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Advice on where to go from here

UKChristian

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would be appreciated.

Ever since I was in my late teens I have been someone who 'likes a drink'. I didn't consider myself an alcoholic then and I am by no means convinced I am physically addicted to alcohol now. However, I do have a problem. It is not specifically a drinking problem but drink is a large part of it and I feel this is the most appropriate place to tell my story.

I grew up in a loving, Christian family in a middle class area and whilst of course they made mistakes(what parents haven't?) my childhood was in general a very happy one. Alcohol has been a part of my life since my mid to late teens(quite normal for the area I live). I rebelled against the church at the age of about 17(I can't quite remember exactly how old I was). Whilst I remained a believer, I turned my back on organised religion. Whilst a lot of the people I hung around with were Christians, some of them didn't act very much like Christians to myself or others(with one exception who remains one of my best friends). I decided I didn't want to be associated with them and would go it on my own. This is one regret I have in life that I didn't just try and find another church. However, I was a teenager so obviously knew everything

That's my background. Now scoot forward about 10 years(in which I have held down a steady job, not a dream job but relatively pleasant, been a regular drinker, sometimes heavy but never considered myself to have a problem) to about 3 or 4 years ago. In the last 3 or 4 years, one of my best friends has committed suicide, my father was ill and getting progressively worse, my job has changed beyond all recognition and is now a very stressful environment, on top of this I nearly got the sack, Thanks to the grace of God I managed to keep my job but I remain on a final warning. I unexpectedly and very suddenly was made homeless. I wasn't on the streets thanks to a very kind friend putting me up in her spare room but I was stressed out by the whole situation all the same. I had a few financial worries and another family issue I would rather not divulge on top of this. For most of this time church didn't figure very highly in my thought process. Beer did! I was drinking every day and usually a significant amount every day as well. This new year I recognised I was drinking an insane amount just to get through these stresses, a lot of these problems were behind me(some of them weren't and still are not) and I made a conscious decision to drink less. I decided I would have at least 2, and aim for 3 days a week when I don't drink anything. Last year, when I almost lost my job, I also almost lost my faith as well. However I had an experience which made it stronger than it's ever been. I also decided along with drinking less, this new year I would try and find a church that I am comfortable in. To my utter amazement, I have!

So things were looking up, then a month ago, my dad died. As I mentioned he had been ill and was getting worse. As a strong Christian he didn't fear death and I know he is in a better place free from illness now. However it did still affect me and, along with my job being stressful, I started drinking quite heavily again. One of my friends who is not a Christian, or a particularly big drinker, has commented on the amount I am drinking and I fear he may have a point. It seems that whenever I have a stressful day at work, I head for the pub. I also think this is affecting my physical health although, because of everything that has happened I have been diagnosed with stress and anxiety and because of that, I am a bit of a hyperchondriac. I haven't had a drink in 3 days! I haven't felt I have needed one, I have several alcoholic beverages in the house and have not been tempted. However, I do seem to use alcohol as a form of self medication when things are going wrong. I don't believe I am physically addicted but may be wrong about that. I didn't have a bad childhood and neither of my parents are/were alcoholics(My dad liked his beer but had it under control and drank modestly. My mum is practically teetotal maybe having one or two drinks a year).

I would like to get to a position where I can go out once or twice a week and have a couple of beers(I rarely drink spirits and the only time I drink wine is at communion. Beer is my drink of choice). I believe I can. Total abstinence is a last resort but if need be I will do it! I called an alcohol advice charity who told me I was drinking about 10 times the government guidelines. However they also told me to cut down rather than stop as if I stop completely it may be dangerous to my health. They refused to believe I wasn't physically addicted but I genuinely don't think I am.

I wonder if any of you can relate to what I'm going through and have any advice? Thank you for reading. Sorry I went on a bit but I feel better for saying this.
 

madison1101

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If you think you can drink moderately, ALL the time, and you try it for three months, and are successful at NEVER getting drunk, you may not have a drinking problem. The difference between social drinkers and problem drinkers is the ability to stop at one or two, and not feel like you want to drink more.

If, however, you find that your drinking is bringing problems into your life, like drunk driving charges, bad relationships with peers/family, losing a job, not finding a job, being depressed all the time, then, your life is unmanageable, and you need help.

Nobody can legitimately tell another person they are an alcoholic. Also, NOT all alcoholics drink the same way. I know from my participation in Alcoholics Anonymous, that everybody's story is different.

When I first came to AA, I was a sporadic binge drinker. I was not physically addicted, but not chemically dependent. The great news that I learned in AA is that the ONLY requirement for membership is the DESIRE to stop drinking. The key to the AA program is being teachable by being honest, open-minded, and willing to learn.

