Agnostic boy wants to be with Christian girl

[Benjaminjoseph]

I am an agnostic man of 21 years of age, and a very important and special girl in my life is Christian. I have loved her for about 2 years now. Recently I talked to her about it, and she informed me that she liked me too. But she also said that we couldn't be together because of my lack of faith. This crushed me. I tried explaining to her how I understand and support her beliefs, but I wasn't likely to change mine. I grew up with a brother who was extremely athiest, and it was impossible for me to not to follow him. But seeing now how my life is, I wish I were Christian. But I beleive that it won't happen. As much as I would like it, it's just hard for me to undo two decades of non-belief. Seeing as this is the case, I still want to be with her. I need help. Is it possible for this to work out, assuming I don't covert to Christianity? Is there anything I can say to her that might make her feel safe and okay with my ways of life? I love this girl very, very much. I don't want to lose her. I will do anything in my power to not let that happen. Please help me guys/girls.

A love torn agnostic: Ben.

 

[Syckological]

Hey man, kudos to finding a female! I myself am in a loving relationship and i'm an Agnostic Atheist.

Is there anything I can say to her that might make her feel safe and okay with my ways of life? I love this girl very, very much. I don't want to lose her. I will do anything in my power to not let that happen. Please help me guys/girls.

When people put religion as opposed to their feelings, they're denying what their brain/heart/gut truely wants, so psychologically, they choose acceptance of their family (Being raised a Christian etc) and do not wish to be "shunned" by those around them for choosing a relationship. They want security just as they have been having for years. It's human nature to disagree with sudden change and change in general, we're hard wired in our brains for routine and i've seen it clash with many relationships sadly.


If you two both have full mutual feelings for each other, then religion shouldn't be an issue. Explain to her that you respect her beliefs and views, and that she does too. Tell her that you both like each other to set aside differences and that you both saw the small things in each other that initially attracted you to her and vice versa. You'll still be the same person she grew to like. Keep in mind: Agnosticism branches quite a bit. You could be me - An Agnostic Atheist, or a Weak Agnostic, a Strong Agnostic, or any other form of Agnosticism, so she may be over analyzing the whole perception and grouping Atheists and Agnostics together.

 

[JCFantasy23]

I really feel for you in this situation.

Some Christians won't date non-believers, so she may be one of those and this won't change. Some will though so I suggest staying her friend for now and try to keep coming closer to each other. Perhaps something further can develop down the road.

 

[Spunkn]

While it can seem like you support her beliefs and want the best for her. In my opinion it is not a good idea. Two people will not be successful in a marriage if your core beliefs about life, love, what is real, what is truth are so vastly different.

What is your objection to Christianity? I don't mean this as an insult or anything. I am just asking an honest question? If this girl is one who truly believes in Christianity, and it not just "going through the motions" then this is not someone you will truly be compatible with until you accept Christianity. There are too many problems that will come.

What religion would you teach your kids if any?
Would you go to church?

These are only a beginning of the issues that would come up between a beliver and a non-Christian. I'm not saying it's impossible. God can work through all things. But I don't believe it is ever a good foundation for either part of the relationship.

Just my 2 cents

 

[motherprayer]

I really feel for you in this situation.

Some Christians won't date non-believers, so she may be one of those and this won't change. Some will though so I suggest staying her friend for now and try to keep coming closer to each other. Perhaps something further can develop down the road.

I agree with this wholely.

To the OP, there are implications in an "inter-faith" relationship that can really be frustrating for both parties, which is one reason many Christians won't date outside of the faith. Things like how the children should be raised, etc.

I will pray for you though!

 

[OldWiseGuy]

That door swings both ways. I broke up with the love of my life because she was Catholic; waaaaaay too Catholic.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi,

I would like to try to help you become a Christian. It is not a religion about rules etc, it is about having a living relationship with God. Out of that relationship many wonderful things flow. I have had a lot of experiences with God, healing of a sick woman, hearing from God, getting direct guidence from God. I have recorded most of the things God has done at Know God Personally I will alsoo include my favorite experience here.

