Advice on finding an Orthodox wife?

[~Anastasia~]

It might work out well to meet someone and them convert. But I wouldn't make it my top suggestion if it was my life. Unless you happen to meet someone and fall in love and find they are interested in converting.

There is much to be praised in an Orthodox ethos. And some of that seems to come in a unique way over time - often in a special way to cradles. I've known more than one bishop to recommend a convert marry a cradle because they complement each other in unique ways, fwiw. If it happened to come about that way, there are benefits from what I've seen and been told.

I would pray, and keep seeking. Parishes are notoriously not the best place to meet a spouse, it seems. We have only a few marriageable single people at our parish who match each other in commitment level. My goddaughter is moving partly for this reason (mostly for other reasons) but the one young man who might be suitable for her in that way is too much younger at their ages. (In 5 years it wouldn't matter.) The other young men aren't committed enough to keep her interest. (You're just about old enough, I could introduce you two lol! She's a very sweet and lovely young lady but with just enough fire in her temperament when needed ... )

Seriously though, I think it's a good idea to branch out and meet people from other places. Any retreats, or gatherings, OCMC, IOCC, OCF. I don't know anything about it, but a couple of weeks ago I heard an ad during a podcast on AFR for a website by the name of "Orthodox and single" which I think is free to join. There's something of a presence on FB of many parishes and ministries. (I don't recommend 99% of Orthodox FB groups though.)

There are lots of avenues. And because we (Orthodox) are few and far between, if you're doing the legwork yourself, you should probably plan to explore at least several of them.

Then again I agree with prodromos - St. Xenia has done wonders for me. I would certainly ask her to pray for you, if it were me.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I see. I'll keep it up. Thanks father.

yep, both my wife and I found each other when we stopped actively looking for a spouse.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I'm going to put it out there - as a non-Orthodox woman who's married to a guy in a different denomination than mine - that looking for someone you might be able to convince to convert is probably a terrible relationship strategy. If a potential husband had so little respect for my religious integrity, I'd run and not look back.

I would also add you must bring respect for the other person's religious integrity. a buddy of mine from college had an Orthodox father and a baptist mother. initially she went to her baptist parish and the dad went to the Orthodox one. all that the dad did was invite the mom to stuff the Orthodox Church was doing. slowly but surely she started coming to the Orthodox Church only. no one pressed her to convert. for years she was a baptist woman at an Orthodox Church, until one day and unprompted she said she is Orthodox and talked to Father about conversion.

when my buddy told me of his mom's conversion, I got the sense that was the plan all along.

 

[FenderTL5]

You're young, have you thought of moving to a locale with a larger Orthodox community?
school, work concerns?

 

[-Sasha-]

I've heard seminary is a good place to meet a wife...

 

[~Anastasia~]

I've heard seminary is a good place to meet a wife...

If nothing else though there are certainly a good many young men looking, I'd bet. Since they all have to marry before being ordained, if they ever plan to. It's probably a better place to meet a husband? If I were a young single lady looking to marry and could afford seminary, I'd be there. (Haha if I could afford it and had opportunity, I'd be there anyway, never mind the husband. But for the purposes of the thread ... )

 

[ArmyMatt]

I've heard seminary is a good place to meet a wife...

Theological Clock Syndrome and Matushka Hunting are things

 

[SingularityOne]

You're young, have you thought of moving to a locale with a larger Orthodox community?
school, work concerns?

I just got accepted into grad school in Nashville. So, school concerns mainly.

 

[SingularityOne]

It might work out well to meet someone and them convert. But I wouldn't make it my top suggestion if it was my life. Unless you happen to meet someone and fall in love and find they are interested in converting.

There is much to be praised in an Orthodox ethos. And some of that seems to come in a unique way over time - often in a special way to cradles. I've known more than one bishop to recommend a convert marry a cradle because they complement each other in unique ways, fwiw. If it happened to come about that way, there are benefits from what I've seen and been told.

I would pray, and keep seeking. Parishes are notoriously not the best place to meet a spouse, it seems. We have only a few marriageable single people at our parish who match each other in commitment level. My goddaughter is moving partly for this reason (mostly for other reasons) but the one young man who might be suitable for her in that way is too much younger at their ages. (In 5 years it wouldn't matter.) The other young men aren't committed enough to keep her interest. (You're just about old enough, I could introduce you two lol! She's a very sweet and lovely young lady but with just enough fire in her temperament when needed ... )

Seriously though, I think it's a good idea to branch out and meet people from other places. Any retreats, or gatherings, OCMC, IOCC, OCF. I don't know anything about it, but a couple of weeks ago I heard an ad during a podcast on AFR for a website by the name of "Orthodox and single" which I think is free to join. There's something of a presence on FB of many parishes and ministries. (I don't recommend 99% of Orthodox FB groups though.)

There are lots of avenues. And because we (Orthodox) are few and far between, if you're doing the legwork yourself, you should probably plan to explore at least several of them.

Then again I agree with prodromos - St. Xenia has done wonders for me. I would certainly ask her to pray for you, if it were me.

Yeah, I’m not really big on missionary dating, haha. I agree.

Interesting on the recommendation to marry a cradle. I’ve never thought about that complementary idea at all. I’ll have to ponder that more.

Haha, one yeah, that’s what I’ve found, parishes are good, but they don’t have a lot of selection of people that are my age that have the same commitment that I do.

I don’t have social media except this forum. But, I’ll have to check out IOCC, OCF, etc. - I’m in Nashville, TN, so it’s a growing population, so I think the church will grow here after a couple years. But, I mean, I’m open to meeting her if she’s open. However, no need to force it. I appriciate the thought though.

