation is a call made to all the World - that includes you. Jesus died for the sins of the World and is a Savior to ALL who call upon his name, who in faith believe he is their Savior and Lord.

Why look upon the dangers of a life without God? Why not fix your eyes upon the wonderful life in Christ you are offered by God? Why is it so easy to look at the danger and not the wonder and joy of life in Christ?

As you've been told before, an apostate doesn't fret about being apostate. This is, in part, what marks an apostate as an apostate. But this isn't you. So, stop fussing about it.

I personally think it’s another very powerful satanic attack.Because Everytime I remind myself I’m not an unbeliever because an unbeliever refuses and chooses not to follow God,I’m hit with “the path is too hard and too painful” or “It’s very hard to believe and articulate”.I must confess in my part I must not have been very disciplined for awhile for this to happen to me,I must’ve either not read my Bible enough or seen faith as a duty or relied on works for salvation.

No, the key to walking well with God isn't your effort but your constant submission to God so that He might work on your behalf, making you who He wants you to be. The battle is to remain submitted, not to fight and claw your way to godliness. Only God can make you godly. And He does so only as you stay submitted to His will and way throughout each day.

But I keep holding on.

It's not working. So, try God's way: surrender. (Romans 12:1; Romans 6:13-22; James 4:7; 1 Peter 5:6)

Even just a second ago I thought “I’ve lost faith in God” I was apathetic but now I’m trying to be worried.

Train yourself to use these silly thoughts as a trigger to look away from them to God's truth. Anchor your thought-life in God's word, not random, fearful thoughts that drive you to obsessive fear.

Memorize: 2 Timothy 1:9; Romans 8:15; 2 Corinthians 10:3-5; Romans 8:1; 1 John 4:16-17. Or, when fearful thoughts arise, turn to cards on which you've written these verses and think on them, by faith standing upon them, no matter what thoughts assail you.

So all day I’ve been experiencing temptation,and intrusive thoughts about apathy and apostasy.My flesh and at some points my heart/soul had been favoring the side of leaving the lord but I always rejected them,that’s scary part number one.Another thing is,unlike the episode in November,when I was scared I committed apostasy,I had a heartfelt desire to repent and (in case) “return to the lord”,but with this situation that’s absent,that scares me more.I know feelings shouldn’t dominate nor dictate faith,but I’ve been scared that “what if j haven’t been a true believer and I really am falling away?”.I’ve been consistent and constant in prayer,I don’t have a lack of belief in God,to say firsthand.I don’t like,and openly object atheism,I don’t want to be an enemy of God,and I don’t want anything in the world.Heck whenever I think or meditate on the phrase “God the father” I have nothing but love and compassion for the father.

The life God wants you to enjoy with Him starts with submission. None of what you describe here is going to be particularly effective outside of a place of regular yielding of yourself to God throughout each day. Only in this place of agreement to God's transformation of you will He work to transform you. He will not force you into His mold. And you cannot, by your own effort, force yourself into His mold.

I’ve strategized a tactic to fight the thoughts,I think back of how glorious life with the Lord is and how much he has gracefully given me,and I think about how I’ve grown up in a family in Christ and how much it would hurt if I fell away,but that makes me worry that I love the things the lord provides for me more than him.

Your spiritual "sword" is not these things but the word of God. (Ephesians 6:17) These tactics you've developed are like using a wet noodle in a swordfight. Only God's word is "living, and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of the soul and spirit." When Jesus was tempted by the devil in the wilderness, his response was always, "It is written..." (Matthew 4) You simply cannot succeed in your struggle apart from the Truth of God's word.

I’m asking fellow believers if they have been through something like this,Im afraid I’m the only one suffering through this.

Yes. And the things I'm telling you were all learned in the midst of the darkness and struggle of obsessive fear and depression. Will you benefit from my experience? I hope so.

I’m just scared of God ignoring me and condemning me.

The God who sent His only Son to die for you? He's going to ignore you after He's done all He has done to bring you to Himself? This doesn't make sense, Blaise.