Advice from Married Strong in Faith Christian Men and Woman

[recommitting to jesus]

WARNING: VERY LENGTHY!!!


I am 19 years old, I was baptized at 14, alone with my sisters. No parental influence as our parents aren’t really in the picture. I thought this is it I’m serving you Lord for good the cross before me the world behind me no turning back. But being so young, no parental guidance I of course kept teeter tottering in between church and a sinful crazy life. Anyways recently I have formed a relationship with my (ex) boyfriend which I will refer to as “R” (who is my first boyfriend ever) Breaking up with R is something I really didn’t want to do, because our relationship was great, we were happy but something ALWAYS felt missing and I felt a heavy conviction of the Holy Spirit to proceed to do so when I asked why and why and why I felt this voice stating just trust me. So I finally followed through with this voice, it’s not easy and he’s very hurt for he doesn’t understand but he’s willing to continue to be here for me. Upon being obedient, God finally showed me that he asked me to take a step back for one to test my obedience, because fornication played a large role in our relationship and the flames can only burn for so long, for me to learn how to be in love with Jesus, to learn how to be without depending on R to fill the voids that only God can fill, also because in our relationship we were pretty happy but we also both individually simply had too many things that we were never healed from in our childhoods such as sexual, physical and mental abuse, trauma, our parents being divorced, and we were often times unable to talk through out of each of our own insecurities, fear and abandonment issues which caused us to be codependent and led to unhappiness. However, I do have this supernatural sense that this may be temporary because R is a believer but Catholic. However, upon this decision I made to end our romantic relationship for now, I expressed to him that I really wanted him to encounter Jesus the way that I know Jesus and he was willing to do so and attend church with me even just as friends. He seems willing and for certain to want to know God and invite Jesus into his heart. God did speak to me and say that he wants to renew my identity in Christ and that he also wants to do so for R, he told me that i don’t need to toss R like trash because he has been great to me and I need to give him the opportunity to give himself to Christ especially if he desires to keep pursuing me. However, this journey of being renewed in Christ won’t be done together romantically but I believe regardless of that bond we have we can do this together as friends. God has revealed to me that if he is serious about embarking on a life journey with Jesus that we need to break the soul tie that we created and recommit all the vows we made to each other to Jesus. I’ve heard of countless stories such as this where someone has to leave their relationship for some time and make Jesus be the center of their life and embark on a journey together. I don’t know exactly what God is doing but I am trusting him. Because after all, R has become a huge part of my life for so many reasons he’s brought me into good, he helped me quit smoking weed, drinking alcohol, guided me away from listening to songs with subliminal satanic messages, guided me into being conservative and understanding from Gods point of view what the world should look like. I’ve come to notice the thing that was missing in our relationship is Jesus. He really has become my family as I have known him and his mom and sister my whole entire life. His sister and my older sister were best friends their whole life so our meeting was almost inevitable. God led me to the verse
“So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.””
‭‭Acts‬ ‭16:31‬ ‭
I don’t think this is the end for me and him but I do believe in the power of Christ and where he is taking me. I just need advice if anyone has ever experienced this, or gone through this, and I would like some scriptures and some insight. Thank you so much for reading all the way through.

 

[xaris]

If one person is born again and the other is religious (but not born again), there will be some incompatible and communicative issues. See 1Cor. chaps 1-3.

 

[ISteveB]

WARNING: VERY LENGTHY!!!


