Another birthday party in the news where no one showed up

[jkjk]

Today, there was another article about a kid's birthday party where no one showed up

It seems like there's been a bunch of these stories. As a parent, it's quite heartbreaking to read these kinds of stories.

What really set me off, though was reading some of the comments (I know, I know; what did I expect reading the comments section?!) But it wasn't the mean spirited comments or trolls. It was comments like this one from a Christian:

Don't discriminate but disagree 4 hours ago
To you parent out there, throwing these birthday parties for your kids. We have other things to do on our weekends. Our weekdays are already full with work, and taking kids to extracurricular activities. Often we usually have more than one kids. So on the weekends we are catching up on chores, or taking children to play on their sports team. Then Sunday Church. No one has this extra time to make your child the center of attention. Make it easy on yourself. Have your child invite 1-3 close friends, and take them all out to do something.

I understand people are quite busy, and we as parents can't be expected to say yes to every single activity and invitation. But I think if a lot of us are honest, many of us are guilty of focusing too much on our own families and success and forgetting about sharing God's love with others.

Personally, I force my kids to go to parties. Sure there's other things that need to be done, like Taekwondo lessons and yard work, but isn't teaching our kids to be compassionate and sociable just as important?

What do other parents think?

 

[mina]

We always RSVP if we can't go. We just turned down a party b/c we will be out of town. Sometimes you can't go, but the least you can do is let the host know. We haven't had huge parties ourselves yet, usually it's just a friend or 2. If we were to have a big party; I'd have a date parents need to RSVP to and then probably send out text reminders close to that date. I do think it's important to teach kids if you say you will go then you need to show up or if you can't then it's polite to reach out and let your host know.

 

[JAM2b]

I agree with that commenter. Family needs and prior commitments come first. Plus, a lot of kids are over socialized I think. They go school five days a week, have church, have family stuff, and any extra curricular activities or events going on. They need some down time, a break, and a chance to not have to be socially engaged with people they didn't necessarily choose to have in their lives, but are mix in with because of school and everything else they may be part of. There's also the added expectation of bringing a gift to a birthday party, and some families can't afford it or are on a careful budget.

Also, I think some of these people who throw parties for a child with social problems, very few or no friends, special needs, or problems with bullies or being a bully themselves... they are setting their kids up for being hurt by inviting people who aren't likely to come. Then put it on social media to let the world know that no one came to their kid's party. Possibly humiliating their kid, and possibly hurting or alienating some who might have come, but could not. I think it's misguided and reckless. (Speaking as a parent of two kids with special needs and gender orientation ambivalence)

I don't force my kids to socialize or show love to someone they don't choose to themselves. If it is forced, then it is not genuine, isn't honest, and it is not going to change their heart or mind about the person they are forced to socialize with.

I've told my son that he could not go to a party before because I knew the adults would be drinking alcohol at the party, and I didn't really know them that well. My son and his friend were both very disappointed. They both got over it and are still friends. I don't mind being labeled a bad mom or being hated by someone, even my own kid, because I have standards, especially when it comes to my kids.

I teach my kids compassion and reaching out to others by doing that myself, but it doesn't involve a single party. I donate, I speak out about injustice and how to treat people, I help people who are struggling financially or need food, or someone to watch their kid if they have to do something. Real needs. I don't teach them by faking a friendship and spending money on an unneeded gift because someone has a birthday.

That being said, I plan to have a Christmas party for my son this year. We are doing it earlier in December so it isn't too close to Christmas. It's a no-gifts party. We are going to invite people who are likely to come, and are true friends. Not just mindlessly inviting people without considering what they might have going on or if they really like us or not. We will also ask them to RSVP so that we can have a reasonable expectation of who will come. We intend to invite the kid who's party I didn't allow my son to go to, and it will be OK if they decline.

 

[mama2one]

Personally, I force my kids to go to parties.
What do other parents think?

only had one peer kid party so far for our daughter
otherwise, it's just been extended family b'day parties

have not forced child to go to any boy b'day parties but she has been to all the girl parties