One of the worst kinds of anxiety for me, is having plans with friends who have a big focus on how they look (then it makes me feel like I've got a standard for spending time with them), don't keep to the arranged time, cancel after they're running late, etc. I get fidgety when waiting, start sweating the little things, and generally procrastinate on circular thoughts I can deal if someone is running late, provided they let me know before I sit there for an hour doing my own head in. 
I don't invest my time in friends who are like this, I generally limit my time with them or plan to see them only if I'm going somewhere anyway, so that they don't give me time to get into that kind of state, really, it's stress and drama I just don't need.
There is one friend who I repeatedly make exceptions for, he is the epitome of unreliable, for example he'll call and say he doesn't like his hair so he isn't leaving the house, or he'll be 90 mins late to a dinner arrangement and the food will cooked, served, and stone cold before he gets there. Last weekend I waited 45 min for him, before he told me he was turning around and driving home because his mood changed. I try to show understanding for his own needs in coming late, being unreliable etc, but he shows little for my state of anxiety, which he knows I experience in such situations.
He's leaving for the other side of the country next week, and after last weekend's debacle I told him that because my exams were coming up, that I was genuinely busy working a 6 day week in addition to University, and after last weekend, I would not be making plans with him before he leaves. He knows I have tomorrow off (and by off, I mean to do all my study, cleaning, go to the gym, do shopping etc) and is trying to make me feel guilty for not making a plan to see him. I know it would be irrational to make time for him given all these factors, but it's hard to do the right thing for myself sometimes, when it looks so 'selfish'. My Psychologist is trying to teach me that it's not 'selfishness', it is 'taking care of myself', and that I should avoid situations where I'm only participating out of self-denigration, IE: 'it would be so selfish of me not to see him before he goes, even though he is so unreliable and I am so ridiculously busy.'
I am mostly sharing because I need to recognize I DO take steps to reduce the anxiety in my life, but I also hope some other people might chip in with ways they deal with unreliability in friendships. I try not to be too harsh on other people for things that affect me, ie: it can't always be them that's the problem, but sometimes we need to recognize there are ways we can improve our relationships, without abandoning them or letting them manifest in an unhealthy way for us.
I don't invest my time in friends who are like this, I generally limit my time with them or plan to see them only if I'm going somewhere anyway, so that they don't give me time to get into that kind of state, really, it's stress and drama I just don't need. There is one friend who I repeatedly make exceptions for, he is the epitome of unreliable, for example he'll call and say he doesn't like his hair so he isn't leaving the house, or he'll be 90 mins late to a dinner arrangement and the food will cooked, served, and stone cold before he gets there. Last weekend I waited 45 min for him, before he told me he was turning around and driving home because his mood changed. I try to show understanding for his own needs in coming late, being unreliable etc, but he shows little for my state of anxiety, which he knows I experience in such situations.
He's leaving for the other side of the country next week, and after last weekend's debacle I told him that because my exams were coming up, that I was genuinely busy working a 6 day week in addition to University, and after last weekend, I would not be making plans with him before he leaves. He knows I have tomorrow off (and by off, I mean to do all my study, cleaning, go to the gym, do shopping etc) and is trying to make me feel guilty for not making a plan to see him. I know it would be irrational to make time for him given all these factors, but it's hard to do the right thing for myself sometimes, when it looks so 'selfish'. My Psychologist is trying to teach me that it's not 'selfishness', it is 'taking care of myself', and that I should avoid situations where I'm only participating out of self-denigration, IE: 'it would be so selfish of me not to see him before he goes, even though he is so unreliable and I am so ridiculously busy.'
I am mostly sharing because I need to recognize I DO take steps to reduce the anxiety in my life, but I also hope some other people might chip in with ways they deal with unreliability in friendships. I try not to be too harsh on other people for things that affect me, ie: it can't always be them that's the problem, but sometimes we need to recognize there are ways we can improve our relationships, without abandoning them or letting them manifest in an unhealthy way for us.