I am 19 years old, I was baptized at 14, alone with my sisters. No parental influence as our parents aren’t really in the picture. I thought this is it I’m serving you Lord for good the cross before me the world behind me no turning back. But being so young, no parental guidance I of course kept teeter tottering in between church and a sinful crazy life. Anyways recently I have formed a relationship with my (ex) boyfriend which I will refer to as “R” (who is my first boyfriend ever) Breaking up with R is something I really didn’t want to do, because our relationship was great, we were happy but something ALWAYS felt missing and I felt a heavy conviction of the Holy Spirit to proceed to do so when I asked why and why and why I felt this voice stating just trust me. So I finally followed through with this voice, it’s not easy and he’s very hurt for he doesn’t understand but he’s willing to continue to be here for me. Upon being obedient, God finally showed me that he asked me to take a step back for one to test my obedience, because fornication played a large role in our relationship and the flames can only burn for so long, for me to learn how to be in love with Jesus, to learn how to be without depending on R to fill the voids that only God can fill, also because in our relationship we were pretty happy but we also both individually simply had too many things that we were never healed from in our childhoods such as sexual, physical and mental abuse, trauma, our parents being divorced, and we were often times unable to talk through out of each of our own insecurities, fear and abandonment issues which caused us to be codependent and led to unhappiness. However, I do have this supernatural sense that this may be temporary because R is a believer but Catholic. However, upon this decision I made to end our romantic relationship for now, I expressed to him that I really wanted him to encounter Jesus the way that I know Jesus and he was willing to do so and attend church with me even just as friends. He seems willing and for certain to want to know God and invite Jesus into his heart. God did speak to me and say that he wants to renew my identity in Christ and that he also wants to do so for R, he told me that i don’t need to toss R like trash because he has been great to me and I need to give him the opportunity to give himself to Christ especially if he desires to keep pursuing me. However, this journey of being renewed in Christ won’t be done together romantically but I believe regardless of that bond we have we can do this together as friends. God has revealed to me that if he is serious about embarking on a life journey with Jesus that we need to break the soul tie that we created and recommit all the vows we made to each other to Jesus. I’ve heard of countless stories such as this where someone has to leave their relationship for some time and make Jesus be the center of their life and embark on a journey together. I don’t know exactly what God is doing but I am trusting him. Because after all, R has become a huge part of my life for so many reasons he’s brought me into good, he helped me quit smoking weed, drinking alcohol, guided me away from listening to songs with subliminal satanic messages, guided me into being conservative and understanding from Gods point of view what the world should look like. I’ve come to notice the thing that was missing in our relationship is Jesus. He really has become my family as I have known him and his mom and sister my whole entire life. His sister and my older sister were best friends their whole life so our meeting was almost inevitable. God led me to the verse
“So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.””
‭‭Acts‬ ‭16:31‬ ‭
I don’t think this is the end for me and him but I do believe in the power of Christ and where he is taking me. I just need advice if anyone has ever experienced this, or gone through this, and I would like some scriptures and some insight. Thank you so much for reading all the way through.

I'd like to encourage you to engage in a bible study with other people at your church, engage in gathering in community, with others who are following Jesus.
Tell him-- if he's still around--- what you're doing, and why. Let him decide if he just wants you, or if he's more interested in following Jesus.
Sex has a tendency of confusing things, because it's designed to cement a relationship in a way that's not designed to break.
So, if you're not married, it can get really messy, really fast.
Connect with other gals at church who are following Jesus. Develop friendships with them, which can act as a wall of defense against the loneliness which drove you into this relationship to begin with.

Put God first in your life, and he'll work out connecting you with someone who is genuinely godly, and wants Jesus first, who can then meet the needs God has designed them to meet in your life.

 

[recommitting to jesus]

*This is a response to IsteveB*

Thank you so much this was much appreciated. I am not saying this is the case but my pastor and his wife, had a baby out of sin, unmarried. Before they were married his wife fully committed and surrendered her whole life to Jesus and he just didn’t get the memo. So she did what she had to and left him and would pray like God just get rid of this man me and my baby will be alone we will serve you and they were not together for 2 whole years but instead, God did such a work in her life that my pastor began to become curious and went to church with her and little by little he committed his life to the lord, they were married and now have 3 kids together, are pastors and the truest people of God that I have ever known. I am not saying this is the case but when Jesus is involved and people meet Jesus for himself and trust in his ways he makes the impossible possible, he brings healing, he brings hope and purpose. So i’m only praying for R that he truly comes in contact with his identity in Christ, and who knows exactly what maybe God will bring us back together, maybe he won’t. But I know right now the cross is before the world is behind me and I’m not turning back.

 

[Tolworth John]

If you married r how would you as a family attend church?
Which church? How often, every week, every other week?

Is he willing to study the Bible with you?
What are his views on giving to church, to missionaries and charity in general?
What is his view on the Latin Link missionary organisation that exists to preach the gospel in the ' Latin ' Catholic countries of the world?

Will he pray with you? Who would he pray to?
How will your children be brought up?

 

[recommitting to jesus]

(I accidentally replied incorrectly)

 

[recommitting to jesus]

If you married r how would you as a family attend church?
Which church? How often, every week, every other week?

