agnostic and christian relationship

[meson]

hey all,

I joined this forum to try to learn about Christianity primarily because my gf is a Christian. I have read a few books out of the bible so far, and been to church a few times. I was raised nonreligious, have mostly nonbeliever friends etc...

Well, by the power of anonymity I am going to ask for advice/feedback about this situation. When I first got together with my gf she told me she couldn't marry an unbeliever, she also wasn't cool with sex outside of marriage. As time went on, aside from our religious differences, we clicked very very well. Although sometimes hesitant about our relationship because of the religion divide, we fell in love. We also slipped on her standard, and now she is pregnant (she deeply regrets letting that go). While we are considering the situation, confronting family and all this, I'd like to make the situation as best as possible for her. If I could just convert, I'd do it, but I won't lie to her if I don't really believe.

Anyway, if there is anything else anyone could suggest that I do or look into etc., that'd be great. I feel a little lost about how to make anything better here.

 

[Puptart]

I posted this in one of your other threads too but thought I'd put the response here as well for you

The idea of not being unequally yoked is to eliminate the believer from being controlled by the non-believer. It is assumed that when two people of different faiths come together, that the believer may be negatively influenced by the non-believer which would result in a stray of faith by the believer.

If this is not an issue, then I personally see no qualms about people marrying regardless of their faith. My husband is agnostic, he's an open-minded individual but just not interested in religion. What he believes or doesn't believe isn't going to influence me at all one way or another because my belief is personal, therefor we have no issues.

In scripture there is no such command that states "Thou shalt not marry an unbeliever". People get this interpretation by taking the words of Paul about being yoked unequally (which alludes to the unequal yoking of animals, such as an ox and a donkey, which may not turn out all that well in the sense of pulling a cart) and applying it to marriage. In fact, in all other aspects, Paul encourages believers to stay together, going so far as to say if your spouse doesn't believe then stick with them unless they choose to leave.

What I take away from the "unequally yoked" section of scripture, being unequally yoked myself, is simply that it is a warning to those who will listen: It may not go according to plan for you to get together and you might find that it isn't in your best faith interest to do so.. but it isn't a prohibition as most people seem to think it is. Paul did not say "Do not marry unbelievers", it is not sinful for a Christian to marry a non-Christian, but I won't deny that it may not be the wisest move for the Christian depending on the individual and his or her faith.

TL;DR: It is "better" that a Christian marries a Christian.. but it is not sinful to do otherwise.

That ALL being said.. this girl is pregnant and the baby is yours. I'm sorry but for me that trumps just about everything. If you love each other and you get along well (as you've already said).. get married. If faith has never been an issue for you guys in your relationship? Get married! And keep an open mind about God in the process.

If you want a good read on the subject, give this a shot: Unequally Yoked: Does 2 Corinthians 6:14 Apply to Marriage?

 

[americanvet]

Try reading some of Lee Strobel's books they might be helpful. As far as the Bible goes I always suggest reading 1 John. This is not John's Gospel, it is past that. If you don't have a Bible you could go to biblegateway . com.

Obliviously I believe the Bible is true. However, I did not grow up in a Christian family, nor did I really attend church until I was married.

Congratulations on your child.

 

[meson]

Thank you. I have heard of Strobel, I'll have to look up his books.

 

[Tomas de Torquemada]

You should get married, and in short order. She will have to get a dispensation from the local bishop, but that won't be terribly difficult. Her faith sanctifies the marriage. She is obligated to raise the issue from your marriage in the christian faith in re baptism, confirmation, etc.

In time, you may convert. Or you may not. But children ought to be raised in wedlock.

 

[meson]

Thanks, Tomas. That seems right to me.

 

[Puptart]

I second the Lee Strobel books.. the books and Strobel have their critics on both sides (christians and skeptics alike) but they are still an excellent read and come with some good information and inspiration alike.

 

[oi_antz]

Mind if I ask you, only to prompt you to think honestly about it, what is your view on Jesus? Do you think the bible is accurate in it's representation of Him?

 

[meson]

oi antz, I think Jesus existed. I am not sure how accurate the Bible is. That is a question I find interesting... and complicated. I don't think it's all made up, but I doubt it's all accurate.

 

[oi_antz]

oi antz, I think Jesus existed. I am not sure how accurate the Bible is. That is a question I find interesting... and complicated. I don't think it's all made up, but I doubt it's all accurate.

Which parts to you doubt are accurate? Whole books or just parts of them?

 

[meson]

I suppose parts of each.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi,

I will share with you my lifes experiences as a Christian it should help you see that God is real, or at least give you something to think about. To read about all my experiences go to Know God Personally I have also included one of my experiences here for you to read.

One morning I got up and walked into the hall and I heard a voice that I believed was God say "How would you like to be stabbed in the Valley". The Valley was known as the rough end of town, and the voice scared me a little, I wondered if I had done something to offend God. I had planned to go down to the Valley to ask people out to church as was my habit at the time. In the end I went anyway regardless of the fear. I walked up to the first person I met and asked him if he would like to go out to church. He said to me "I am an atheist, I don't believe in God". I just said "fine", but hoped to change his mind. He then proceeded to unbutton his shirt and showed me scar marks up and down his chest and stomach. He said to me, "I was attacked by a knife wielding man in the Valley some time ago and spent months recovering in hospital, How could God allow that to happen to me". Then I knew why God had said in the morning "How would I like to be stabbed?". God understood this man, but had a good plan for him. Some weeks latter this man came out to church and became a Christian.

