Age Preferences for Men & Women as They Age

[LinkH]

I've seen a chart on a couple of sites recently, including this one:
Are you a girl over 22? Then don't even bother with online dating: Alarming graph shows what ages we find most attractive in the opposite sex | Daily Mail Online

The graph shows that men, as they age, continue to be attracted to girls around 20 years of age. Women tend to be attracted to higher and higher ages as they get older until they reach a certain age.

I remember one of our posters (I'm thinking it was MkGal1), though it was immature of older men not to be attracted to women their own age. I couldn't relate to the comment. At least I did not see why a man who hadn't seen a woman he loved age over time would change his preferences for what he saw as attractive on a physical level.

This isn't a scientific, peer reviewed chart. Apparently, it is taken off some data from the OkCupid site, according to the article. But I thought it was interesting.

 

[DZoolander]

I'm not quite sure how much I believe that - at least based upon my own experience.

When I was 12, I was attracted to 12 year old girls. When I was 16, I was attracted to 14-18 year old girls. When I was 25, I was attracted to 18-27 year old girls...etc.

Let's say hypothetically I was single again. Based upon who I find attractive (yeah, even as a married old codger at 44, I still notice who I find attractive...lol) - I'd say the age range I'd go for would be between 26-40ish (depending on the shape she was in). I find plenty of women around my own age (once again contingent upon a variety of factors) attractive.

...and truthfully - I don't find girls in their early 20's particularly attractive (at least not in a potential dating sense...maybe physical/aesthetics...but not as a whole). There's just too much of an experiential chasm between them and me. Part of what I find attractive in a woman is being able to talk about shared experiences...kind of like..."Remember when Clinton was elected?"

...or heck...even "Remember when GW Bush was elected?" - which a girl at 20 probably wouldn't. I'd find that a major turnoff...and would probably find myself simply going into a fatherly/paternal type role.

"Are you in school? What are you majoring in? Have you considered this vocation?"

 

[LinkH]

...and truthfully - I don't find girls in their early 20's particularly attractive (at least not in a potential dating sense...maybe physical/aesthetics...but not as a whole).

I don't know how the data was collected. It could have been some sort of ranking on how attractive a man found a picture. The girls in their 20's would have an advantage. I don't know why 20 would have gotten higher scores than 25 or 28, though.

There's just too much of an experiential chasm between them and me. Part of what I find attractive in a woman is being able to talk about shared experiences...kind of like..."Remember when Clinton was elected?"

I wonder what connected you with your Indonesian Chinese wife previously, then, since her life experiences would have been quite different.

I don't care about that kind of stuff quite as much. If I were single (never married or a widower), I might consider a girl in her early 20's if she were mature and easy to get along with and we 'clicked' at my age. I don't know. But I'd probably be comfortable with a slightly older range, but still would prefer someone younger than myself.

Biologically, from a reproduction standpoint, it makes sense that men would continue to be attractive women in their prime childbearing years as they themselves age. A man doesn't have to be very young to reproduce.

 

[DZoolander]

Actually, my ex-wife was pretty Americanized (although her mom and dad weren't...of course). Her family moved here when she was 7 years old...so she went to elementary school, Jr. High and HS all here in the states.

So, if I talked about Reagan back in 1990 (when we started dating) - she remembered Reagan. If I were to ask her what her favorite music video from MTV was growing up - she had an answer and didn't blankly stare at me unaware that MTV ever played anything but "Teen Wolf" and "Teen Mom". If I told her that my mom forbade me from watching the "Thriller" music video because of the opening bit about the occult - she knew what I was talking about and could laugh about it/relate.

So - that's the kind of stuff I'm talking about...and the fact she was Chinese/Indonesian really didn't factor into that equation.

As for the issue of reproduction...I dunno. I suppose you could argue that obviously women in their early 20's are the most fertile, therefore there ought to be a biological predisposition toward them - and I suppose to a degree that might be true. After all - the women I would find attractive are definitely still in the "child bearing years" and I've never found post-menopausal women "hot". I've attributed that, however, to the fact that post-menopausal women are still decently older than me and figured one day I'd find them attractive, too.

But - who knows? lol

 

[DZoolander]

(and truthfully, while you might argue that the drive to reproduce is innate and therefore influences who we find attractive subconsciously - at 44 - my *desire* to reproduce as a conscious choice is done...!)

 

[LinkH]

(and truthfully, while you might argue that the drive to reproduce is innate and therefore influences who we find attractive subconsciously - at 44 - my *desire* to reproduce as a conscious choice is done...!)

