• The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.

    If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.

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All this anxiety is making me doubt I even have Jesus.

Neostarwcc

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I've had panic disorder since I was about seven years old (I'm 34 now). I think what started it was my dad started physically and verbally abusing me at that age but, no doctor has ever confirmed it. Mainly because as a Child I didn't seek help or say anything to anyone. I didn't tell virtually anyone anything until I was well into my late 20's. My father physically abused for over 20 years before I finally was smart and left my parents house and lived on my own. Now we get along because I'm not near him when he's chugging on a bottle of whiskey and half passing out on the couch. But anyway, at the age of around 11 or so I used to get frequent chronic panic attacks when I was around my father or when he was hitting or verbally abusing me. I didn't know what they were at the time because I was a child up until a teenager. I didn't find out they were panic attacks until I was about 20 or 21 or so. Anyway, I used to get really bad panic attacks around my father and he would make them worse by hitting me harder for faking my inability to breathe and my what I found out later was a fight or flight response. I would just get this feeling or running away from him and he'd grab me from behind so I tried to learn not to listen to that.

I still get panic attacks quite frequently, especially when I'm in a manic or psychotic episode (I've had schizophrenia since I was born and later learned I was bipolar about a year before I moved out of my parents house. It was 2011 anyway.) but,

I've tried just about every calming technique under the sun, every medication pretty much, and I've been praying almost nonstop to God to keep me safe and calm. But, they never happen. It's like there's no cure for this frequent disease. As a Christian I should fear nothing like all the other Christians because God is in control over my life. But, it doesn't matter how much I try to rely on Jesus and God I just can't stop worrying about stuff days, weeks and months before they actually happen. I just can't stop all the stress and anxiety in my everyday life that happens now that I'm married and living on my own. Being married is a huge responsibility and when I have to try to feed my wife, myself, and my dog on basically nothing while always giving money to charity and trying to obey what God is telling me to do each and everyday of my life.... It's just hard. It's overwhelming and suffocating.

I mean I had a colonoscopy yesterday, I prayed virtually nonstop for gave my concerns to God and I still was anxious all the way there and I thought I was calm when I finally got there and was in bed watching TV trying to ignore my problems .But, what was good yesterday was that I was calm inside I guess, but I could hear what my heart was doing inside when they hooked me up to all the vitals when they finally after nearly 3 hours got to my surgery. It was beating way faster than I could have ever imagined. The surgeon there asked if I was nervous and I without thinking said "Yeah" and he's like "Don't be."

Probably because my heart beating that fast would give me a heart attack. I don't even want to know how fast my heart is in my daily life but, I just can't stop and it's just suffocating. I'm suffocating even now just typing this thing. I mean I probably calmed down fully once they put me to sleep and loaded me on Ativan to calm me down. But, that can't always be the solution to my problems. Ativan helps? But, it takes a very large dose and it's supposed to be a temporary medicine and solution not a permanent solution. But, my psychiatrist has tried me on probably over 15 anti anxiety medications last year and none of them worked even the slightest but Ativan. And of course because I'm mentally ill in multiple ways I worry and obsess about getting addicted to Ativan. But, if it's a permanent help and solution I guess it doesn't really matter if I'm addicted to it.

I... don't know... I've tried everything and this is not how it's supposed to be for a Christian that has Jesus. I know I have Jesus, I know where I'm going in more ways than one. But I can't help but worry about that too. I... just... can't.... stop and it's going to KILL me!

I know, we all die someday. God has a day planned for our death. But God also keeps every Christian calm and I'm off the wall 99% of the day everyday for almost 30 years now. I just don't know what to do and the more I talk to God the more anxious and suffocated I become. All I can do is pray to God and maybe talk about my problems to other people. But, as many people, doctors, mental hospitals, and crisis centers have learned over the years, there is NO calming me down. Which of course makes my mania and psychosis worse to where my manic and psychotic episodes aren't just lasting months now, they're lasting years. Eventually I'm going to be put in a darned mental hospital PERMANENTLY. I just have that feeling, and it'll never go away. None of this will ever go away or stop. I know we're supposed to suffer but this is ridiculous!
 

Tolworth John

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the more I talk to God the more anxious and suffocated I become

It is probably a silly comment but if praying makes you anxious etc. Don't pray so much.
 
