Am i wrong or should my mom wear a bra around my boyfriend? (At home)

[FredVB]

It is not considered that no one should ask their mother to do any thing that gives them greater risk of getting cancer. Yet wearing bras, and wearing them more, all contribute to greater likelihood of breast cancer. It is unfortunate that value is put on women using bras in our culture, they weren't even around less than a couple of centuries ago. Actually no one should be wearing bras.

 

[brinny]

If God has taught me one thing in my life, its that we can't control the actions of others. But we can live our own life as we choose. Stop entertaining your guy at home. If your mom asks why simply tell her that she makes you feel uncomfortable by not wearing a bra.

i agree.

 

[brinny]

It is not considered that no one should ask their mother to do any thing that gives them greater risk of getting cancer. Yet wearing bras, and wearing them more, all contribute to greater likelihood of breast cancer. It is unfortunate that value is put on women using bras in our culture, they weren't even around less than a couple of centuries ago. Actually no one should be wearing bras.

What has this got to do with the OP?

 

[FredVB]

It is not considered that no one should ask their mother to do any thing that gives them greater risk of getting cancer. Yet wearing bras, and wearing them more, all contribute to greater likelihood of breast cancer. It is unfortunate that value is put on women using bras in our culture, they weren't even around less than a couple of centuries ago. Actually no one should be wearing bras.

What has this got to do with the OP?

Um ..., because the question from the OP was whether to ask the mother to wear bras at home. If the mother flirts with the daughter's boyfriend, or if he shows real interest in the mother, those are other issues and those should be dealt with, probably either with keeping the boyfriend away from the mother and going somewhere else, or with dropping the boyfriend if he is part of the problem. But expecting the mother to change with what can contribute more to cancer is not right, and her not having them should not be thought to be the problem. Bras are not benefiting health, and it is not good for them being worn more.

www.BraFree.org

Some sites dismiss this saying their study shows no link, but there is vested interested that protects current marketing. The original study was conclusive enough to show such link, and with bras not being used pectoral muscles that become weak are strengthened enough instead, and rather than sagging that will occur as believed, that is avoided with such strengthening. In the end, it is only cultural values that are an argument for women needing to use bras, and this sexist separate requirement is not better for them.

Grismaijer, S., & Singer, S.R. (1995), Dressed to Kill: The Link Between Breast Cancer and Bras.Garden City Park, New York:Avery Publishing Group

 

[bugkiller]

It is not considered that no one should ask their mother to do any thing that gives them greater risk of getting cancer. Yet wearing bras, and wearing them more, all contribute to greater likelihood of breast cancer. It is unfortunate that value is put on women using bras in our culture, they weren't even around less than a couple of centuries ago. Actually no one should be wearing bras.

I do not mean to advertise but a book called Dressed to Kill by Sydney Ross Singer and Soma Grismaijer is pretty good on the subject.

bugkiller

 

[InterestedAtheist]

Hi everyone

I definitely wouldnt say my mom flirts with him but shes definately very talkative with him and like i said ive noticed him looking in that direction (her boobs). Am i being insecure or can i ask my mom to wear one?

Thanks

Hello Amy,

I haven't read to the end of the thread yet, so someone may have said something like this already. Or you might have dealt with the issue already! If so, please excuse me.

My reaction is this:
First of all, yes, it is inappropriate for your mom not to wear a bra around your boyfriend. Not ridiculously so, but definitely something noticeable, which I think most people would agree is not within suitable boundaries of behaviour. Second, more emphatically, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you being disturbed by this situation, and I think most people in your situation would feel as you do.

I don't think you need to feel embarrassed or ashamed feeling uncomfortable, or that you should feel any hesitation in confronting your mother about it. Of course, I don't know anything about your characters or relationship; I just mean that, in your situation, I'd say you're perfectly within your rights to say something like this to her:
"Mom, I've noticed that when (my boyfriend) comes over you usually don't wear a bra. I'd just like to let you know, this makes me feel uncomfortable. Would you please make sure you do put one on from now on when he's around? Thanks!"

Faced with a matter-of-fact, polite request, I'd hope that your mom will be happy to change her behaviour. If she responds with protests or any other unsuitable reaction, don't let yourself get provoked. Just say, "Mom, I don't think we need to argue about this." And then, if she continues to act as before - now doing something you have explicitly asked her not to do, and which she now knows makes you feel uncomfortable - then consider meeting your boyfriend at places other than your home in future.

I'm sure it won't come to that, however. Best of luck!