One morning I got up and walked into the hall and I heard a voice that I believed was God say "How would you like to be stabbed in the Valley". The Valley was known as the rough end of town, and the voice scared me a little, I wondered if I had done something to offend God. I had planned to go down to the Valley to ask people out to church as was my habit at the time. In the end I went anyway regardless of the fear. I walked up to the first person I met and asked him if he would like to go out to church. He said to me "I am an atheist, I don't believe in God". I just said "fine", but hoped to change his mind. He then proceeded to unbutton his shirt and showed me scar marks up and down his chest and stomach. He said to me, "I was attacked by a knife wielding man in the Valley some time ago and spent months recovering in hospital, How could God allow that to happen to me". Then I knew why God had said in the morning "How would I like to be stabbed?". God understood this man, but had a good plan for him. Some weeks latter this man came out to church and became a Christian.

Once you have read through all my experiences I want to share a little bit about what it is to be a Christian. It is knowing God. In the bible where the presence of God is there was always blessing, God is a God of blessing, he says in the bible that as Christians we have 100 times more blessing than if we were an unbeliever. Essentually he wants us blessed. There are times as a Christian where God may temporarily remove blessing, Job in the bible was an example of this, Satan said to God "Job only serves you because he is blessed, take it away and he will curse you", so God allowed Satan to take Jobs blessing away for a time, he lost everything, yet in the end God blessed Job many more times than he had been in the beginning. The technicalities of Christianity are Jesus died as a substitute for us, our sin was put on Jesus and he was punished. Jesus was God, this is the way he choose to forgive our sin. Sin hurts God. All we have to do is accept God has forgive our sin, stop sinning, and open our selves up to Gods good plans for our life.

 

[brojeff]

As christians we believe that God created man and woman for relationship. In that marriage relationship His desire was that the two shall become one. This is more than a physical relationship but is a spiritual one founded on a common faith in the One who created them. Through His love for them they can then offer a true love for one another that makes them one. God's word warns us not to be unequally yoked for this very reason; it hinders the oneness He created us for.

 

[Hestha]

I am an agnostic man of 21 years of age, and a very important and special girl in my life is Christian. I have loved her for about 2 years now. Recently I talked to her about it, and she informed me that she liked me too. But she also said that we couldn't be together because of my lack of faith. This crushed me. I tried explaining to her how I understand and support her beliefs, but I wasn't likely to change mine. I grew up with a brother who was extremely athiest, and it was impossible for me to not to follow him. But seeing now how my life is, I wish I were Christian. But I beleive that it won't happen. As much as I would like it, it's just hard for me to undo two decades of non-belief. Seeing as this is the case, I still want to be with her. I need help. Is it possible for this to work out, assuming I don't covert to Christianity? Is there anything I can say to her that might make her feel safe and okay with my ways of life? I love this girl very, very much. I don't want to lose her. I will do anything in my power to not let that happen. Please help me guys/girls.

A love torn agnostic: Ben.

I do not think there is anything wrong with an agnostic marrying a Christian. As a matter of fact, Bill Gates is an agnostic with a Roman Catholic wife Melinda Gates. Actually, I think that's how people convert. A primary conversion would be a voluntary conversion; a secondary conversion would be a conversion performed on a person who is intimate with a certain member of the faith. So, you may not be Christian now, but sooner or later, the two of you will probably find a way to incorporate Christian lifestyle into your daily living to the point that living the Christian life makes you Christian, and then you will probably want to convert to Christianity. How I see it, if a person comes from a strong cultural background and another person comes from a generic Western background, then there may be some assimilation of ideas going on or one person's way of life and cultural values will preside over the other.

 

[RCF]

Don't do it. Leave her alone. It will only bring you both heartache and pain.


OK, if you are still here, maybe you should ask yourself a few things. Why are you attracted to her. Is she smoking hot and you can't keep your mind off of her.

Didn't think that was it. I bet that you are attracted to her partially if not hugely because she is a Christian. You see qualities about her that go beneath beauty and manners. You see an inner light in her that cannot be dimmed. Love, kindness, compassion, understanding, empathy, these are probably things she has lots of. And a huge part of her is Christianity.

A lot of people that are not religious or Christians don't completely understand what Christianity is. They don't understand who Christ was or why so many people in his day and age either loved him or hated him.

If you love this girl, I think you owe it to her to learn more about her by learning about her beliefs. It sounds like she was raised in a church. You can ask her about it. Ironically, people raised in church can have the most difficuly times explaining why they are so in love with Jesus. It's because she has done this all her life. It's hard to break down all that is your inner peace and joy and throw it on the coffee table for everyone to see and understand.