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Jeshu

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Oh my dear brother Jesus can help you like He helped me. He is so very able if we but believe the truth of His love for us. This is very hard to do.

i have Schizo effective disorder and P.T.S.D from a viscous sexual assault when i was just 11 and understand were you are coming from when you talk about not knowing your mind was ill until much later in life. i was 36 before i was hospitalised the first time.

i'v had many psychoses, panic attacks, and severe depression most of my life. What made all the difference for me was putting my faith in Jesus' love instead of being scared of His wrath. It turned my world upside down. Learning to read the Scripture past my heart, and seeing how i responded to it and why, though often time that took me much longer to find out, taught me to listen to the voice of the living word. Honest it was the biggest chance i've had in all my life, when i learned to love the truth of God rather than just obey it.

What is important is to go to Jesus while you are anxious, and let His loving truth cast out the fear, and comfort you the fearful one. Honest Jesus has only got good in store for you. Put your faith in His love even now. (Very hard to do when our dads abused us when we were young but not impossible to learn when we realise that God is love and not like our dads.)

What also really helped was good medications. Not too much for that would only increase the depression but enough to medicate my psychosis. It took doctors years to find the right medication for me, and it took me years to work out how much of it i need without being too depressed and still safe from psychosis.

The issue is P.T.S.D it was the under laying factor to much of my mental illness. i found a good online counsellor, though he doesn't actively counsel any more for it got too much for him, he has made some excellent mediation videos. This man has helped me enormously. i have never met any person who understand P.T.S.D that well and can therefore help in real time giving us skills to deal with it.

The man is not Christian but operates out of the motto that we have to let love heal us within. Which is why i had little problem adjusting my faith to his techniques, for God is love. He is really good. The man has helped me enormously, and thousands of others as well. He once suffered from P.T.S. D himself but worked his way out of it using the techniques he teaches in his videos. He has written 4 or 5 excellent e books on the subject as well. i'll give you a link His Name is Roland Bal

Complex Trauma PTSD Articles Summary | Roland Bal

i can't recommend this person highly enough. He stuff is of the highest quality for someone suffering from complex P.T.S.D as yourself. Ever since he finished counselled me i have not had a psychosis, i had one while he was counselling me and he talked me right through it. An amazing man that is why i recommend you get a few of his meditation videos, they sure help during crisis times.

i hope i have brought you a little hope.
 
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Andrewn

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Probably because my heart beating that fast would give me a heart attack. I don't even want to know how fast my heart is in my daily life but, I just can't stop and it's just suffocating. I'm suffocating even now just typing this thing. I mean I probably calmed down fully once they put me to sleep and loaded me on Ativan to calm me down. But, that can't always be the solution to my problems. Ativan helps? But, it takes a very large dose and it's supposed to be a temporary medicine and solution not a permanent solution. But, my psychiatrist has tried me on probably over 15 anti anxiety medications last year and none of them worked even the slightest but Ativan. And of course because I'm mentally ill in multiple ways I worry and obsess about getting addicted to Ativan. But, if it's a permanent help and solution I guess it doesn't really matter if I'm addicted to it.
Ativan, like you said, is supposed to be a temporary medicine. Why? Bec otherwise it stops working unless you take "a very large dose" which can be very very dangerous.

Many anti-anxiety medications are also anti-depressants and some psychiatrists may not recommend them in bipolar disorder.

Your rapid heart beat may need to be managed, medically. Managing this will probably help your anxiety.

I hope you're taking appropriate medications for schizophrenia and bipolar. Talk to your doctor.

I hope I did not exceed the kind of response allowed in this forum and hope you feel better, soon.
 
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Neostarwcc

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Ativan, like you said, is supposed to be a temporary medicine. Why? Bec otherwise it stops working unless you take "a very large dose" which can be very very dangerous.

Many anti-anxiety medications are also anti-depressants and some psychiatrists may not recommend them in bipolar disorder.

Your rapid heart beat may need to be managed, medically. Managing this will probably help your anxiety.

I hope you're taking appropriate medications for schizophrenia and bipolar. Talk to your doctor.

I hope I did not exceed the kind of response allowed in this forum and hope you feel better, soon.

Yes because hospitals always have to overload me on the stuff when I have to be Hospitalized to get me to sleep or to calm down.

I know I'm not addicted to the stuff because I've quit it several times over the last 8 years or so (I just usually have to wean myself off of it until I don't take any at all) but you're right, they should probably only use the medicine on me during emergencies. That how my psychiatrist had me on the medicine before but now he has me on it twice a day.