Is he willing to study the Bible with you?
What are his views on giving to church, to missionaries and charity in general?
What is his view on the Latin Link missionary organisation that exists to preach the gospel in the ' Latin ' Catholic countries of the world?

Will he pray with you? Who would he pray to?
How will your children be brought up?

Hi, This is exactly why I had to break up with him for now. God asked me to take a step back to analyze these things. However, I do have this peace in inviting him to embark on the journey to be born again and seek Jesus Christ, be filled with the Holy Spirit, restored and renewed by the love and transformation of encountering the Holy Spirit. God spoke to me in these days of fasting and prayer and being glued to scripture that I must hold fast, place this relationship in his hands. Trust him and stand firm in my identity. However, upon the day that I obeyed the Lord to leave this relationship, R confessed to me that he actually finally wanted to come to church with me and he got a little sad when I didn't ask him but his pride got in the way of him admitting so. Therefore, I know God did SOMETHING in him for him to ever admit that because in the past it was a "I'm Catholic, I go to mass, I don't think that church should be some concert and I refuse to attend Christian church". So to hear those words was a bit of confirmation in God's voice. I just continue keeping him in prayer that God would give him the conviction to seek him and encounter him and let him know that he wants all of him. I don't particularly think that my recommitment to Christ will be done without him. However, I have this divine supernatural assurance that if we embark on this journey together. the Bible says that you can not put new wine in old wine skins, Therefore he has a lot he would like us to lay down at the feet of Jesus, be healed and delivered from, and wants to restore us from the inside out before we can join together again. We have soul ties to break from former partners and each other, vows to recommit to the Lord, Renewal and Transformation in Christ through the grace of God is to be done. I am holding fast to my strong faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. I hope this helps furthermore explain the situation. To whomever reads this reply, I ask that you hold me in prayer. Thank you. God is SO good. His mercy is new every morning and Great is his faithfulness.

 

[NerdGirl]

WARNING: VERY LENGTHY!!!
I am 19 years old, I was baptized at 14, alone with my sisters. No parental influence as our parents aren’t really in the picture. I thought this is it I’m serving you Lord for good the cross before me the world behind me no turning back. But being so young, no parental guidance I of course kept teeter tottering in between church and a sinful crazy life. Anyways recently I have formed a relationship with my (ex) boyfriend which I will refer to as “R” (who is my first boyfriend ever) Breaking up with R is something I really didn’t want to do, because our relationship was great, we were happy but something ALWAYS felt missing and I felt a heavy conviction of the Holy Spirit to proceed to do so when I asked why and why and why I felt this voice stating just trust me. So I finally followed through with this voice, it’s not easy and he’s very hurt for he doesn’t understand but he’s willing to continue to be here for me. Upon being obedient, God finally showed me that he asked me to take a step back for one to test my obedience, because fornication played a large role in our relationship and the flames can only burn for so long, for me to learn how to be in love with Jesus, to learn how to be without depending on R to fill the voids that only God can fill, also because in our relationship we were pretty happy but we also both individually simply had too many things that we were never healed from in our childhoods such as sexual, physical and mental abuse, trauma, our parents being divorced, and we were often times unable to talk through out of each of our own insecurities, fear and abandonment issues which caused us to be codependent and led to unhappiness. However, I do have this supernatural sense that this may be temporary because R is a believer but Catholic. However, upon this decision I made to end our romantic relationship for now, I expressed to him that I really wanted him to encounter Jesus the way that I know Jesus and he was willing to do so and attend church with me even just as friends. He seems willing and for certain to want to know God and invite Jesus into his heart. God did speak to me and say that he wants to renew my identity in Christ and that he also wants to do so for R, he told me that i don’t need to toss R like trash because he has been great to me and I need to give him the opportunity to give himself to Christ especially if he desires to keep pursuing me. However, this journey of being renewed in Christ won’t be done together romantically but I believe regardless of that bond we have we can do this together as friends. God has revealed to me that if he is serious about embarking on a life journey with Jesus that we need to break the soul tie that we created and recommit all the vows we made to each other to Jesus. I’ve heard of countless stories such as this where someone has to leave their relationship for some time and make Jesus be the center of their life and embark on a journey together. I don’t know exactly what God is doing but I am trusting him. Because after all, R has become a huge part of my life for so many reasons he’s brought me into good, he helped me quit smoking weed, drinking alcohol, guided me away from listening to songs with subliminal satanic messages, guided me into being conservative and understanding from Gods point of view what the world should look like. I’ve come to notice the thing that was missing in our relationship is Jesus. He really has become my family as I have known him and his mom and sister my whole entire life. His sister and my older sister were best friends their whole life so our meeting was almost inevitable. God led me to the verse
“So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.””
‭‭Acts‬ ‭16:31‬ ‭
I don’t think this is the end for me and him but I do believe in the power of Christ and where he is taking me. I just need advice if anyone has ever experienced this, or gone through this, and I would like some scriptures and some insight. Thank you so much for reading all the way through.