 

[bugkiller]

Hello Amy,

I haven't read to the end of the thread yet, so someone may have said something like this already. Or you might have dealt with the issue already! If so, please excuse me.

My reaction is this:
First of all, yes, it is inappropriate for your mom not to wear a bra around your boyfriend. Not ridiculously so, but definitely something noticeable, which I think most people would agree is not within suitable boundaries of behaviour. Second, more emphatically, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you being disturbed by this situation, and I think most people in your situation would feel as you do.

I don't think you need to feel embarrassed or ashamed feeling uncomfortable, or that you should feel any hesitation in confronting your mother about it. Of course, I don't know anything about your characters or relationship; I just mean that, in your situation, I'd say you're perfectly within your rights to say something like this to her:
"Mom, I've noticed that when (my boyfriend) comes over you usually don't wear a bra. I'd just like to let you know, this makes me feel uncomfortable. Would you please make sure you do put one on from now on when he's around? Thanks!"

Faced with a matter-of-fact, polite request, I'd hope that your mom will be happy to change her behaviour. If she responds with protests or any other unsuitable reaction, don't let yourself get provoked. Just say, "Mom, I don't think we need to argue about this." And then, if she continues to act as before - now doing something you have explicitly asked her not to do, and which she now knows makes you feel uncomfortable - then consider meeting your boyfriend at places other than your home in future.

I'm sure it won't come to that, however. Best of luck!

If the mother did not wear a bra only when the bf was over I would see your point. I gathered the mother did not wear them.

bugkiller

 

[bugkiller]

Um ..., because the question from the OP was whether to ask the mother to wear bras at home. If the mother flirts with the daughter's boyfriend, or if he shows real interest in the mother, those are other issues and those should be dealt with, probably either with keeping the boyfriend away from the mother and going somewhere else, or with dropping the boyfriend if he is part of the problem. But expecting the mother to change with what can contribute more to cancer is not right, and her not having them should not be thought to be the problem. Bras are not benefiting health, and it is not good for them being worn more.

www.BraFree.org

Some sites dismiss this saying their study shows no link, but there is vested interested that protects current marketing. The original study was conclusive enough to show such link, and with bras not being used pectoral muscles that become weak are strengthened enough instead, and rather than sagging that will occur as believed, that is avoided with such strengthening. In the end, it is only cultural values that are an argument for women needing to use bras, and this sexist separate requirement is not better for them.

Grismaijer, S., & Singer, S.R. (1995), Dressed to Kill: The Link Between Breast Cancer and Bras.Garden City Park, New York:Avery Publishing Group

That was a pretty interesting read.

bugkiller

 

[InterestedAtheist]

If the mother did not wear a bra only when the bf was over I would see your point. I gathered the mother did not wear them.

bugkiller

I'll have to respectfully disagree. My point is that if it makes her uncomfortable, she has every right to ask her mother to stop doing it.

I did not think that her mother only went braless when her boyfriend visited. If I did think that, I would have advised a rather stronger reaction - somewhere between "stop trying to steal my boyfriend," and "have some dignity and stop embarrassing us all, mom!"

 

[FredVB]

I haven't read to the end of the thread yet, so someone may have said something like this already. Or you might have dealt with the issue already! If so, please excuse me.
My reaction is this:
First of all, yes, it is inappropriate

I'll have to respectfully disagree. My point is that if it makes her uncomfortable, she has every right to ask her mother to stop doing it.
I did not think that her mother only went braless when her boyfriend visited. If I did think that, I would have advised a rather stronger reaction - somewhere between "stop trying to steal my boyfriend," and "have some dignity and stop embarrassing us all, mom!"

You really should have been reading more in the thread, including the recent posts in the thread on this page. Relevant points that may relate to what you say could be missed otherwise. If my points were considered, it might be seen it is not good to make a demand for what would likely contribute to cancer. And it is all for cultural values that shift. It is all over nipples being noticed, but why, except for values in our culture that shift? In the Bible times, and in the centuries previous to the twentieth century, bras were not even around to use.

I had said these points with information that can be checked out. If the mother flirts with the daughter's boyfriend, or if he shows real interest in the mother, those are other issues and those should be dealt with, probably either with keeping the boyfriend away from the mother and going somewhere else, or with dropping the boyfriend if he is part of the problem. But expecting the mother to change with what can contribute more to cancer is not right, and her not having them should not be thought to be the problem. Bras are not benefiting health, and it is not good for them being worn more.

www.BraFree.org

Some sites dismiss this saying their study shows no link, but there is vested interested that protects current marketing. The original study was conclusive enough to show such link, and with bras not being used pectoral muscles that become weak are strengthened enough instead, and rather than sagging that will occur as believed, that is avoided with such strengthening. In the end, it is only cultural values that are an argument for women needing to use bras, and this sexist separate requirement is not better for them.

