Age at which you think you STOPPED getting spanked

Age at which you think you stopped being spanked

  • Earlier than kindergarten

  • Elementary school

  • Middle school

  • High school

  • Obligatory other option - explain.


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Devorim

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I don't remember the last time I was spanked, but the last time I was soundly slapped across the face was the day before my wedding when I was 19.5. After the wedding the next day, I was moving several states away. In fact, one of the stipulations for agreeing to marry him was that we would never live within 100 miles of Mother.

Funny thing: Mother always seemed so huge to me. But on that day, I realized she was quite short -- I was looking down at her. At that revelation, I laughed! I think she realized what I was seeing. She went to the bathroom and cried. Very loudly. I tried to be kind and not laugh anymore. Father came home right afterward, asked what was going on, and I told him. For once, he did not go comfort her for her indiscretion.

My first husband and I avoided having children, because we were both afraid I would abuse them. But you know what they say about best laid plans. I did get pregnant, in spite of the pills, and we had to deal with how I would treat a child.

We talked about it, I read books, and I watched programs on PBS. All my life, however, I had been watching parents and how they treated their children. Every parent in my life's path was a teacher for me.

Cutting this shorter (a little late), we were coming to the point at which a decision was being made. I had already decided that I didn't want spanking, and my husband looked like he was in agreement, when he was killed in an accident. My decision, then, was No Spanking, No Hitting, No Slapping, No Smacking, period.

Now, my "children" are ages 43 and 40. They are fantastic, productive people who are believers, of whom I am Very Proud.

One does not need to hit a child.
 
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keith99

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Only spanked once by my parents that I remember.

Never grounded.

Sent to my room a few times.

I think there are two very different aspects to spanking. One is pain compliance. Hurt the kid enough he obeys. Dangerous in so many ways.

The other is clarification of importance. If used RARELY spanking can be very effective in that case. It need not be hard, it just needs to happen. To be the clear marker that this was a very serious infraction. One poster remembered just one spanking, for running in the street. I'm assuming the kind of running in the street that could be fatal with a bit of bad luck.

With my parents discipline was for my safety and development, in that order, not their convenience. Worst possible 'punishment' was that I did something that would bring mom to tears. Most likely doing something perceived as dangerous.

If a parent gets across the idea that they value their child's life more than their own it makes a difference. If a child understands that at a gut level words alone are usually quite enough. Though some times parents do not get their way. And eventually they even actively admit their children's expertise. By 16 possibly poisonous critters were my 'job'.
 
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blackribbon

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I think I was about 5 years old. I realized that I really was in control because our rules were very consistent. I did break some "you will get grounded" rules but never any "you will be spanked" rules after that.

I spanked both of my kids. The only way to get spanked was "direct defiance" and the rule was no one could spank if they were angry and only if the offense was one the children clearly understood. A spanking involved the child first identifying what rule he/she broke. Followed by "getting into spanking position" which was leaning over the couch with bottom high and had to be voluntary (I spent 4 hours with one child sitting in a corner waiting for her to decide to accept her punishment once), 3 spanks on the bottom (no more), afterwards the child was held by the parent involved in the punishment and told that he or she was forgiven and loved regardless of his/her behavior (that hug lasted as long as the child needed to be hugged), and then it over .... I only think one child ever got spanked after about age 5 and that was only once. They were in control...behave correctly and you won't get spanked. Simple. Both kids have grown up to be young adults who have self-control and don't break rules simple to fit in. They are both happy teenagers.

The example I placed to my husband....he was not allowed to spank our daughter for spilling milk as she danced on the sofa IF he had not told her she was not allowed to dance on the sofa...(what is obvious to an adult is not always so obvious to a small child)...HOWEVER, if he had said "no milk outside of the dining room", then she broke a direct rule and it was for talking milk out of the dining room and NOT for dancing on the sofa or spilling the milk that she could be spanked for.
 
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Blue Wren

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I apologise, if this is crude, but I think "fetish", when I hear of spanking, because of 50 Shades of Grey, lol. Spanking children, that has been absolutely illegal, in Sweden, for decades now. It had stopped being acceptable, before, it was illegal. It's vile, to me, to hit your child. There are, so many ways, to properly train your child, that does not involve hitting them. I do not understand, saying, spanking is not hitting, as it is, no? I've heard this, before, that you cannot say, spanking is hitting / slapping. It is, yes. I think, it's very degrading, especially for a child older than 5. I learned, recently, there are parents, who spank teenagers. To me, that is assault. It is backwards, also. I question, if it might impair their reasoning abilities, as it is showing, an inability, to reason through the behaviour problem, come up, with something more suitable.
 
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moerunamida

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I have no idea at what age I stopped being spanked. Maybe 7? I full support spanking. Even though I was spanked on rare occasion, I never 'feared' my parents. I feared getting into trouble. That's what makes cops (usually) effective. As a Christian, I lovingly fear God. It should really be called respect rather than fear.

Edit: My mom slapped me across the face a few times. I do NOT agree with that at all. Her ideology was 'Punish the offending object'.
 
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Blue Wren

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Spanking is heinous.

And there is nothing funny about it.


I agree, absolutely, yes. My "lol", had been in thinking, this was a thread about adult spanking, for play / sex fetish, due to the popularity of the movie, and thinking, that was quite a topic, to discuss, on a Christian forum! I didn't think the title, through, all the way, when I clicked it. There is nothing funny, about spanking children, no, you are correct.

I have no idea at what age I stopped being spanked. Maybe 7? I full support spanking. Even though I was spanked on rare occasion, I never 'feared' my parents. I feared getting into trouble. That's what makes cops (usually) effective. As a Christian, I lovingly fear God. It should really be called respect rather than fear.

