Am I being paranoid? Help!

[quietpraiyze]

*I posted this in the “General Mental Health Forum” but I'm not feeling like most of those who responded are really understanding what I'm feeling. So I'm choosing to post it here as well hoping for honest and beneficial responses from fellow Bipolar's who might know what I'm talking about because they're actually under professional medical care. Please no rude responses.

As a Bipolar I, I am currently doing “medication maintenance” which I see a Psychiatric ANRP Nurse 4 times a year for. The last time I was in to see her which was about 1 1/2 months ago. I was looking good and feeling good because I had finally had some really good sleep thanks to a sleep machine I had found on my own. I had been struggling for years with my sleep. Also I had a physical and labs done prior to my meeting with her and all my numbers were good. So I was feeling really good as I was answering her questions until she did this thing of asking me about my Sibling(s) out of the blue. I was taken a back and I felt ambushed by her. My response to her was, “we are fine”. I didn't understand why she would be asking me specifically about my Sibling(s) especially since one is alive and the other deceased or any of my relationships because I don't talk about my relationships with her.

I'm not in counseling. I also mentioned to her how I was surprised that for the year I had only gained 2 pounds. I was just talking out of excitement. Well she didn't ask me right then and there but then later asked me how much I weighed. I told her I don't choose to share that. I think my response to her about my weight took her off balance. She couldn't mask it as she seemed really surprised that I would not give her that info. Ever since then the whole thing has been doing a slow burn on me. I felt like she took advantage of me being in a good mood and thought she would slip in questions on me. I feel violated by what she did. I feel like I shouldn't have to parcel out my private life for medications. Also my sleep is now off because I can't sleep with both a fan (because of the heat) and the noise machine. They're competing noises. So now I've been having lows and thinking this over. Am I being paranoid or over sensitive about what happened? Also I've never had a medical professional from MD to Psychiatrist ever try to pry into my private life and/or relationships. So I don't know what she's doing and what her motive is...

 

[Serving Zion]

*I posted this in the “General Mental Health Forum” but I'm not feeling like most of those who responded are really understanding what I'm feeling. So I'm choosing to post it here as well hoping for honest and beneficial responses from fellow Bipolar's who might know what I'm talking about because they're actually under professional medical care. Please no rude responses.

As a Bipolar I, I am currently doing “medication maintenance” which I see a Psychiatric ANRP Nurse 4 times a year for. The last time I was in to see her which was about 1 1/2 months ago. I was looking good and feeling good because I had finally had some really good sleep thanks to a sleep machine I had found on my own. I had been struggling for years with my sleep. Also I had a physical and labs done prior to my meeting with her and all my numbers were good. So I was feeling really good as I was answering her questions until she did this thing of asking me about my Sibling(s) out of the blue. I was taken a back and I felt ambushed by her. My response to her was, “we are fine”. I didn't understand why she would be asking me specifically about my Sibling(s) especially since one is alive and the other deceased or any of my relationships because I don't talk about my relationships with her.

I'm not in counseling. I also mentioned to her how I was surprised that for the year I had only gained 2 pounds. I was just talking out of excitement. Well she didn't ask me right then and there but then later asked me how much I weighed. I told her I don't choose to share that. I think my response to her about my weight took her off balance. She couldn't mask it as she seemed really surprised that I would not give her that info. Ever since then the whole thing has been doing a slow burn on me. I felt like she took advantage of me being in a good mood and thought she would slip in questions on me. I feel violated by what she did. I feel like I shouldn't have to parcel out my private life for medications. Also my sleep is now off because I can't sleep with both a fan (because of the heat) and the noise machine. They're competing noises. So now I've been having lows and thinking this over. Am I being paranoid or over sensitive about what happened? Also I've never had a medical professional from MD to Psychiatrist ever try to pry into my private life and/or relationships. So I don't know what she's doing and what her motive is...

One thing I have learned by my personal assessment of psychiatrists, is that they aren't trustworthy. They resist the knowledge of God (in large part because of their high exposure to demoniacs, they are predisposed to believe that religion is a cause of mental illness), but they also habitually lie and their motive is not genuinely for the best interests of the patient (it is biased insofar as needing to find fault in order to justify their job). For this reason, I can only recommend that counselling in a Christian context is the way for Christians to be healed, while psychiatrists do presently have social recognition as being specialists, they can be useful for taking medication for relief of symptoms - but medication never cures mental illness, it is only changes in circumstance and philosophy that cures mental illness. How this relates to you, well I am constrained in my freedom of speech according to the rules of this website, but from a Christian point of view, I just really feel that you should think carefully on who you are turning to for your healing - because there is only one Holy Spirit (albeit He does have various avenues of manifestation - 1 Corinthians 12:4). But in having said that, not everyone who we might assume to be a vessel for The Holy Spirit in fact is representing Him (Matthew 7:15).