I reccommend one short book that costs less than $10.00 at any Christian book store. More Than a Carpenter, by Josh McDowell. Why this book? Because he was completely anti-Jesus. This book was began by a young man to disprove the accuracy of the bible and the claims of Jesus. Funny thing was that as he researched, and I mean really researched things, he changed.

So give it a try. The worst thing that could happen is that you waste a few days reading a goofy book and maybe the love of your life will give you kudos for trying. Then again, you may begin to understand where the things you find so endearing about this girl came from.

Honestly, I hope things work out for you guys. Religion is a huge reason for people to break up, but it is also a major reason loving couples can stay together. Try to get on the same page as her. You may find that you two were meant for each other, and she is your proverbial guardian angel.


That's my advice, it's free, but maybe worth somewhat more than you paid for it.
RCF

 

[Sabertooth]

“If man could be crossed with a cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.” -Mark Twain

edit: You are not good enough for her. Nobody is. You need Somebody to make you good enough. Until you seriously ask Him to change you, you will not only not be good enough for her, you won't be good enough for Heaven, either (which is more important).

THIS is the message that broke it to me...

 

[wia2]

"When people put religion as opposed to their feelings, they're denying what their brain/heart/gut truely wants, so psychologically, they choose acceptance of their family (Being raised a Christian etc) and do not wish to be "shunned" by those around them for choosing a relationship. They want security just as they have been having for years. It's human nature to disagree with sudden change and change in general, we're hard wired in our brains for routine and i've seen it clash with many relationships sadly."

Look, it would be great if people out there understand what Christianity is all about. Christianity is all about shunning every form of life that goes against the will of God and only living in his (God's) perfect will. so it's no surprise to me if the girl refuses. She didn't refuse the boy just becasue she does want to face rejection by ( of course who are you to judge me) people, but rather she doesn't want to go against God's. If I actually know that girl I would give her more reasons why she need to avoid such a relationship.

 

[wia2]

Sometimes I it makes me sick how some Atheists and the so called Agnostics wants to lure Christian girls into a forceful marriage by claiming they love. What sort of Love is that? The only thing they are mostly interested of is just to satisfy their sexual desire. When such relationship gets deeper and worst the guy begins to look for a way out, that is ridiculous and I urge Christian Parents to be carrful who their daughters get married to because there are lots of Atheist and Agnostics out there.

 

[Savior2006]

Sometimes I it makes me sick how some Atheists and the so called Agnostics wants to lure Christian girls into a forceful marriage by claiming they love. What sort of Love is that? The only thing they are mostly interested of is just to satisfy their sexual desire. When such relationship gets deeper and worst the guy begins to look for a way out, that is ridiculous and I urge Christian Parents to be carrful who their daughters get married to because there are lots of Atheist and Agnostics out there.

Nice insult. I especially like how all of us are generalized as only appreciating people for sex. I feel all warm and comfy now.

 

[Savior2006]

A love torn agnostic: Ben.

I would have to agree with many of the people in that you should not pursue a relationship with her. Like it's been said before the door swings both ways. I don't want a relationship with any hard core religious person no matter one religion or sect it is.

What people have to understand is that religion is NOT some kind of minor aspect of a person if the person takes their religion even remotely seriously. A person's views as to the creation of the universe, what supernatural being created, and what that being expects from us with regards to morality is a core aspect of that person's personality. Heck, for some people it practically defines them.

If she disapproves of your lack of belief so much, the two of you aren't compatible. Look at Sabertooth's comment. See how "warm" and "loving" it is? That's what you'd be marrying. Do you really need to be attached to someone nagging you about going to church, nagging you to think of the kids, nagging you to change before it's too late, nagging you about your lack of morality. Nag, nag, nag.

And you know what really stinks? In the end you two won't be together. In the end she'll pick a man who goes to church Sunday and Wednesday, and will force the kids to go and will throw a fit when Junior says he doesn't want to go anymore.

 

[aiki]

I am an agnostic man of 21 years of age, and a very important and special girl in my life is Christian. I have loved her for about 2 years now. Recently I talked to her about it, and she informed me that she liked me too. But she also said that we couldn't be together because of my lack of faith. This crushed me.

Yes, I guess it would! Love is like this sometimes.

