Am I wrong to feel upset or maddened by their behavior?

[Boidae]

This may be more of a rant than anything, and I am probably preaching to the choir to be honest. If you want to agree or add anything feel free.

I posted recently about my sixteen year old’s mom (ex-girlfriend from ten year relationship from before my marriage) giving me a hard time about coming up there to see her because of my daughter having seizures. I am going up there this week on Thursday with my girlfriend tagging along because I cannot make that trip alone and my kids up north want to meet her. So, I have recently had issues with my ex-girlfriend.

Now, I am having issues with my ex-wife. She has said that because I have my daughter for the school year, it is my responsibility to make sure that while I am away that she gets to school. Now mind you, my ex-wife has kept our daughter out of school more times than I have and most of the days have been because my daughter will wine to stay home and my ex-wife gives in. The two days out of eight that she has been missed this year when she has stayed home when I had her have been because she was sick. Three of the days with my ex-wife have been because of the whining.

I tried to find a way to make sure that my daughter goes to school for her kindergarten class, but there was nothing that I could come up with. My ex-wife will not make the trip to drop her off at school for the two days that she would miss. I got one day covered by my mom and step-dad, so that would have been three days that she missed. They cannot do the other two days because my step-dad will be at work and my mom only drives around her town and will not make the 45 minute trip as she is afraid to.

My feelings are that my ex-wife should step-up if she wants our daughter to go to school those two days. That this is a family emergency and I need to go up and see my daughter, so she should understand that and if the shoe were on the other foot I would do it for her. I have done it for her a couple of times now. I see my girlfriend and her ex-husband work out ways to make sure that their son is able to get back and forth, that when there is an emergency and there has been, the other steps up and helps out. This is what I thought my ex-wife and I had worked out during the divorce. I guess not.

Now, my plans are up in there air for going to see my daughter up north. I may have to wait till the summer, which doesn’t seem far off, but what if something happens between now and then? What if she has a seizure that she never wakes up from? I would never forgive myself! My ex-wife said to go up as planned, just leave on Sunday instead of Monday night or early Tuesday morning. That only gives me Saturday to spend with her and her siblings as it is a seventeen plus hour drive up. That is not an option and unfair of her to ask me to do that.

So, yes, be careful who you date and who you marry! I am grateful and thankful for the girlfriend that I have now. She is wonderful and I see how she does things with her ex-husband for the good of their son.

There have been other issues that I have been dealing with between the two of them. My mom, and step-dad say I am too nice to the both of them and that I need to stick up for myself more.

Am I wrong to feel upset or maddened by their behavior?

 

[mkgal1]

Am I wrong to feel upset or maddened by their behavior?

Of course not. You're just wanting some cooperation so that you can handle a family emergency. It's stressful enough, I imagine, trying to work out all these logistics - you don't need your ex being an obstacle to your plans.

Am I remembering correctly - does your ex-wife live closest to your kindergartner daughter's school? Is that the main bump in the road - the distance from your parent's home to her school? Does your daughter only go for a few hours - or is it an all-day kindergarten? I'm just wondering if it's a solution for your ex-wife to care for your daughter in your absence? Is that possible?

 

[Boidae]

Of course not. You're just wanting some cooperation so that you can handle a family emergency. It's stressful enough, I imagine, trying to work out all these logistics - you don't need your ex being an obstacle to your plans.

Am I remembering correctly - does your ex-wife live closest to your kindergartner daughter's school? Is that the main bump in the road - the distance from your parent's home to her school? Does your daughter only go for a few hours - or is it an all-day kindergarten? I'm just wondering if it's a solution for your ex-wife to care for your daughter in your absence? Is that possible?

I live closest to the school. It's the same distance for my ex-wife as it is for my mom. My daughter goes fro a full day. It is possible for her to care for her, yes. She is home all day every day as she is on disability as is her boyfriend who lives with her. They both have vehicles. She says she doesn't have the money for gas, but she took the kids to Legoland and is buying them season passes to Legoland. I also gave her $1500 of my tax refund at the end of February.

She just doesn't seem to want to help me.

 

[Loyce KG]

This may be more of a rant than anything, and I am probably preaching to the choir to be honest. If you want to agree or add anything feel free.

I posted recently about my sixteen year old’s mom (ex-girlfriend from ten year relationship from before my marriage) giving me a hard time about coming up there to see her because of my daughter having seizures. I am going up there this week on Thursday with my girlfriend tagging along because I cannot make that trip alone and my kids up north want to meet her. So, I have recently had issues with my ex-girlfriend.

