Hello all.
I thought I'd share my testimony so far. I'm only 19 but believe me when I tell you my testimony has shocked many. I hope you enjoy the read!
It all started when I was 9 years old. I started acting up at home, swearing, becoming violent and showing aggression towards everyone. I started to have a bad obsession over sharp knives. I was being expelled from nearly every school in town. Teacher Aide's weren't working. Nothing was. Not even the police could scare me. Eventually, I was taken away by the government and placed into care. From there, I went all over the place. I've been to foster homes, non-for-profit trusts that look after people who have disabilities/mental health issues, residential boarding schools, locked up in Care and Protection Facilities, Mental Hospitals, and I've even been charged and ended up remanded in a Youth Prison for 3 months which most of the time I was in the secure ward.
During that time, I had more personal stuff going on. I have nearly died multiple times and this is where people get shocked. I have attempted suicide more than once but I was saved by God, I have nearly drowned in a rapid river but was saved by God, and I have nearly died of Asthma Attacks many times (including at birth) but was saved by God. Every single time I was faced with a near death experience, I never died.
I've done some evil things in my life so far. Some that are unimaginable. Some things I've done even Christians would think, "Who are you? Why do you call yourself a Christian if you do such evil deeds?" Just a few of the evil deeds I've done include abuse towards people and animals, judging God, hating people, threatening to hurt police, threatening to kill, bullying, trolling, manipulating people, lying, and even joining the Church of Satan (which thankfully I regretted as soon as I joined and have not communicated with them at all) and I've done much much more.
I've been seen by many psychiatrists, psychologists, occupational therapists, nurses, doctors, counselors, pediatricians, and even neurologists. I've experienced chronic nightmares nearly every night for the last few years and have been suffering from insomnia for nearly a year. I struggle with emotional pain and occasionally I'll feel physical pain from staying up for long periods of time or such other ways that may cause physical pain.
I have been diagnosed with Autism on the Higher Functioning End as well as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder with the possibility to develop Psychosis later on in life as well as severe bouts of depression from time to time. I also think I'm starting to develop Psychopathic Symptoms which is very unfortunate for me. I've seen, heard and even smelled things that weren't actually there. My mind plays tricks on me and the devil gets in my head constantly. I am at spiritual war most days with my belief in God going up and down. My anger and my love for Him also going up and down.
Do I think I'd enter Heaven right now if I were to die? No. I'd most likely go to Hell. My whole family (parents, siblings, uncles, aunties, etc) are very loving and kind people and I've done the damage. They forgive me but I don't forgive myself.
However, despite all this, God hasn't given up on me. Right now, I'm studying a course in Information Technology. I'm ready to quit. It's hard, stressful, painful and the pressure is on but have I quit? No. I know somewhere inside of me the devil is telling me, "You're useless Joshua, you have no purpose. End your course and your life." And you know what? He has previously gotten into my head so much that I have ended many courses and even attempted suicide like I previously mentioned but I won't let him destroy me this time.
This is my small testimony. The whole thing would take months to write. I hope this can inspire some of you going through a really rough time and just to let you know that you can do and be whatever you want to be. Dream it and you can do it. Don't let the devil tell you you're worthless. The fear of failure is his ally. He will use it to destroy you but if you pray, God will use it to make you. Face the fear, show failure who is boss, and you will succeed.
God Bless
I thought I'd share my testimony so far. I'm only 19 but believe me when I tell you my testimony has shocked many. I hope you enjoy the read!
It all started when I was 9 years old. I started acting up at home, swearing, becoming violent and showing aggression towards everyone. I started to have a bad obsession over sharp knives. I was being expelled from nearly every school in town. Teacher Aide's weren't working. Nothing was. Not even the police could scare me. Eventually, I was taken away by the government and placed into care. From there, I went all over the place. I've been to foster homes, non-for-profit trusts that look after people who have disabilities/mental health issues, residential boarding schools, locked up in Care and Protection Facilities, Mental Hospitals, and I've even been charged and ended up remanded in a Youth Prison for 3 months which most of the time I was in the secure ward.
During that time, I had more personal stuff going on. I have nearly died multiple times and this is where people get shocked. I have attempted suicide more than once but I was saved by God, I have nearly drowned in a rapid river but was saved by God, and I have nearly died of Asthma Attacks many times (including at birth) but was saved by God. Every single time I was faced with a near death experience, I never died.
I've done some evil things in my life so far. Some that are unimaginable. Some things I've done even Christians would think, "Who are you? Why do you call yourself a Christian if you do such evil deeds?" Just a few of the evil deeds I've done include abuse towards people and animals, judging God, hating people, threatening to hurt police, threatening to kill, bullying, trolling, manipulating people, lying, and even joining the Church of Satan (which thankfully I regretted as soon as I joined and have not communicated with them at all) and I've done much much more.
I've been seen by many psychiatrists, psychologists, occupational therapists, nurses, doctors, counselors, pediatricians, and even neurologists. I've experienced chronic nightmares nearly every night for the last few years and have been suffering from insomnia for nearly a year. I struggle with emotional pain and occasionally I'll feel physical pain from staying up for long periods of time or such other ways that may cause physical pain.
I have been diagnosed with Autism on the Higher Functioning End as well as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder with the possibility to develop Psychosis later on in life as well as severe bouts of depression from time to time. I also think I'm starting to develop Psychopathic Symptoms which is very unfortunate for me. I've seen, heard and even smelled things that weren't actually there. My mind plays tricks on me and the devil gets in my head constantly. I am at spiritual war most days with my belief in God going up and down. My anger and my love for Him also going up and down.
Do I think I'd enter Heaven right now if I were to die? No. I'd most likely go to Hell. My whole family (parents, siblings, uncles, aunties, etc) are very loving and kind people and I've done the damage. They forgive me but I don't forgive myself.
However, despite all this, God hasn't given up on me. Right now, I'm studying a course in Information Technology. I'm ready to quit. It's hard, stressful, painful and the pressure is on but have I quit? No. I know somewhere inside of me the devil is telling me, "You're useless Joshua, you have no purpose. End your course and your life." And you know what? He has previously gotten into my head so much that I have ended many courses and even attempted suicide like I previously mentioned but I won't let him destroy me this time.
This is my small testimony. The whole thing would take months to write. I hope this can inspire some of you going through a really rough time and just to let you know that you can do and be whatever you want to be. Dream it and you can do it. Don't let the devil tell you you're worthless. The fear of failure is his ally. He will use it to destroy you but if you pray, God will use it to make you. Face the fear, show failure who is boss, and you will succeed.
God Bless