Now, part of your inability to rest easy is the anxiety and resentment for how you are feeling - it is like an OCD. I would suggest that you, having become aware of new information as to the quality of care you are receiving, pray now to The Lord and ask Him to show you a way forward that might include talking to a counsellor about how you feel about this psychiatrist's behaviour. I think that once you have decided on a way forward, then you will know that God has heard your prayer and you will have hope in having handed the matter to Him. Sleep easy, Jesus has said "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

 

[Tolworth John]

Am I being paranoid or over sensitive about what happened?

If you are worring about those questions then yes you are being paranoid.
How confidential is your weight and relationsdhips with your family?

May I suggest two things.
To arrange to talk with a councellor to see if that will put your mind at peace.
and to start asking why when asked questions you are not expecting.

 

[Open Heart]

One thing I have learned by my personal assessment of psychiatrists, is that they aren't trustworthy. They resist the knowledge of God (in large part because of their high exposure to demoniacs, they are predisposed to believe that religion is a cause of mental illness), but they also habitually lie and their motive is not genuinely for the best interests of the patient (it is biased insofar as needing to find fault in order to justify their job). For this reason, I can only recommend that counselling in a Christian context is the way for Christians to be healed, while psychiatrists do presently have social recognition as being specialists, they can be useful for taking medication for relief of symptoms - but medication never cures mental illness, it is only changes in circumstance and philosophy that cures mental illness. How this relates to you, well I am constrained in my freedom of speech according to the rules of this website, but from a Christian point of view, I just really feel that you should think carefully on who you are turning to for your healing - because there is only one Holy Spirit (albeit He does have various avenues of manifestation - 1 Corinthians 12:4). But in having said that, not everyone who we might assume to be a vessel for The Holy Spirit in fact is representing Him (Matthew 7:15).

Now, part of your inability to rest easy is the anxiety and resentment for how you are feeling - it is like an OCD. I would suggest that you, having become aware of new information as to the quality of care you are receiving, pray now to The Lord and ask Him to show you a way forward that might include talking to a counsellor about how you feel about this psychiatrist's behaviour. I think that once you have decided on a way forward, then you will know that God has heard your prayer and you will have hope in having handed the matter to Him. Sleep easy, Jesus has said "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Her questions are perfectly reasonable, and you were being way too sensitive. She needs to ask these sort of questions in order to gauge your medication, whether it needs to be lowered, increased, or changed altogether. Even the sibling question is important. And yes, she may do a little counseling--it's her job.

Word to the wise:
If you are bipolar, you definitely need counseling, since we have problems with emotional regulation. High sensitivity is an element of emotional disregulation -- it's all part and parcel of the illness, so we are all in the same boat in here. I myself see a counselor every other week, and have specific goals to work on. I tried going without counseling for several years, and went back to it. It was best.

PS: In my personal experience, I have found ALL my mental health workers past and present to be highly supportive of my spirituality. They find it to be beneficial to my mental health. Both my psychiatrist and my counselor encourage me to be active in my church, obey my conscience, etc. I would assume they would be less approving if I were involved in a toxic religion that preached a non-loving God and had a pathologically controlling pastor or congregation, you get the idea. But basic Christianity that preaches the gospel and embraces you with love and support and keeps you from a life of sin? Nothing but support from them.

 

[Southernscotty]

Hello friend, I hope you scripture journal?, I am sure that you have been told to do this before but I find that it really helps the people I counsel. Find a scripture to match your mood for every day of the week.
Each afternoon find a scripture that stands out to you and mathes how you feel and write it down for that day.
At the end of the month go over the scriptures and see what they are stating!
May God bless you richly.

 

[Open Heart]

Hello friend, I hope you scripture journal?, I am sure that you have been told to do this before but I find that it really helps the people I counsel. Find a scripture to match your mood for every day of the week.
Each afternoon find a scripture that stands out to you and mathes how you feel and write it down for that day.
At the end of the month go over the scriptures and see what they are stating!
May God bless you richly.

It sounds like it would be a wonderful idea for some people, but I already have a rich spiritual life that works for me. I do read scripture later in the day, but not by mood. It is for study.