But you don't tend to find post-menopausal women 'hot' so the subconscious side of things is probably stronger when it comes to attraction.

As far as talking about Reagan and Thriller goes, I think the whole issue of having things in common may be a bit overrated. During the initial dating stage, it may be important to keep conversation going. But if you can make it past that without common discussion reference points, when you actually marry, how often do you talk about Ronald Reagan or Thriller? My wife and I talk about things going on in our family, maybe issues with friends, church-related issues, and occasionally current events.

We do have our faith in common though, so we do talk a little about doctrinal stuff from time to time and our faith serves as a backdrop for how we evaluate other topics of conversation.

 

[DZoolander]

But you don't tend to find post-menopausal women 'hot' so the subconscious side of things is probably stronger when it comes to attraction.

Dunno, honestly, because when I was 15, I didn't find 30 year old women "hot", but now I do. When I was 25, I didn't find 40 year old women "hot", but now (within boundaries), I do. So, it's been my experience that who I find attractive age-wise has progressed upwards as I've progressed upwards.

The fact I don't find post-menopausal women hot now, therefore, doesn't really indicate that I won't find them hot in the future. It could be I'm just not at that juncture of perspective/experience yet. I guess time will tell...

As far as talking about Reagan and Thriller goes, I think the whole issue of having things in common may be a bit overrated. During the initial dating stage, it may be important to keep conversation going. But if you can make it past that without common discussion reference points, when you actually marry, how often do you talk about Ronald Reagan or Thriller? My wife and I talk about things going on in our family, maybe issues with friends, church-related issues, and occasionally current events.

We do have our faith in common though, so we do talk a little about doctrinal stuff from time to time and our faith serves as a backdrop for how we evaluate other topics of conversation.

True - I mean once you get to a certain point where you know someone really well - you really do stop comparing notes about the past that way. The thing with me, though, was that I could never get to that point with someone unless there was free-flowing/easy communication at the start (which shared experiences helps with). There was nothing worse than being on a date and staring at the other person like a mental patient with nothing to say...or straining to find something to talk about.

 

[Inkachu]

Yeah... OKCupid is hardly an objective source of info lol. According to that chart, around age 30, I should've started finding younger men more appealing. Nothing was further from the truth lol. But then again, are we just talking about sex appeal, or partner/marriage appeal? BIG difference. Since the chart says "look best" I'm going to assume the former. And I don't care how "hot" a 21 year old guy looks, there's no way I would ever date or marry one, even if I were single. So it's kind of a pointless thing. Like saying, yeah, that 65 Mustang looks delicious, but I'm not going to buy it cause it would be way too expensive to maintain, and my family wouldn't fit in it... etc.

I've always been attracted to men who were significantly older than myself. And I've always been a rather mature "old soul" anyway.

But I married someone that I consider a peer (I was 34 and he was 43). We're on a very even playing field with our personalities and maturity levels.

 

[HannahT]

I have always been attracted to my age range, and I don't think I ever dated anyone younger than me. lol So I couldn't see myself doing the cougar thing that the men's chart claims is done. I think it is different by personality.

My little brother is a widow, and should soon be getting his AARP card! lol! He decided to get 'fixed' this year once his son graduated high school. He is currently dating someone his age. I think he likes someone to share his activities, and intelligent conversation. I just can't see him attracted to someone 20 something - as in relationship material...not looks.

 

[DZoolander]

For example - I remember when I was 29-30... I was recently divorced and just starting to date around. I had a business associate that was a 40+ year old woman - and she invited me to her Christmas party that year.

Talk about cougar central.

Funny thing is - I remember being completely turned off by the fact that all of these "older women" were hitting on me - and they were probably all around 41, 42, 43 years old. Truthfully - looking back on it - they were attractive women. But, at the time, I wasn't interested simply by virtue of the fact they were (in my mind) significantly older than me.

Nowadays if I was single - I'd probably be interested.

So once again, yeah, I think that in MOST people tastes adjust with time/age. Most of my friends I've talked to about this kinda thing can relate/agree.

If that graph is legit, then, it *has* to be purely aesthetics/based upon a pic. Because I can honestly say I would feel kinda like a creeper if I were on the dating scene and hitting on girls that were young enough to be my daughter.

"Hey, so, you're two years out of HS. You in community college finishing up your AA - or in a 4 year? I'm coming up on my 30th reunion in a couple of years."

 

[HannahT]

"Hey, so, you're two years out of HS. You in community college finishing up your AA - or in a 4 year? I'm coming up on my 30th reunion in a couple of years."