But, when I'm psychiatrically hospitalaized they use Ativan on me like candy because they usually have to. Either I won't sleep without it when I'm manic or they need to load me up on it to calm me down because I just go so off the wall.

Like, this has nothing to do with anxiety but my Psychiatrist also has me on an Antipsychotic called Seroquel that's supposed to help me sleep when I'm manic. I had no qualms about only taking it when I'm manic but, now he has me on it every single night and if I forget to take it or any of mynight time meds, I cannot sleep longer than 2-3 hours without them. My body is dependent on my medicine to even sleep regularly or barely function. I get it, I'm dangerous without taking my antipsychotics I learned that the hard way but, at the same time I think that I shouldn't be completely reliant on medicine to sleep or to basically function. It's ridiculous how many pills I have to take in a day. But if I didn't take them I would probably more than likely hurt somebody again (I hit my wife when I didn't take my meds for several years until I just went psychotic and manic at the same time. That was the biggest episode I ever had. So, I have to take them it's just... idk. Stupid.

I think I'm going to tell my psychiatrist when I see him at the end of the month though no more ativan unless I absolutely need it.
 
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Andrewn

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Like, this has nothing to do with anxiety but my Psychiatrist also has me on an Antipsychotic called Seroquel that's supposed to help me sleep when I'm manic. I had no qualms about only taking it when I'm manic but, now he has me on it every single night and if I forget to take it or any of mynight time meds, I cannot sleep longer than 2-3 hours without them. My body is dependent on my medicine to even sleep regularly or barely function. I get it, I'm dangerous without taking my antipsychotics I learned that the hard way but, at the same time I think that I shouldn't be completely reliant on medicine to sleep or to basically function. It's ridiculous how many pills I have to take in a day. But if I didn't take them I would probably more than likely hurt somebody again (I hit my wife when I didn't take my meds for several years until I just went psychotic and manic at the same time. That was the biggest episode I ever had. So, I have to take them it's just... idk. Stupid.
Thank God for medications. People used to die in their 40's and 50's. I have to take my medications daily.

I think I'm going to tell my psychiatrist when I see him at the end of the month though no more ativan unless I absolutely need it.
Make sure you're taking sufficient doses of anti-psychotics + anti-bipolar +/- heart rate medication.

Christ is the healer. Jesus has you in his arms.
 
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Neostarwcc

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Oh my dear brother Jesus can help you like He helped me. He is so very able if we but believe the truth of His love for us. This is very hard to do.

i have Schizo effective disorder and P.T.S.D from a viscous sexual assault when i was just 11 and understand were you are coming from when you talk about not knowing your mind was ill until much later in life. i was 36 before i was hospitalised the first time.

i'v had many psychoses, panic attacks, and severe depression most of my life. What made all the difference for me was putting my faith in Jesus' love instead of being scared of His wrath. It turned my world upside down. Learning to read the Scripture past my heart, and seeing how i responded to it and why, though often time that took me much longer to find out, taught me to listen to the voice of the living word. Honest it was the biggest chance i've had in all my life, when i learned to love the truth of God rather than just obey it.

What is important is to go to Jesus while you are anxious, and let His loving truth cast out the fear, and comfort you the fearful one. Honest Jesus has only got good in store for you. Put your faith in His love even now. (Very hard to do when our dads abused us when we were young but not impossible to learn when we realise that God is love and not like our dads.)

What also really helped was good medications. Not too much for that would only increase the depression but enough to medicate my psychosis. It took doctors years to find the right medication for me, and it took me years to work out how much of it i need without being too depressed and still safe from psychosis.

The issue is P.T.S.D it was the under laying factor to much of my mental illness. i found a good online counsellor, though he doesn't actively counsel any more for it got too much for him, he has made some excellent mediation videos. This man has helped me enormously. i have never met any person who understand P.T.S.D that well and can therefore help in real time giving us skills to deal with it.

The man is not Christian but operates out of the motto that we have to let love heal us within. Which is why i had little problem adjusting my faith to his techniques, for God is love. He is really good. The man has helped me enormously, and thousands of others as well. He once suffered from P.T.S. D himself but worked his way out of it using the techniques he teaches in his videos. He has written 4 or 5 excellent e books on the subject as well. i'll give you a link His Name is Roland Bal

Complex Trauma PTSD Articles Summary | Roland Bal

i can't recommend this person highly enough. He stuff is of the highest quality for someone suffering from complex P.T.S.D as yourself. Ever since he finished counselled me i have not had a psychosis, i had one while he was counselling me and he talked me right through it. An amazing man that is why i recommend you get a few of his meditation videos, they sure help during crisis times.

i hope i have brought you a little hope.

