Advice regarding a senior pastor

[Rev.Davis]

I am a young (30’s) associate pastor at a small church with a senior pastor in his mid to late 60’s. Though the church is small, has no other young families or kids, and has shown no interest in growing over the last 3 years, My family has stayed because the community was good and it was a wonderful place to learn the ropes. However, lately the senior pastor will not return my phone calls or texts even when their are things that need to be discussed. It was only a mild annoyance, but recently my wife had surgery and ended up in the ER/hospital for two days. Neither before the surgery, after it, or during the time at the ER did my senior pastor bother to call, text, or visit my wife and I to pray or offer support. In fact I even messaged him several times letting him know how things were going only to get no response. There are several other odd things like his wife only showing up to service once a month an so forth which are cumulatively concerning me. Anyone have any thoughts or advice on this issue and how you would handle it? He was a Navy captain and a bit of a micromanager so he does not handle direct confrontation very well.

 

[Dave-W]

Can you take your concerns up the food chain a notch or 2? Like to your denominational district office?

 

[Brian Mcnamee]

I am a young (30’s) associate pastor at a small church with a senior pastor in his mid to late 60’s. Though the church is small, has no other young families or kids, and has shown no interest in growing over the last 3 years, My family has stayed because the community was good and it was a wonderful place to learn the ropes. However, lately the senior pastor will not return my phone calls or texts even when their are things that need to be discussed. It was only a mild annoyance, but recently my wife had surgery and ended up in the ER/hospital for two days. Neither before the surgery, after it, or during the time at the ER did my senior pastor bother to call, text, or visit my wife and I to pray or offer support. In fact I even messaged him several times letting him know how things were going only to get no response. There are several other odd things like his wife only showing up to service once a month an so forth which are cumulatively concerning me. Anyone have any thoughts or advice on this issue and how you would handle it? He was a Navy captain and a bit of a micromanager so he does not handle direct confrontation very well.

Hi if the congregation i small you can start a small home study and encourage people to bring friends and family. Healthy sheep reproduce and if your church has no new members or young people that is a sign it is not healthy. the pastors job is the equipping the saints for the work of the ministry. Real growth is not getting a larger number through people who church hop but by bringing new people to salvation through the gospel as it says and the LORD added daily to the church those who would be saved. As you start this venture start a prayer team as well and be ready for opposition. Your church can be renewed and he is not going to pastor forever. It might die off and it might mean a new church planting in your area.

 

[Denadii]

I am a young (30’s) associate pastor at a small church with a senior pastor in his mid to late 60’s. Though the church is small, has no other young families or kids, and has shown no interest in growing over the last 3 years, My family has stayed because the community was good and it was a wonderful place to learn the ropes. However, lately the senior pastor will not return my phone calls or texts even when their are things that need to be discussed. It was only a mild annoyance, but recently my wife had surgery and ended up in the ER/hospital for two days. Neither before the surgery, after it, or during the time at the ER did my senior pastor bother to call, text, or visit my wife and I to pray or offer support. In fact I even messaged him several times letting him know how things were going only to get no response. There are several other odd things like his wife only showing up to service once a month an so forth which are cumulatively concerning me. Anyone have any thoughts or advice on this issue and how you would handle it? He was a Navy captain and a bit of a micromanager so he does not handle direct confrontation very well.

Why don't you act like an adult and go talk to him face to face?

 

[dreadnought]

I am a young (30’s) associate pastor at a small church with a senior pastor in his mid to late 60’s. Though the church is small, has no other young families or kids, and has shown no interest in growing over the last 3 years, My family has stayed because the community was good and it was a wonderful place to learn the ropes. However, lately the senior pastor will not return my phone calls or texts even when their are things that need to be discussed. It was only a mild annoyance, but recently my wife had surgery and ended up in the ER/hospital for two days. Neither before the surgery, after it, or during the time at the ER did my senior pastor bother to call, text, or visit my wife and I to pray or offer support. In fact I even messaged him several times letting him know how things were going only to get no response. There are several other odd things like his wife only showing up to service once a month an so forth which are cumulatively concerning me. Anyone have any thoughts or advice on this issue and how you would handle it? He was a Navy captain and a bit of a micromanager so he does not handle direct confrontation very well.

I can three possibilities. Perhaps he is busy and unable to do the things you want him to do. Maybe you've irritated him by expecting too much of him, and he is avoiding you. Maybe he is an autocratic who isn't interested in your opinions.

 

[razzelflabben]

my first thought was that at 60 ish they might be having health issues of their own or other struggles that they don't want to share with the entire group. Many people want the pastor to be perfect and that sometimes translates into "hiding" things that might be wrong. Talk to him in confidence and see if you can find out what's up.

 

[Tolworth John]

Though the church is small, has no other young families or kids, and has shown no interest in growing over the last 3 years

A church with no desire to grow/reach out to others will only shrink and die.

lately the senior pastor will not return my phone calls or texts even when their are things that need to be discussed

Start urgently looking for another church.

