<Newbie Alert!>
I stumbled across this forum in search of a Christian perspective on BPD. I'm a 40-something son of a 60-something mother who exhibits nearly all of the characteristics of BPD. I also have a 40-something sister. Both of us have children and both of us have struggled with a number of things related to our mother. Our parents have been married 40+ years and are still together - miraculously. It's only been in the last few years that we have learned about BPD and strongly suspected that BPD to be the "smoking gun" of sorts. In addition, our mother exhibits many of the signs of strong narcissism, which compounds the BPD in profound ways.
I've spent quite a bit of time reading through the accounts here of others enduring the life with a BPD mother. All I can say is ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto. In short, my sister lives across the country and several years ago decided to completely distance herself from our parents (specifically due to our mother). I, on the other hand, live very close geographically and have enjoyed a great relationship with my father, while tolerating my mother's BPD behaviors.....sometimes at the expense of exposing my children (adults now) to her BPD behavior.
Recently (January), after one of my mother's irrational responses to a family situation, I decided I'd had enough. I haven't hardly spoken with my mother since. On one hand, I feel a certain element of peaceful relief. On the other, a tinge of guilt, but more concern about my mother's mental health. What complicates this is that I have also sacrificed a wonderful relationship I had with my father....which is, in part, what has prompted me to address this forum today. A question for the group:
How does one deal with an enabling spouse of someone with BPD? All my life my father has defended and excused my mother's actions as "that's just the way your mom is" or "you know how emotional your mom is." Also, my mom has a way of spinning every irrational response to him to get him on "her side." And he buys into it.
My sister has broached the subject with them about BPD (I haven't yet), and both my parents have essentially denied that it is even a possibility. So, our challenge, should we attempt to address this, is that we need to convince them BOTH that there are behavioral issues here that my mother needs to address before we can begin to consider continuing a relationship.
Unfortunately, much damage has been done along the way. None of my children, after seeing the results of her behavior, have a desire to have much more than a superficial relationship with her.....I can't say that I blame them.
Any input would be appreciated.
Thanks.
K2S
I stumbled across this forum in search of a Christian perspective on BPD. I'm a 40-something son of a 60-something mother who exhibits nearly all of the characteristics of BPD. I also have a 40-something sister. Both of us have children and both of us have struggled with a number of things related to our mother. Our parents have been married 40+ years and are still together - miraculously. It's only been in the last few years that we have learned about BPD and strongly suspected that BPD to be the "smoking gun" of sorts. In addition, our mother exhibits many of the signs of strong narcissism, which compounds the BPD in profound ways.
I've spent quite a bit of time reading through the accounts here of others enduring the life with a BPD mother. All I can say is ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto. In short, my sister lives across the country and several years ago decided to completely distance herself from our parents (specifically due to our mother). I, on the other hand, live very close geographically and have enjoyed a great relationship with my father, while tolerating my mother's BPD behaviors.....sometimes at the expense of exposing my children (adults now) to her BPD behavior.
Recently (January), after one of my mother's irrational responses to a family situation, I decided I'd had enough. I haven't hardly spoken with my mother since. On one hand, I feel a certain element of peaceful relief. On the other, a tinge of guilt, but more concern about my mother's mental health. What complicates this is that I have also sacrificed a wonderful relationship I had with my father....which is, in part, what has prompted me to address this forum today. A question for the group:
How does one deal with an enabling spouse of someone with BPD? All my life my father has defended and excused my mother's actions as "that's just the way your mom is" or "you know how emotional your mom is." Also, my mom has a way of spinning every irrational response to him to get him on "her side." And he buys into it.
My sister has broached the subject with them about BPD (I haven't yet), and both my parents have essentially denied that it is even a possibility. So, our challenge, should we attempt to address this, is that we need to convince them BOTH that there are behavioral issues here that my mother needs to address before we can begin to consider continuing a relationship.
Unfortunately, much damage has been done along the way. None of my children, after seeing the results of her behavior, have a desire to have much more than a superficial relationship with her.....I can't say that I blame them.
Any input would be appreciated.
Thanks.
K2S