Tbch? I'm not afraid of his wrath. I know where I am going deep down in my heart. God speaks daily to me that I am a child of God and that I am loved more than I can ever imagine. I just... get nervous about... everything... and tbch? I don't know or understand why. It's not a "I'm afraid I'm going to hell" kind of fear anymore. It's a "I have a really hard time trusting God's sovereignty kind of thing maybe?"

I know I'm a child of God, I wouldn't be a Calvinist if I didn't know. I know God is sovereign over our lives, I know God's got me. But, at the same time it feels like God isn't watching over me and I'm just deluding myself into believing such. Not in a I'm going to hell kind of way it's.... VERY difficult to explain or to understand what's going on. For some reason even when I feel calm, like yesterday I'm not. Because my heart was pretty racing yesterday yet I felt calm and ready to be put under. But, my body recognized how anxious it really was. I'm just sick of living this way and I'm sick of praying to him over and over again for the full peace that every Christian is supposed to have. It does make you doubt sometimes that you're a Christian and that you don't have Jesus.

Or... what about this thought? Where is Jesus in his promise for full peace? He's done everything else he's promised so I shouldn't doubt or be anxious. But, it's not as easy as just not being anxious anymore. I need God. Or some medicine that I haven't found yet which would be given to me by God. Something... I can't fully go on like this for the rest of my life or, what's stopping me from going to be with Jesus prematurely to end my suffering? You know? Sorry I mentioned that.
 
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Neostarwcc

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Thank God for medications. People used to die in their 40's and 50's. I have to take my medications daily.


Make sure you're taking sufficient doses of anti-psychotics + anti-bipolar +/- heart rate medication.

Christ is the healer. Jesus has you in his arms.

Yes I'm on the second highest dose of Latuda which seems to help with me having really bad episodes. Like psychiactrically. I still get frequent episodes they still last sometimes for very long but, I haven't been a danger to myself or others in almost 2 years. So, if something big comes after this well know to adjust my meds again but so far it's keeping me out of the hospital. I was only in a mental hospital for one day during one of my episodes but that was only because I had suicidal thoughts. I was only there for a day and they released me.
 
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Aussie Pete

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I've had panic disorder since I was about seven years old (I'm 34 now). I think what started it was my dad started physically and verbally abusing me at that age but, no doctor has ever confirmed it. Mainly because as a Child I didn't seek help or say anything to anyone. I didn't tell virtually anyone anything until I was well into my late 20's. My father physically abused for over 20 years before I finally was smart and left my parents house and lived on my own. Now we get along because I'm not near him when he's chugging on a bottle of whiskey and half passing out on the couch. But anyway, at the age of around 11 or so I used to get frequent chronic panic attacks when I was around my father or when he was hitting or verbally abusing me. I didn't know what they were at the time because I was a child up until a teenager. I didn't find out they were panic attacks until I was about 20 or 21 or so. Anyway, I used to get really bad panic attacks around my father and he would make them worse by hitting me harder for faking my inability to breathe and my what I found out later was a fight or flight response. I would just get this feeling or running away from him and he'd grab me from behind so I tried to learn not to listen to that.

I still get panic attacks quite frequently, especially when I'm in a manic or psychotic episode (I've had schizophrenia since I was born and later learned I was bipolar about a year before I moved out of my parents house. It was 2011 anyway.) but,

I've tried just about every calming technique under the sun, every medication pretty much, and I've been praying almost nonstop to God to keep me safe and calm. But, they never happen. It's like there's no cure for this frequent disease. As a Christian I should fear nothing like all the other Christians because God is in control over my life. But, it doesn't matter how much I try to rely on Jesus and God I just can't stop worrying about stuff days, weeks and months before they actually happen. I just can't stop all the stress and anxiety in my everyday life that happens now that I'm married and living on my own. Being married is a huge responsibility and when I have to try to feed my wife, myself, and my dog on basically nothing while always giving money to charity and trying to obey what God is telling me to do each and everyday of my life.... It's just hard. It's overwhelming and suffocating.

