Angsty 16 year old

[hopeiseverywhere]

Hello everyone, I'm relatively new here, but after reading some of the troubles people are having, I wanted to share my experiences as well...

I am very happily married, and I am a stay at home mom with my 16 year old son, who is a sophomore at his public high school.

We noticed he is increasingly irritable, reserved, and secretive since we bought him a new desktop computer, and allowed him to keep it in his room (we have nowhere else to keep it). I made the mistake of giving him my credit card information for an online video game he got for his birthday called Warcraft Online, and have regretted it ever since.

He is still doing well in school, but he misses family meals almost every night. He cannot be bothered to come eat with us., and does not want to be active in our church activities (he was in the orchestra for the past two years!) on Wednesdays and Sundays. He used to be excited about getting his drivers license, but that seems to be something he doesn't even think of.

Every time i try to get him to leave his room, or tell him that his computer priveledges are almost taken, he will straighten up for a day or two, and go back to the cycle......

I think he is addicted. I haven't worked up the courage to talk to our pastor, because this all seemed pretty small until lately. My husband leaves for work around 5 a.m. and does not get home until after 7 p.m. - he barely has time to eat and sleep on weekdays, let alone police the internet for our son.

What should I do?

 

[vespasia]

Warcraft certainly can become a game that eats your life. You can purchase wifi connections that can be set to give limited time access to the internet. That would need to be asked of someone with better techie skills than I have.

Secondly remove temptation- secure your credit card by changing all the passwords and if need be cancel the card and start again. Its asking a lot of a young lad not to brag he has your details- he may not ever use that but that does not mean everyone he knows would be so good.

Move the furniture around- get that 'pute in a family room or in a place where people go past so you can keep an eye on what he is up to if your worried he may be seriously misusing trust. I would not recommend doing this lightly with a 16 year old but you could offer it as a consequence if he does not eat with you.

If your talking about taking away priv's you have to be prepared to stand by it its no good setting a boundery and caving at the first sulk with a teen. You do this calmly with a 'if you do this- this will happen- if you then continue to do that then this certainly WILL happen'.

Most teens go through a phase of seemingly turning into an uncommunicative grunt over night. Hormones and the stress of growing up can play havoc with someone who was a nice kid- try and leave communication doors open as much as possible.

If he is musical but has gone off orchestras is there another musical expressive form he could use such as a youth group band - ask your churches youth worker/pastor if you have one.

If family meals matter so much to you set that as a family time where food is available, thank your son for joining you all and let him know he is appreciated and wanted by his family. Be reasonable- it may take a lot for him to sit down just for the main dinner so set yourselves reasonable goals and tell him when he ha done something you appreciate.

Sometimes school can be very tough, kids get into some big emotional knots and worries and playing an online game can seem a lot better than real life.

The other thing to be aware of is this may be pointing towards your son feeling pretty low about himself. If you can try and talk with him by listening a s much as you can and reflecting back to him so he begins to pick up his mom is on his back because she truly cares and loves him.

 

[hopeiseverywhere]

wow! thanks for the quick response.

I know i need to be following up on some of my words - I'm bad about seeing the good in him and letting something go.

I just don't know if moving his "work area", computer, desk, homework is going to help in the long run.

The thing I can't figure out is why he feels like he has so many friends in this game, and he's acting completely normal!

 

[Blue sapphire]

Hello everyone, I'm relatively new here, but after reading some of the troubles people are having, I wanted to share my experiences as well...

I am very happily married, and I am a stay at home mom with my 16 year old son, who is a sophomore at his public high school.

We noticed he is increasingly irritable, reserved, and secretive since we bought him a new desktop computer, and allowed him to keep it in his room (we have nowhere else to keep it). I made the mistake of giving him my credit card information for an online video game he got for his birthday called Warcraft Online, and have regretted it ever since.

He is still doing well in school, but he misses family meals almost every night. He cannot be bothered to come eat with us., and does not want to be active in our church activities (he was in the orchestra for the past two years!) on Wednesdays and Sundays. He used to be excited about getting his drivers license, but that seems to be something he doesn't even think of.

Every time i try to get him to leave his room, or tell him that his computer priveledges are almost taken, he will straighten up for a day or two, and go back to the cycle......

I think he is addicted. I haven't worked up the courage to talk to our pastor, because this all seemed pretty small until lately. My husband leaves for work around 5 a.m. and does not get home until after 7 p.m. - he barely has time to eat and sleep on weekdays, let alone police the internet for our son.

What should I do?

Well Hope....welcome to my world. Yes I believe he is probably addicted.

Setting times is a very good idea. I believe one day a week is sufficient for war games......and not the full day.

You do need your husband to step in and do the disciplining side of things and you can then be the good guy and be someone to whom your son can talk to.

A joint effort on this one is far better.

Be prepared for his attitude to get worse before it gets better though......but target the bad attitude not the person.

He really doesn't know what is good for him.......though he won't admit it.

May God be with you.....

 

[jkitten]

Hi Hope,

You asked this a while ago, but I just wanted to point out that World of Warcraft itself offers a 'parental control' where you can set when you want your son to be able to log into his account. This is more useful than limiting the internet, since it will prevent him from logging in on any PC.

Please bear in mind, though, that if your son really is addicted, the game itself is not the problem but the symptom.

 

[homeofmew]

Online addiction can be dangerous because you want to escape the real world however online drama can happen then effect your real life. However people online ARE people too. When it comes to specific games - too much gaming can signal depression or problems IRL.