Edit: My mom slapped me across the face a few times. I do NOT agree with that at all. Her ideology was 'Punish the offending object'.

In Sweden, there have been 2 cases that made news, in recent years, about spanking. 1, was a Malaysian family, who spanked their child, for misbehaviour in a restaurant. There was more leniency, towards them, as they were not from from the same cultural background, had not realised, they were breaking the law. Swedish parents, use other ways, to control unruly children, acting up. The other family, they were Christians, who used spanking, regularly, on their children, as "Biblical discipline". They, were fully aware, that it was illegal, in Sweden, and continued the practice, after warnings, attempts at mediation, ect. The court ruled, that they not acting with malice, no, but that it was abusive, still. Both parents, were sentenced to imprisonment, and had to pay fines, to their children, for retribution. I'm just explaining this, to show, the differences, in cultural views & laws, not, to say that you, or anyone else, spanked as a small child, not harshly or meanly, was abused, no. Spanking, up to age 7, that's, far more understandable, than spanking up through 17, yes. Small children, they cannot be reasoned with, very well. I think, what you're saying, fearing a punishment, for misbehaviour, not the person giving it, that makes sense, yes. The true reason, for obeying laws & rules, acting properly, should be, respect (not just, for the person making the law, but for self, others, ect). Cops, do not use spanking, to enforce laws. Juvenile offenders, are given different punishments, than adults, most of the time, as there are differences. They, are not spanked, either (at least, not in Europe & N America). I had, been shocked, reading here, about this family in Arkansas & some others, who used, spanking on teens, today. :(
 
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Devorim

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I agree, absolutely, yes. My "lol", had been in thinking, this was a thread about adult spanking, for play / sex fetish, due to the popularity of the movie, and thinking, that was quite a topic, to discuss, on a Christian forum! I didn't think the title, through, all the way, when I clicked it. There is nothing funny, about spanking children, no, you are correct.
... :(

Blue, my post just happened to appear below yours. It was, in now way, an indictment against you or your post. I am sorry it appeared that way. :)

50 Shades of Grey is (maybe partially) about spanking? No wonder I have no interest. Blehhhhh.
 
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Cearbhall

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I was never spanked, so I guess I can't really answer the poll. I decided to look at the poll results, though, and I was a bit shocked. I don't judge people for spanking under certain circumstances, but I can't for the life of me understand why someone would think that corporal punishment is a good course of action for a child who is at the conventional stage of moral development and/or has started puberty. Why would you want to use pain conditioning when your child is supposed to be internalizing the reasons why adults don't misbehave?
 
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Blue Wren

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Blue, my post just happened to appear below yours. It was, in now way, an indictment against you or your post. I am sorry it appeared that way. :)

50 Shades of Grey is (maybe partially) about spanking? No wonder I have no interest. Blehhhhh.

Thank-you, for this nice reply.

50 Shades of Grey, it is about S&M and erotic spanking, yes. I have not seen the movie itself, but, there are so many parodies about it, on YouTube, SNL, memes, ect. I read reviews about it, when it was released, and decided not to see it. The reviews talked, about the spanking scenes. They had a professional stunt woman, for them. Cannot imagine, having that occupation! What must her mum think? The man, in the book / movie, he is older, than the girl, and he punishes her, for silly things, like rolling her eyes, at him.
 
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Bon Bon

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My parents never spanked me. I was more the child that was put on the steps for a time out and then given a taking to. I thought this was pretty effective discipline as a child and I did the same for my two children and I think they turned out OK.
 
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Blue Wren

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My parents never spanked me. I was more the child that was put on the steps for a time out and then given a taking to. I thought this was pretty effective discipline as a child and I did the same for my two children and I think they turned out OK.

:thumbsup: Same, in my family.
 
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Saricharity

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50 shades of grey makes my stomach turn. I can't believe women think it's a love story and will defend it as such. Anytime a women is manipulated into anything ....just makes my skin crawl.

I abhor spanking in any and all forms. I understand why parents choose it as a tool for discipline but I hate it. I don't plan to ever use it. I have a lot of siblings and I admit there have been times I would have loved to smack them so I get why parents do it.
But I know how it feels to be on the receiving end and it just isn't a good choice. It's just physically and emotionally draining on so many levels.
 
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keith99

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Thank-you, for this nice reply.

50 Shades of Grey, it is about S&M and erotic spanking, yes. I have not seen the movie itself, but, there are so many parodies about it, on YouTube, SNL, memes, ect. I read reviews about it, when it was released, and decided not to see it. The reviews talked, about the spanking scenes. They had a professional stunt woman, for them. Cannot imagine, having that occupation! What must her mum think? The man, in the book / movie, he is older, than the girl, and he punishes her, for silly things, like rolling her eyes, at him.

I've never seen 50 shades of grey, but I have heard what those who actually practice S&M, most think 50 shades of grey is a parody! Well at least the ones who stay polite.
 
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Cearbhall

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I agree, absolutely, yes. My "lol", had been in thinking, this was a thread about adult spanking, for play / sex fetish, due to the popularity of the movie, and thinking, that was quite a topic, to discuss, on a Christian forum! I didn't think the title, through, all the way, when I clicked it. There is nothing funny, about spanking children, no, you are correct.
This is another reason why I'm glad that I was never spanked. ^_^ I personally don't think I would be able to enjoy it in a sexual context if I had been spanked as a child, though I know that some people enjoy it because they were spanked as discipline...
I've never seen 50 shades of grey, but I have heard what those who actually practice S&M, most think 50 shades of grey is a parody! Well at least the ones who stay polite.
I haven't actually practiced BDSM, but I know a fair amount, and yeah, no one should use it as a manual. Ana and Christian's dynamic is pretty messed up.
 
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