There is something seriously wrong here.
May I suggest being active in evangelising and teaching those who want to learn and that you seek a meeting with the senior pastor for an explanation of why no support when you needed it and no reply to your calls/messages etc.

Watch out for storms as you are going to be showing him that he is not doing his job.

 

[com7fy8]

If I consider a man to be my pastor, I will go to him personally to get his attention, if I have not gotten his attention otherwise.

But if he does not relate with me helpfully, I have other people whom I trust. I can bring things to whomever I know is a good role model and seek that person's help.

Also, even if he does not talk with you, how about his sermons? Does he give really beneficial sermons?? You can feed on what he says and apply any message of God to whatever is a concern to you.

But if he does not communicate with you and does not help you with his sermons and does not help you with problems, possibly he is not a pastor or your pastor. And yes there could be a problem with his wife or something like this if she is not coming.

How well do you know her? Does your wife communicate with her?? Possibly, you can find out whom he trusts, and talk with that person, if you find that person to be trustworthy, so he or she can help you with this.

 

[razzelflabben]

I am going to be bold enough to say this....I see people suggesting you go against the senior pastor or at least do things outside his knowing and/or support but remember, you are the associate pastor not the senior pastor as such you are under the authority of the senior pastor and should be more like Sam Wise in the Lord of the Rings than Frodo.

 

[Rev.Davis]

Can you take your concerns up the food chain a notch or 2? Like to your denominational district office?

I could but I would at least need to go to him first as a brother before doing so.

 

[Albion]

I would advise against doing anything soon.

 

[Dave-W]

I could but I would at least need to go to him first as a brother before doing so.

Per Matt 18. Right you are.

Although, there are 2 other things at play here. One is the authority issue since he is the senior pastor; and the other is the injunction about receiving a complaint against a congregational leader (elder, pastor) except with 2 or 3 witnesses.

1 Timothy 5:19
Do not receive an accusation against an elder except on the basis of two or three witnesses.

 

[Rev.Davis]

Why don't you act like an adult and go talk to him face to face?

I am really surprised to see this kind of response on here. Prayerfully seeking advice in a discrete manner before going to someone is not childish. Rather, it was my hopes that others may have experienced similar things and could shed some light from their experience. In the future you are free to simply ignore my posts if you don't desire to respon with Christlike charity.

As for the other comments and for clarity purpose. I have no expectations of him that are unreasonable. I am unwilling to buck the system and start out on my own that is divisive and hurtful to the body and to him. Our church has an average attendance of 50, we are not some programmatic megachurch behemoth. We have a plethora of free time...that is why it is so concerning that we did not even receive a text saying "praying for you all". It is not that my feelings are hurt that i was not visited and am demanding to be treated better. It is that I am seeing as a very bad sign of somethign worse involved. One thing a small church should do well is pastoral care.

 

[ToBeLoved]

I would try to be patient and wait it out a little. It is obvious to me something is going on and I'd let it happen a little longer and maybe he will come to you and tell you.

Sometimes we move to quickly to action.

 

[Albion]

Have you ruled out switching to another parish...or are you still hoping to resolve the apparent problems with the senior pastor? And how long have you been in your position?

 

[Rev.Davis]

Have you ruled out switching to another parish...or are you still hoping to resolve the apparent problems with the senior pastor? And how long have you been in your position?

I would like to resolve the problem as I genuinely care about him and the congregation. I have been there for about 3-4 years.

 

[Albion]

Thanks. It seems to (some of) us on the outside that there may be something going on with him that might take awhile for you to ferret out. And when you do, it may turn out to be something temporary and perfectly understandable. Of course, it might not; but if it does, you'd hate to have done something you then regret.

 

[Paidiske]

Are you in an ongoing assistant role, or is this a training role with a view to moving on in the foreseeable future (ie. are you an assistant curate fresh out of college?)

My answer would be quite different depending on that. If you're likely to move soon anyway, maybe it's time to talk to your bishop about finding you your own parish. But if you had planned to stay and felt called to stay, I really think you're going to have to confront him (lovingly and respectfully) about the problem.

I feel for you; I've been there and it's hard; particularly the confusion of not knowing why you're not being communicated with/treated well can do your head in!

 

[seeking.IAM]

I have several thoughts. First, as others have said I think you should have a face-to-face to discuss your concerns about how you are working together and the vision for the church. Secondly, your faith group is listed as Anglican so I assume you are in an episcopacy; if a sit down with your Rector doesn't work you may consider seeking the counsel of your Bishop. Finally, if your church is not growing, you should keep an eye on your future, loyalty aside. When churches don't grow, budgets constrict. When budgets constrict, churches don't need or keep an assistant priest or pastor.

 

[Dave-W]

Why don't you act like an adult and go talk to him face to face?

Pastoral authority makes that problematic.