I was just wondering, this is for those of you who do spank, how do you go about it? Do you bring the kid into another room and do it privately. Do you leave pants up or not? Do you use anything or just your hand? I've decided I probably will spank but only in extreme circumstances, and I will be careful about how it is done because my parents didn't go about it very well. I think it is necessary sometimes when other things just aren't working. I just wanted to know what some parents who spank thought about how it should be done. I'm asking that you please only state your opinion. I DO NOT want a nasty thread. Do me a favor and don't respond to any other person's statement unless you agree. I want your opinion. Not someone elses. Please help me out. Me and my FH have discussed how we will dicipline children and I would like to know your thoughts.
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Another Spanking thread
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AbidingInHim
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Dare to discipline by Dr dobyns is a must read.....or you could get it on cassette and listen to when your driving.....that said,
I calmly take them away from everyone sit them on my lap, ask them if they know why they are being spanked so they are clear about the offense....sapnk 2 to 4 swats with my hand depending on the severity of the offense.....lying is probably the biggest offense we've faced....afterwards I hold them and comfort them when they cvry and reassure them, I love them and do not enjoy having to discipline, but that is why God choose me to be the mommy, because he wants me to teach them and make sur they do whats right, it make both God and me sad when they do wrong and encourage them that next time they will make a better decision.....
I calmly take them away from everyone sit them on my lap, ask them if they know why they are being spanked so they are clear about the offense....sapnk 2 to 4 swats with my hand depending on the severity of the offense.....lying is probably the biggest offense we've faced....afterwards I hold them and comfort them when they cvry and reassure them, I love them and do not enjoy having to discipline, but that is why God choose me to be the mommy, because he wants me to teach them and make sur they do whats right, it make both God and me sad when they do wrong and encourage them that next time they will make a better decision.....
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andiesmama
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roxannacc and I do it basically the same way....
Andie always gets a warning that a spanking will come if "whatever", I don't just haul off & give her a swat. It's never on her bare bottom, and usually just one or two swats. Then I also hold her while she cries and tell her I love her. We then talk about why she got a spanking, I reassure her of my love for her, ("Even when mommy is mad I still love you, I will never stop loving you"). And then it's over and we go on with our day.
Oh, to answer your other questions...I've not had to spank her anywhere other than at home, but if it DID come to pass that we were in another situation, I would take her someplace private, with just the 2 of us, because I wouldn't want her to feel embarrassed on top of everything else, you know? And I always spank with just my hand, not an object. IMO spanking with an object is equal to beating....altho I know there are differing opinions on this as well!
But it's done in extreme circumstances, like you said. Well, extreme for us. Now it's the whole not listening thing, or doing and continuing to do the total opposite of what I've asked her to do....usually around bedtime!
But I just remind myself that "This too shall pass."
Andie always gets a warning that a spanking will come if "whatever", I don't just haul off & give her a swat. It's never on her bare bottom, and usually just one or two swats. Then I also hold her while she cries and tell her I love her. We then talk about why she got a spanking, I reassure her of my love for her, ("Even when mommy is mad I still love you, I will never stop loving you"). And then it's over and we go on with our day.Oh, to answer your other questions...I've not had to spank her anywhere other than at home, but if it DID come to pass that we were in another situation, I would take her someplace private, with just the 2 of us, because I wouldn't want her to feel embarrassed on top of everything else, you know? And I always spank with just my hand, not an object. IMO spanking with an object is equal to beating....altho I know there are differing opinions on this as well!
But it's done in extreme circumstances, like you said. Well, extreme for us. Now it's the whole not listening thing, or doing and continuing to do the total opposite of what I've asked her to do....usually around bedtime!
But I just remind myself that "This too shall pass."
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Joykins
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A quick swat, on the clothed bottom, after several warnings and aggravated bad behavior. Child must understand why it is being done.
Any child of mine who gets spanked always has an opportunity to avoid it. Amazing, how they don't take it half as much as I wish they would.
Any child of mine who gets spanked always has an opportunity to avoid it. Amazing, how they don't take it half as much as I wish they would.
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LynnMcG
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I've only swatted a diapered bottom in serious situations, after repeated warnings. I found with my daughter that once she was of the age she was no longer in diapers, that she was better able to reason. She's six years-old now and I cannot remember the last time she was spanked.
