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All this anxiety is making me doubt I even have Jesus.

High Fidelity

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Great post. What was weird was a lot of the times when I'm anxious I don't FEEL anxious. I feel calm. Yet my heart and inside of my body reveal just how anxious I am. It's weird.

This is 100% me. Highly recommended you speak to your doctor about trying Propranolol or whatever it may be called over there.
 
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Aussie Pete

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I wasn't going to reply to this but, I feel like I have to. Calvinists don't have a grasp on God's love? Oh, so for over 400 years of Protestantism's history, and several theologians after Christs time and before the reformation (ST. Augustine is of course the main theologian that comes to mind that thought in the way of the reformed faith but there were others) not to mention the apostles, didn't fully understand God's love and were always anxious and they all had panic disorder? Really? Are you for real? Your lack of understanding of the Reformed Faith. If anything the Reformed Faith ELEVATES God's love and doesn't lower it. Arminians make God out to be this weak God who cannot do anything on his own and has no power to save whom he wants to save and they completely ignore 99.9% of scripture! But, I'm not going to turn this into an Arminian vs Reformed debate thread you just kind of upset me by saying the reason I'm psycho and the reason I'm anxious is because I don't believe in your denomination get real. I have no problems with God's love like I said, before I know it, I understand it, I EMBRACE it. What I have is a mental illness and a condition of chronic anxiety. God can cure you of anything, yes but sometimes God doesn't for a reason. And that reason isn't that I don't understand God's love as a Calvinist! I understand God's love FAR more than you do!

If you read my other post, when I didn't take my meds and I trusted Jesus fully to cure me of my mental illness I nearly killed my wife and had to spend over a week in a mental hospital to recover from that massive psychotic episode. I'm never doing it again because God taught me that lesson. I don't want to kill people or kill myself just because of people like you that say, "All you have to do is trust Jesus and It'll go away."

It doesn't. Trust me, you just don't understand because you've never been in my shoes. God forbid, you contract a mental illness and finally understand what it's like.
You know nothing about my past trials and tribulations. I've been saved for 48 years. I know a few things, including the truth that doctrine has never saved one soul. I do not subscribe to any "ism".

One of the issues that I find baffling is the refusal of Christians to acknowledge the prevalence of demonic oppression. I battled suicidal thoughts and depression on and off for decades, especially when my marriage failed. Just "Trusting Jesus" is not the answer. When I cried out to God for answers, He simply said "Resist the devil and he will flee". That was 20 years ago. I have to do that still as Satan's attacks do not let up.

Recently I spent a week and a day in hospital with an excruciatingly painful and potentially fatal illness. Not once did I have any fear. God has revealed Himself to me over the decades. Freedom from fear certainly did not come overnight and it was not without a fight. However, it is a battle worth joining and victory is assured if we maintain the pressure on the enemy of our souls.
 
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mikeforjesus

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Great post. What was weird was a lot of the times when I'm anxious I don't FEEL anxious. I feel calm. Yet my heart and inside of my body reveal just how anxious I am. It's weird.

it seems you want to be calm but you are anxious or you are calm and it could partly be side effects of some medication . I think if you are anxious and you draw near to Christ through reading His word and pray He can give you peace
 
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Andrewn

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I have no problems with God's love like I said, before I know it, I understand it, I EMBRACE it. What I have is a mental illness and a condition of chronic anxiety. God can cure you of anything, yes but sometimes God doesn't for a reason. And that reason isn't that I don't understand God's love as a Calvinist! I understand God's love FAR more than you do!
I agree with you. The Calvinist assurance that once saved always saved is a good source of comfort for you.
 
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Macchiato

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You know nothing about my past trials and tribulations. I've been saved for 48 years. I know a few things, including the truth that doctrine has never saved one soul. I do not subscribe to any "ism".

One of the issues that I find baffling is the refusal of Christians to acknowledge the prevalence of demonic oppression. I battled suicidal thoughts and depression on and off for decades, especially when my marriage failed. Just "Trusting Jesus" is not the answer. When I cried out to God for answers, He simply said "Resist the devil and he will flee". That was 20 years ago. I have to do that still as Satan's attacks do not let up.