I mean I had a colonoscopy yesterday, I prayed virtually nonstop for gave my concerns to God and I still was anxious all the way there and I thought I was calm when I finally got there and was in bed watching TV trying to ignore my problems .But, what was good yesterday was that I was calm inside I guess, but I could hear what my heart was doing inside when they hooked me up to all the vitals when they finally after nearly 3 hours got to my surgery. It was beating way faster than I could have ever imagined. The surgeon there asked if I was nervous and I without thinking said "Yeah" and he's like "Don't be."

Probably because my heart beating that fast would give me a heart attack. I don't even want to know how fast my heart is in my daily life but, I just can't stop and it's just suffocating. I'm suffocating even now just typing this thing. I mean I probably calmed down fully once they put me to sleep and loaded me on Ativan to calm me down. But, that can't always be the solution to my problems. Ativan helps? But, it takes a very large dose and it's supposed to be a temporary medicine and solution not a permanent solution. But, my psychiatrist has tried me on probably over 15 anti anxiety medications last year and none of them worked even the slightest but Ativan. And of course because I'm mentally ill in multiple ways I worry and obsess about getting addicted to Ativan. But, if it's a permanent help and solution I guess it doesn't really matter if I'm addicted to it.

I... don't know... I've tried everything and this is not how it's supposed to be for a Christian that has Jesus. I know I have Jesus, I know where I'm going in more ways than one. But I can't help but worry about that too. I... just... can't.... stop and it's going to KILL me!

I know, we all die someday. God has a day planned for our death. But God also keeps every Christian calm and I'm off the wall 99% of the day everyday for almost 30 years now. I just don't know what to do and the more I talk to God the more anxious and suffocated I become. All I can do is pray to God and maybe talk about my problems to other people. But, as many people, doctors, mental hospitals, and crisis centers have learned over the years, there is NO calming me down. Which of course makes my mania and psychosis worse to where my manic and psychotic episodes aren't just lasting months now, they're lasting years. Eventually I'm going to be put in a darned mental hospital PERMANENTLY. I just have that feeling, and it'll never go away. None of this will ever go away or stop. I know we're supposed to suffer but this is ridiculous!
You are bound up by fear. God's intention for all Christians is that they be free from fear. There are two main reasons why Christians suffer from fear. The first is that we do not fully understand the love of God. Calvinists are prone to this because they imagine that God only loves a certain group of people and they worry that they are not included.
The second possible reason is that you are suffering from a demon of fear. I know it's controversial (what I don't know is why it should be) but yes, Christians can be oppressed by demons. The answer is to cast the demon out. It has no right to trouble you and any born again believer has the power and authority to deliver you.

Medications can only suppress the symptoms. Lord Jesus came to give us abundant life. Fear is no way to live. It is God's will that you be set free (Luke 4:18). Seek God with all your heart. Be bold. You have the right to receive help because of the blood of Christ (Hebrews 4:16). When I was in hospital recently, I was as weak as a kitten and could hardly pray, especially for the first few days. After a while, I remembered my God given right to approach the throne of grace. I visualised myself being like child jumping on my dad's knee to be comforted. Yes, our heavenly Father is that approachable and caring, far more than any earthly father. Your earthly father is nothing like your heavenly dad. You will find grace to help you in your time of need. I can assure you from experience that God loves you and He wants the best for you.
 
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mikeforjesus

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I don’t think suffering is a sign that you don’t have Jesus. Jesus said in the world you will have tribulation. Fear is a sign you don’t trust Jesus but He said I have said these things that in Me you may have peace. I guess we need to trust Jesus. Many Christians of similar background had suffering and were able by seeking God to endure it. It is made perhaps to test faith that if you persevere through the trials that come God will accept you. It is your cross


I think such suffering is given to all true Christians with true faith to test how genuine it is that they wish to be saved those that which it is found to be if one perseveres or tries to accept such a cross if needed without asking it to be removed

As a Christian I am supposed to have trials at one point to test genuiness or I worry maybe I failed to have deep faith on good ground to ask when such trials come only the grace to endure it if it is needed and not to have no trials
Or Some may be given certain trials at different times if one has faith he is guaranteed to have the trials one needs for his salvation.
 
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Macchiato

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Listen brother, i relate to your story and my heart is so wrenched by your story. Your dad should be ashamed od himself. Again im sorry. However, I also have anxiety and panic from time to time and guess what? Im still a christian.