I am more interested in CONTROLLING my moods. The first thing I do when I wake up each morning is turn on praise music (old hymns, classic praise, catholic songs, Hebrew psalms) and pray thanks for everything I can remember, including things I usually take for granted. That immediately starts my day out right. Then I spend time with the Lord reviewing the last 24 hours. I find that the Lord never condemns me, never. It is always "that a girl" and constructive criticism and repentance when necessary. Then we look at my goals and review how I will reach then. Sometimes I ask myself, "If today were the last day in my life, how would I live it?" It puts my priorities straight right away!!!! Then I sing along with the music for a few songs to end my prayer time before I go eat breakfast. I find that by doing this every day it brings me into and intimate relationship with the Lord.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Bipolar is an illness that while there are similarities in symptoms, the treatment is unique to the individual. Everybody doesn't have the same triggers. What may be considered “good treatment” for one person isn't necessarily the same for another. I've been treated for Bipolar all my adult life - 36 years. I am currently 56 years old. It's been quite a journey. I've predominately had Psychiatrist who have been helpful to me. It has overwhelmingly been “christians” who were painful for me to deal with. God did heal me though from “christians”. It wasn't until I was in an Abnormal Psychology class in college actually studying Manic Depression as we call it back then, did I learn about the organic brain and neurotransmitters. I felt the shackles of persecution that I had received from “christians” for so many years fall off of me and I've never looked back. I continue to take medication with understanding. I don't happen to believe I need counseling for the rest of my life. Not only do I think that kind of thinking is counterproductive to the growth and independence of a mentally ill individual, I think it's down right toxic. No thank you. The Lord really is my Shepherd.

I'm not a novice. It may be hard for some of you to understand that in 36 years of taking meds and various “seasons of counseling” that the various Psychiatrist in my life never deliberately tried to put their hands on my relationships or social life. As a matter of fact I have a beautiful testimony because a particular Psychiatrist knew how to stay in the background and let me discover what I needed to. When it was all said and done, I received a monumental healing from God and my family member got saved. the Psychiatrist involved said something to me after the fact which let me know they knew what I would uncover but I needed to do it for myself. I am eternally grateful to God for how that whole thing transpired. I don't think a Christian Counselor is a guarantee of anything. Just like there are some wonderful Christian Counselors, the same can be said about some secular Psychiatrist and mental health workers. It's all a matter of finding what's a good fit for you. This is my opinion of course. At this time, I'm just not sure of what I'm dealing with in my situation. What I do know is that I don't want someone trying to project on to me what they think is right for me "socially" because I've worked very hard to just be where I'm at now.

My weight is very personal to me especially since I gained the majority of it after going through a physical healing process after a surgery only then to find myself going through menopause. At the time I was making lifestyle changes with a counselor who understood that this had to be “my process” - “inside out”. We did some wonderful work together but they made changes to the agency and as a result I lost her. The person they gave me after her decided she wanted to bring in her political beliefs concerning the gay community, so I requested someone different. The new person after that really didn't understand that I didn't need “her process”, I needed to maintain my own. I just needed her to talk with me about how I felt in my process which I thought was great for her being a Therapist. In her inability to understand her “role” which was actually IMO quite powerful, I had to let her go before she sabotaged me thinking she was helping me. In the research I've done, people can lose weight doing what other people say but many of them couldn't keep the weight off because they were operating “outside in”. They didn't internalize. Once the person was gone, so was their process. I'm doing a lifestyle change - my life and not somebody else's. The changes I've made show up in my labs across the board and on the scale; even though the scale is the least of it. The changes I've made I've maintained for a number of years now. Weight loss/gain is a very intimate subject and shouldn't be handled carelessly by anyone IMHO.

Thank you all for your responses. At the very least it gave me an opportunity to share and write out how I feel and that's a good thing.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Hello friend, I hope you scripture journal?, I am sure that you have been told to do this before but I find that it really helps the people I counsel. Find a scripture to match your mood for every day of the week.
Each afternoon find a scripture that stands out to you and mathes how you feel and write it down for that day. At the end of the month go over the scriptures and see what they are stating! May God bless you richly.

I journal but I don't do Scripture journaling. Actually I've never heard of it but it sounds interesting. I'm just not so sure it would work for me because of the very nature of Bipolar but thank you for sharing and it's always good to hold on to the Word.

 

[ChicanaRose]

[QUOTE="quietpraiyze, post: 72964999, member: 296590"Am I being paranoid or over sensitive about what happened? Also I've never had a medical professional from MD to Psychiatrist ever try to pry into my private life and/or relationships. So I don't know what she's doing and what her motive is...[/QUOTE]

She made you feel uncomfortable by going outside of routine that you were used to with her. If she was going to make changes to the session, she could have at least given you the heads up.

 

[mothcorrupteth]

I can give you my educated guess as a psychologist with bipolar about what happened. My guess is, some dingus bonehead boss of hers mandated that she put in the new question. The question is there because they're trying to get at heritability, for some reason that more context would probably help make sense of. That's how the world works. Dinguses end up in positions of authority and make dingus decisions because their egos can't take constructive criticism from the people on the ground. There are and have been genuine conspiracies that have taken place on Planet Earth, but the vast majority of things that set our paranoia bells ringing are simply perfect storms of incompetence from dipwads who care more about the perks of being head honchos than the responsibilities.