Am I over reacting?

[Macchiato]

Back again..So I'm a single mom in every sense. I do everything on my own for my kids.

I don't burden my parents with them, they don't offer to watch them anyway. I do it all.

Now to the point. So I took my kids to the trunk or treat no one wanted to come or would help. Ok cool so I got them and went myself and got them loads of candy in their little pail.

But now when I was in the kitchen my mom took it.. (the pail full my kid's candy)
And passed it around to everyone and they all ate it.. only a few peices are left.

I told her I got that for the kids. She even had her own bowl of candy..but still ate Mt kid's candy.

She laughed it off and said there's more but it's the simple fact ..that was my kid's candy. They barely ate any of it.

Am I over reacting for being mad?

I'm truly trying to hold my tongue.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

Back again..So I'm a single mom in every sense. I do everything on my own for my kids.

I don't burden my parents with them, they don't offer to watch them anyway. I do it all.

Now to the point. So I took my kids to the trunk or treat no one wanted to come or would help. Ok cool so I got them and went myself and got them loads of candy in their little pail.

But now when I was in the kitchen my mom took it.. (the pail full my kid's candy)
And passed it around to everyone and they all ate it.. only a few peices are left.

I told her I got that for the kids. She even had her own bowl of candy..but still ate Mt kid's candy.

She laughed it off and said there's more but it's the simple fact ..that was my kid's candy. They barely ate any of it.

Am I over reacting for being mad?

I'm truly trying to hold my tongue.

Your mother needs to learn what your boundaries are and to respect them. Your part is to place the boundaries for your kids as well so speaking up before the fact may have helped to ward off the situation.

 

[Macchiato]

Your mother needs to learn what your boundaries are and to respect them. Your part is to place the boundaries for your kids as well so speaking up before the fact may have helped to ward off the situation.

I do speak up. I feel that doesn't help at all bc they still do what they're going to do no matter what I say.

I still remember when I enrolled my kids in daycare she threatened to kick me out bc she didn't agree with daycare but she wasn't going to watch them while I worked either. When I said that she told me to shut up.

 

[disciple Clint]

Back again..So I'm a single mom in every sense. I do everything on my own for my kids.

I don't burden my parents with them, they don't offer to watch them anyway. I do it all.

Now to the point. So I took my kids to the trunk or treat no one wanted to come or would help. Ok cool so I got them and went myself and got them loads of candy in their little pail.

But now when I was in the kitchen my mom took it.. (the pail full my kid's candy)
And passed it around to everyone and they all ate it.. only a few peices are left.

I told her I got that for the kids. She even had her own bowl of candy..but still ate Mt kid's candy.

She laughed it off and said there's more but it's the simple fact ..that was my kid's candy. They barely ate any of it.

Am I over reacting for being mad?

I'm truly trying to hold my tongue.

I think the more important issue is how you handle this with your children. It is an important time to address sharing vs ownership and love vs anger.

 

[Macchiato]

I think the more important issue is how you handle this with your children. It is an important time to address sharing vs ownership and love vs anger.

What do you mean?

 

[disciple Clint]

What do you mean?

I mean think about how your children feel about having their candy eaten, what are their feelings? How can you lead them to a positive outlook? Think of the kids first always. You are unlikely to be able to change your parents but your children are going to need your wise leadership to help them develope into strong, self confident, well adjusted people who will be successful adults in time, and that time is far shorter than you think.

 

[Macchiato]

I mean think about how your children feel about having their candy eaten, what are their feelings? How can you lead them to a positive outlook? Think of the kids first always. You are unlikely to be able to change your parents but your children are going to need your wise leadership to help them develope into strong, self confident, well adjusted people who will be successful adults in time, and that time is far shorter than you think.

They're so young they can't comprehend it. They're 3 and 1.5 however I do and I don't feel it's right. My current environment is toxic, they can't grow into strong and confident people here. I can't either. I'm trying my best to leave.