(snickers)

 

[LinkH]

Dunno, honestly, because when I was 15, I didn't find 30 year old women "hot", but now I do. When I was 25, I didn't find 40 year old women "hot", but now (within boundaries), I do. So, it's been my experience that who I find attractive age-wise has progressed upwards as I've progressed upwards.

My experience was different. I'm trying to think of a movie star who was 30 when I was 15. Maybe Michelle Pfiffer was 30 when I was 18 or 20. I thought she looked really good. I could also see a pretty 40 year old woman and find her attractive at that age. But I wouldn't have been interested in dating any of them. They were so grown up, and I just wouldn't have been interested.

I know a man who has never married whose a little over 50, two of them actually. One of them is a kind of shy nerdy guy so I understand that. The other is a nice guy, good-looking (according to my wife. I don't have a sense of this stuff with men), thin, and looks a lot younger than he is. He has a reasonably well-paying job. He had an Indonesian girlfriend who dumped him and married another man, and wants and Indonesian or Flippina wife, since he finds those peoples the most attractive. So my wife showed him some pictures of cousins.

But he wants to start looking at 40-year-olds and above. I told him it would be hard to find a single 40-year-old Indonesian Christian. Maybe he could find a widow. I tried to talk him into expanding his age search criteria downward a bit, because there are late 20's and 30-year-old singles desparately looking, and he'd be quite a catch. I was also thinking it's just as easy to fall in love with a younger woman as it is with an older woman. But he doesn't want to be the dirty old man. I told him he looks young, so it doesn't matter, and if the woman is old enough already, no one is going to care. Maybe he's thinking of turning 70 and how he will look compared to her, or maybe he did not want to tell me that he did not want kids.

 

[DZoolander]

I'm trying to think of people I had crushes on/thought were attractive when I was that age... First one that comes to mind is Demi Moore - but I just looked and she's only 7-8 years older than me.

Dunno why I'm drawing a blank on that. Must be senility creeping in.

 

[DZoolander]

Phoebe Cates, Ally Sheedy, ehhh...still only 7-8 years older than me.

15 years older would be like Kelly LeBrock, but I never wasn't really ever into her...or...Susan Sarandon...or....ummm....

Olivia Newton John. Okay. There's one that was about 20 years older than me that I had a thing for growing up! lol

 

[DZoolander]

Yeah, I thought she was beautiful when I was a kid

Olivia Newton-John - A Little More Love (1978) hq - YouTube

 

[Joykins]

There are adults of all ages, especially movie stars, that just look fabulous hot, but I'm fundamentally not attracted to people I don't know well personally, and like.

I'm in my mid-40s and were I single and dating I'd probably look for people in the 40-50 age range.

From what I hear from female friends on OKCupid, a really large number of the men who message them are trying to get a quick hookup, and many try really horrible pickup lines. There might be some sort of selection bias going on there.

 

[Hetta]

Just goes to show the immaturity of some men.

I couldn't imagine dating a younger man. Yes, they're nice to look at, but that's it. And what you said Ezoo about "remember when Clinton was elected" that sums it up. I don't want to have to explain cultural references, it's too much hard work. I would rather just be equal in every respect.

 

[LinkH]

Hetta,
If a man likes younger woman and marries a woman 20 years younger, I don't judge him as immature. He probably gets 'dirty old man' looks from some women, and a combination of 'dirty old man' looks and 'attaboy' looks from men who aren't indifferent. But I figure if he's old enough to be her father, and her daddy is okay with it, why should I bother thinking ill of a couple of strangers.

I've got a male cousin who married a woman who was quite a bit older than him back before 'cougar' was a common term. To me, it's weird for a young man to want to marry a middle aged woman, but if it works for them, I shouldn't look down on them for the age difference.

I don't think marrying a younger adult is a sin issue. There are practical issues like the likelihood that the older partner will die off

 

[RDKirk]

"Men who look best to her" versus "women who look best to him."

This doesn't necessarily mean what the headlines say it means. Does the average woman read that as "a person I would be interested in as a partner?" I suspect (being a man) that the men took that question exactly as it is: "Which woman looks best" without filtering by which would be good partners for them.

I would not be interested in any woman too young to remember Aretha Franklin (or too young to remember that Steely Dan reference).

But I would still more likely judge the appearance of a younger woman as "looking better" than the appearance of the same woman older. I'd do the same thing evaluating a stack of photographs of men.

This may be a result of the men merely compartmenting their responses. "Which woman would you most enjoy spending a week with?" would be a better question. I suspect that's how women "read" the question to begin with, but not the men.

 

[Hetta]

I don't think marrying a younger adult is a sin issue.

Just as well I never said it was then.