Please throw out this toxic , unhealthy notion that being a christian will absolve you of any physical or mental pain. Even Paul one of the greatest apostles had a thorn he prayed to be removed multiple times that God simply wouldnt remove.

Its okay.

Its okay to have a mental illness, its okay to be bipolar, its okay to have anxiety and its okay to be schizophrenic.

Its ok. God still loves you so very much.

Just bc God doesnt take away an ailment doesnt mean He doesnt love you. Infact, His word says he's near to the broken hearted ... It also says His power works best in our weaknesses.

Im conviced that God is extremely pleased with you because despite your obvious hurdles youre more grateful for God, loving of God then people who have more material blessings than they can count.

YOU'RE DOING A GOOD JOB

And God is pleased with you.

Dont worry so much. Just do what you can. If u can only read a verse a day its okay. God understands.

Lastly, Dont get caught up with prosperity gospel. God can make us rich, god can heal us, he can do all things..but if he doesnt for whatever reason he still wants us to trust him and thats what its all about.

We will have tribulation but its okay God has overcome for us.

Be well.

Msg me any time.
 
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Macchiato

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I don’t think suffering is a sign that you don’t have Jesus. Jesus said in the world you will have tribulation. Fear is a sign you don’t trust Jesus but He said I have said these things that in Me you may have peace. I guess we need to trust Jesus. Many Christians of similar background had suffering and were able by seeking God to endure it. It is made perhaps to test faith that if you persevere through the trials that come God will accept you. It is your cross


I think such suffering is given to all true Christians with true faith to test how genuine it is that they wish to be saved those that which it is found to be if one perseveres or tries to accept such a cross if needed without asking it to be removed

As a Christian I am supposed to have trials at one point to test genuiness or I worry maybe I failed to have deep faith on good ground to ask when such trials come only the grace to endure it if it is needed and not to have no trials
Or Some may be given certain trials at different times if one has faith he is guaranteed to have the trials one needs for his salvation.

I agree with this. I think Country club, Sunday attending Christians that skate through life with no real problems and have everything they want are not good examples of the typical christian. I feel if you dont have some sort of adversity I wonder who youre truly following. God does bless and let people prosper like Abraham and David but i feel adversity brings us close to God.

Instead if running we should embrace it.

So i totally agree with you.
 
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Macchiato

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Tbch? I'm not afraid of his wrath. I know where I am going deep down in my heart. God speaks daily to me that I am a child of God and that I am loved more than I can ever imagine. I just... get nervous about... everything... and tbch? I don't know or understand why. It's not a "I'm afraid I'm going to hell" kind of fear anymore. It's a "I have a really hard time trusting God's sovereignty kind of thing maybe?"

I know I'm a child of God, I wouldn't be a Calvinist if I didn't know. I know God is sovereign over our lives, I know God's got me. But, at the same time it feels like God isn't watching over me and I'm just deluding myself into believing such. Not in a I'm going to hell kind of way it's.... VERY difficult to explain or to understand what's going on. For some reason even when I feel calm, like yesterday I'm not. Because my heart was pretty racing yesterday yet I felt calm and ready to be put under. But, my body recognized how anxious it really was. I'm just sick of living this way and I'm sick of praying to him over and over again for the full peace that every Christian is supposed to have. It does make you doubt sometimes that you're a Christian and that you don't have Jesus.

Or... what about this thought? Where is Jesus in his promise for full peace? He's done everything else he's promised so I shouldn't doubt or be anxious. But, it's not as easy as just not being anxious anymore. I need God. Or some medicine that I haven't found yet which would be given to me by God. Something... I can't fully go on like this for the rest of my life or, what's stopping me from going to be with Jesus prematurely to end my suffering? You know? Sorry I mentioned that.
I feel this too. Many times I feel so alone. Im like where are you God? I dont feel him or hear anything encouraging. Just feel im alone and drowning in fear.
 
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Jeshu

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I'm just sick of living this way and I'm sick of praying to him over and over again for the full peace that every Christian is supposed to have. It does make you doubt sometimes that you're a Christian and that you don't have Jesus.

The peace that is beyond human understanding grows in us as we learn to trust Jesus over all things. Your P.T.S.D stops you from daring to trust for you subconsciously think Jesus is like your dad was. Honest we have to learn trust again by unlearning distrust. This can only happen when you meditating on God's truth reprogramme your mind to think correctly instead of incorrectly. This takes effort and time.

