Angry at God due to the bureaucracy of the Orthodox Church

TheLostCoin

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Has anyone ever felt at angry at God due to the bureaucracy of Orthodoxy?

I have been an inquirer into Orthodoxy for more than 2 and a half years, and I am not going to lie, I am spiteful and angry at my prior priest who was in charge at the time. I am still angry and spiteful notsomuch because he was a bad priest, but because it seems to me (it might be innocence, but it certainly seems to me) like he personally did not like me and went out of his way to prevent me from becoming Orthodox insofar as he was able to. By the time I was able to become a Catechumen, I had to move away.

I went to every Catechism class, never missed Liturgy, volunteered at my Orthodox Church's soup kitchen regularly, was actively involved with OCF, etc. etc. However, despite this, after 2 and a half years, he never let me become a Catechumen.

This is despite the fact that one guy, who never went to liturgy, never went to any Catechism course, was admitted to the Catechumenate, and held toxic ideological viewpoints (racism and fascism), within a single year, and became Orthodox.

I also felt there was a large ethnic part of my parish who viewed me as an "outsider" because I was not a traditional Orthodox ethnicity.


Now, I've visited two different Orthodox parishes now that I'm settled in and met with two of the Priests, and both Priests have pretty much told me I'm back to square one and will have to start over.


I'm incredibly angry; I feel like I'm trapped in my own sins and need Confession and the Eucharist to progress. When I was Catholic, while I was far more immature, both Confession and the Sacraments were useful towards my sinlessness, and I miss that.

Anybody went through an analogous experience?
 

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Has anyone ever felt at angry at God due to the bureaucracy of Orthodoxy?

I have been an inquirer into Orthodoxy for more than 2 and a half years, and I am not going to lie, I am spiteful and angry at my prior priest who was in charge at the time. I am still angry and spiteful notsomuch because he was a bad priest, but because it seems to me (it might be innocence, but it certainly seems to me) like he personally did not like me and went out of his way to prevent me from becoming Orthodox insofar as he was able to. By the time I was able to become a Catechumen, I had to move away.

I went to every Catechism class, never missed Liturgy, volunteered at my Orthodox Church's soup kitchen regularly, was actively involved with OCF, etc. etc. However, despite this, after 2 and a half years, he never let me become a Catechumen.

This is despite the fact that one guy, who never went to liturgy, never went to any Catechism course, was admitted to the Catechumenate, and held toxic ideological viewpoints (racism and fascism), within a single year, and became Orthodox.

I also felt there was a large ethnic part of my parish who viewed me as an "outsider" because I was not a traditional Orthodox ethnicity.


Now, I've visited two different Orthodox parishes now that I'm settled in and met with two of the Priests, and both Priests have pretty much told me I'm back to square one and will have to start over.


I'm incredibly angry; I feel like I'm trapped in my own sins and need Confession and the Eucharist to progress. When I was Catholic, while I was far more immature, both Confession and the Sacraments were useful towards my sinlessness, and I miss that.

Anybody went through an analogous experience?

Sorry about that. Keep seeking God's face for direction. Maybe He's got other/better plans for your life.
 
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Andrewn

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I'm incredibly angry; I feel like I'm trapped in my own sins and need Confession and the Eucharist to progress. When I was Catholic, while I was far more immature, both Confession and the Sacraments were useful towards my sinlessness, and I miss that.
Just curious, why do you feel you have to become EO?
 
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Phronema

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I wouldn't be angry at God for the mistakes of other sinful men. That has nothing to do with God. We're all sinners, and live in a fallen state. Unfortunately that means priests too, so don't take that out on God, or anyone for that matter. Do your best to forgive your previous priest, and move on is my outlook on it.

As for the Catechumenate portion I'd only say that while you will have to start off at square one you may very well end up on the fast track due to having spent extensive time as an inquirer. You've already attended classes, Divine Liturgies, etc, and that helps I'd think. I'd also say that in my very limited experience being admitted to the Catechumenate happens for folks very quickly/early on, and usually at nothing more than their request. It essentially means they are now officially an inquirer of the Orthodox church with the blessing of the priest was how it was relayed to me. So it seems odd to me that your previous priest hadn't made you a Catechumen at some point.