 

[IceJad]

Back again..So I'm a single mom in every sense. I do everything on my own for my kids.

I don't burden my parents with them, they don't offer to watch them anyway. I do it all.

Now to the point. So I took my kids to the trunk or treat no one wanted to come or would help. Ok cool so I got them and went myself and got them loads of candy in their little pail.

But now when I was in the kitchen my mom took it.. (the pail full my kid's candy)
And passed it around to everyone and they all ate it.. only a few peices are left.

I told her I got that for the kids. She even had her own bowl of candy..but still ate Mt kid's candy.

She laughed it off and said there's more but it's the simple fact ..that was my kid's candy. They barely ate any of it.

Am I over reacting for being mad?

I'm truly trying to hold my tongue.

No it is within reason to be angry about this. If your mom would have apologies or said that she is unaware that would be cause to let it go. However seems that she is fully aware of her actions. Boundaries must be set. Having more candy around isn't the point. It is respecting others and their property. We learn to share but we shouldn't learn to let others take.

 

[disciple Clint]

They're so young they can't comprehend it. They're 3 and 1.5 however I do and I don't feel it's right. My current environment is toxic, they can't grow into strong and confident people here. I can't either. I'm trying my best to leave.

Regardless of the circumstances they are always going to look to you for assurance and understanding.

 

[Macchiato]

No it is within reason to be angry about this. If your mom would have apologies or said that she is unaware that would be cause to let it go. However seems that she is fully aware of her actions. Boundaries must be set. Having more candy around isn't the point. It is respecting others and their property. We learn to share but we shouldn't learn to let others take.

Thank you. I have to go. I'm still considering just moving in with my bf.

 

[Bumble Bee]

Thank you. I have to go. I'm still considering just moving in with my bf.

I would advise you not to move in with your bf if the reasoning is just that it gets you out of your parents house. That would lead to relationship problems with you and him down the road.

 

[Macchiato]

I would advise you not to move in with your bf if the reasoning is just that it gets you out of your parents house. That would lead to relationship problems with you and him down the road.

I don't like the way my parents are treating my kids and I. I've tried hard in my own strength, I've prayed. I lost 3 jobs, my car broke down, my child was bit and neglected at daycare and still has a rash she's dealing with.. I'm trying to enroll her in different daycares but they're full.

I'm trying.

Idk what else to do expect to move in with him bc I need help.

 

[BNR32FAN]

Back again..So I'm a single mom in every sense. I do everything on my own for my kids.

I don't burden my parents with them, they don't offer to watch them anyway. I do it all.

Now to the point. So I took my kids to the trunk or treat no one wanted to come or would help. Ok cool so I got them and went myself and got them loads of candy in their little pail.

But now when I was in the kitchen my mom took it.. (the pail full my kid's candy)
And passed it around to everyone and they all ate it.. only a few peices are left.

I told her I got that for the kids. She even had her own bowl of candy..but still ate Mt kid's candy.

She laughed it off and said there's more but it's the simple fact ..that was my kid's candy. They barely ate any of it.

Am I over reacting for being mad?

I'm truly trying to hold my tongue.

It’s not worth worrying about in my opinion. Even parents can be frustrating at times, they make mistakes to. Keep in mind honor they mother & father and he who does not forgive will not be forgiven. It’s not worth worrying about over some candy.

 

[BNR32FAN]

I mean think about how your children feel about having their candy eaten, what are their feelings? How can you lead them to a positive outlook? Think of the kids first always. You are unlikely to be able to change your parents but your children are going to need your wise leadership to help them develope into strong, self confident, well adjusted people who will be successful adults in time, and that time is far shorter than you think.

I’d see it as an opportunity to teach your kids about the importance of forgiveness. That what your parents did was wrong but we should forgive them anyway because we love them and Jesus forgave us because He loves us. If it were a more serious issue other than candy it might be a different situation but that’s my opinion in this particular case.

