Advice on dealing with teen sister

[yearneroftheComforter]

Hello brothers and sisters. Hope all is well with you.
There is turmoil in my relationship with my 14 year old sister, Greta. A little background about us.....when Greta was born, it was like I had to be a mother figure to her since our mother is mentally disabled. Over the years, it is like I became more of a second mom, than a sister. I do not live with my mom and sister, but visit them once a week or 2 weeks to try to do things with Greta and be more of a sister than a sole disciplinary person or a extra parent. It was rocky, but ok...slowly we were getting to know each other as sisters. However, when things like failing grades, skipping school, hanging will the bad crowd, hitting and bullying our disabled mom and destroying the house when she cannot have her way, and wanting to dress seductively for male attention was discovered, our "fun sister times" stopped. Greta is deserving of love and wants to be a free, well-rounded, and successful person, so I try to get our mom to be the assertive and disciplinary mother instead of myself , but it doesn't work. Our mom never wanted to be a mother in the first place , so has "just giving up" it seems. I am tried of doing the mothering (throwing away unholy and seductive clothes, looking at school attendance and grades, taking away cell phones, etc.) And Greta hates me very much and doesn't want me around because of it.
What are you all's advise for the situation? Do you (or anyone you know) have to deal with teens?

 

[Saucy]

It's a tough situation, but I think it's normal for a teen to hate their authority figure. I was 'mean' to my sister when she was dating a complete loser, but later in life she thanked me for it. Your sister will thank you too, but it might take years before that happens.

I would take some time and try to sit down with her. Ask, "Can I talk to you for a moment?" and just tell her that you love her and want to listen to her more often, that you feel responsible for her and only want the best. You understand what it will take to get to that successful place and it requires discipline and staying away from the bad crowds. All it takes is one wrong move to destroy her life. Just let her know you really care and will try harder to listen.

And then don't just pull the mother card on her. Do listen. Apologize to her. Teens that act out really just want attention and discipline and she might mature a bit.

 

[Winken]

Be consistent. Be calm. For yourself, look to scripture, not the ones that are interpreted as compulsory or demanding, but that reach out in God's Love.

 

[Rescued One]

Seek professional help/advice. Some parents have had their child put on probation for constant truancy. And some have emancipated impossible rebels so that the rebel is responsible for his/her own choices. I've known teens who have chosen to have no rules and can't be reached even in new settings.

 

[JAM2b]

I had a similar situation with my sister, but her behaviors didn't become as severe. It is hard to be a surrogate parent to a younger sibling. Things can get confusing and seem very unfair.

If your sister is bullying your disabled mother and behaving in ways that are risky or illegal, I agree that you need professional help. It might mean getting authorities involved. Just allowing this to continue could be detrimental. Also, if you are aware of your disabled mother being mistreated by her, can you can held legal responsible for not reporting it.

If I were you, I would check into human services and help for adults with disabilities, and the court system... someone needs to take legal responsibility of your sister. If it can't be your mom, it would not be unreasonable for you to. If you can't either, then maybe the court system can put something in place to help her.