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Stringaling
Stringaling
I have a three year old boy and sometimes words just don't work with him. When we do spank we take them to their room and explain why they are getting a spanking. I don't use my hand, I use a wooden spoon because yuou don't have to swing as hard and it provides better results. We let them cry it out for a few minutes and then go to them to talk about it again and why we did it and assure them that we love them. My daughter is 4 and we rarely have to spank her, but my boy--sometimes even spanking doesn't work. He is so wierd, sometimes just the threat of a spanking will send him to tears and other times he tries to stare me down. He's so moody. Does anyone know anything about overcoming the stubborn will of a little boy??
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rasplundjr
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Depends on the offense...
Some things can wait until we're alone, but there are some that just need to be done in front of God and everybody.
If they shy away or pull away they get an extra one for each time they pull away.
My son will run and hide in his room, and if I have to start counting it's an added 3 per number I hit.
They are always on a clothed bottom, I don't beliieve in bare bottom. And if I have a paddle [mine recently broke (my son wrote my daughters name all over it and put not for him so I needed to burn it and make a new one anyway)] I'll use it other wise I'll double my belt over afew times so that I don't get a wraparound on them, or I'll just use my hand.
Smart mouths, hateful remarks, lies get them slapped lightly on the cheek or mouth, just enough that they feel something happened and that it was they who messed up. Threatening an elder or raising a fist get them pinned to a wall until they calm down. (I haven't had to pin them to a wall yet but I figure as much like me as they act it will happen soon enough, my parents did it for me and that broke me of it REAL fast)
And no matter what the punishment I make them give me a hug and hug them back afterwards so they know that I sitll love them no matter what.
As far as punishment I am rather strict, but at least I'm not as bad as my parents, or their parents before them. But truth be told they had some good penalties to break me of bad behaviour.
Some things can wait until we're alone, but there are some that just need to be done in front of God and everybody.
If they shy away or pull away they get an extra one for each time they pull away.
My son will run and hide in his room, and if I have to start counting it's an added 3 per number I hit.
They are always on a clothed bottom, I don't beliieve in bare bottom. And if I have a paddle [mine recently broke (my son wrote my daughters name all over it and put not for him so I needed to burn it and make a new one anyway)] I'll use it other wise I'll double my belt over afew times so that I don't get a wraparound on them, or I'll just use my hand.
Smart mouths, hateful remarks, lies get them slapped lightly on the cheek or mouth, just enough that they feel something happened and that it was they who messed up. Threatening an elder or raising a fist get them pinned to a wall until they calm down. (I haven't had to pin them to a wall yet but I figure as much like me as they act it will happen soon enough, my parents did it for me and that broke me of it REAL fast)
And no matter what the punishment I make them give me a hug and hug them back afterwards so they know that I sitll love them no matter what.
As far as punishment I am rather strict, but at least I'm not as bad as my parents, or their parents before them. But truth be told they had some good penalties to break me of bad behaviour.
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rasplundjr
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Stringaling said:
Sorry but no. My parents are still trying to figure out how to overcome the stubborn will of their baby boy, and I'm 32.
Still trying to figure out what works with my 13 year old son too.
When we go to punish him he gets loud starts yelling and screaming and stating that I'm makin him angry trying to intimidate us I will not sit still for that. Then I step up and ask him to rephrase it. He's under 5 foot, and I'm 6 foot 4. He backs down quick. The first time he throws a punch will be his last though especially if it's at his little sister or mother or grandparents.
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rasplundjr
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Though sometimes for a son a well placed and rather luod "BOY!" will get them to stop and reconsider QUICK!!
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VHOLLOWAY
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spank.... just where ever we are if it it extreme...... i use belt, hubby hand.......i think that you should learn the child first.... meaning some bruse from just your and and it axually hurts them.... others they dont feel a thing and they need a little leather in their life...lol....(sorry)..... pray for your own self in the issue, expecially after the thoughts you have about your parents.... and rember you are not them and you realize the pattern so oyu can stop it
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I've spanked a few times. He knew he was doing something really wrong(IE running into the road or climbing up into the medicine cupboard) and he got a smack on the butt(he was wearing pants) and then got to spend 5 minutes alone in his room.
If I hug him the second after it happens, it makes the spanking null and void. He needs to cry for a few minutes or he'll do the same thing again because he can't see how he's in trouble if I'm hugging him. After 5 I go tell him I'm sorry he's crying, tell him what he did and that's why I had to punish him and that I love him. We say sorry and it's over. I always make sure he knows "I love you but don't love what you just did. I also don't like spanking but I will."