Did you have a look at that link i posted? Honest your best move is to learn that by heart, it is a very in-depth understanding of a very complex problem.

i used to be very much like you. Constant panic attacks. Fears that would raise the hairs on my body straight up literally. i was almost murdered so i had real problems with flashbacks, all of those areas of my life Jesus put straight in me as i brought myself like that to Him.

It is not praying for the same thing over and over again without doing anything about it. The bible says pray and work! So it is about working with the things you pray for so that it will have place in your heart and mind in the right places.

Honest your life could be very much better than it is. God would love you to find His loving truth alive in your heart so you can follow Him instead of your fears. It is about applying Scriptural truths to the places where it has gone wrong.

It took me years to build trust in God to be my Faithful loving Father, over against my flight responses. Not until Jesus had undone all the harm that befell me did that materialise.

You can be helped as well. P.T.S.D can be overcome. As can your mental illness. My life has become heaps better since i learned to trust God to be in control over my life and dared to bring my bad experiences to Him.

What we sow we shall harvest. So if you sow constant distrusts and fears you will harvest terror but when you begin to sow faith in God's love and trust in His care then you will reap a peace that is beyond understanding.

His love alive in your heart that is what you want and need.

Life can be very much better than constant unrest honestly true.

Many blessings your way.

Feasting My Good Life.
The Wicked captivated my truth
the truth of my heart and mind
and wound me around their lies
knotted me out of my own reality
into the dungeons of torture below.

Unable to unravel their cob webs
the wicked took control of my life
and brought much pain and misery
feasting on my God given good life
at the expense of my own welfare.

Yet when Christ light lit up my night
and i saw Him on the clouds of heaven
The Wicked sprung all their traps
thinking i was as good as dead
trapped in their nasty fowler's nets.

Yet the Lion of the tribe of Judea
killed the goats great and small
and set me free from their control
and gave me back my freedom in Him
feasting good times growing New Life.
 
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Jeshu

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I feel this too. Many times I feel so alone. Im like where are you God? I dont feel him or hear anything encouraging. Just feel im alone and drowning in fear.

That is how life was for me for many years my misery was horrific. Scripture says what you sow you shall harvest. So i realised that sowing fear, doubt, unrest, hopelessness, despair, loneliness, bitterness, distrust, and sadness was harvesting me bad life by the bucket loads. So i asked Jesus to teach me to put m,y faith in His love and sow good life in my heart. Such as faith, love and hope. The fruits of the Spirit is what i was missing because i constantly let my bad life push god's good life out of the way. Learning to have faith in God's love harvested me hope, self control, trust, kindness, gentleness, peace, joy and thankfulness. Oh so much thankfulness. For Jesus saved my out of that horrible pit i was in for so many years.

And you know the amazing thing? After less than 4 years practising sowing faith in God's love i broke free from my suicidal depression and have since learned to stay free from the pit no matter how depressed i become.

So begin to fight your fears with God's love. Fear lies to us about God and God's love over us. Fear drives us away from Him rather than into His arms. All these things had to turn around practising faith in God's love.

Honest in my life i started with only seconds of faith in God's love but it grew to minutes, days, weeks, months and now always no matter how depressed i am.

So do go to Jesus and let Him into your bad life. The more of His gracious love you internalise the freer you will become from satan's bad life.

Be of good courage.
 
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Neostarwcc

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You are bound up by fear. God's intention for all Christians is that they be free from fear. There are two main reasons why Christians suffer from fear. The first is that we do not fully understand the love of God. Calvinists are prone to this because they imagine that God only loves a certain group of people and they worry that they are not included.
The second possible reason is that you are suffering from a demon of fear. I know it's controversial (what I don't know is why it should be) but yes, Christians can be oppressed by demons. The answer is to cast the demon out. It has no right to trouble you and any born again believer has the power and authority to deliver you.

Medications can only suppress the symptoms. Lord Jesus came to give us abundant life. Fear is no way to live. It is God's will that you be set free (Luke 4:18). Seek God with all your heart. Be bold. You have the right to receive help because of the blood of Christ (Hebrews 4:16). When I was in hospital recently, I was as weak as a kitten and could hardly pray, especially for the first few days. After a while, I remembered my God given right to approach the throne of grace. I visualised myself being like child jumping on my dad's knee to be comforted. Yes, our heavenly Father is that approachable and caring, far more than any earthly father. Your earthly father is nothing like your heavenly dad. You will find grace to help you in your time of need. I can assure you from experience that God loves you and He wants the best for you.

