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An unusual grief.

Discussion in 'Memorials & Grief Support' started by Alistair_Wonderland, Nov 7, 2019.

  1. Alistair_Wonderland

    Alistair_Wonderland Member

    United States
    I recently posted about being kept from progressing in my life by an overly possessive mother who has kept me from driving a car or moving forwards with my life because she didn't want me to grow up or something (I'm 29.). She kept me helpless and socially crippled, even when I was trying to move forward despite my severe social anxiety. I had a lot of hate issues with her. Recently, God helped me with overcoming my hate issues a lot, but there was still a lot of concern about her holding me back.

    But she has been sick for some time with cancer. And just an hour ago, a family friend who lives with us and helps us out financially told us some shocking news.

    My mother has passed away.

    I admit, I have some very mixed feelings. On the one hand, I feel like God has opened a new way for me to move forward with my life. I feel free. But on the other hand, some part of me feels sad. And I don't know why. I mean, I technically know why. But still... this is very strange. It's surreal, and I don't know if I should cry, or be relieved that I am free of her. And I feel guilty because I prayed to God to "let His will be done" rather than asking Him to heal her. And I know that's stupid, but... this is all a lot to process.

    Just... pray for me and my brother, please. And for the family friend; he didn't see how my mom really was, and he really cared about her, so he's really broken up, so please pray for him too; I think he needs it more than I do.
    • Prayers Prayers x 8
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  2. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    My condolences with the passing away of your mother. Now is the time to take Jesus by the hand and walk away from your past life.

    Take comfort in God's love and let Him lead you into your new life.

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  3. derpytia

    derpytia Compassion. Supporter

    United States
    Whatever you're feeling, no matter how strange or complicated, is perfectly valid and not at all stupid. Take all the time you need to process your emotions and don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do.

    Sometimes I feel like, no matter how poorly a parent treats their child, that filial love or some sort still remains, even if the relationship is severed or broken.

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  4. Phoebe Ann

    Phoebe Ann From Mormonism to Christ Supporter

    United States
    I'm sorry.

    I understand completely. I came from a very dysdunctional family, too. But praying for God's will to be done is wonderful! Jesus taught us to pray that way. When my father passed away, I wasn't glad and I had never desired that he suffer so much pain as he did, but I never really grieved.

    My sister hurt me deeply. Yet I never wished her harm. I prayed for God to bless her, but I also asked Him to stop her interference in my life. She ended up dying of cancer at age forty-five. We traveled a lot of miles to visit her in the hospital. When we got to the hospital I started bawling and stayed in the lobby until I coud stop crying. During her illness I often called her and tried to comfort her. I felt guilty, too, because I had asked God to restrain her, but I didn't know she would die of cancer.

    Yes, I will pray for you and your brother and your friend. :praying:
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  5. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member

    United Kingdom
    I am sorry for your loss. It is always a shock no matter whether it is expected or not and it always causes mixed emotions to surface.

    Take time to grieve.
    Find friends to whom you can talk to, expressing your feelings for her etc.

    Otherwise pour out your mixed emotions to God.
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  6. SusaninBC

    SusaninBC New Member

    There's no formula for how to grieve. You're experiencing a whole lot of conflicting and opposite emotions, with a lot of variations in intensity, and it's completely normal to go back and forth with your emotions for a long time as you slowly heal and find your new normal. I am sorry for your loss... because it is a loss, even with the complicated history. Do whatever you need to do to find comfort, as long as it isn't harmful to you or to anyone else. Give yourself space, seek out companionship, talk about it with friends and family members, stay quiet... it's all part of your own grief and healing experience. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
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