Alone in the Church

[Sérgio Junior]

Hello everyone, it's been a year since I came back to church, but despite this I feel very alone in my local community, I have a certain problem in relating to people, since I'm very shy and I fight against depression and social phobia and I very much wanted to be closer to my brothers and sisters of faith, my only spiritual companion is my pastor, but lately he has been very busy. I wanted to be closer to the people in my church, because it is very difficult to have a Christian life without a spiritual partner. Have any of you ever been through this? And how did you overcome?

 

[Ttalkkugjil]

Hello everyone, it's been a year since I came back to church, but despite this I feel very alone in my local community, I have a certain problem in relating to people, since I'm very shy and I fight against depression and social phobia and I very much wanted to be closer to my brothers and sisters of faith, my only spiritual companion is my pastor, but lately he has been very busy. I wanted to be closer to the people in my church, because it is very difficult to have a Christian life without a spiritual partner. Have any of you ever been through this? And how did you overcome?

Sorry you're going through this Sergio. I have been through a similar situation. What I did was to go back to my home church where I knew the people loved and accepted me. It may serve you well to change churches. Not every community of people is the same. Blessings.

 

[Sérgio Junior]

<Staff edit>

I met and have a relationship with my Lord, but I do not think it is so good to live a Christian life without brothers and sisters, right?

 

[Sérgio Junior]

Sorry you're going through this Sergio. I have been through a similar situation. What I did was to go back to my home church where I knew the people loved and accepted me. It may serve you well to change churches. Not every community of people is the same. Blessings.

I didn't change church because I didn't find another community closer, and going back to my old evangelical community is not an option, since I don't share the same theological views as them!

 

[Ttalkkugjil]

I didn't change church because I didn't find another community closer, and going back to my old evangelical community is not an option, since I don't share the same theological views as them!

Which is more important to you - being in a church which holds the same theological views as yourself, or being in a church in which you feel Christ's love in community? I realize that the ideal would be to have both those things in place.

 

[Halbhh]

Hello everyone, it's been a year since I came back to church, but despite this I feel very alone in my local community, I have a certain problem in relating to people, since I'm very shy and I fight against depression and social phobia and I very much wanted to be closer to my brothers and sisters of faith, my only spiritual companion is my pastor, but lately he has been very busy. I wanted to be closer to the people in my church, because it is very difficult to have a Christian life without a spiritual partner. Have any of you ever been through this? And how did you overcome?

We moved to a different area of the country, where the people in this large city suburb are more cool, and slower to get to know that I'm used to where I grew up, and I felt like I had to be the one to break the ice, and connect, and worked hard at it, but it's easier I think if you go to a small group thing in your church, such as a bible study group, where you can take turns with others speaking and listening, and they will start to get to know you, and you can visit with individuals after. One of the deepest helps that happened for me was when I first began to do what Christ said to us is the greatest commandment, to love God with all of your heart, all of your mind, all of your soul, and all of your strength. I think it took me almost an hour or so the first time, to give it every last bit I had, focusing on how He died for me, rescued me, forgave me, from so much, so that my heart was flooded with gratitude and love, and focusing my mind on loving Him which is then all the mind, and the soul is the deep part of yourself that is very constant, and wants to love God, and to get more in touch with the soul one should turn off all distractions, all screens, all else, and just be. Paul wrote "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God." and if the soul of the person is wanting to love God "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him...", and "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength." so meditating, being silent, and seeking Him, is so key, so central "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

 

[Sérgio Junior]

Which is more important to you - being in a church which holds the same theological views as yourself, or being in a church in which you feel Christ's love in community? I realize that the ideal would be to have both those things in place.

For me what is important is to be in a community where the Gospel of the Lord is preached, where the sacraments are administered, where the name of the Lord is praised and where there is communion among Christians, it's certain that now Im not as close to my local community brothers as I would like, but this may change.

 

[Ttalkkugjil]

For me what is important is to be in a community where the Gospel of the Lord is preached, where the sacraments are administered, where the name of the Lord is praised and where there is communion among Christians, it's certain that now Im not as close to my local community brothers as I would like, but this may change.

Fair enough. Is the church you're in now the only church in your area which offers such things?

 

[Sérgio Junior]

@Halbhh I appreciated your response, thank you brother!

 

[Sérgio Junior]

Fair enough. Is the church you're in now the only church in your area which offers such things?

At this time yes, brother. Since there are not many Lutheran churches here in my city.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Yes, I met and have a relationship with my Lord, but I do not think it is so good to live a Christian life without brothers and sisters, right?

and I dont know if you noticed, but this is the Lutheran forum.

I am under the impression that I can post material of a fellowship nature, which I am doing. I am not debating anything here. It is good to have supportive brothers and sisters in Christ because they can be a great comfort, but shyness can find making new friends very challenging.

In my church, when I joined it in 1996, it took a year or two before I felt that I had real friends in it. It is a small Presbyterian church and I feel quite comfortable in it. The last time I went to a large Pentecostal church I felt overwhelmed by the numbers there, and no one spoke to me at all. I was actually glad to get out of there and back to my own church.