If I hug him the second after it happens, it makes the spanking null and void. He needs to cry for a few minutes or he'll do the same thing again because he can't see how he's in trouble if I'm hugging him. After 5 I go tell him I'm sorry he's crying, tell him what he did and that's why I had to punish him and that I love him. We say sorry and it's over. I always make sure he knows "I love you but don't love what you just did. I also don't like spanking but I will."
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Zoomer
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My children first get a warning. If they do not listen after the verbal warning, they get a time out for 5 minutes.. If they continue their behavior, they get a spanking and another 5 minute time out. When we do spank, it is done in private, with clothing on, and with the hand.
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Christdefinesme
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Well, my kids all know what will get them a spanking.
Disrespect to parents (mouthing off), telling us "no", or directly doing opposite of a command, lying, hitting or biting another child (or themselves).
Usually we give a warning if appropriate, but sometimes they just end up with a spanking (if it's lying or disrespect). We ONLY spank over clothes, diapers included for the little ones. I absolutely do not support bare bottomed, it's humiliating for the little ones.......we use a wooden spoon, 3 measured, quick swats (tested on you first to make sure it's not too hard). Always in another room away from others (we use the bathroom), always talk before so kids understand why they're getting a spanking, always hug and pray and talk afterwards. I always make my kids tell me and the Lord that they are sorry for what they did, and why they are sorry. I make them look in my eyes, and talk to me about their thoughts, and understanding of the situation. They always leave settled and content.
My oldest was a spitfire when she was a toddler, and when I would give her a time out she would yell at me, and leave her time out, then get a spanking for disobeying and disrespect, then I would make her complete the time out for the original offense. Some kids are more strong willed than others. My other 3 have not had that much of a strong will, and they haven't needed quite as many spankings. We save the spankings for the biggies, though, and they are done in a well planned, private environment surrounded by lots of communication, prayer, and hugs.
Also, there is another thread about alternatives to spanking, seems you've read through it before, but look up some of that stuff, too. The more well-rounded info you have on parenting and discipline, the better you'll be at it!
Disrespect to parents (mouthing off), telling us "no", or directly doing opposite of a command, lying, hitting or biting another child (or themselves
).Usually we give a warning if appropriate, but sometimes they just end up with a spanking (if it's lying or disrespect). We ONLY spank over clothes, diapers included for the little ones. I absolutely do not support bare bottomed, it's humiliating for the little ones.......we use a wooden spoon, 3 measured, quick swats (tested on you first to make sure it's not too hard). Always in another room away from others (we use the bathroom), always talk before so kids understand why they're getting a spanking, always hug and pray and talk afterwards. I always make my kids tell me and the Lord that they are sorry for what they did, and why they are sorry. I make them look in my eyes, and talk to me about their thoughts, and understanding of the situation. They always leave settled and content.
My oldest was a spitfire when she was a toddler, and when I would give her a time out she would yell at me, and leave her time out, then get a spanking for disobeying and disrespect, then I would make her complete the time out for the original offense. Some kids are more strong willed than others. My other 3 have not had that much of a strong will, and they haven't needed quite as many spankings. We save the spankings for the biggies, though, and they are done in a well planned, private environment surrounded by lots of communication, prayer, and hugs.
Also, there is another thread about alternatives to spanking, seems you've read through it before, but look up some of that stuff, too. The more well-rounded info you have on parenting and discipline, the better you'll be at it!
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snarfywarning
Thy will, not my will, Savior!
I have probable only gotten spanked like 5 times in my life, but just the treat of it was enough to send me running!
My dad used to get all close to us and slap his hands together really loud. Scared the you-know-what out of me! I will probably do the same for my kids.
My dad used to get all close to us and slap his hands together really loud. Scared the you-know-what out of me! I will probably do the same for my kids.
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Gennifer
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I don't spank often, as it's usually the LAST RESORT, but sometimes when all other options have been exhausted it becomes a necessary tool of discipline. My husband tends to be all bark and no bite and thankfully that usually is enough to deter the children's behavior in most instances. I don't yell or scream, but always make good on the promise if a spanking is threatened. They child being punished is sent to their room and has to sit there on their bed until I return with the paddle (small paddleball toy, but the string and ball have been removed). We make sure they understand why exactly they are being punished (they repeat it to us), then we lower their pants and have them lay across their bed and give them 3 firm swats, followed by a hug and reassurance that we love them very much.
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