It is not for us to say what should be demanded for how another's parent should dress, that is inappropriate, and wearing what likely contributes to getting cancer should not be valued at all. We can get over seeing how the form of women's breasts appear, as it happens in other cultures. If the daughter has a problem with her boyfriend there, there are other places they can go, if she really should stay with him.

 

[FredVB]

I haven't read to the end of the thread yet, so someone may have said something like this already. Or you might have dealt with the issue already! If so, please excuse me.
My reaction is this:
First of all, yes, it is inappropriate

I'll have to respectfully disagree. My point is that if it makes her uncomfortable, she has every right to ask her mother to stop doing it.
I did not think that her mother only went braless when her boyfriend visited. If I did think that, I would have advised a rather stronger reaction - somewhere between "stop trying to steal my boyfriend," and "have some dignity and stop embarrassing us all, mom!"

You really should have been reading more in the thread, including the recent posts in the thread on this page. Relevant points that may relate to what you say could be missed otherwise. If my points were considered, it might be seen it is not good to make a demand for what would likely contribute to cancer. And it is all for cultural values that shift. It is all over nipples being noticed, but why, except for values in our culture that shift? In the Bible times, and in the centuries previous to the twentieth century, bras were not even around to use.

I had said these points with information that can be checked out. If the mother flirts with the daughter's boyfriend, or if he shows real interest in the mother, those are other issues and those should be dealt with, probably either with keeping the boyfriend away from the mother and going somewhere else, or with dropping the boyfriend if he is part of the problem. But expecting the mother to change with what can contribute more to cancer is not right, and her not having them should not be thought to be the problem. Bras are not benefiting health, and it is not good for them being worn more.

www.BraFree.org

Some sites dismiss this saying their study shows no link, but there is vested interested that protects current marketing. The original study was conclusive enough to show such link, and with bras not being used pectoral muscles that become weak are strengthened enough instead, and rather than sagging that will occur as believed, that is avoided with such strengthening. In the end, it is only cultural values that are an argument for women needing to use bras, and this sexist separate requirement is not better for them.

It is not for us to say what should be demanded for how another's parent should dress, that is inappropriate, and wearing what likely contributes to getting cancer should not be valued at all. We can get over seeing how the form of women's breasts appear, as it happens in other cultures. If the daughter has a problem with her boyfriend there, there are other places they can go, if she really should stay with him.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

is she supplementing her lack of a bra with thick clothing?

 

[brinny]

You really should have been reading more in the thread, including the recent posts in the thread on this page. Relevant points that may relate to what you say could be missed otherwise. If my points were considered, it might be seen it is not good to make a demand for what would likely contribute to cancer. And it is all for cultural values that shift. It is all over nipples being noticed, but why, except for values in our culture that shift? In the Bible times, and in the centuries previous to the twentieth century, bras were not even around to use.

I had said these points with information that can be checked out. If the mother flirts with the daughter's boyfriend, or if he shows real interest in the mother, those are other issues and those should be dealt with, probably either with keeping the boyfriend away from the mother and going somewhere else, or with dropping the boyfriend if he is part of the problem. But expecting the mother to change with what can contribute more to cancer is not right, and her not having them should not be thought to be the problem. Bras are not benefiting health, and it is not good for them being worn more.

www.BraFree.org

Some sites dismiss this saying their study shows no link, but there is vested interested that protects current marketing. The original study was conclusive enough to show such link, and with bras not being used pectoral muscles that become weak are strengthened enough instead, and rather than sagging that will occur as believed, that is avoided with such strengthening. In the end, it is only cultural values that are an argument for women needing to use bras, and this sexist separate requirement is not better for them.

It is not for us to say what should be demanded for how another's parent should dress, that is inappropriate, and wearing what likely contributes to getting cancer should not be valued at all. We can get over seeing how the form of women's breasts appear, as it happens in other cultures. If the daughter has a problem with her boyfriend there, there are other places they can go, if she really should stay with him.

InterestedAtheist is right on this one.

He's addressing the OP's concern. That's the point of this thread.

Cancer is not. That's off-topic.