I tried explaining to her how I understand and support her beliefs, but I wasn't likely to change mine. I grew up with a brother who was extremely athiest, and it was impossible for me to not to follow him. But seeing now how my life is, I wish I were Christian. But I beleive that it won't happen. As much as I would like it, it's just hard for me to undo two decades of non-belief. Seeing as this is the case, I still want to be with her. I need help. Is it possible for this to work out, assuming I don't covert to Christianity?

If she's just a nominal Christian, one who isn't actually a born-again follower of Christ, then she may end up compromising her "faith" in order to have a relationship with you. If, however, she loves God and wants to honor Him in every part of her life, then she is obliged to follow God's commands, one of which is the following:

2 Corinthians 6:14-15
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

Essentially, this passage commands Christian believers to avoid close, intimate relationships with non-believers. The apostle Paul explains that there is a fundamental philosophical and spiritual antagonism or opposition between a believer and an unbeliever that makes intimate relationships between the two a very bad idea.

Is there anything I can say to her that might make her feel safe and okay with my ways of life?

If you truly love her, you would respect her desire to obey her God and leave her be. Why should your desire for her supercede her desire to walk rightly with her Maker? True love is fundamentally self-sacrificing. How much you truly love her, then, will be revealed by how much of what you want you are willing to sacrifice for her sake. Will you press her to compromise her faith, or will you support it by backing off? WHat is more important? What you want or what she wants? Just how much do you really, truly love her?

I love this girl very, very much. I don't want to lose her. I will do anything in my power to not let that happen. Please help me guys/girls.

You have allowed your heart to open to someone who is not compatible with you (as you are now). "How can two walk together unless they be agreed?" When the romantic passion subsides between you (were you to get together), as it always does with every couple, the differences between you will move to the foreground of your relationship. You will not be agreed, so you cannot walk together. And without any philosophical or spiritual common ground for the two of you to stand on united, your differences will sink your relationship very rapidly. This is a story that has played itself out over and over and over again. It always ends in misery and heartache.

You could, of course, make her compromise her faith for your sake. Or, you could you abandon your atheism for a personal relationship with God. Do you really want either of these possibilities?

Selah.

 

[Savior2006]

I agree with Aiki, though obviously for different reasons.

 

[quartzy]

You are both too different, she believes in life with God and you do not. IF you truly want this girl you will have to ask Jesus to open himself to you. Only then can the relationship work, she is right to insist on this, she is looking after herself for God.

 

[Trotsky7]

If this woman loved you truly then your beliefs shouldn't matter to her. I offer my advice that you should NOT convert to Christianity over a woman who does not support your beliefs as this is likely a sign she will not support many decisions you make that conflict with hers. Stick by your beliefs.

 

[Kurama]

Well I used to be close to a Protestant girl (well she wasn't that religious but she would poke fun at my Catholicism to wind me up)...let's say that despite our (often playfull) arguments about faith, what really caused us to be ''just friends'' was the fact that our personalities were so different from each other and...yeah. At least this is different in your case, and you know that you love this girl.

Anyway I don't think that you should assume that you would never convert to Christianity, no matter what influence your brother has on you. For example in my case, when my parents married my father was a Christian and my mother was a staunch atheist (after being brainwashed for 2 decades by Mao Zedong, I think it really made her develop a hate towards religion). However my parents were always happy together (though this could be because my father was a mainly non-practicing Christian).

Ironically my father, who was brought up Catholic, slowly became more and more irreligious. I'm not jumping to conclusions but since he hasn't mentioned anything about Christianity nor gone to church these passed few years, I think he's pretty much an agnostic. Meanwhile my mother, despite her former dislike to Christianity, started reading the Bible and was touched by the humbleness of Christ (this was quite compatible with the life she was brought up in). She is now a Christian, and has greatly helped me stay closer to Christ (since I, like many Christians, have gone through an ''agnostic period''), and regularly goes to a Bible study to expand her knowledge.

Now I'm not saying that you should immediately become a Christian for the sake of staying with your girl, trust me I know what it's like to have religion enforced on you. However I would encourage you and your girl to talk about her faith, and further investigate why she turned you down because of your agnosticism. Perhaps it could be due to her parents and not her individual self, who knows? However it is always healthy to make peace with each other's beliefs.

Anyway I wish you the best of luck and hope I've helped (I'm just 16...and wayyy more immature than my age suggests...ok not very helpful)