Recently I spent a week and a day in hospital with an excruciatingly painful and potentially fatal illness. Not once did I have any fear. God has revealed Himself to me over the decades. Freedom from fear certainly did not come overnight and it was not without a fight. However, it is a battle worth joining and victory is assured if we maintain the pressure on the enemy of our souls.

How did you resist?
 
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Aussie Pete

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How did you resist?
Resisting is an act of the will. It is best to speak it out. Sometimes it is necessary to command an evil spirit out of an individual. I've commanded an evil spirit out of my own life. If you make it clear before God that your will is to be free, He will back you up. We have the power and authority in Christ.

The battle begins in the mind. If we will take care our thought life, much trouble can be avoided.

A simple example may help. I was on my way to work when I had a thought that it was going to be a freezing winter and I should buy some new clothes. It came out of the blue. I rejected the thought and took no action. The following winter was milder than usual. The thought was a setup. If I'd accepted the thought, there would have been another thought trying to get me to act on it. Then another and another. That can lead to serious mental issues. It's devastating when you realised that you've been deceived - I know from experience.

Another more serious incident. I was driving home when I went into a rain storm. I could see almost nothing. The windscreen wipers could not cope. I was on a four lane freeway. Cars were going past me at speed. How they dared to go so fast, I don't know. I freaked. If I'd slowed down, I may have been tail-ended. As I could barely see, I may have run into a slower car ahead. I asked the Lord to calm the storm. He said, "I did not send it and I will not take it away". Immediately I remembered how Lord Jesus dealt with the storm that he went through. I rebuked the storm. Within moments the rain ceased and I was in the clear.

I recommend "War on the Saints" for anyone who wants to know about spiritual warfare.

The scriptural basis for this warfare is 2 Corinthians 10: 4 & 5

The weapons of our warfare are not the weapons of the world. Instead, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

"Strongholds" are lies that have been planted in our minds because we were not aware of the spiritual war that is taking place. I spent years worrying about my teeth. Then I needed an extraction. The dentist told me I had a jaw like iron and really tough teeth. That was about 25 years ago. I've not needed any dental work since. My worry was based on a lie. The truth dispels the lie!
 
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Macchiato

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Resisting is an act of the will. It is best to speak it out. Sometimes it is necessary to command an evil spirit out of an individual. I've commanded an evil spirit out of my own life. If you make it clear before God that your will is to be free, He will back you up. We have the power and authority in Christ.

The battle begins in the mind. If we will take care our thought life, much trouble can be avoided.

A simple example may help. I was on my way to work when I had a thought that it was going to be a freezing winter and I should buy some new clothes. It came out of the blue. I rejected the thought and took no action. The following winter was milder than usual. The thought was a setup. If I'd accepted the thought, there would have been another thought trying to get me to act on it. Then another and another. That can lead to serious mental issues. It's devastating when you realised that you've been deceived - I know from experience.

Another more serious incident. I was driving home when I went into a rain storm. I could see almost nothing. The windscreen wipers could not cope. I was on a four lane freeway. Cars were going past me at speed. How they dared to go so fast, I don't know. I freaked. If I'd slowed down, I may have been tail-ended. As I could barely see, I may have run into a slower car ahead. I asked the Lord to calm the storm. He said, "I did not send it and I will not take it away". Immediately I remembered how Lord Jesus dealt with the storm that he went through. I rebuked the storm. Within moments the rain ceased and I was in the clear.

I recommend "War on the Saints" for anyone who wants to know about spiritual warfare.

The scriptural basis for this warfare is 2 Corinthians 10: 4 & 5

The weapons of our warfare are not the weapons of the world. Instead, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

"Strongholds" are lies that have been planted in our minds because we were not aware of the spiritual war that is taking place. I spent years worrying about my teeth. Then I needed an extraction. The dentist told me I had a jaw like iron and really tough teeth. That was about 25 years ago. I've not needed any dental work since. My worry was based on a lie. The truth dispels the lie!