I wasn't going to reply to this but, I feel like I have to. Calvinists don't have a grasp on God's love? Oh, so for over 400 years of Protestantism's history, and several theologians after Christs time and before the reformation (ST. Augustine is of course the main theologian that comes to mind that thought in the way of the reformed faith but there were others) not to mention the apostles, didn't fully understand God's love and were always anxious and they all had panic disorder? Really? Are you for real? Your lack of understanding of the Reformed Faith. If anything the Reformed Faith ELEVATES God's love and doesn't lower it. Arminians make God out to be this weak God who cannot do anything on his own and has no power to save whom he wants to save and they completely ignore 99.9% of scripture! But, I'm not going to turn this into an Arminian vs Reformed debate thread you just kind of upset me by saying the reason I'm psycho and the reason I'm anxious is because I don't believe in your denomination get real. I have no problems with God's love like I said, before I know it, I understand it, I EMBRACE it. What I have is a mental illness and a condition of chronic anxiety. God can cure you of anything, yes but sometimes God doesn't for a reason. And that reason isn't that I don't understand God's love as a Calvinist! I understand God's love FAR more than you do!

If you read my other post, when I didn't take my meds and I trusted Jesus fully to cure me of my mental illness I nearly killed my wife and had to spend over a week in a mental hospital to recover from that massive psychotic episode. I'm never doing it again because God taught me that lesson. I don't want to kill people or kill myself just because of people like you that say, "All you have to do is trust Jesus and It'll go away."

It doesn't. Trust me, you just don't understand because you've never been in my shoes. God forbid, you contract a mental illness and finally understand what it's like.
 
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Neostarwcc

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I feel this too. Many times I feel so alone. Im like where are you God? I dont feel him or hear anything encouraging. Just feel im alone and drowning in fear.

I'm glad I'm not the only one!
 
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High Fidelity

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I have had severe physical symptoms from anxiety for years until recently. My anxiety is entirely physical; when I have an episode I go in to fight or flight for weeks and then the symptoms just compound the problem further.

Thankfully recently I tried Propranolol. I don't know what it would be called there, but I would definitely recommend you speak to your doctor about trying it, even a low 40mg dose has helped me to the point I struggled to believe what would usually be weeks of raised pulse and blood pressure amongst other things was stopped in 30 minutes of taking it. All the anxiety in my chest was gone etc.

It basically stops your body recognising the adrenaline produced by anxiety and helps stop physical symptoms. It's amazing.
 
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Neostarwcc

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I don’t think suffering is a sign that you don’t have Jesus. Jesus said in the world you will have tribulation. Fear is a sign you don’t trust Jesus but He said I have said these things that in Me you may have peace. I guess we need to trust Jesus. Many Christians of similar background had suffering and were able by seeking God to endure it. It is made perhaps to test faith that if you persevere through the trials that come God will accept you. It is your cross


I think such suffering is given to all true Christians with true faith to test how genuine it is that they wish to be saved those that which it is found to be if one perseveres or tries to accept such a cross if needed without asking it to be removed

As a Christian I am supposed to have trials at one point to test genuiness or I worry maybe I failed to have deep faith on good ground to ask when such trials come only the grace to endure it if it is needed and not to have no trials
Or Some may be given certain trials at different times if one has faith he is guaranteed to have the trials one needs for his salvation.

Great post. What was weird was a lot of the times when I'm anxious I don't FEEL anxious. I feel calm. Yet my heart and inside of my body reveal just how anxious I am. It's weird.
 
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Jeshu

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Great post. What was weird was a lot of the times when I'm anxious I don't FEEL anxious. I feel calm. Yet my heart and inside of my body reveal just how anxious I am. It's weird.

That is because you are ill and your fear fires even though you are not fearful because of a fearful event. Understand your heart as being fragmented. In part you are still that frightened young child trying to escape your dad. Severe trauma, breathing problems speak for themselves, go into the body memories as well, and make us feel frightened even though we can't seem to lay our finger on the reason for our fears.

All these inner fears can be sought out through mediation as to the roots of it and brought before the Lord to be healed. That is how i have gone about it. And though it took years, slow progress was made from the beginning.

Have a read of this stuff and say if it speaks to you.

Trauma and The Body: All Trauma Impacts the Physical Body
 
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