Honestly, you don't seem to be needing much advice right now, in my opinion. You seem like you're moving in the right direction; towards Christ. That's never the wrong decision You're right to trust in Him completely, and He will direct you and guide you and protect you. And if "R" follows the same path and being in a relationship with him in the future would be a blessing, then God may bring you two together again in the proper way; courtship and marriage. But for now, as you say you're still very young, and still learning who you are, and who you'll become. Stick close to Christ and you can't go wrong. God bless, little sister!

 

[recommitting to jesus]

Honestly, you don't seem to be needing much advice right now, in my opinion. You seem like you're moving in the right direction; towards Christ. That's never the wrong decision You're right to trust in Him completely, and He will direct you and guide you and protect you. And if "R" follows the same path and being in a relationship with him in the future would be a blessing, then God may bring you two together again in the proper way; courtship and marriage. But for now, as you say you're still very young, and still learning who you are, and who you'll become. Stick close to Christ and you can't go wrong. God bless, little sister!

Thank you so very much. Very confirming and comforting. I am excited to take this journey with God, Wherever he may call me.

 

[Tolworth John]

We have soul ties to break from former partners and each other, v

The only connection that unmarried people have to other people is a spiritual link through sex.
See 1 cor6:15-17.

That aside may I urge you to periodically ignore your romantic feelings and to take a Hard, Cold look at your intended. Does his deeds match his words, if he was the boy friend of a girl you care about would you be alarmed at his character. Do the same with his father, most boys grow up like there Dad, just a most girls grow up like there mothers.
Do you like what you see?
If the pair of you are regular in attendance at a church, listen to the advice of those in the church.

Marriage is a life changing step so you need to think it through coldly and reasonable without being distracted by emotions.
I you get to the stage of being engaged take advantage of your churches marriage preparation course.
Talking about the nitty gritty details of married life to a third party really drives it home.

 

[Bob Crowley]

I'm a former Protestant, now Catholic. I get a bit irritated when Protestants start implying Catholics aren't Christian, because I can assure you that sincere Catholics certainly are Christian.

Let's look first at the positive things "R" had done for you in your own words -

Because after all, R has become a huge part of my life for so many reasons he’s brought me into good, he helped me quit smoking weed, drinking alcohol, guided me away from listening to songs with subliminal satanic messages, guided me into being conservative and understanding from Gods point of view what the world should look like.

So he's not all bad, despite the (Protestant) nonsense about his being Catholic.

Having said that, your sexual relationship needs to stop forthwith, if it hasn't already. For one thing, it's against God's moral demands outside marriage, despite what society thinks.

Bear in mind that if do you get married, the "(sexual) flames (really) will only burn for so long", to quote yourself. I remember a conversation with a workmate years ago when he made the following comment about marriage that "the novelty of sex soon wears off". And another mate of mine, who'd been married for twenty years or more once cracked a joke that "marriage gets to a stage where it becomes platonic anyway!" Believe me, you can't base a marriage on sex. It won't last if you do.

Ignore Hollywood fantasies about sex being the basis of a marriage. They're a load of money-making tripe.

I remember a comment by a pastor who was talking about young people he'd counselled, whose relationship was failing. He said he could almost invariably put their comments on a CD and play it back to us viz. "She feels used, and he feels trapped..."

You also indicate you're nineteen. That is young. When it comes to God and the Church, I'd think you still have a lot to learn.

So I'd suggest for the moment you try to find a suitable church youth group if you can, but once again beware of Cupid.