I’m going to keep up the prayers to St. Xenia. Thanks for the help!

 

[~Anastasia~]

Yeah, I’m not really big on missionary dating, haha. I agree.

Interesting on the recommendation to marry a cradle. I’ve never thought about that complementary idea at all. I’ll have to ponder that more.

Haha, one yeah, that’s what I’ve found, parishes are good, but they don’t have a lot of selection of people that are my age that have the same commitment that I do.

I don’t have social media except this forum. But, I’ll have to check out IOCC, OCF, etc. - I’m in Nashville, TN, so it’s a growing population, so I think the church will grow here after a couple years. But, I mean, I’m open to meeting her if she’s open. However, no need to force it. I appriciate the thought though.

I’m going to keep up the prayers to St. Xenia. Thanks for the help!

Ummmm .... she's moving up around Nashville. You may just run into her in Church (tomorrow? She's there this weekend) or within a couple of months.

Wouldn't it be a huge coincidence if I ended up being your godmother-in-law after all?! But I'm not actually pushing. She's really waiting on God, but commitment is hugely important to her.

Out of respect for her privacy I won't say any more. But I understand there's a very active young Orthodox singles group based around there with people involved from multiple states (because she knows some of the people involved from elsewhere and where they go to Church).

Eeeennnnnteresting, as they say!

 

[SingularityOne]

Ummmm .... she's moving up around Nashville. You may just run into her in Church (tomorrow? She's there this weekend) or within a couple of months.

Wouldn't it be a huge coincidence if I ended up being your godmother-in-law after all?! But I'm not actually pushing. She's really waiting on God, but commitment is hugely important to her.

Out of respect for her privacy I won't say any more. But I understand there's a very active young Orthodox singles group based around there with people involved from multiple states (because she knows some of the people involved from elsewhere and where they go to Church).

Eeeennnnnteresting, as they say!

Oh, nice! I go to Holy Trinity, so, if she visits there then I look forward to welcoming her.

Lol, that would be a huge coincidence! That makes sense about commitment. Waiting on God’s timing/Providence is best after all.

Yeah, the young adult group is very active and quite close. I love it here and it does seem like the parish life in Nashville is growing.

Very interesting indeed!

 

[~Anastasia~]

If a new pretty face shows up, tell her her Nouna says hello.

 

[SingularityOne]

If a new pretty face shows up, tell her her Nouna says hello.

Hahah, will do. Thanks for the heads up!

 

[archer75]

I'm going to put it out there - as a non-Orthodox woman who's married to a guy in a different denomination than mine - that looking for someone you might be able to convince to convert is probably a terrible relationship strategy. If a potential husband had so little respect for my religious integrity, I'd run and not look back.

This is fair. I should say I was thinking of a) mixed marriages and b) US culture where there are lots of rather indifferent Trinitarians who aren't particularly attached to their denomination (so might marry outside them and might even later WANT to convert)...

 

[ZaidaBoBaida]

I can't say I'm a fan of the idea of missionary dating. I do not like the idea of dating someone in hopes that they'll convert. It seems both disrespectful and dishonest. Pray, go to Orthodox events, and eventually God will put a nice Orthodox girl in your path.

 

[FenderTL5]

I just got accepted into grad school in Nashville. So, school concerns mainly.

Nashville Orthodox Christian Young Adults facebook group

 

[SingularityOne]

Nashville Orthodox Christian Young Adults facebook group

Sadly, this group has been dead for a while (I was apart of it before I deactivated my Facebook account), unless it recently started to kindle a flame again. I appreciate the insight and help!

 

[archer75]

I think the best general advice on this thread - no offense to the other advice - is from Armymatt and Paidiske. Respect the other person's religious integrity (but do remember that some people who are nominally religious are not all that into it), and don't plan to forcibly convert anyone, or pressure her, or plan to whisk her away from a denomination where she wants to stay. And live your life and meet people. You never know.

Believe it or not, you are fairly young.

 

[MariaJLM]

Wow, it's funny how things work out. I'm one of the lone converts in a largely cradle parish where nearly everybody is either older or already married. However, there is one single guy close to my age who is quite obviously interested in me, but I'm committed to celibacy.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that things often come to us when we're not actively seeking them. The best advice I can offer is to stop actively seeking a spouse and sooner or later one will cross your path.

 

[GoingByzantine]

This thread is hilarious, only because I am, and have been going through the exact same situation as the OP for years now. The biggest problem with being a single young Orthodox person, I have found, is that you kind of fall into a lonesome gray area within the cohort of the church. Most Orthodox are either married with kids, empty nesters, or young single people committed to lifelong chastity or religious vocations. There are only a few of us who are single and looking for a partner, which can make life super awkward at times . I will never forget the time I visited a parish filled to the brim with young people, and they literally tuned me out and turned their cheek to me, choosing only to talk among themselves (they were all married). Sometimes this can make you feel like a young child, even when you might be older than them.

My complaining aside. The advice here is good. Pray, seek out Orthodox groups outside of parishes, and be open to non-orthodox if and only if they are willing to convert. Though we may joke about it, I don't think it is disingenuous to travel to Eastern Europe or the Levant to find a partner either. The women and men in these places are well educated but simply can't find a partner due to the way that their societies are structured. Think of how happy some girl's babushka would be to see her granddaughter married off toa a nice Orthodox man from the West, and not some 75-year old secular sleazeball just looking for an attractive young wife. Just be careful of scammers, and make sure that you are both compatible for each other first.

Feel free to pm me should you want to commiserate. I am literally in the same shoes as you are, graduate school in the South and all.