Im familiar with deliverance. I didnt have a good experience. My former pastor tried to get rid of my anxiety but it came back and worse and ofc i got yelled at for still having anxiety and causing other's faith to waiver. I definitely advise building up your faith first before taking on. That task. I find with mental issues they attack the very thing you need to believe in so that makes it twice as hard.

As much as i believe in God and his help I also in medicine. I dont think you need to choose either or but can do both.

Idk, I always wonder why people never tell cancer patients to cast the spirit of infimity out or those with scoliosis to resist the devil. Why only those with mental illness as if were doing it to ourselves?
 
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Andrewn

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Im familiar with deliverance. I didnt have a good experience. My former pastor tried to get rid of my anxiety but it came back and worse and ofc i got yelled at for still having anxiety and causing other's faith to waiver.
He failed and blamed you! This is abuse. Have you left that church?

Idk, I always wonder why people never tell cancer patients to cast the spirit of infimity out or those with scoliosis to resist the devil. Why only those with mental illness as if were doing it to ourselves?
I agree. Most cases are due to chemical imbalance in the brain.
 
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Brenda Blakely

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I could be standing right there with you except I have decided to accept His promises and I stand firmly upon them. He tells me He hears me when I call, He cares about me, He will never leave me nor forsake me. I chose to trust in this. My dysfunctional family did not give me the security I needed nor the safety, panic attacks were a big part of my life. It was difficult for me to grasp that Jesus would provide all that and meet my needs. I asked to be able to trust and obey and He gave it to me. When I doubt, I go back to that. I have recorded it in my Bible and written myself notes on the mirror to remind me.

You must be born again into this new life with Jesus. You must leave the old life behind in order to become a new person. You must turn from the past and look to the future, living today to the best of your ability and trusting in the Master God. I can't trust and/or obey on my own. I must depend on Him to provide that for me. You will have to make a choice and stick with it, no matter what. Medications do help for some people, when you can find the right one.

I do simple things like surrounding myself with Christian music and beauty. Asking God's help to focus and be thankful. Asking God to simply help me to smile. I do take Valerian once and a while and I do sometimes use CBD oil. It seems that some days my body is just in reaction mode and I have to work harder at relaxing, trusting and obeying. Being grateful and worship are both key elements in my stability.

I am praying for you to find peace, joy and love. I am praying for you to be able to rest in His love and provision. God bless you. I always say, "I can do this, with God's help." So can you.
I've had panic disorder since I was about seven years old (I'm 34 now). I think what started it was my dad started physically and verbally abusing me at that age but, no doctor has ever confirmed it. Mainly because as a Child I didn't seek help or say anything to anyone. I didn't tell virtually anyone anything until I was well into my late 20's. My father physically abused for over 20 years before I finally was smart and left my parents house and lived on my own. Now we get along because I'm not near him when he's chugging on a bottle of whiskey and half passing out on the couch. But anyway, at the age of around 11 or so I used to get frequent chronic panic attacks when I was around my father or when he was hitting or verbally abusing me. I didn't know what they were at the time because I was a child up until a teenager. I didn't find out they were panic attacks until I was about 20 or 21 or so. Anyway, I used to get really bad panic attacks around my father and he would make them worse by hitting me harder for faking my inability to breathe and my what I found out later was a fight or flight response. I would just get this feeling or running away from him and he'd grab me from behind so I tried to learn not to listen to that.

I still get panic attacks quite frequently, especially when I'm in a manic or psychotic episode (I've had schizophrenia since I was born and later learned I was bipolar about a year before I moved out of my parents house. It was 2011 anyway.) but,

I've tried just about every calming technique under the sun, every medication pretty much, and I've been praying almost nonstop to God to keep me safe and calm. But, they never happen. It's like there's no cure for this frequent disease. As a Christian I should fear nothing like all the other Christians because God is in control over my life. But, it doesn't matter how much I try to rely on Jesus and God I just can't stop worrying about stuff days, weeks and months before they actually happen. I just can't stop all the stress and anxiety in my everyday life that happens now that I'm married and living on my own. Being married is a huge responsibility and when I have to try to feed my wife, myself, and my dog on basically nothing while always giving money to charity and trying to obey what God is telling me to do each and everyday of my life.... It's just hard. It's overwhelming and suffocating.