 

[BNR32FAN]

I don't like the way my parents are treating my kids and I. I've tried hard in my own strength, I've prayed. I lost 3 jobs, my car broke down, my child was bit and neglected at daycare and still has a rash she's dealing with.. I'm trying to enroll her in different daycares but they're full.

I'm trying.

Idk what else to do expect to move in with him bc I need help.

Definitely pray about it first and ask the Lord for guidance, I will pray for you sister that He will both guide you and provide for you to help you get out of these frustrating times.

 

[LillyMarz]

Thank you. I have to go. I'm still considering just moving in with my bf.

Is he the father of your children?

 

[Roymond]

Back again..So I'm a single mom in every sense. I do everything on my own for my kids.

I don't burden my parents with them, they don't offer to watch them anyway. I do it all.

Now to the point. So I took my kids to the trunk or treat no one wanted to come or would help. Ok cool so I got them and went myself and got them loads of candy in their little pail.

But now when I was in the kitchen my mom took it.. (the pail full my kid's candy)
And passed it around to everyone and they all ate it.. only a few peices are left.

I told her I got that for the kids. She even had her own bowl of candy..but still ate Mt kid's candy.

She laughed it off and said there's more but it's the simple fact ..that was my kid's candy. They barely ate any of it.

Am I over reacting for being mad?

I'm truly trying to hold my tongue.

I presume this was at your house.

In that case, what you should have said to your mother is, "Mom, you make the rules at your house -- I make the rules here. And here you don't get to steal my kids' candy! It doesn't matter if there's more, it wouldn't matter if you replaced it twice over, it was their candy, not yours.
"If you can't treat me as the adult in my own house and follow my rules, you can leave. You've set an example that says stealing is okay if you have the power to get away with it. So whether you stay or leave, you are going to apologize to my kids for being a thief and stealing their candy".

Overreacting for being mad? Not in the least: your mom didn't treat you with respect, she acted like she's still in charge of your life, and she set a very bad example for your kids.

If this was your mom's house, it's still not her place to make rules for your kids and to set them the example of stealing if you can get away with it. In that case, tell her that until she learns to respect your rules for your kids she will not be seeing her grandchildren again.

Harsh? Some will say so, but by her actions she insulted you and she insulted your kids. The proper reaction is to make the boundaries clear and require her to respect them.

 

[Roymond]

They're so young they can't comprehend it. They're 3 and 1.5 however I do and I don't feel it's right. My current environment is toxic, they can't grow into strong and confident people here. I can't either. I'm trying my best to leave.

Even at 3 and 1.5 they're forming an understanding of what's right and what's wrong. Your mother just gave them a lesson that it's okay to steal if you can get away with it.

I see it wasn't your house, so what I wrote just above won't work directly. Still, it makes the points you need to make.

I don't know the rest of your situation, but that you call it "toxic" suggests you may be in conditions that qualify as abuse -- maybe not legal abuse, but real abuse anyway. It would be worth checking to see if that applies where you live, and if it does see if there is assistance you can get.

And if you can get your own place, don't tell your parents where it is until they've shown that they're willing to honor the fact that you are in charge at your house, and that you are in charge of your kids.

 

[Roymond]

I would advise you not to move in with your bf if the reasoning is just that it gets you out of your parents house. That would lead to relationship problems with you and him down the road.

Amen!

BTW, that's even more correct if the BF is the father: if he's not up to marrying you and thus taking responsibility, he's not someone you want to rely on for help.

 

[Roymond]

I don't like the way my parents are treating my kids and I.

I rarely give this as advice, but it might be a good idea to contact Social Services (or the local equivalent). Your mom plainly isn't treating you with respect, and that's abuse even if there's nothing physical.

Just BTW, I knew another gal in this situation and her brother had the best comment to their mom: "Do you really think you did such a bad job raising us that she can't be a good mom? And if you think you did a bad job raising us, why would you think you're fit to raise her kids?"

From the little I know from here, I think your mom needs to get her own life and stop trying to control other people.