 

[FredVB]

InterestedAtheist is right on this one.
He's addressing the OP's concern. That's the point of this thread.
Cancer is not. That's off-topic.

How can you say cancer is not relevant?? It always is relevant, and when there is demand that what contributes to cancer be worn, or there is cultural value for such being worn, that really really needs to be addressed, not dismissed. It is relevant, cultural values should shift to not put unfair disadvantages on women. www.BraFree.org

 

[brinny]

How can you say cancer is not relevant?? It always is relevant, and when there is demand that what contributes to cancer be worn, or there is cultural value for such being worn, that really really needs to be addressed, not dismissed. It is relevant, cultural values should shift to not put unfair disadvantages on women. www.BraFree.org

It's not the topic of this thread.

It's off-topic, and against the TOS of this site.

Although cancer is a legitimate concern, of course, and your concern is legitimate, it needs its own thread so that you are not off-topic.

Thank you kindly.

 

[FredVB]

It's not the topic of this thread.
It's off-topic, and against the TOS of this site.
Although cancer is a legitimate concern, of course, and your concern is legitimate, it needs its own thread so that you are not off-topic.
Thank you kindly.

Okay, if it needs to be that way, I will say I have my legitimate reasons, bras should not still be worn, and they certainly should not always be demanded, women are better off being free of them and we can adjust, just like many other parts of the world have.

(Please though, look at the site that I post for good reason, it is showing important information. I won't show it in the thread again.)

 

[bugkiller]

InterestedAtheist is right on this one.

He's addressing the OP's concern. That's the point of this thread.

Cancer is not. That's off-topic.

The wearing of a bra is very much on topic. A very valid point has been presented about them. Like most things there are many related issues or aspects of something.

Cancer was not discussed. Cancer was mentioned.

bugkiller

 

[bugkiller]

You really should have been reading more in the thread, including the recent posts in the thread on this page. Relevant points that may relate to what you say could be missed otherwise. If my points were considered, it might be seen it is not good to make a demand for what would likely contribute to cancer. And it is all for cultural values that shift. It is all over nipples being noticed, but why, except for values in our culture that shift? In the Bible times, and in the centuries previous to the twentieth century, bras were not even around to use.

I had said these points with information that can be checked out. If the mother flirts with the daughter's boyfriend, or if he shows real interest in the mother, those are other issues and those should be dealt with, probably either with keeping the boyfriend away from the mother and going somewhere else, or with dropping the boyfriend if he is part of the problem. But expecting the mother to change with what can contribute more to cancer is not right, and her not having them should not be thought to be the problem. Bras are not benefiting health, and it is not good for them being worn more.

www.BraFree.org

Some sites dismiss this saying their study shows no link, but there is vested interested that protects current marketing. The original study was conclusive enough to show such link, and with bras not being used pectoral muscles that become weak are strengthened enough instead, and rather than sagging that will occur as believed, that is avoided with such strengthening. In the end, it is only cultural values that are an argument for women needing to use bras, and this sexist separate requirement is not better for them.

It is not for us to say what should be demanded for how another's parent should dress, that is inappropriate, and wearing what likely contributes to getting cancer should not be valued at all. We can get over seeing how the form of women's breasts appear, as it happens in other cultures. If the daughter has a problem with her boyfriend there, there are other places they can go, if she really should stay with him.

The bra came into existence for the sole purpose of enhancing and making the breast a prominent feature of attraction. Anyone who does not believe this is in some fantasy world. Other clothing has caused other issues right along with unquestioned preconditioning (Pavlov's theory). My dog knows exactly when he gets feed and his mouth starts watering right along with his licking his chops. My dog also stars dancing with glee when it is time for our daily leashed walk. This starts when I walk out of the house and he is 100 feet from the house.

bugkiller

 

[bugkiller]

I'll have to respectfully disagree. My point is that if it makes her uncomfortable, she has every right to ask her mother to stop doing it.

I did not think that her mother only went braless when her boyfriend visited. If I did think that, I would have advised a rather stronger reaction - somewhere between "stop trying to steal my boyfriend," and "have some dignity and stop embarrassing us all, mom!"

That is kool! I do not read into anything. If it is not said, I do not try to make it so. Assuming always got me into trouble and usually made me look foolish.

bugkiller

 

[brinny]

The wearing of a bra is very much on topic. A very valid point has been presented about them. Like most things there are many related issues or aspects of something.

Cancer was not discussed. Cancer was mentioned.

bugkiller

The OP is not about cancer.

That's for another thread.

;nuff said.