I responded because I went through two years in my first church (1966) when I did all the church stuff but didn't know Jesus personally. One day I got so frustrated, that I went back to my home town, got into the middle of a golf course and introduced myself to Jesus. Immediately I felt all lit up like Times Square, and I heard His voice for the first time. That changed my whole perspective and my life, and that sense of His presence and reality has never left me from that time until this.

Fellowship on a personal level with Jesus is very important to me, and when I see a post where someone is struggling with loneliness in the church, I feel exercised to share my testimony about it.

No offence intended.

 

[Ttalkkugjil]

At this time yes, brother. Since there are not many Lutheran churches here in my city.

So I guess then you'll just have to do your best to connect with others. I get what that can be like, I'm a shy person myself. Are there any groups within the church you could get involved in?

 

[Sérgio Junior]

I am under the impression that I can post material of a fellowship nature, which I am doing. I am not debating anything here. It is good to have supportive brothers and sisters in Christ because they can be a great comfort, but shyness can find making new friends very challenging.

In my church, when I joined it in 1996, it took a year or two before I felt that I had real friends in it. It is a small Presbyterian church and I feel quite comfortable in it. The last time I went to a large Pentecostal church I felt overwhelmed by the numbers there, and no one spoke to me at all. I was actually glad to get out of there and back to my own church.

I responded because I went through two years in my first church (1966) when I did all the church stuff but didn't know Jesus personally. One day I got so frustrated, that I went back to my home town, got into the middle of a golf course and introduced myself to Jesus. Immediately I felt all lit up like Times Square, and I heard His voice for the first time. That changed my whole perspective and my life, and that sense of His presence and reality has never left me from that time until this.

Fellowship on a personal level with Jesus is very important to me, and when I see a post where someone is struggling with loneliness in the church, I feel exercised to share my testimony about it.

No offence intended.

Thank you for sharing your testimony, Oscarr, and I think you're right, we often worry too much about our relationships or lack of them in the church that instead of being more contented with Christ, we are longer concerned with the bond in which we can have or not have with our brothers.

 

[Sérgio Junior]

So I guess then you'll just have to do your best to connect with others. I get what that can be like, I'm a shy person myself. Are there any groups within the church you could get involved in?

Yes, there are Bible study groups and the youth group, you're right, maybe I have to try hard to connect with others.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Thank you for sharing your testimony, Oscarr, and I think you're right, we often worry too much about our relationships or lack of them in the church that instead of being more contented with Christ, we are longer concerned with the bond in which we can have or not have with our brothers.

Even though I had a certain ID on CF, I totally agree with Luther's theology, and have read his commentary on Galatians and it is one of my defining documents. That's why some of my Pentecostal friends tended to look sideways at me when I used to discuss theology with them. I think it was because they tended toward Arminian theology which forms the basis of much of Pentecostalism, especially those who have come out of the Methodist Holiness movements.

 

[devin553344]

Yeah I would also suggest getting involved in extra church activities. Like bible study etc.

 

[Llleopard]

Does the church ever have a lunch for new people? Or you could ask the pastor to mention to a hospitable couple that you would appreciate an invite to a meal? My husband and I have an open casual pot luck nearly every Sunday just for helping people connect - does someone do this in your church?

 

[FireDragon76]

I would actually suggest you explore the Lutheran concept of vocation, because its important for understanding our sense of our spirituality. Our spirituality is not necessarily overtly religious or involving adopting a certain form of piety.

And it is also important to remember the Church is not a popularity contest. It's not our job at all to create unity, God does that through his Word and Sacraments.

 

[PoppyB]

Hello everyone, it's been a year since I came back to church, but despite this I feel very alone in my local community, I have a certain problem in relating to people, since I'm very shy and I fight against depression and social phobia and I very much wanted to be closer to my brothers and sisters of faith, my only spiritual companion is my pastor, but lately he has been very busy. I wanted to be closer to the people in my church, because it is very difficult to have a Christian life without a spiritual partner. Have any of you ever been through this? And how did you overcome?

Hi there, I can feel for you. I always felt like the odd one out in my church because I am not very good at starting conversations. Usually in the brew room after the service I would find myself alone and not wanting to approach people who were in conversation with others as I didn't want to interrupt. I have no difficulty chatting to folk at bus stops or in cafes etc but felt out of place in church.

Does your church have mid-week meetings or house groups as I felt much better in one of those in a more intimate setting. If they do give it a try. But remember God is always with you and notices you even if other people don't. Perhaps you could ask specifically for a friend in your church other than the busy pastor. God bless brother.

 

[Sérgio Junior]

Does the church ever have a lunch for new people? Or you could ask the pastor to mention to a hospitable couple that you would appreciate an invite to a meal? My husband and I have an open casual pot luck nearly every Sunday just for helping people connect - does someone do this in your church?

Not..... but in my church there are usually times when the brethren come together for a coffee or meal after worship services.