As a believer in Jesus Christ, we have a God who is not only all powerful, He is also all-knowing. HE knows if you have a problem with drinking, and HE can tell if you if you need to practice total abstinence from alcohol.

Being a recovering alcoholic in AA, I know that alcoholism is fatal and progressive. People die from alcoholism. And, every single alcoholic in AA can tell you that there was a time when they did not believe they were alcoholics. They can also tell you that they started out not drinking too much, but eventually their drinking became out of control. Some did time in prison for DUI. Some developed dangerous diseases, like cirrhosis of the liver, diabetes, pancreatitis. Also, many are divorced because of their drinking. Many of their children want nothing to do with them, because of how their lives were because of their drinking.

So, my point is this. God knows if you need total abstinence. Pray and ask HIM to show you the truth. Ask HIM to open your eyes to seeing what you need to see about this matter. Read Psalm 139 everyday for a month. It ends with a prayer that will help you learn the truth. While you are doing this, try your moderate drinking, and see what the Lord shows you as HIS answer to this. He promises us wisdom from Him if we ask for it.

Like I said, nobody can tell you if you are an alcoholic, well nobody except God. And, He never lies.

 
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UKChristian

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Thanks for your reply. I have now managed to get through the working week without a drink which I think is quite an achievement. I drink A LOT when I'm stressed and I've been stressed almost all the time through one thing or another. Tonight I have been to watch a bike race with a couple of friends. Afterwards we went to a couple of pubs and I thought I might give in but I didn't. I had an orange juice & lemonade followed by a ginger beer. It may be a small thing but I'm quite glad I had the willpower to do that. The friends I was with were quite understanding when I told them I wasn't drinking at the moment(I didn't tell them everything I've put on here I just said I have been drinking way too much since my dad died and feel I should have a break from drinking). AA is something I'm considering but I fear there's a pretty good chance I would know people there(Where I live is quite a large place but also quite a close knit community, especially if you frequent the pubs).

Unless it is dangerous for me not to, which I don't believe, I aim to go 2 weeks without drinking which would take me up to next Sunday when I am going on a trip out for the day whereby it will be difficult not to drink. This Sunday I want to go to church but if I go to my own church I would take communion which would involve drinking. A very small amount admittedly but I don't want to drink anything. I think they do have a non alcoholic alternative if you ask for it but if I were to ask for it out of the blue questions would probably be asked & I'm not really ready to answer them questions. I may go to the local Baptist Church where I know people, or the local Salvation Army service instead as they are very anti alcohol.

I will read Psalm 139 before I go to bed. Thank you for the suggestion.
 
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madison1101

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I was afraid to go to AA for the same reason as you are. The neat thing is, if you attend CLOSED AA meetings, only people with a desire to stop drinking are allowed to attend those. Plus, AA has a tradition. Who you see here, when you leave here, let it stay here. We have an unwritten rule about not talking about who we see in AA meetings. PLUS, if they are attending a CLOSED meeting, they are there for the same reason you would be.

A long time ago, I attended a meeting where my summer boss came in and sat down shortly after it began. Now, I had seen her at Overeaters Anonymous meetings before, and never told anyone. Here, she was at an AA meeting. I was horrified. Well, she left right before the meeting ended. I talked to my sponsor, because I knew my boss saw me there. My sponsor reminded me that she was there for the same reason I was. When I went back to my summer job, my boss never mentioned seeing me, and I never mentioned seeing her. Period.
 
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UKChristian

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Thanks for your replies. I have now gone a week without alcohol. I have been in pubs. I have had non alcoholic beer but no alcohol. I did go to my normal church this morning and thought I would just go ahead and take communion but in the end it wasn't an issue as there was no communion at the service. There isn't every week but I thought there was going to be this week.
 
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UKChristian

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Thanks for your help. Just an update. A couple of people have said to try and stick to one or two drinks when I'm out. I have been trying this. Not drinking in situations I normally would and when I do drink, do it in moderation. I have been reasonably successful. I went out to a dinner party tonight and had one beer(I also had one small sip of someone's wine just to taste it but it wasn't very much at all). I haven't had more than two beers in the same day and since the start of the month have had 8 beers(a change from at least two or three a night and sometimes considerably more). However, I am still very wary that I may have an issue. It's only really been a couple of weeks so it's a bit too early to tell. My job is still stressful but I have started running to try and relieve that stress and will try and meditate more(I don't meditate enough anyway). I am also still worried about my physical health(although have been told by two independent people this week that I'm "looking well"). Due to my anxiety issues I am scared of doctors so this is a problem. Lol.
 
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