 

[Faulty]

hey all,

I joined this forum to try to learn about Christianity primarily because my gf is a Christian. I have read a few books out of the bible so far, and been to church a few times. I was raised nonreligious, have mostly nonbeliever friends etc...

Well, by the power of anonymity I am going to ask for advice/feedback about this situation. When I first got together with my gf she told me she couldn't marry an unbeliever, she also wasn't cool with sex outside of marriage. As time went on, aside from our religious differences, we clicked very very well. Although sometimes hesitant about our relationship because of the religion divide, we fell in love. We also slipped on her standard, and now she is pregnant (she deeply regrets letting that go). While we are considering the situation, confronting family and all this, I'd like to make the situation as best as possible for her. If I could just convert, I'd do it, but I won't lie to her if I don't really believe.

Anyway, if there is anything else anyone could suggest that I do or look into etc., that'd be great. I feel a little lost about how to make anything better here.

Hey back.

It's a tough situation. I wish your girlfriend hadn't damaged her testimony towards you and let her standards "slip". Likewise, when she was weak, you didn't step up and support her, but actively allowed her to "slip".

But what's done is done, I suppose. Ironically, the very thing you did, standing by and watching her sin against her God, even supporting her in that action is the exact same thing Adam did when Eve sinned by disobeying God, because he was right there with her and participated in it when she prompted him to do so.

Thankfully, the remedy is the same. Once they sinned in the garden, God clothed them in animal skins to cover their nakedness. In this way He showed them that it was necessary that the sin required a sacrifice of one who was innocent, to cover the sins of the guilty. In this case, the animals, made perfect, had to be killed for the sake of covering Adam and Eve, in their sin.

This was a lesson to themselves and to us, pointing us to the way our sins would be dealt with. Specifically, the blood of an innocent would be shed on our behalf, not only covering our sin, but taking it away, and restoring our relationship with the God who made us.

Scripture teaches that when the time was perfect, Jesus willingly came and taking the form of a man, became sin for us who knew no sin. He became like those animals and shed His own blood on our behalf, reconciling us to God, whose wrath has remained upon us since Adam and Eve fell.

Having taken God's wrath towards us upon Himself, the Father showed us that the sacrifice was accepted by raising Jesus from the dead. Now, whoever puts their trust in that sacrifice as the sole source of their salvation, the forgivness of their sins and reconciliation with their Creator, will be saved.

This is what your girlfriend needs. If she's truly born again, she already knows this and her sin is eating her up inside as we speak, knowing she has sinned against the God who bought her. I suggest you do what you failed to do before, and push her to be holy before her God, to seek Him again and be forgiven for what she's done. Her Lord died for these sins as well, forgivness is available.

You need to do likewise. There's no such thing as "converting" for a while into this. Either you trust the sacrifice made on your behalf for your sins, or you do not. As you are fully aware, there is no "sort of" pregnant. Either you are or you aren't. This is the same.

Get right before God, and prompt your girlfriend to do the same.

 

[meson]

Since this happened my gf has repented and everything else. I know she felt genuinely bad about it. She in no way 'damaged her testimony' to me. Truth be told, she trusted me with that because I have experience, and so in that regard I let her down. I overestimated my willpower. But it seems pointless to keep on dwelling on that at this point.

If I believe that Christianity is true, I will convert, if I don't, I won't.

 

[bling]

Your problem is very basic and the one people brought to Jesus and the apostles often: “What must I do next?”

Frankly, you really can’t “do” anything, but you can keep God/Jesus from doing stuff for you.

What do you want Jesus/God to do for you? The better question is what do you really need Jesus/God to do for you?

Most agnostics I talk with want God to “revile Himself” so they can have knowledge of God and not need faith, but faith is needed. Faith is not something magical God desires from you, but it is what you need to help you fulfill your earthly objective.

Every mature adult has done things in his/her past that has hurt others, these transgressions weigh on our conscience and we are constantly seek relief with a multitude of avenues. If you have rationalized/justified/avoided/diminished these transgressions so they do not “burden” you right now I can assure you without Christ they get worse. (Sin is not the problem, because there is an easy answer and sin has purpose in helping us fulfill our objective).

Do you have a problem or does your girlfriend have the problem?

If your problem is the fact your girlfriend is a Christian that is really her problem.

If you were all worked up because you are an unprepared father I could understand that, but you did not mention that issue or you might feel bad about the way you treated your girlfriend, but talk about it as being her problem?

God/Jesus want to help people, but they cannot help people that do not have problems, people that are not looking to make some big change in their life. What change other then being able to call yourself “Christian” are you really wanting to make?

 

[meson]

It's only her problem insofar as she is the one that has an issue with premarital sex. I don't think there is anything intrinsically wrong with it- the only reason I feel bad about that in this case is because she does and I am sorry that I made her feel rotten. Obviously that she is pregnant as a result is a mutual problem. I don't have a problem with her being a Christian, it doesn't bother me.

I'm not really looking to make any big changes. I realize that as a human being there are always things I could improve on in every area. I'm looking to understand Christianity as well as possible at the moment, I will only become a Christian if I see that it is true.

 

[americanvet]

You should only become a Christian if you see that its true. Otherwise it would have no meaning to you.

 

[oi_antz]

I suppose parts of each.

So how do you suppose they became corrupted, do you question the integrity of Jesus' disciples?

 

[meson]

Why would I think they wrote anything? That doesn't seem to be what the scholars think happened.

 

[oi_antz]

Why would I think they wrote anything? That doesn't seem to be what the scholars think happened.

So do you presume there is a discrepancy between the experiences of Jesus and His disciples, and that which is recorded?