Keep at it, TLC. While you may be frustrated with one person, and that experience don't let one person bog you down.

Edit : I understand the portion about not being able to partake of the sacraments. I'm in a similar boat as I'm in another portion of the world due to job requirements, and while there are Orthodox churches here I can't get to them to receive/partake of the sacraments. Stick with it! It's well worth the wait, imo.
 
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GreekOrthodox

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Has anyone ever felt at angry at God due to the bureaucracy of Orthodoxy?
Anybody went through an analogous experience?

I sold my home, moved my family to seminary and was told to leave at the end of the year at the start of the Great Recession. Yeah, I'm still bitter at times, especially when I have to pay on my student debt (only three more years!).
 
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ArmyMatt

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that didn't happen to me, but I know two who had longer catechumenates/inquiries because they had some things they couldn't accept for a while.

that said, this could also be a test of obedience.
 
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archer75

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I do sympathize, though this wasn't my experience.

But I have found it isn't healthy to compare oneself to others in these situations.

You only have to worry about yourself. Those other catechumens are not your primary responsibility.

Stay on your path and keep your eyes not on the clock or calendar, but on Christ.
 
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TheLostCoin

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that didn't happen to me, but I know two who had longer catechumenates/inquiries because they had some things they couldn't accept for a while.

that said, this could also be a test of obedience.

That's something I think about. Perhaps the Priest wasn't sure if I was fully committed to Orthodoxy and wanted to see if I would stick around, and maybe it's my own sinfulness, but when that person with very horrible political ideas was made a member, I was personally the Prodigal Son's older brother at that point and was spiteful from my own college mouse hole.
 
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TheLostCoin

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Just curious, why do you feel you have to become EO?
Because I believe that it's the Truth, and if it isn't the Truth, it's definitely the closest thing to the Truth. And I personally believe that God has called me to it on a very individual level, and to not become Orthodox would be serving myself instead of serving God. At least, that's what has in the past motivated me to join Orthodoxy.

I don't say that out of arrogance towards non-Orthodox, as I'm (personally and subjectively, not dogmatically) sure there are Saints in other communions who put to shame members of the Orthodox Church, and I'm sure there are better heterodox communities than some Orthodox communities. But it's just what I believe, as I'm not an Anglican.
 
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archer75

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I don't say that out of arrogance towards non-Orthodox, as I'm (personally and subjectively, not dogmatically) sure there are Saints in other communions who put to shame members of the Orthodox Church, and I'm sure there are better heterodox communities than some Orthodox communities. But it's just what I believe, as I'm not an Anglican.
Yeah, we don't even know how many saints there are who were never part of the Orthodox Church in life. Maybe even more than were, who knows! No guarantees there.

Further, we don't know that we are best served by being in the Church "ASAP."

So really, who knows.
 
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ArmyMatt

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That's something I think about. Perhaps the Priest wasn't sure if I was fully committed to Orthodoxy and wanted to see if I would stick around, and maybe it's my own sinfulness, but when that person with very horrible political ideas was made a member, I was personally the Prodigal Son's older brother at that point and was spiteful from my own college mouse hole.

maybe it's not his politics that had him get received faster.
 
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TheLostCoin

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maybe it's not his politics that had him get received faster.
Perhaps.

But I wonder, if the politics were known, why would someone like that be received, even if they were for other legitimate reasons.

I don't know. Not my place to judge.

I shouldn't be judgmental, but it's something that's been at the back of my mind for some time now, and how I've interpreted it personally (even if it's not the Priest's intent) hurt me, especially because he was a great priest.

And I'm a broken person who needs healing, but who's straddled outside the hospital in the baking sun.

And it perpetuates this idea that, in light of not being an Orthodox ethnicity, I don't belong. And I wonder if this impression is for a reason. Maybe God doesn't want me to join. Maybe I was born not to belong there.

After all, joining the Church has been a mess, and people who are ethnic clearly don't want me there. Even now a Greek acquaintance of mine treats me as a second-class citizen as if I don't understand Orthodox liturgies, like I don't know what the Good Friday Liturgy or Pascha is.
And it's been revealed to me that part of my motivation (not completely, but part) for joining Orthodoxy has been me trying to run away from my own problems. So I wonder what's even the point.
 
