- Apr 17, 2020
- 100
- 245
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
I've been dating a woman for about 6 months. When I met her, she wasn't an Orthodox Christian or a Christian at all, but she also wasn't an atheist or any other religion. She was simply nothing and wasn't sure what to believe. I realize this is a heavily Protestant forum, so I must say that this isn't the place for a faith debate. She was very curious about my faith and has since become Orthodox in her beliefs. COVID-19 has prevented us from going to church, but the idea is that one day, when this all settles down, she would enter the church fully.
Shortly after I met her, she told me about a little girl in her life. The little girl, she said, is her male friend's child. This isn't my girlfriend's child, as the child is half black and my girlfriend is white (the child's mother is black). Both of the child's parents are involved in the little girl's life, although they aren't together. My girlfriend's relationship with this child is very unique and a bit strange. She tends to act like her mother even though she clearly isn't.
My girlfriend showed me photos of this child, and they were all of her, the male friend, and the child, in this place and that place. Naturally I asked why she hadn't had a relationship with this man, and she told me it would never work like that and it "wasn't like that."
A few weeks into dating, she took me to this man's house and I met him and the child. It turns out that this man is a terrible human being and insulted my faith and my girlfriend the whole time. I was stunned and didn't know what to do or what to think. When we left I told my girlfriend that this isn't right. She proceeded to tell me the truth. They had dated 10 years ago and he was abusive. He hurt her quite badly, but she stated friends with him all this time because he "had nobody else." Then he had the child and my girlfriend grew attached to her.
For me, that was enough. I told her that I'm not trying to control her when I say this, but she couldn't have both me and this man and her strange relationship with this child in her life at the same time. I couldn't live like that. She told me she would distance herself.
As the days, weeks, and months went on, he began harassing her. He shows up at her job all the time and she hides it from me. She eventually comes clean. When we're together, sometimes her phone will light up with his name and I'll briefly see profanities and insults. I told her I've noticed these things and she needs to end this because again, this isn't something I'm willing to tolerate. She said she only does because of the child. I had to bluntly tell her that this isn't even her child!
About a month ago I was at her house and we were watching a movie. He showed up banging on her windows and shouting her name. He was high on drugs. He didn't expect me to be there. He was told where he can put it and to leave. I then find out, about a week later, she was with him "giving him a ride" at midnight! I told her that I cannot accept that my girlfriend is with her abusive ex, alone, let alone at midnight!
And then today happened. She was showering and her phone was on the table by me. It rang. It was him. Naturally at this point I'm so frustrated and confused that I did a bad thing but I don't regret it. I went through her phone. She has seen him on many occasions and never said a word about it. They talk A LOT. He shows up to her job A LOT. I saw plans that she is supposed to leave work early Tuesday to see him and the child so that I wouldn't know.
I haven't spoken to her about this yet. I've told her often how strange and inappropriate this is. I've given her scenarios: say we're married two years from now. I'm supposed to accept you leaving our home to go spend time with your abusive ex and HIS child? Never! I cannot accept this.
What do you make of this situation? Am I being played a fool? She claims it's all for the child, but the child is only 3, and she's kept a strange relationship with the man for 10 years after the break-up.
Shortly after I met her, she told me about a little girl in her life. The little girl, she said, is her male friend's child. This isn't my girlfriend's child, as the child is half black and my girlfriend is white (the child's mother is black). Both of the child's parents are involved in the little girl's life, although they aren't together. My girlfriend's relationship with this child is very unique and a bit strange. She tends to act like her mother even though she clearly isn't.
My girlfriend showed me photos of this child, and they were all of her, the male friend, and the child, in this place and that place. Naturally I asked why she hadn't had a relationship with this man, and she told me it would never work like that and it "wasn't like that."
A few weeks into dating, she took me to this man's house and I met him and the child. It turns out that this man is a terrible human being and insulted my faith and my girlfriend the whole time. I was stunned and didn't know what to do or what to think. When we left I told my girlfriend that this isn't right. She proceeded to tell me the truth. They had dated 10 years ago and he was abusive. He hurt her quite badly, but she stated friends with him all this time because he "had nobody else." Then he had the child and my girlfriend grew attached to her.
For me, that was enough. I told her that I'm not trying to control her when I say this, but she couldn't have both me and this man and her strange relationship with this child in her life at the same time. I couldn't live like that. She told me she would distance herself.
As the days, weeks, and months went on, he began harassing her. He shows up at her job all the time and she hides it from me. She eventually comes clean. When we're together, sometimes her phone will light up with his name and I'll briefly see profanities and insults. I told her I've noticed these things and she needs to end this because again, this isn't something I'm willing to tolerate. She said she only does because of the child. I had to bluntly tell her that this isn't even her child!
About a month ago I was at her house and we were watching a movie. He showed up banging on her windows and shouting her name. He was high on drugs. He didn't expect me to be there. He was told where he can put it and to leave. I then find out, about a week later, she was with him "giving him a ride" at midnight! I told her that I cannot accept that my girlfriend is with her abusive ex, alone, let alone at midnight!
And then today happened. She was showering and her phone was on the table by me. It rang. It was him. Naturally at this point I'm so frustrated and confused that I did a bad thing but I don't regret it. I went through her phone. She has seen him on many occasions and never said a word about it. They talk A LOT. He shows up to her job A LOT. I saw plans that she is supposed to leave work early Tuesday to see him and the child so that I wouldn't know.
I haven't spoken to her about this yet. I've told her often how strange and inappropriate this is. I've given her scenarios: say we're married two years from now. I'm supposed to accept you leaving our home to go spend time with your abusive ex and HIS child? Never! I cannot accept this.
What do you make of this situation? Am I being played a fool? She claims it's all for the child, but the child is only 3, and she's kept a strange relationship with the man for 10 years after the break-up.