After all, what's the rush to get married?

This doesn't mean "R" will definitely not be part of your life. But if you're thinking about marriage, you need to take good, hard look at the fact it's a lifelong commitment.

 

[SANTOSO]

WARNING: VERY LENGTHY!!!


I am 19 years old, I was baptized at 14, alone with my sisters. No parental influence as our parents aren’t really in the picture. I thought this is it I’m serving you Lord for good the cross before me the world behind me no turning back. But being so young, no parental guidance I of course kept teeter tottering in between church and a sinful crazy life. Anyways recently I have formed a relationship with my (ex) boyfriend which I will refer to as “R” (who is my first boyfriend ever) Breaking up with R is something I really didn’t want to do, because our relationship was great, we were happy but something ALWAYS felt missing and I felt a heavy conviction of the Holy Spirit to proceed to do so when I asked why and why and why I felt this voice stating just trust me. So I finally followed through with this voice, it’s not easy and he’s very hurt for he doesn’t understand but he’s willing to continue to be here for me. Upon being obedient, God finally showed me that he asked me to take a step back for one to test my obedience, because fornication played a large role in our relationship and the flames can only burn for so long, for me to learn how to be in love with Jesus, to learn how to be without depending on R to fill the voids that only God can fill, also because in our relationship we were pretty happy but we also both individually simply had too many things that we were never healed from in our childhoods such as sexual, physical and mental abuse, trauma, our parents being divorced, and we were often times unable to talk through out of each of our own insecurities, fear and abandonment issues which caused us to be codependent and led to unhappiness. However, I do have this supernatural sense that this may be temporary because R is a believer but Catholic. However, upon this decision I made to end our romantic relationship for now, I expressed to him that I really wanted him to encounter Jesus the way that I know Jesus and he was willing to do so and attend church with me even just as friends. He seems willing and for certain to want to know God and invite Jesus into his heart. God did speak to me and say that he wants to renew my identity in Christ and that he also wants to do so for R, he told me that i don’t need to toss R like trash because he has been great to me and I need to give him the opportunity to give himself to Christ especially if he desires to keep pursuing me. However, this journey of being renewed in Christ won’t be done together romantically but I believe regardless of that bond we have we can do this together as friends. God has revealed to me that if he is serious about embarking on a life journey with Jesus that we need to break the soul tie that we created and recommit all the vows we made to each other to Jesus. I’ve heard of countless stories such as this where someone has to leave their relationship for some time and make Jesus be the center of their life and embark on a journey together. I don’t know exactly what God is doing but I am trusting him. Because after all, R has become a huge part of my life for so many reasons he’s brought me into good, he helped me quit smoking weed, drinking alcohol, guided me away from listening to songs with subliminal satanic messages, guided me into being conservative and understanding from Gods point of view what the world should look like. I’ve come to notice the thing that was missing in our relationship is Jesus. He really has become my family as I have known him and his mom and sister my whole entire life. His sister and my older sister were best friends their whole life so our meeting was almost inevitable. God led me to the verse
“So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.””
‭‭Acts‬ ‭16:31‬ ‭
I don’t think this is the end for me and him but I do believe in the power of Christ and where he is taking me. I just need advice if anyone has ever experienced this, or gone through this, and I would like some scriptures and some insight. Thank you so much for reading all the way through.

Sister, you have done what is right.
It is also wise to consider what the psalmist have spoken :
I have done what is just and right; DO NOT LEAVE ME TO MY OPPRESSORS. -Psalms 119:121
122 Give your servant a pledge of good; LET NOT THE INSOLENT OPPRESS me. 123 My eyes long for your salvation and for the fulfillment of your righteous promise. 124 Deal with your servant according to your steadfast love, and teach me your statutes. 125 I am your servant; give me understanding, that I may know your testimonies! 126 It is time for the LORD to act, for your law has been broken. 127 Therefore I love your commandments above gold, above fine gold. 128 Therefore I consider all your precepts to be right; I hate every false way.

Just be careful about oppressive thoughts and feelings!
Just submit yourself to God and resist these oppression in the name of Jesus Christ.

Pray continually that God may fill you with the knowledge of His will that the Holy Spirit gives so that you may live your life worthy of the Lord, bearing fruitful in every good work and multiplying in the knowledge of God.

God bless you.