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TheLostCoin

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I wouldn't be angry at God for the mistakes of other sinful men. That has nothing to do with God. We're all sinners, and live in a fallen state. Unfortunately that means priests too, so don't take that out on God, or anyone for that matter. Do your best to forgive your previous priest, and move on is my outlook on it.

It has everything to do with God, because God made it a part of the plan.
 
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ArmyMatt

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Perhaps.

But I wonder, if the politics were known, why would someone like that be received, even if they were for other legitimate reasons.

I don't know. Not my place to judge.

I shouldn't be judgmental, but it's something that's been at the back of my mind for some time now, and how I've interpreted it personally (even if it's not the Priest's intent) hurt me, especially because he was a great priest.

And I'm a broken person who needs healing, but who's straddled outside the hospital in the baking sun.

And it perpetuates this idea that, in light of not being an Orthodox ethnicity, I don't belong. And I wonder if this impression is for a reason. Maybe God doesn't want me to join. Maybe I was born not to belong there.

After all, joining the Church has been a mess, and people who are ethnic clearly don't want me there. Even now a Greek acquaintance of mine treats me as a second-class citizen as if I don't understand Orthodox liturgies, like I don't know what the Good Friday Liturgy or Pascha is.
And it's been revealed to me that part of my motivation (not completely, but part) for joining Orthodoxy has been me trying to run away from my own problems. So I wonder what's even the point.

that's just the enemy in your ear. there is no Orthodox ethnicity. just keep talking to your priest.
 
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Hazelelponi

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Has anyone ever felt at angry at God due to the bureaucracy of Orthodoxy?

I have been an inquirer into Orthodoxy for more than 2 and a half years, and I am not going to lie, I am spiteful and angry at my prior priest who was in charge at the time. I am still angry and spiteful notsomuch because he was a bad priest, but because it seems to me (it might be innocence, but it certainly seems to me) like he personally did not like me and went out of his way to prevent me from becoming Orthodox insofar as he was able to. By the time I was able to become a Catechumen, I had to move away.

I went to every Catechism class, never missed Liturgy, volunteered at my Orthodox Church's soup kitchen regularly, was actively involved with OCF, etc. etc. However, despite this, after 2 and a half years, he never let me become a Catechumen.

This is despite the fact that one guy, who never went to liturgy, never went to any Catechism course, was admitted to the Catechumenate, and held toxic ideological viewpoints (racism and fascism), within a single year, and became Orthodox.

I also felt there was a large ethnic part of my parish who viewed me as an "outsider" because I was not a traditional Orthodox ethnicity.


Now, I've visited two different Orthodox parishes now that I'm settled in and met with two of the Priests, and both Priests have pretty much told me I'm back to square one and will have to start over.


I'm incredibly angry; I feel like I'm trapped in my own sins and need Confession and the Eucharist to progress. When I was Catholic, while I was far more immature, both Confession and the Sacraments were useful towards my sinlessness, and I miss that.

Anybody went through an analogous experience?

I'm not Orthodox (nor do I want to be.. lol) but it seems to me your anger might be God trying to show you something within yourself.

A person's politics doesn't make them less deserving than you, forgive me if I'm wrong here (I may not know enough about your faith) but in the end, the only politics that matter are the politics of His Kingdom that we are a part of when we receive Him. That's what matters, it's all about Christ.

When your looking down on others over worldly disputes, just remember that it's not the world that matters, but rather our own actions toward others.

Perhaps focus your eyes less on the world, and more on Him. We could all use more of that in turbulent times, myself included.

Just seek God's understanding and seek what God wants you to learn in your adversity, and stop being angry with Him for the trial. Remember, God disciplines those He loves.

Okay. . Back to your regularly scheduled program. :)

God bless.
 
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Euodius

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Don't be angry at God, but instead be thankful that this trial has come and tested you so that when times of greater tribulation come you will stand firmer. There is meaning to all we go through.
 
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TheLostCoin

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that's just the enemy in your ear. there is no Orthodox ethnicity. just keep talking to your priest.

I'm sorry for posting this. Please pray for me.
 
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