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Advice needed

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by Ron Hobie, Jul 3, 2020.

  1. Ron Hobie

    Ron Hobie New Member

    United Kingdom
    What can I do? My wife was sick for two years (Depression). I have taken care of her. Her love for me is gone she is saying. She feels guilty about her illness, and that she owes me forever because I have made the sacrifice for taken care of her.

    After the birth of our son my wife was diagnosed with postnatal depression. It was a severe Depression and she stayed four months in a mental hospital. Now 1 year later. Physically she is back in buisines. She is working and is excercising several times a week.

    She feels very guilty about the fact that she was hospitalized and had to left her child and husband.

    Furthermore she is telling due these circumstances she is not feeling love for me anymore as she was used to do. Rationally she know she loves me but she is not feeling it.

    For her (her own words) she feels that she owes me forever because I have taken care of her during her illness. Due this fact she feels not equal anymore in our relationship. These facts are preventing thas she feels love for me and seeing me as husband.

    Sometimes she feels excitement when she read a book about sex and love. But she doesn't feels that for me anymore.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

    United Kingdom
    It is significant that everything is about feelings and not facts.
    I am afraid your wife is still suffering some affects of her post natal depression, please persuade her to talk to her doctor or midwife and talk to her about your marriage vows, in sickness and in health, what do they mean to her.

    I suspect you are going to have to woo your wife again and support her as she sorts herself out, but it will be a long process.
  3. Daniel9v9


    Very sorry to hear that.

    I would advise you to keep praying, perhaps seek counselling with a pastor or participate in some Bible study as I have no doubt God's Word can change our hearts. In fact, the study of family and marriage as a theological subject is very rich and rewarding. eg. Family is the first institution God created, before any government or institution; it's at the centre of humanity - that's highly significant. A child is the only tangible gift that God gives us that we can bring into eternity. And marriage is not only a union between a man and a woman, but a reflection of or a holy symbol of Christ and the Church, which Paul refers to as a great mystery. I think if you can find a Biblical study or know any knowledgeable pastors, and convince your wife to participate in this kind Biblical counselling that teaches both the profound reality of marriage and family and what the applications are for us, I think that could go a long way to appreciate both God's love for us and our love for one another more.

    In the meantime, it's worth bearing in mind that love does not only imply romantic love, but dedication and submission. Simply by taking care of her and supporting her, even if it feels tough and there's little return, you are loving her, and she, trusting in your care and support is also a form of love, even if she may not fully appreciate it.

    Blessings +
  4. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran Supporter

    Wonder if her thought processes could be challenged by asking - What if it had been the reverse? If you had been the one who was sick. Perhaps spend some time exploring this idea. She is expecting you to be the spiritual leader of your home. What does that mean to her? Pray together - praying for her. Maybe she could give you some ideas. Let the Lord change her while you make any changes needed. Reassure her that you have kept your wedding vows and will continue to do so (Ecc 5:4). Speak into her life - Thank the Lord that you are one flesh (Gen 2:24, Eph 5:31). What did you do for fun earlier? Do those things now. Plus add to those things. Also, to apply the Scripture about not letting the sun go down on our wrath (Eph 4:26). - a couple agreed that BOTH apologize before 10 PM whenever they have any type of disagreement. Play your favorite religious music.

    Also, she needs to forgive herself.

    Encourage you (perhaps together) to watch "Marriage Today" Those televised programs are on Daystar. Plus their website marriagetoday.com/category/tv-episodes/ has probably 60 free episodes including "What a man really needs" and 'What a woman really needs" by Jimmy Evan's ministries. All teachings are Biblically based. Plus there's books, videos, etc.

    Of course, the most important thing you can do is pray.
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2020
  5. NerdGirl123

    NerdGirl123 Active Member

    United States
    Poor woman! That's a terrible trauma for her to endure, during a time which should be full of joy (having a child). It's completely understandable that she's wracked with guilt over it.

    Is she still receiving counseling or therapy? If not, that's what I would suggest. I was hospitalized for depression and self-injury as a young person, and one of the common coping mechanisms among such people, is sort of "shutting off" their emotions. It's not a personal insult to anyone around them, it's a survival tactic. When I returned home after being hospitalized, I felt much stronger, but I also felt very cold emotionally. I could not tell anyone "I love you" for months and months. I remained in counseling for 2-3 years. It took a long time for me to finally be able to tell someone I loved them again.

    So it doesn't surprise me at all, that your wife is struggling with reconnecting to her own emotions. If she's not in counseling, please encourage her to find someone. They can help her continue to work through her grief, and guilt, and all those messy feelings, until she can reconnect with her heart again.
  6. iLove

    iLove Newbie

    Quick fix. Place and maintain your Faith exclusively in Christ and His Finished Work at Calvary Cross where the victory was won and receive the help of the Holy Spirit to restore and bless your marriage. Romans 8:2