I mean I had a colonoscopy yesterday, I prayed virtually nonstop for gave my concerns to God and I still was anxious all the way there and I thought I was calm when I finally got there and was in bed watching TV trying to ignore my problems .But, what was good yesterday was that I was calm inside I guess, but I could hear what my heart was doing inside when they hooked me up to all the vitals when they finally after nearly 3 hours got to my surgery. It was beating way faster than I could have ever imagined. The surgeon there asked if I was nervous and I without thinking said "Yeah" and he's like "Don't be."

Probably because my heart beating that fast would give me a heart attack. I don't even want to know how fast my heart is in my daily life but, I just can't stop and it's just suffocating. I'm suffocating even now just typing this thing. I mean I probably calmed down fully once they put me to sleep and loaded me on Ativan to calm me down. But, that can't always be the solution to my problems. Ativan helps? But, it takes a very large dose and it's supposed to be a temporary medicine and solution not a permanent solution. But, my psychiatrist has tried me on probably over 15 anti anxiety medications last year and none of them worked even the slightest but Ativan. And of course because I'm mentally ill in multiple ways I worry and obsess about getting addicted to Ativan. But, if it's a permanent help and solution I guess it doesn't really matter if I'm addicted to it.

I... don't know... I've tried everything and this is not how it's supposed to be for a Christian that has Jesus. I know I have Jesus, I know where I'm going in more ways than one. But I can't help but worry about that too. I... just... can't.... stop and it's going to KILL me!

I know, we all die someday. God has a day planned for our death. But God also keeps every Christian calm and I'm off the wall 99% of the day everyday for almost 30 years now. I just don't know what to do and the more I talk to God the more anxious and suffocated I become. All I can do is pray to God and maybe talk about my problems to other people. But, as many people, doctors, mental hospitals, and crisis centers have learned over the years, there is NO calming me down. Which of course makes my mania and psychosis worse to where my manic and psychotic episodes aren't just lasting months now, they're lasting years. Eventually I'm going to be put in a darned mental hospital PERMANENTLY. I just have that feeling, and it'll never go away. None of this will ever go away or stop. I know we're supposed to suffer but this is ridiculous!
 
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Aussie Pete

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Im familiar with deliverance. I didnt have a good experience. My former pastor tried to get rid of my anxiety but it came back and worse and ofc i got yelled at for still having anxiety and causing other's faith to waiver. I definitely advise building up your faith first before taking on. That task. I find with mental issues they attack the very thing you need to believe in so that makes it twice as hard.

As much as i believe in God and his help I also in medicine. I dont think you need to choose either or but can do both.

Idk, I always wonder why people never tell cancer patients to cast the spirit of infimity out or those with scoliosis to resist the devil. Why only those with mental illness as if were doing it to ourselves?
I've had the privilege of decades of help and instruction from a genuine man of God. Deliverance was part and parcel of our Christian walk and it still is.

The root cause of cancer is independence. We have cast that spirit, and the spirit of death out of people and they have been healed. Another common problem is arthritis and similar joint problems. This is caused by bitterness and resentment. Those evil twins are the offspring of unforgiveness. Deal with the unforgiveness and that also begins the healing process.

I agree with you that it's not either or with medicine or God's instant healing. I've experienced both in the last year.

One of the problems with deliverance is that we also need to know how to maintain our freedom. That aspect seems to be overlooked a lot of the time. Derek Prince ministered deliverance. He was probably the first preacher that I heard talk about the subject. James Robison and Robert Morris also ran a series of seminars on the subject, well worth listening to. Finally, you might want to read "War on the Saints" by Jesse Penn-Lewis.
 
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Macchiato

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He failed and blamed you! This is abuse. Have you left that church?


I agree. Most cases are due to chemical imbalance in the brain.
I did but still have anxiety.. I didnt get help for this reason that all i needed was God and that if Im close to him I wont have anxiety. A friend grilled me saying that if just prayed 3 hrs a day and spent more time with Jesus i would have less anxiety ...i just dont get why people dont understand mental illness. Its an imbalance.. Uhg
 
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