advice on faithfulness..?

[BLESSED_KiSSY]

hello.
my boyfriend and i have been talking about getting married. we are both only 18.
i recently found out that he had slept with two girls in his past when he wasnt right with God.
i am 100% against pre marital sex. i've always believed if someone would go around doing that before marriage, how could they be different when theyre married?
i love him so much, and im glad that he was honest with me about it, but im worried he wont be faithful to me.

can anyone give me any advice on this?=]
thank you so much.
blessings

 

[RobinRedbreast]

I've slept with multuple people before marriage (... not at once ).

It doesn't affect my faithfulness to my husband one ounce, I don't really understand why you equate the two things on equal ground. Having pre-marital sex does not make someone automatically a cheater.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Maybe she meant that he had a girlfriend in the past that he was sleeping with and cheated on her by having sex with another girl?

If that's not the case, I agree with morning glory, you can't equate the two things on equal ground.

If that is the case, well, he may have done sinful things in the past, but you have to trust him, that's what relationships are about, trusting each other. He trusted you enough to tell you about that dark side of his past. A person doesn't need to cheat in the past to cheat in the future either. Trust is huge in a relationship and that's what this situation needs. You love him enough to marry him, but do you trust him enough to marry him? If this is really an issue with you, then perhaps call the wedding off for a while until you feel you can trust him.

There really isn't alot of advice anybody can give you. It's up to you to decide whether you still trust him enough to marry him.

 

[Bootstrap]

How long ago was this? Were you together at the time?

Jonathan

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I am 100% against pre marital sex. i've always believed if someone would go around doing that before marriage, how could they be different when theyre married?

Just because someone has made mistakes before doesn't mean they are doomed to repeat them. People are very capable of change. When I was younger and not a Christian, I had sexual relationships with 2 of my long term boyfriends. I became a Christian in 2002 and have been abstinent for the past 6 years. I am currently in a relationship with another Christian and we have not been sexually active. My current boyfriend has made mistakes in the past (before we were together) but he has been abstinent since then.

Also, neither of us has cheated on anyone before. I can't even imagine wanting to cheat. Just because people have been in sexual relationships before doesn't mean they are the cheating kind.

Premarital sex = having sex with someone when you aren't married
Cheating = you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, and you go behind your significant other's back and do something (date, kiss, have sex, etc) with someone else

Now if your boyfriend has cheated on you, or cheated on someone else in the past -- then he might be the cheating kind. If that is the case then it is up to you to determine whether or not you trust him. If someone ever cheated on me I would dump them cold turkey. I would not marry someone that had cheated on me.

If they had cheated on someone else in the past I don't know if I would dump them based off of that but I would definitely be cautious and take a good look at how long ago that was and whether or not I feel I can trust that person not to make that mistake with me.

 

[The Nihilist]

you're right, he's terrible for you. wait around until you're 24 and see if he's better

 

[Autumnleaf]

Accept his past and don't hold it against him or dump him. You can't stay with him and hold these doubts about him without poisoning the relationship.

 

[The Nihilist]

Goodness, what is the hurry to get married? Christians have a higher divorce rate than the population as a whole and even a higher divorce rate than atheists. Do you suppose it's because y'all tend to get married as soon as the government won't prevent it?

 

[ImperialPhantom]

hello.
my boyfriend and i have been talking about getting married. we are both only 18.
i recently found out that he had slept with two girls in his past when he wasnt right with God.
i am 100% against pre marital sex. i've always believed if someone would go around doing that before marriage, how could they be different when theyre married?
i love him so much, and im glad that he was honest with me about it, but im worried he wont be faithful to me.

can anyone give me any advice on this?=]
thank you so much.
blessings

Your belief confuses me. You didn't say he CHEATED, but you're worried he will cheat cuz he had premarital sex? If he didn't cheat, he didn't cheat - married or unmarried, and if he's faithful, he's faithful, married or unmarried.

 

[faerieevaH]

I think how worried you need to be depends on how long ago this was and what the circumstances were. If this is something that happened two years ago and he made the determination to wait until marriage after that, kept himself to that for a year or so and then he met you which only strengthened him in that decision, you can be pretty confident and leave worries behind.
If he slept with two women right before your relation with him started and he is 'accepting' that you are against premarital sex without being against it himself, there might be more worries for you.
I agree with what has been said before: while pre marital sex and cheating are both sins, they are not the same thing. People who have had pre marital sex can be completely devoted and faithful spouses who would not even think about cheating. But it depends on whether or not they consciously make a decision about sex and what place they want it to have in their life.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Even if he's not against premarital sex, that doesn't mean he's not against cheating/unfaithfulness. That's just not a fair point to make.