Now, I am having issues with my ex-wife. She has said that because I have my daughter for the school year, it is my responsibility to make sure that while I am away that she gets to school. Now mind you, my ex-wife has kept our daughter out of school more times than I have and most of the days have been because my daughter will wine to stay home and my ex-wife gives in. The two days out of eight that she has been missed this year when she has stayed home when I had her have been because she was sick. Three of the days with my ex-wife have been because of the whining.

I tried to find a way to make sure that my daughter goes to school for her kindergarten class, but there was nothing that I could come up with. My ex-wife will not make the trip to drop her off at school for the two days that she would miss. I got one day covered by my mom and step-dad, so that would have been three days that she missed. They cannot do the other two days because my step-dad will be at work and my mom only drives around her town and will not make the 45 minute trip as she is afraid to.

My feelings are that my ex-wife should step-up if she wants our daughter to go to school those two days. That this is a family emergency and I need to go up and see my daughter, so she should understand that and if the shoe were on the other foot I would do it for her. I have done it for her a couple of times now. I see my girlfriend and her ex-husband work out ways to make sure that their son is able to get back and forth, that when there is an emergency and there has been, the other steps up and helps out. This is what I thought my ex-wife and I had worked out during the divorce. I guess not.

Now, my plans are up in there air for going to see my daughter up north. I may have to wait till the summer, which doesn’t seem far off, but what if something happens between now and then? What if she has a seizure that she never wakes up from? I would never forgive myself! My ex-wife said to go up as planned, just leave on Sunday instead of Monday night or early Tuesday morning. That only gives me Saturday to spend with her and her siblings as it is a seventeen plus hour drive up. That is not an option and unfair of her to ask me to do that.

So, yes, be careful who you date and who you marry! I am grateful and thankful for the girlfriend that I have now. She is wonderful and I see how she does things with her ex-husband for the good of their son.

There have been other issues that I have been dealing with between the two of them. My mom, and step-dad say I am too nice to the both of them and that I need to stick up for myself more.

Am I wrong to feel upset or maddened by their behavior?

Amidst all this,Remember you can't change you right ex-wife but you have the power to change you and how you deal with the hard times with her. Let God work out patience in you and long-suffering. May He give you clarity to handle this situation the mature way. You may seem easy-going or 'weak' in the eyes of men, for playing nice but God looks at that and is proud of you.
You shared last week about your daughter having seizures and we are praying for healing.

If you desire wisdom, ask of the Lord. It is well brother.
Shalom

 

[mkgal1]

I live closest to the school. It's the same distance for my ex-wife as it is for my mom. My daughter goes fro a full day. It is possible for her to care for her, yes. She is home all day every day as she is on disability as is her boyfriend who lives with her. They both have vehicles. She says she doesn't have the money for gas, but she took the kids to Legoland and is buying them season passes to Legoland. I also gave her $1500 of my tax refund at the end of February.

She just doesn't seem to want to help me.

If she's going to make an issue over gas money (AND your daughter missing school) - I think I'd give her $20 just to remove that excuse. Like you said, if she has a problem with your daughter missing school - then she can be cooperative and take her. Otherwise.....her complaints are really just a barrier to you helping your daughter upstate (and, I believe, you can ignore them....if she's not willing to work with you to resolve the issue).

 

[Gordon Wright]

Be the parent. By taking responsibility to follow through, you empower yourself instead of empowering her. Don't fixate on your feelings. Fix the problem and the feelings will take care of themselves.

You may be able to use this as leverage to get full custody. At the very least, you will earn the kid's respect.

Mother isn't as mother doesn't. If that woman won't act like a proper parent then she does not have any respect or deference coming to her.

And father is as father does.

 

[mkgal1]

Be the parent. By taking responsibility to follow through, you empower yourself instead of empowering her.

....but the problem is that he can't parent in two states at the same time.

 

[Boidae]

Be the parent. By taking responsibility to follow through, you empower yourself instead of empowering her. Don't fixate on your feelings. Fix the problem and the feelings will take care of themselves.

You may be able to use this as leverage to get full custody. At the very least, you will earn the kid's respect.

Mother isn't as mother doesn't. If that woman won't act like a proper parent then she does not have any respect or deference coming to her.

And father is as father does.

I have no solutions. I would ask my mom to watch her when she wasn't in school if something required me to not be home. Now that she is in school it's completely different.

Nor would I try for full custody. If I lost that battle, the repercussions would be many! She would need to come to that conclusion on her own.